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December 2009
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February 2010

First, though: You know you're in for an interesting conversation with your child's speech pathologist when she starts out by saying, "Yeah. So this might sound weird, but the other day I was at Babble.com and..." Yesterday was a mini-parental-update day at Noah's private school. I don't know what else to call it. I stick around for an extra half hour after school and meet with all of the various teachers and therapists (last count we were up to a baker's goddamn dozen, I think) and discuss Noah's progress at school and at home. But we don't sit down for it. And no one takes notes. So it doesn't feel like a real thing. I completely forgot about yesterday's and didn't even take my coat off until the third therapist came over to talk, which is when it finally dawned on me that oh! Right! That's today. The mini-thing. Okay. Noah's progress is, in a word, spectacular. A little over three months into the program (it's the DIR/Floortime model, for the special ed geeks out there) and they're all thrilled at the improvements they've already seen. They want to throw everything they've got at him -- listening therapy, music therapy,... Read more →


This weekend was Jason's company's annual holiday party, also known as the event we always get SO. EXCITED. about because it involves a full night away from our ungrateful, wretched children, thanks to a super-discounted hotel room and free babysitting from the in-laws, but also MORE CORRECTLY known as the event that never quite works out the way we hope, as we either 1) stay up too late, 2) drink too much, or 3) both, always both, and then either wake up just as early (or earlier) as we usually do because of 1) hangovers, 2) construction noise from four feet from our hotel room window, 3) that weird parental spidey-sense you get because OMG, it's 7 am, my child is waking up and demanding cereal two zip codes over, or 4) some hellacious combination of All Of The Above. (That whole paragraph, including two [2!] separate numbered lists, was one sentence. That might be my finest work yet.) This year was no exception. After a deadly combination of inedible finger food and cheap-ass liquor, our night ended during an after-party in the hotel lounge, where I sat around talking to people I've never met before about topics I don't... Read more →


In what is likely little more than further proof that I Do Not Understand Twitter, an entry about our holiday card has suddenly developed a third or fourth life over there, thanks to accounts that seem wholly dedicated to tweeting about...paper goods. Ordered some business cards? Party invites? Cocktail napkins? Put that shit on Twitter, you'll be viral in no time. Likewise, to further prove that I am nothing but an obedient and impressionable blog monkey, I figured I might as well post the outtakes from that photo session, just so everyone can see what a big fat sham the final result actually was: Ezra: Red Flannel Steel! Noah: CHEDDDD.... Noah: ...AAARRRRRR Ezra: HAAAAAAAAAA Noah: Invisible Pint of Invisible Beer, About To Fall Off Invisible Barstool Ezra: Invisible Baby Shot Glass Noah: LOOK AT ME NOT SITTING STILL Ezra: Is Jelus Noah: Perfect Gymboree Mannequin Ezra: Is Staring At Rocks Both Of Them: Ready For Their Canadian Buddy Stoner Comedy Film Both Of Them: Wait, You're Gonna Mail This To Who? Eeeeee. Noah: My Life Is Hard And Full Of Many Injustices Ezra: I Ate A Bug! Amy: I think if I crop out Ezra's helpless dangling legs I could... Read more →


Is not napping today! PS. It's fun! Stacking/nesting blocks never get old! Neither do pretend conversations on pretend telephones that rarely make it past "HAVOH?" before hanging up (with a vengeance, also known as "hurling phone at wall")! And unrolling all the toilet paper while Mama is not looking! Sure, it's cliche, but it's also a CLASSIC. PPS. I offer up humble Mamapop and AlphaMom offerings instead. (Though I warn you the comments at this week's Bounce Back will leave a million leaky pinprick holes in your heart. Or at least your tear ducts.) PPPS. I R NAPPING JUST FINE BUT YOU DUN'T HEAR HER BEING GRATEFUL OR ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Read more →


I mean, Point One: TigerDOG doesn't make a lick of sense ANYWAYS, and Point Two: ROWRR, I am lushus. Yeah, I know. I don't many appearances on this blog thing these days. I certainly don't write whole entries anymore. You know why? Because I am a fucking CAT, you stupid sons of bitches. I mean, look! No thumbs. Besides, I lead a very rich and fulfilling life offline. I enjoy looking pissed off, even when I'm not. So having a Twitter account would just be redundant. I enjoy this, which negates any need for adoring blog comments. And this, which is just like, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwlolomg. I LIKE THIS. THUMBS UP. STICK THAT IN YOUR FACEBOOK. And of course, Puppy. Sigh. Isn't he adorable? Hard to believe we're both 11 years old now. Seems like yesterday we were both the same size. And Puppy had a scalp and did not poop stuffing at such an alarming rate. (First person who makes an Edward jokes has to come over and make the beds. While I fight you.) (With furious chin rubs.) Read more →


WHAT UP, BITCHES? LOOK WHO SNAGGED THE FIRST POST OF 2010. I KNOWRITE? SHE SAYS THIS IS CALLED "THROWING A DOG A BONE." I R NOT GET NO BONE YET. STILL. IS NICE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED FROM ANGLE OTHER THAN "INADVERTENT BUTT IN BACKGROUND." CEPT NOT FAN OF CLOSE-UPS WHERE U CAN SEE ALL THE GRAY HAIR I GOT AFTER THAT TIME I ATE THE FERTILIZER AND ALMOST DIED, NOT TO BE ALL DRAMZ ABOUT IT. BUT HEY AT LEAST I R NATURAL REDHEAD UNLIKE SUM PEOPLE AROUND HERE WHAT WHAT YEAH I SAID IT. SHE DESERVES IT THOUGH. PUT ME ON DIET, TELLS SMALL THINGS TO STOP GIVING ME WAFFLES. THEY DON'T LISTEN TO HER EITHER, LIKE ME. HA HA YAP YAP YAP. AM AMPLE, YET POINTY. RUB MAH BELLEH. WAFFLES! OKAY I TIRED NOW BYE. THIS TIME BUTT IS ON PURPOSE. Read more →