March 31, 2010
So yesterday was not really a good day. Honestly, it started the day before, when the babysitter left.
No, he wailed. He toddled after her as she opened the front door, his arms outstretched and his face crumpling. She stepped outside and he pounded on the storm door and howled. I picked him up and he tried to push off my chest to lunge after her. She waved and blew kisses at him while looking at me like, "oh God, I'm SORRY," while I tried to smile and put on a brave face even though oh God, this SUCKS.
Of course, he got over it fairly quickly -- 10 minutes, tops, but the sting of his preference, of him wanting nothing to do with me even after hours apart, definitely set me up for a crappy sitter-less Tuesday. Nothing I could do was enough. I wasn't fun. I was distracted and impatient and bored and scoldy and naggy. I hated everything that I heard coming out of my mouth, because it was all so damn negative.
Don't do that. Stop that. Put that down. No, Ezra. No, Noah. Not right now. In a minute. STOP THAT.
So then my one Big Activity of Fun was a disaster of epic freak-out proportions and left me generally irritated and feeling sorry for myself and wondering when, exactly, I'd gotten so BAD at this.
AND ALSO, WTF: A part-time nanny comes a few days a week and keeps the laundry done and the kitchen cleaned and the kids happy and entertained and on schedule and they freaking LOVE HER...and I manage to turn this incredibly great situation into a PROBLEM. Because she's BETTER at this than me.
Because I got my feelings hurt by a TODDLER. Who likes to eat BATTERIES.
*kicks a rock*
*eats the rest of the pudding*
I did attempt one last ditch effort at Special Fun Specialness, with a screening of the original Star Wars movie. Noah routinely asks for the Star Trek movie now so I figured he should see the one that harkened back to MY childhood, back when I was a Star Wars fanatic, before those blasted prequels ruined EVERYTHING, oh my GOD, I don't want to TALK ABOUT THEM, I'm going to my ROOM, and I need more PUDDING.
Noah was not impressed. Apparently the Trekkie genes won this round.
I'm trying to do better today. It's really all you can do, right?