Consumer Reporting
March 09, 2010
Dear Crayola,
Hi! How are you? I'm fine. I mean, I could be drunker, but for now I'm pretty good. Anyway, I would like to bring a possible design flaw to your attention, re: my recent purchase of a set of Crayola Beginnings Washable TaDoodles Crayon Buddies, which holy hell, that's a lot of words about crayons, but I appreciate that you guys probably get pretty excited about crayons. CRAYONS! TADOODLES! I'm imagining a lot of jazz hands happen around your office. Please don't shatter my illusions.
What? Oh. Right. My problem. See, I've got a toddler who is a bit of a mimic. The monkey-see, monkey-do variety. Perform an action once in his presence and he will repeat it, over and over again. This is the very trait that led me to purchase the Crayola Beginnings Washable TaDoodles Crayon Buddies for him, since he very much wants to color alongside his older brother. Adorable! I know! You could already die just picturing it. Feel free to contact me about having them appear in a commercial or something. They're kind of uncooperative little shits sometimes, but you guys have a budget for CGI, right?
What? Dammit! Right. The point. Which is, that to my toddler, THIS:
Is awfully damn similar to THIS:
I trust I do not need to elaborate any further. Do with this information what you will.
Sincerely,
Amy
PS. Although if you could tell me (approximately) how much longer my child will continue to sneeze and snorf out primary-colored snot, I'd appreciate that as well.
BWAH! I hate those little paintbrushes. They make such a mess so easily. I actually threw our set out right before E became old enough to use them. Because I'm mean, and also lazy.
Laughing so hard, I choked on my sandwich.
Heehee! Poor kid!
My husband is asking me, "What? Honey, what? Why are you snorting?"
I die laughing at the "dots" they "connect" sometimes. My little guy is just about the same age as Ezra and hooboy!
You know, I don't normally have trouble keeping my laughing inside when reading your blog. (I'm usually at work, so it's just to be polite.)
And I didn't quite get it at first. (No kids yet.) And then I read the last sentence. And nearly hyperventilated. And can't help but laugh a little more every time I re-read it.
Thanks! (And sorry for poor Ez :(
Hahahahaha. Also, hope Ezra is back to clear snot soon.
VLOG!!!
Yep, we used those once. Then they "went away."
A man after my own heart. When I was 3ish I stuck a purple crayon so far up my nose you couldn't see it anymore. It took our EMT neighbor quite some time to remove it.
Now I have a Master's Degree, a steady job and a good story for dinner parties (well, maybe after the dinner part)...he'll turn out just fine.
If you get the crayon version and your toddler (say about 14 months old) decides those points are absolutely made for chewing on and certainly not for the mark-making she enjoys with various other pens and pencils, then they make primary-colored diapers, too.
Hi Amy, first of all, I cried reading your take on The Office this morning, which was absurd because a) I am not nursing or pregnant and b) I was reading it on my Blackberry waiting for my haircut and c) I have not even watched the episode yet.
But now, those crayons are a complete marketing scam (and I say this as a professional marketer who specializes in toys). My daughter thought they resembled a pacifier or breast, so do with that what you will. Also, they require the child to hold them at such a specific angle to make a mark. No worky. Bah!
Awesome (to read)!
NOT AWESOME (to deal with, I'm so sure)!
awesome, just awesome.
Yes, our crayon version of those has now "gone away" since by chewing the ends off, Snackbox rendered them unusable (though he did have brilliant blue teeth and gums for more than a day).
Thanks, grandma, for that super special toy!
Primary colored snot - otherwise known as TaDoodles!
Just hysterical...mmm...make sure his shirt color matches the snot is all I can offer. Thanks for the afternoon laugh.
Those "went away" for us too... Sarah would only bang them together (she probably thought they were egg shaker), Or look into their funny little faces.... Crayons dropped, crayons broke -- Then we tried regular markers - which she LOVED. Much messier, more success.
ZOMG!! Thanks for the giggle. Sorry for your troubles.
Wait! Why aren't you taking videos of the colorful sneezes. That shit could go viral on youtube and you could make, well, no money, but you would have bonus internet fame.
Was almost tempted to buy some of those for my toddler once. Then I read the reviews and there were surprisingly many quite similar to this and then some....
Thank you so much for this! My son is 18 months and I've been thinking about getting these for him. Not a chance now!
OMG, I can't stop laughing. That's freaking awesome.
Bwahahahahaha, too freaking funny!
Oh dear God, I just snorted Diet Mtn. Dew out my nose. Too damn funny.
"JAZZ HANDS!!!" That post was priceless! I laugh outloud EVERY time I read your posts. You are too much.
Ohhh, I did not see that coming and am laughing so hard.
My six-month old views the snot-sucker-outer very unhappily - oh, the trauma of having your snot sucked out - and so this does give me hope that at as he ages he'll warm up to the thing.
We had a similar product in a crayon version. 2 year old bit off the crayon part on all 3 and then just threw the hard remaining balls at people. So they are no more.
Pictures!?!?
HAHAHAHA. HAHA. HA.
*snort*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Little Miss Kickboxer just eats her regular crayloas and then drools, preferably in blue.
Natalie's been telling me forever to start reading you. OMG, this post had me laughing so hard!!
HILARIOUS!
Wow. I don't have kids yet, but duly noted! Good luck Ez! Your snot will be back to normal soon I hope!
I hadn't thought of that one! My toddler just uses it as a serving spoon to better eat the damn things! Completely Useless! And it isn't like those things were cheap to begin with? I think we paid almost $10 for 3 crayons...do you know how many boxes of crayons I could have gotten with that kinda cash?! She could have had a feast!!
Too, too funny, I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face! The icing was the primary colored snot! I'm going to be chortling about this the rest of the day!
Thanks for the laugh! I pink puffy heart you!
gosh, your post was so funny....and then again not funny, poor thing! Yes, my daughter does some really weird things with the aspirator!! Things I could never imagine!
Dude. I am so over ARTS and CRAFTS and anything at all that might give my kids a clue towards "creativity" (which is simply a synonym for "disaster" anyway) Bah. At this rate, I barely have it in me to give my progeny washable markers these days. They are lucky to get the crayons swiped from restaurants. Sigh.
My 6-year-old was all offended by the fact that his homework wasn't where he said he put it, and why didn't I put it where it goes, and no, I already looked there--and why is Mommy snorting laughter in my face?
Thank you for the happy moment in a less than entirely happy day.
I tried to read your blog post out loud to my husband but I was laughing too hard for him to understand me. So he's reading over my shoulder, instead.
I thought he put them in his EAR.
Not quite as funny, but snort-producing over here nonetheless.
I totally bought those on accident. I meant to buy two packages of the crayons and I got one of crayons and one of paint and HI, why are we calling paint crayons? Very confusing for parents.
It could be worse. I thought that was an enema bulb.
I love your letters.
Well, I guess that means you have to start "drawing" with the booger sucker.
I laughed so hard I cried!
Dammit Amy!! Snorked coffee all over my screen again.
I wanted to buy those for my then-two-year-old, until my husband pointed out that the kind would probably grab the "crayon" from the top, thereby getting the paint or whatever all over his palm, rather than picking it up as we would and turning it over. You struck out, Crayola designers!
Yep, made the mistake of buying those for my cousin's 2 year old last Christmas. Thank God they live 8 hours away, or she would have strangled me. She did email me pictures of the aftermath, though...hee hee....
from beginning to end, this was freaking hysterical.
BWAHAHAHAHA!
good gosh. just what I needed on a wed. morning. BEST.POST.EVER