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Adequacy

Proof is in the something

I thought making chocolate pudding would be fun. Noah and I would do it together, just us, during Ezra's nap, making up for a morning of too many cartoons followed by boring, tortuous errands and Mommy Not Being Any Fun Because Mommy Was Really Caught Off-Guard By Spring Break And All This Damn Time To Fill. His occupational therapist would be so proud of me, I thought, for coming up with an easy activity that involves some pouring and stirring and touching sticky things and I was so sure he'd be tempted to at least taste the pudding or lick a spoon and I even promised him chocolate chips, for God's sake. And then he realized that the chocolate chips were going in the pudding, for God's sake, what are you DOING, woman, and then I stirred them up and asked him to lick the spoon and it was messy and all too much and I should have backed off and I didn't and offered him the spoon again and he panicked and screamed at me and cried and I was like, for God's sake, IT'S CHOCOLATE PUDDING but that didn't help and I'm typing this from my room and he's in his room and everybody is mad and stressed out and I'm sorry, Noah, I really just thought making chocolate pudding would be fun. 

Comments

Maria

We did cupcakes last night. It didn't turn out QUITE as bad, but S kept yelling at me "YOU'RE GETTING THE MUD ALL OVER EVERWHERE!"

Mud being chocolate.

Sarahd

Soon you will both cool down and then YOU will get to eat all of the chocolate pudding yourself! Breathe!

Michelle

Keep your chin up chickie.

LD's Mom

I just know that at some point in the future we'll be reading a post about how Noah was able to mix the chocolote chips with the pudding and was okay with it. He might not get everything on his first try, but you have proven to all of us that at some point he will get past a hurdle. And that makes all of us very proud of our cyber-friend.

C @ Kid Things

So... maybe you should start a pudding fight? Would he like that? Although the little bits of chocolate chip might hurt if you accidentally hit him in the eye.

kiki

Yteah, I have had too many good intentioned activities go horrendously bad. It's ok. I Once spent an entire afternoon taking my daughter ice skating and dress shopping, so we could have some quality Mommy time. How did it end? With kisses and hugs and "Oh thank you Mommy for devoting all you attention to me". Nope, She pooped her pants in the dress store, put her HANDS IN IT, embarrassed the hell out of me... so much for all then extra attention.

heather

Try serving pancakes without sausage in our house and you won't live it down for weeks or more like for frickin' ever. god, I feel ya on this.

jenn

Reminds me of when my daughter was two and I had this lovely vision of us making a snowman together. Ended with me literally forcing her to touch snow while she sat and sobbed "messy, messy" over and over.

Lesley

Sounds like a rough day but at least there's something chocolate to eat now.

This is just the first try at chocolate pudding. As long as you both tried your best, it's never a failure. Next time might be better, or the time after that. Everyone is stressed and upset now but as with all things, this too shall pass.

gg

(hugs) Progress...it ebbs and it flows. That's how I've learned to look at it. My son's getting evaluated next week, teacher's meeting tonight--we had 4 good days and then BAM! Yesterday happened. I still love him, always will--it's his WIRING I'm frustrated at.

Catherine

Chin up girlie... We all go through this! Last week, I decided to make brownies with my twins. They fought over who cracked the eggs, who got to stir, and then it ended up with my daughter screaming, "YOU LOVE BLAKE MORE THAN MEEEE!!" and door slamming. Fun time :/

NG

Been there too many times. Maybe next time try Jell-o instant?

Sprite's Keeper

Some day he will lick the spoon. :-)

AE

Such are children...Once, ok maybe a twice, when the stepkids were 6 & 9 I made scrambled eggs with CHEESE in them.

They are now 18 & 21. They still look at the eggs and ask if there is cheese in them. The answer has been NO for a over a decade now.

And the world turns...

Sundry

There is a special ring of parenting hell filled with all the festive activities that you THINK are going to be Kodak-worthy and lovely (and that are kind of a pain in the ass and you sort of didn't want to do it ANYWAY but you did for the SAKE OF THE CHILDREN) and they just. Go. To. Shit.

MS

Deep breath...its okay. He isn't ruined, neither is the pudding. Eat the pudding, regroup. Try it again another day. Hugs. You're doing a great job!

me

Moms who try to cook with their kids crack me up. There seems to be a Martha Stewart-esqe image of perfection that little Susie or Johnny will stand obediently with big smiles and eager eyes on what mommy is teaching them.

What you end up with is frosting on the ceiling and your cat hiding under the sofa for three days.

Jenny

Even children that do not struggle with the same challenges as Noah have to be exposed to a new food an average of 7 times before they will try it. You are a great mom and did the right thing by trying something new. Hopefully next time will be better. And who knows, maybe he will be more willing to try some later tonight after he sees his brother and parents enjoying it!

liz

Hugs for both of you.

Callie

This is completely off subject, but can someone please tell me what to expect at a speech evaluation? My 21 month old has his tomorrow (through a private speech pathologist, not EI, as my insurance doesn’t cover EI) and I’m nervous as all hell and have no idea what will happen. Thanks!

April

I can't tell you how many times I've done just that with our special guy. "But this is FUN, it's supposed to be FUN, kid's love!" It's frustrating having to constantly alter my expectations of what he will enjoy. That said, we were prepared for the worst when we went to Disneyland (crowds, noise,insanity, over stimulation everywhere) and he was amazing. Just remember to breathe. He will be fine and so will you.

Elizabeth_K

So much about kids seems to be BUT I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN, NOW DO IT AND SMILE! It rarely works, huh? DAMN! Sorry for the rough day.

Melissa

Don't sweat it too much... really...
That being said - my daughter would not could not eat the pizza nor the cake at her birthday party a few weeks ago (though the brownies I made and sent to school? I heard they were a hit - thank god for speech therapists)
Tonight is passover, for which my MIL keeps glatt kosher... and breadless... or wheatless/pastaless/legumeless... aside from no meat/dairy mixing. My daughter of late eats you guessed it, Mac n cheese & PBJ... and given the option of unfamiliar or starve she'll starve. We've been relegated to the basement to feed her, for which, oddly enough, I'm actually thankful.

Sarah

Today I had the nerve to give Max a pink spoon with his oatmeal instead of the "Orange...Orange!! ORANGE SPOON MOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GIVE ME THE ORANGE SPOON! Then he fell over in a heap of tears.

Sarah

P.S. the other day I realized that I have the uncanny ability (or maybe it's Max that has it) to make even a marshmallow craft into torture. It takes real talent to be able to do that. I'm awesome.

Heather

Hang in there, Amy. It's good that you tried, even if it didn't turn out. You're still a great mom.

Jess

Yeah. Been there. My daughter acted like I was trying to poison her. So I got to lick the spoon. Ha! So there. I sure showed her. *sigh*

MichelleRenee

Wow. Take out Pudding and insert Cake. That was my weekend.

Brooke

@me- you are a jerk and clearly don't know what you're talking about. Read some more of the blog and then stop being insensitive.

@Amalah- *HUGS*

Holly at Tropic of Mom

Oh, man, I get it. Jodifur pointed be (back) to your blog because my son has been diagnosed with SPD (tactile dysfunction). It's either ever too much or not enough.

beta dad

More pudding for you!

T.

This stuff happens in every household, I promise.

chatty cricket

Ho. Lee. Crap.

Baking with a Four Year Old. I have ALSO tried that. With frighteningly similar results.

Also, Lady and I both hate school vacation with the firey passion of a thousand burning suns. I'm really not exaggerating.

sarah

i just want to give you a big hug. being a parent is the scariest thing i've ever done. some minutes-hours-days-weeks are bad (awful), and some are wonderful, and i never know which way it's going to go - but thanks to you, i know that i am not the only one going through it.

Katie

@Callie
Look up Amalah's AdviceSmackdown column, she recently did an column on what to expect at speech therapy (I think, or something really close to it!) I hope it goes well!

Amy, I'm so sorry that a fun activity turned stressful and frustrating. Here's hoping that next time it will go better. I'm sure it will--if there's one thing you've shown us is that Noah is amazing, and even if it takes him a while he will eventually get it, and we'll all cheer when he does. :)

Lucy's mom

I agree with other posters that these skirmishes happen in every house but you may get a bit more trial-by-fire due to the aversion to particular textures. And you will have to guess which ones feel funny in his mouth and sometimes you won't read his mind accurately. Don't beat yourself up. I'm hoping you two are snuggling right now and Ez has a face full of pudding going on...

Suzanne

Hugs to both of you. Meanwhile, Ezra will wake up from his nap, find the pudding and nom nom nom before either of you come out of your rooms!

eva

I totally get where Noah's coming from. I remember having huge meltdowns over chocolate ice cream as a kid, and over sand stuck to me/towels/everything at the beach. Poor kid!

ps - both of those items still hugely bother me but as an adult I can just avoid them like Noah will be able to someday :)

me

@Brooke - It wasn't meant to be insensitive; only self-deprecating. The frosting? Mine. The Cat? Mine. Sounds like my first attempt at getting my (then) 2 year old to frost Christmas cookies. I've read Amy's blog for years.

Tracy

BTDT. And it is so hard.

I'm sorry.

I wish I could say it gets better, but I don't know if it does yet.

I've loved watching your Noah's progress though. And I think he will get through it.

At least that's my opinion, FWIW.

denice

we try so hard and it's not easy when it goes wrong anyway. we've all been there. sigh.

J.S.

Sometimes, being a mom sucks. This is one of those times, and I am so so so sorry. I have three sensory-sensitive children (two autistic, one not) and I am not insensitive to noise myself, and the violent aversion to, you know, ANYTHING that is new can be painful on all sides plus sitting on your head. I was just reading this post yesterday and it was a wonderful reminder, because I have to confess that after a decade of dealing it gets SO OLD sometimes. But don't read it if it'll make you feel guilty because that's the last thing you need, only if you need to be reminded that it's not you and it is him, or his brain, at least. And I agree with everyone that in six months he will be stirring chocolate chips into the pudding like a pro and probably licking the bowl. Because he's awesome like that.

lynn

remember in Jamaica, when you were able to get him in the water...just rememberin' for you..you are a great Mommy, you are smart enough, good enough amd doggone it, people like you..lots of them!

Erin (Snarke)

It sounds like everybody kind of needed a time out. :) It will get better! *hugs*

kat

reminds me of that time we took the kids to Disneyland...bad, bad, bad...they just couldn't handle it...how can they not like Disneyland!

Jennifer F

You may have experienced this while making pudding, but growing up we called this Christmas. Every year someone would get mad at someone else and we would all have to go to our rooms. Mom and dad included.

Jill

It's a constant challenge, knowing when to push and when to back off.

cagey

Huh. Sometimes I wonder about MYSELF because on this one? I get Noah. Totally get him.

Often, my sister will be telling a story about my nephew, Nolan, who is autistic and I will find myself saying "and the problem is???" All of my life I have been called "picky" and "particular". Glad we are finding some understanding for the kids of today!

Hang in there, Amy! :-)

charlotte

Ugh. Scroll back to this weekend, when I took Little Miss Kickboxer to the beach, including kiddie cabana, little bucket, and shovel. Beach is fun, right?

WRONG! The sand, it is everywhere. We must cry and scream and flail and ... you get it.

You do. So sorry that Noah freaked out at the chocolate pudding. I anticipate the same thing happening with LMK sometime down the road. Ugh.

tasterspoon

You poor thing. Seared into my memory: when I was about 5 years old I went to a Christmas cookie decorating party and the mom wanted to make us all into "reindeer" by sticking a cinnamon heart on our noses with frosting. I had a complete panic attack/meltdown because I couldn't BEAR to be sticky, much less on my FACE. If it's any consolation, when I got a little older I felt bad about it for years, still do. Maybe I can still apologize to the mom.

Shannon M.

Way too many of those moments around here lately. From sunny to screamy in two seconds flat.

Samantha

It's so hard when we have an idea in our heads of how "FUN" an activity with our kids will be, only to have it turn out not fun at all! It's so disappointing.

And I'm sure you apologized to him in person, in addition to apologizing to him on the blog. Right??

Judy

Too much time together, too much desperation to come up with something fun. I've done it a million times myself. And seen other moms do it a million more times. And it's not just the special needs children that get freaky. A week or two ago my daughter brought my grandsons over and we went to lunch, and the 14 year old went into meltdown because they dared to put lettuce on his tacos! And I'll confess to sometimes being all out of sorts over things that I'd never ordinarily be bothered by. It's spring break, that's all. One more reason to keep going with that camp this summer, huh?

Keri

@me: I totally took it the way you meant it and laughed out loud at the cat comment!
No worries!

La Rêveuse

Next time, try Jello?

Dena

I don't know you but I have been reading your blog for a very long time. I'm also a mom and one of my favorite posts is from your trip to Jamaica when you FINALLY got Noah to settle into the ocean, the struggle to get him to even take the first step. You'll have one of those moments again - it just wasn't this one.

Lexi

Finally delurking to say: Awww, man. The feeling of just wanting to do something FUN and having it blow up in your face just sucks the big one. I don't know how much it helps at the moment, but you're not alone.

I hope everybody feels better soon!

Y

Oh my GOD. Spring Break. It's spring break's fault.

Moira

Because sometimes, we are all just mere mortals. Just wait, one day he will ask to lick the spoon.

Zoey @ Good Goog

It never ceases to amaze me how deeply offended my daughter can be when I offer her something to eat or drink! We made pound cake today, and at least this once she was more than happy to lick the spoon.

Mariana Perri

Honey -
that makes your kid, just a kid... my daughter is 2 and a half years old and, as far as I know, has no special situation in her psychomotor development whatsoever... but, dear, try to make some pudding with her and tell her she cannot eat the choc chips without the sticky thing... yup, 100% guarantee I would be in my room typing and she'd be in her room pouting, not without some screaming and fussing in between activities!
Sometimes, dear, a pipe is nothing but a pipe, and a kid is nothing but a kid... even the most peaceful and easy going kid goes bonkers once in a while!
Do not blame yourself!!!

Emily

Ironically, I just clicked over from a Slate article on The Chocolate Conspiracy! http://www.thebigmoney.com/blogs/daily-bread/2010/03/30/giant-grocer-alleges-chocolate-industry-conspiracy

Maybe Noah should join the lawsuit?

Heather Ben

but hey - i bet one day you try it and he likes it! remember the curve in the road? he hated it until one day you tried it again and it was okay! if you always avoided potential problems, then he might be doing so well now. :)

Christy

Hugs to you both

Miss Britt

Aw, man. Sounds like you both need a hug. :-(

cursingmama

Have you tried making goop? I don't remember the exact way - but it's glue & borax & other kill you stuff, but my kids LOVED the way it felt and smooshed around..could possibly be a warm-up to pudding?

Or, as an alternate the home-made edible playdough of flour & salt? I seem to remember you could make stuff with it & then bake them.

Sarah in Huntsville

It sucks so much when something that was supposed to be a fun, special moment falls apart so completely. Hugs to both of you.

Kendra

So sorry. It's hard when you have this great idea for bonding and they just aren't down with it. I end up feeling personally insulted and I want to scream "This was supposed to be special and fun!"

I hope everyone calmed down and eventually got a treat. Like some dry chocolate chips.

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