The Great Defender
April 29, 2010
MEET MAIL SLOT.
IS EVIL.
IS MY NEMESIS.
OMGOMGAAAAAHHHHRRRRFFFFFFFFFOMG
PERIMETER BREACH. PAPER FALLS FROM SKY. THE APOCKOLIPS IS NOW.
AM CLEARLY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE.
I GOT YOU GLOSSY JUNK MAIL OF DOOM.
SECOND WAVE! HOLD THE LINE!
MY GOD, IT'S A CATALOG! WILL KILL US ALL! OH THE HUGE MANATEE!
I EAT YOUR CREDIT CARD STATEMENT. I EAT IT UP.
Epilogue: She dragged a dental visit reminder postcard about two feet to the left before getting bored, then went upstairs and took a nap.
***
This post was sponsored by Milk-Bone and is my final contribution to the It's Good To Give Series. Thanks for the good times, Milk-Bone. And the memories. And the monies. Check out their Canine Assistants program on Facebook, which helps people with disabilities and get involved by sharing photos of your own dog on the Milk-Bone Flickr stream.
Ok, the best part of this whole post (which I love omfg) is thinking about how, in order to get that awesome action shot of Ceiba runnnnnnning, you must have either 1) sat in waiting for the mail carrier to put that mail through the slot or 2) staged a mail-delivery scenario. Either of which is effing hilarious to think about and both of which make me happy.
In Dumb Witness AKA Poirot Loses a Client, Christie has Poirot give a pretty good reason for why dogs hate mail-carriers.
Oh my goodness, this is the favorite part of my morning. Equally as great as one of my students bringing in cookie cake for breakfast.
I thought it would be cute a few years ago to teach our rottweiler to carry the mail up the stairs to our apartment. Now he thinks he OWNS all mail and that it is for him to eat at his leisure. Tax returns? Eaten. Junk mail? Eaten. Bills? Eaten. Car seat registration card? Eaten.
I'll never live that one down.
Apockolips! Must use that in a sentence!!!
Can you please continue to do these posts, even after the milk bone thing ends? I love me some Ceiba.
Love the Ceiba posts! Maybe even just a smidgen more than Thomas the Train and the deoderant wars. :)
Bahahaha @ Lea's post. I was totally thinking of how Amy captured this as well! Which was it, oh great Amalah?
Ceiba posts = win!
I agree with Myranda, you should keep doing these even after the sponsorship is over.
Okay, "second wave, hold the line!" literally made me snort coffee through my nose. This is definitely the best one yet.
I'm with Ashley--"second wave, hold the line!" made me pee a little. I need to do more kegels.
That was too hilarious.
I love this so much! Ceiba always gives me a giggle. I don't have a hamster dog or a cat, just a cranky turtle. Please bring us more Ceiba silliness!
Bwah ha ha! I shall be using 'apokolips' and 'second wave - hold the line' all the time now! How did you manage to capture the action shots? It's been a crap morning so thanks for the laugh!
I too love the "apockolips" line! :)
I love the "There Will Be Blood" parody. Love it. Awesomeness. And I agree. These posts must continue...
Although this post is extremely funny, what I am in awe over is that your mail carrier actually delivers to each houseand to the actual DOOR. Here there are one, maybe two, large lockboxes and the mail carrier deposits everything there and then everyone must trek to that box.
Hee! Although Lea did give me a second chuckle - how long did you wait for that shot?
my dog ate my water bill. my water is now free.
i think that is an actual legal argument. i think i will try it.
Boyfriend's kids are trying to talk us into getting a dog. Does this post help or hurt their cause? Hm. I'm torn. Kinda like your mail.
HILARIOUS. And mostly b/c we have a little weiner dog that does the same damn thing, every single day. It especially sucks when the mail arrives during naptime!
OK, so we HAVE to know: Did you a) lay in wait for the mail carrier, camera at the ready?(If so, props to your mail carrier for showing up at a regular time each day.) Or did you b) stage a mail-drop with Jason? (If so, props to your husband for being a good sport. Although it's generally not too hard to get The Guy to do stuff for the sake of my blog. Any time I mention him, it makes him feel famous.)
Hi. De-lurking here. Long time reader, first time poster.
Just thought it was about time I poked in and told you how much I love your blog. I started with Zero to Forty and I have to tell you I was kind of depressed when it was over, even though I had a baby at the end.
Anyway, just thought I would leave a nice note. Thank you for writing such a wonderful blog!
Oh lord, that is hilarious! And my first thought was exactly the same as Lea's - scrolling down to read that comment gave me a second wave of happiness! I'm saving this one for Those Days. Ceiba truly is the last line of defence!
*snorts trendy spearmint water out of nose in very untrendy way*
Pure Hilariousness. I'm with the "More Ceiba Posts" shippers.
So. Much. Win! Really, have never laughed so much with a Ceiba post.
Oh the HUGE MANATEE had me laughing in my glass cubicle- thanks for the embarrassing moment!
I signed up for the milk-bone updates on facebook and I must admit that they are some of my favorite status updates to read- learning how Noble is coming along in his training is a bright point.
Favorite.Ceiba.Post.Ever.
I LOVE the Ceiba posts! Keep 'em comin'!
OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!!
That, my friends, is hysterical.
This makes me wish we had a mail slot in the door instead of a stupid mailbox. This looks MUCH more entertaining.
That was SO funny.
APOCKALIPS
*dead*
No! Don't stop the dog posts-- they are freaking hilarious. Literally laugh out loud at these. Love them! :)
I know this sounds bad, but THANK YOU. Or Jebus, or someone.
I hate the pet posts.
I've been reading for over four years, but I still do.
That said, anything about your own insanity is welcome. To me, that's more interesting than anything. (Also, I miss the stupid office tricks, I know, but I MISS THEM.)
I'd love to see the OTHER side of that door... where the mailman is shaking with fear.
There are *no* letter boxes in doors in France. Good for longevity of post, less fun for small children & animals : (
Why can't my cat be this entertaining?
OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!!! OMG - dying of laughter here! Ha ha ha! Thanks Ceiba!
AWESOME!!! OMG, can I borrow your dog??? The catalogues (not to mention the bills) that come to my house just make me feel bad about myself. They taunt me, those damn Pottery Barn assholes with their beautiful, perfect living rooms and completely dirt-free, mud-free, food-free bedrooms. So if I had her as a first line of defense perhaps I would never get them? Although I guess she really only ditched your dentist before snoozing so...maybe not.
That's it. I'm getting a dog. The cat doesn't even care about our mail slot.
"Oh the HUGE Manatee."
That made me belly laugh. I don't do that often. :p