Destination NotNewark
Summer School

22 Hours in Philly

So. Yeah. That was fun.

Those of you on the Twitthing already know, and probably feel like you know too much. But for everybody else: I got sick. Like, really terribly embarrassingly, what-do-you-MEAN-I-have-to-ride-in-an-elevator-to-get-to-a-bathroom sick. 

(Over the weekend, Ezra had one of those mysterious out-of-nowhere barfing incidents, where he just puked up an entire meal and then went on with his life just fine. Flash to 72 hours or so later, and INCUBATION COMPLETE! FULL ADULT-SIZED VIRUS MORPH ACHIEVED! NOW IS THE TIME TO DIE!)

So. Yeah.

I woke up yesterday feeling...not great, but not terrible. A little off. I blamed a shitty night of sleep, since I woke up multiple times convinced that I'd overslept and missed my 8:30 am presentation, only to look at the clock and see that, no, it's 3:15 am, jackass, simmer down. I tried to eat a bagel and just...couldn't. I blamed this on the fact that it just wasn't a very good bagel, ignoring even more signs that my body was getting ready to revolt.

(I would make a terrible protagonist in a Dan Brown novel, don't you think?)

The rest of the morning was a blur -- the first session went okay, even though I had to toss out all my original talking points and go with more of a "pretend you're explaining Facebook to your mom" approach, and my co-panelist and I were repeatedly tripped up because Facebook keeps MOVING THINGS AROUND and RENAMING THINGS and also decided to reject my dummy account suggestion of "Project Awesome." 

Things were...not going so well by my second session (the bagel did not improve on the second showing), though I like to think I put on a good front, turning to Mir right before we were supposed to start talking and quietly requested that she give me five minutes, please. Then I walked calmly to the elevator and back to my room, affixed the Do Not Disturb card to the doorknob before running inside to puke my guts out again. 

I brushed my teeth and was back in the conference room in four minutes, where we talked about blogs and why they are important. I mean, without my blog, how would I tell the world every little detail about that time I threw up a lot? WELCOME TO THE FUTURE, EVERYBODY.

I was determined to stay for my last and final session with Susan, even though everybody was staying a good 10 yards away from me and probably hoped I'd take my diseased ass elsewhere already. (One of the conference organizers basically shouted train rebooking options at me from across the room. She was wise.) I had to check out of my own room at noon and had almost two hours to sit in the lobby in abject terror of getting sick in a public restroom. (Because...again, I will write about it on my blog? And Twitter? But the idea of real live human beings being aware that my GI tract was not behaving? OMG I WOULD BE TOTES EMBARRASSED.) 

Susan graciously lent me her room key and told me to go lie down on her couch. I passed out cold but arrived at our session on time, though probably with upholstery indents on my face. I said a few things about widgets and then stared really hard at the table the rest of the time because we were in the same room where lunch had been served and oh God, I think it will be better for everybody if I just keep my mouth shut. I held out as long as I could before fleeing, got sick onnnnnne last time (luckily the lobby bathroom was empty. hideously echo-y, but empty.), hailed a cab, bought some Saltines and ginger ale at the train station and prayed to all that was holy to please please please let me get home quickly and incident-free. 

Jason and the boys met me at the other end. "You look really pale," he astutely observed. 

THE END!

EPILOGUE!

I'm feeling better today! Kind of. I'm at that point where my brain is all, "Fuck this cracker shit! I want a slice of that leftover pizza!" And then I take a couple bites of pizza and my stomach is all, "Dude. Stop listening to that brain thing. I'm still fully in charge, okay?"

DISCLAIMER!

No, I am not pregnant.

NO REALLY!

I mean it.

Comments

Deanna

It's one thing for you to tell people you're sick, its another to have them hear it for themselves. As someone who refuses to have anyone hold my hair/rub my back/etc when emptying my stomach, I totally relate.

Spring

Yeah. Totes thought you were pregnant when I was reading your tweets. Wut?

MommyAttorney

I'm so sorry. Puking is the worst. Well, the worst is the combined runs and puking. So puking is the second worst. Give yourself another day of gatorade and crackers. Your tummy will thank you.

ashley

Oh my god. Beck randomly puked last night. Am terrified now. Thx.

ashley

Oh my god. Beck randomly puked last night. Am terrified now. Thx.

KimAZ

Damn, I'm so sorry you were miserable, but that Dan Brown aside is one of your best.

Ryley

where have we heard that one before??? Oh.. maybe like HERE : ---> http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2008/02/re-i-lost-10-po.html

You're welcome! :)

e

are you suuuuuure??

Jo

NOOOOOOOOOOoooooo... I'm so sorry. Blah that sucks. I hope you feel better and the brain starts taking power from the stomach soon.

Abigail V.

OMG, take that story, move it west to Hawaii last week and you have um, our "vacation". Only I had the pleasure of checking out the hospital and some nurse yammering on about chewing on guava shoots. Helps. Sick. No. It does not.

And oh the pizza cravings.

Megan

Kind ironic to be sick at a healthcare conference isn't? And spread disease probably too. ;-)

Sounds like you were quite the trooper. Feel free to pass that virus over to me. I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight. Lick a postcard or something...

:paula

Quick tip for when you're going to puke and you're a whole BOROUGH away from a friendly bathroom: the plastic bag your over-the-counter anti-nausea medication came in.

I apologize to anyone riding the Manhattan-bound 7 train two Sundays ago at about 9pm. It all went in the bag, though.

FreeRange Pamela

The pregnant thing occurred to me, too. Thanks for anticipating ;-) Hope you're better!

Stephanie

But saying you're pregnant is soooo much more interesting...

Sorry for the puking. Throwing up is the WORST, especially when you're traveling.

MichelleH

That sounds absolutely horrendous. Horrible plague + public speaking=..??? There are no words..I hope you are back to 100% very soon.

MichelleH

That sounds absolutely horrendous. Horrible plague + public speaking=..??? There are no words..I hope you are back to 100% very soon.

Dawn

Oh ugh, I'm so sorry you went through that. I've been pretty fortunate that all my up close and personal encounters with the porcelain god have been in the relative comfort of my own home.

(It's been a long day - had to type 'porcelain' into Word to see if I'd spelled it correctly. I did not. Bah.)

Kristin

OMG does that ever sound HORRIBLE. Hope you feel 100% soon.

jay

*cough* PREGGO *cough*

Ok I'm just playing.

Maybe.

Feel better soon?

Laura

If you were actually pregnant, you would've had that pizza, and a cheeseburger, and a shake.
Had the same puke-y thing last month after my kids (who were also not nearly as sick as me). Of course, my kids demanded scrambled eggs for lunch. So picture me, sweaty pale and dry heaving while I cook. ugh.

Kate@And Then I Was a Mom

Well, THANK GOD for that Do Not Disturb sign. (Find non-nauseated hope in the small things. Like signs and, you know, buildings two stories or lower.)

Suzanne

Dude, did you ever notice that any vomiting made by a woman of childbearing age automatically means she. is. pregnant?

Even when she's had a hysterectomy? Or tubes tied? Or is infertile?

Hope you're feeling better and the stomach gatekeeper allows that pizza entry soon.

lisa

uhhh yeah I am with the other poster who remembered two weeks before you announced Ez you had the same pukey thing. So hmmmmmm

martha

Having been an ER nurse for a sum total of 16 years....the only sure bet that you aren't pregnant is a hysterectomy plus abstinence.

Just saying :)

That aside.....I am so sorry you had to suffer through that and not be able to whine and moan in your own home. You are truly one of the super strong!

martha

Having been an ER nurse for a sum total of 16 years....the only sure bet that you aren't pregnant is a hysterectomy plus abstinence.

Just saying :)

That aside.....I am so sorry you had to suffer through that and not be able to whine and moan in your own home. You are truly one of the super strong!

martha

Having been an ER nurse for a sum total of 16 years....the only sure bet that you aren't pregnant is a hysterectomy plus abstinence.

Just saying :)

That aside.....I am so sorry you had to suffer through that and not be able to whine and moan in your own home. You are truly one of the super strong!

Jen L.

I hate the vomit illness with a passion. Hope you're feeling better!

Katie Kat

Totally preggers.

Amalah

Do I have to publish the dates of my menstrual cycle in the sidebar or something? Because seriously, the math this month makes that a complete impossibility, sorry. Virus is like, a bajillion times more logical.

Although I guess all those women on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant swore they had regular periods the whole time too. God, that show is RUINING MY LIFE.

Amalah

Do I have to publish the dates of my menstrual cycle in the sidebar or something? Because seriously, the math this month makes that a complete impossibility, sorry. Virus is like, a bajillion times more logical.

Although I guess all those women on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant swore they had regular periods the whole time too. God, that show is RUINING MY LIFE.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

Puking is terrible in the best of situations. But in public? And having to deal with the threat of a sneak-upchuck whilst giving a presentation? You are brave indeed!

(I too hate having people in the vicinity when I throw up. My husband has never even seen me toss my cookies.)

Belle

Why must you shatter my dreams with the disclaimer?

Lauren

Yeah, you said that the last time.

Brandi

Oh damn that sucks! I'm so sorry your trip was ruined by the barfing. Feel better soon!

Parsing Nonsense

When I was 19, I once puked in a very full public bathroom and came out to a barrage of everyone's favorite hangover recommendations. I guess my youth led them to believe I may have imbibed too much. They were right, but still, profiling, y'know?

KarenG

Wow - you totally win the "Sucks to be Sick at Work" award. However, if it makes you feel any better, one time I was headed downtown to help run a conference and got so sick that I had to get off the Metro and throw up into a trash can. Thank goodness it was a deserted platform though I'll never figure out why because it was early rush hour... Anyway, I sat on the floor until I recovered enough to get on the next train, went to the conference and proceeded to avoid anything that resembled food the rest of the day. I totally got off easy compared to you but let's just say I'll never think of the Farragut West station the same way again.

Cara

Hmm - I think I remember the last time you had a stomach virus and felt the need to preemptively announce you weren't pregnant.

Virginia

Well, crap. And it could have been such a fun trip - better luck next time. We've got a case of the joggedy trots over here, too, so there must be something going on with the Eastern Seaboard and stomach flus. Get better soon.

Starbuck

Well, I don't think you're pregnant, if that counts for anything. But I am really sorry you got so sick at a hotel, in a public restroom and had to travel in fear of public vomitousness.

Mir

For the record I had no idea you'd hurled during your "gimme five minutes." Now I'm TOTALLY impressed, because whenever I puke I then have to lie on the bathroom floor and cry for an hour. (Not exaggerating. Yay for emetophobia!)

P.S. I scrubbed down Susan's couch with hand sanitizer. I hope the Sheraton doesn't mind.

MommyNamedApril

on the bright side, you totally made it there and back on the train, by yourself, A-okay.

Paula

I have had a similar experience, once upon a time while leading a retreat. Oh good grief. There had been a wine party the night before and everyone assumed I was hung over... while no, I had a migraine, and it was making me barf. HORRIBLE. And then I had to drive myself home. Oh it was a bad day.

I feel for you - sounds like you are on the mend. Feel better soon!

Paula

I have had a similar experience, once upon a time while leading a retreat. Oh good grief. There had been a wine party the night before and everyone assumed I was hung over... while no, I had a migraine, and it was making me barf. HORRIBLE. And then I had to drive myself home. Oh it was a bad day.

I feel for you - sounds like you are on the mend. Feel better soon!

Maria

Yeah, the pissed off "I'M NOT PREGNANT, REALLY you guys!!" showed up last time too.

Not saying I think you're pregnant, but dude. I Think it's set up sounding pretty similar!

ksmaybe

I'm with Maria, you've played the not pregnant card well before, and well, you totally were! Hi Ezra!

Seriously, sorry you're sick and hope you are feeling better soon.

Amy in Stl

Okay, Megan up there toward the top of the comments made me laugh out loud. Good thing I'm reading your blog at home today!

Lisa R.

You were amazingly composed for someone in the midst of a barf-a-thon! I had no idea, just thought you were FEELING pukey, not DOING pukey. There should be a Grownup Merit Badge for making the show go on under these circumstances.

From Belgium

Just pray you haven't cought a Salmonella infection. Those buggers are the worst!

Kate

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I hate to be sick when I'm not at home. It is miserable when you just want to curl up with your own pillow and blanket even if it is just for 5 minutes.

Spring

Lolz. Just went back and found this entry. For funsies!

http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2008/02/re-i-lost-10-po.html

April

This is eerily familiar.

Last month I had to go to Montana to speak to a small (12 people or so) group of people at this tiny resort called Chico Hot Springs. I was scheduled to present at 1:00. We all ate lunch together, and walked back to the conference room. On the way, I got that twinge in your belly that means you better find a bathroom VERY SOON. I ignored it, thinking "must be nerves" even though I was not apprehensive about presenting at all. I started my presentation and about 10 seconds into my intro I said "I think I'm going to be ill." Problem: We were in a tiny conference room in an outbuilding of this rustic resort and the only available bathroom WAS ATTACHED TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM. I was the kind of sick where you need a toilet AND a garbage can. Thankfully, one of the attendees offered me the key to her room. Thank god. It would have been very ugly and VERY embarrassing otherwise. It was bad enough!

Susan Getgood

Glad you are feeling better. People said they learned a lot in our widget session. One person actually signed up for widgetbox and built a widget during the session.

statia

That blows. I wish I would have known about the conference sooner.

But yeah, we got that bug here too. At least the kids did. Barfaganza weekend. I'm over it.

Jerseygirl

First of all, it was fabulous meeting you and I am so glad that you are feeling better. Second, you totally rocked everything despite how bad you were feeling, because 3 people from the Facebook session asked me, "Where's that other blogger?" later that afternoon. Third, I didn't think you were pregnant, I totally thought it was the wine we drank the night before. :)

Katie

I'll share a phenomenally embarrassing story with you, to make you feel better about getting sick. Here's the scene: first year teacher, first round of IEP meetings, with another teacher and assistant principal and a full set of parents lined up for the day. I had a massive headache that got progressively worse throughout the day. At lunch, I ate and took a Claritin because I thought it was allergy related. Flash forward to my final meeting of the day, where I, mid-sentence, have to turn to parents and principal and excuse myself. I'm about 30 feet from any bathroom, and the bell just rang. So I'm navigating around children...and....I did not make it. Right there in the hallway, in front of kids and other teachers, I totally spewed all over the outside door of the bathroom. It was terrible. AND THEN, everyone kept telling me to leave, but all my stuff and keys were in the conference room with the parents and the principal, and I couldn't go in there. I had to wait, and hide, and basically sneak around until they were gone to get my stuff and get the hell out of there. It was a fun time, and my principal so graciously mentioned at my next evaluation that he declined to mention my incident in the report. GUH.

Dawn

I had an experience coming home from a business trip that I wish on no one. As I was boarding the plane, I all of a sudden felt sick. The whole 3 hour plane ride was a complete state of nauseous. I drifted in and out of sleep but felt horrible. Stomach issues that were horrible. As we were finally landing, I just couldn't hold it in anymore and needed to use the "barf" bag for the first time in my life. Let me tell you, those things aren't big enough. It made a mess and I was so embarrassed. Thanfully I was in the front seat so hardly anyone saw it. But I had to ask the flight attendant for a trash bag to dipose of the vomit covered blanket. Then of course it took forever for my bags and shuttle to come and it was a late winter night. I cried once I got back in my car b/c I was so sick that I didn't know how I was going to even drive home. Somehow I did it though. Worst experience ever!

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