Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Girl
Old Hat

Sentimental Hogwash

(I promise I'll go easy on the scanning stuff from now on, as I'm sure the amusement level is running down with each subsequent post, like yes, yes, we get it, Amy, you were a kid once! Like everybody else! And you said/wrote/wore the darnedest things, etc., ad nauseam, blah blah scancakes.)

Picture 134


Picture 139 

I'm about Ezra's age here, give or take a few months, going apeshit over...something. I do wish my mom had saved those pants, because they are outstandingly awful. I would make my children wear them ALL THE TIME.

Picture 140
Picture 141
There you have it: Definitive proof that the mailman is NOT Ezra's mother.

And here is definitive proof that I was an obnoxious little overachiever, even in preschool:

Picture 135 

STRAIGHT O's, BITCHES. And two O-plusses, for "Sense of Humor" and "Attention Span." The teacher notes, though, after "Works and Plays With Will Others" that I "sometimes becomes emotional during free playtime. She is sometimes very sensitive about what others say or do."

(Translation: She's a tattle-tale who cries a lot.)

A couple years later my concerns about other people's behavior extended to the afterlife, as I became quite nosy about the state of everyone's eternal soul:

Picture 136 

Because Valentine's Day is the perfect occasion to ask Did you give your heart to Jesus? Well, did you? 

(Note: I wrote this valentine for my MOM. Who like, drove me to church and read the Bible to me and stuff. BUT YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE.)

Then again...


Another card for my mother. Poetry, crosses and wild...loins, all together. So one day if you come to this site and find nothing but long-winded quasi-religious manifestos about sex, salvation and Crayola-funded mind control you can at least say you saw it coming. 

Picture 137 

Yes. Tooooootally saw it coming.



Stop reading amalah.com at work! Just stop it, Marianne.

The "loins are wild" pushed me over the edge. Completely.


Your son looks like a carbon copy of you in those black and white pictures!! Too cute!


Holy shit! You got some strong genes, lady. My kids vaguely resemble someone I could have possibly given birth to, I GUESS. Nothing like that.




Okay, that last picture is Noah in a dress and wig, right? Wow! Adorableness.

Hey You

When you post pics of Jason, I think he looks like your boys, but no. Just no. You could be twins born thirty years apart! A medical marvel! Call TLC!!1!


no kidding on the genes.. holy hell ezra is a spitting image of you at that age


Are you sure that the kid in the crazy pants ISN'T Ezra?! Twins.

And I love that you got a O+ for sense of humor. Cute.

Hmm, "Loins are wild," Plus a picture of a cross. What does THAT mean? Hilarity.


WOW, I would've thought that picture in the spectacular pants was Ezra, you are INDENTICAL! My kid looks nothing like me or so I'm told.. You can keep scanning to your heart's content. I love it!


WOAH, Ezra is like your clone.


Ezra doesn't look like you at all, does he? Goodness - if I didn't know better pictures 2, 3 and 4 are identical.

I love the overachieving preschooler thing. And your cards to mom.


It's going to take quite some time before we in the peanut gallery tire of your scanning adventures.

Julia @ Hooked on Houses

This post had me laughing out loud. Love that you tried to save your mother's soul. And gotta watch out for those wild loins. Too funny.

Sprite's Keeper

They are definitely your boys!
I have a report card like that from preschool. I hate that my teacher pegged me at such an early age, but I seem to be living up to her expectations now..


Picture #2 = proof that you are Ezra's Mother

Last Picture = DEFINITIVE proof that you are Noah's Mother

(and I had that Barbie Camper in the second picture. I want it back in the worst way now. Off to search eBay)


Whoa. I think it's remotely possible that Ezra is your child. If only you had the pants to prove it.


Love that you were witnessing to your mom (while also fishing for compliments "do you care for me?").

Those pants are freaking awesome.


Wow, Ezra is your clone, especially considering the crazy-pants picture. But then the last one looks just like Noah. Did your husband *really* contribute to their conception?
Fun post.


You know, I think MY loins might just be wild as well.


I am particularly fond of the wild loins. Did your mother keep a straight face when you presented her with that little gem?


'Do you care for me?' to your mom. Priceless.


Oh, Olan Mills photography, with those cheesy backgrounds. Is there a person out there who made it through the 80's and early 90's and didn't undergo this unique torture?


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


Basically both of your kids look exactly like you, at different ages. Poor Jason.


I guess I'm with the other commenters, did you reproduce with yourself? And if so... you could win the Nobel Prize.


Despite what you may think, the posting of old photos and school-time memorabilia does NOT get old.

Also, your genes totally dominate because those photos of you as a toddler? Look exactly like Ezra. Right down to the haircut. Preshussss.


The picture where you are going apeshit could literally be Ezra going apeshit! Twins you are!


you made sweet cards about wild loins and eternal salvation.... a serious side for the child who gets O+ in sense of humor.
Awesome. THAT is the stuff worth saving and scanning. :)

cindy w

Oh wow, that last picture looks like you put Noah in a wig & a dress.

I heart that Valentine's Day card. Awesome.

Jen L.

Holy crap, them babies look like you! My son is identical to my husband in that way. Looking at pictures of my husband as a toddler is creepy because of it.

I LOVE that valentine!


Last picture: WHERE ARE YOUR LEGS?!! is there a hole in the floor, like at the beach, and you drape the towel around and you don't have legs and... I have to go to bed, my mind is playing tricks on me.


I know you'll be jealous that I have that same Barbie motorhome/camper thing in 70's orange in my basement right now... wonder if I could sell it for big bucks on ebay?

I love these posts about your childhood. = )


LOINS. I held it together pretty well until I got to LOINS. HA HAHA. RARE LOINS.


Loins is now my word for the day. Thanks to whomever mentioned transposition up there, I was NEVER going to figure out what you really meant *g*
Thanks for ensuring my coworkers continue to think I'm insane.

Suzy Q

#2038 here to say wow, does Ezra look just like you!

Also, I love how the other kids are playing quietly while you're having your meltdown. Ha!


Oh, wise Amalah, loins ARE wild! You were a smart girl, even back then.

Wow, that last photo is 100% Noah and the other three (crazy pants plus the B&W ones) are straight up Ezra! These were fun, thanks for sharing!


Gotta agree with everyone...Wow! Those boys are definitely yours! You have to dig up some baby pictures of Jason and post them too for comparison.


First: Ezra is your spitting image. No doubt about it. You're his mom.

Second: Does anyone miss those wonderfully fragranced, mimeographed copies of yore? I loved me so fresh smelling copies back in the day.

Third: Please don't stop with the scanning. It totally makes my day. Totally.

Parsing Nonsense

I almost woke my son up with my giggling over the "Loins are wild" part of your poem. That's awesome.

Plano Mom

Wild pink Christian loins. You are so my kind of gal.


Please stop making me cry with laughter at work. I don't think that anything will ever top 'wild rare loins'.

And holy cow do your boys look like you!


Jason lost.


Wow, he is a copy of you. The hair contributes, but most of it the little FACE and the little EXPRESSION ON IT.

Those valentines are the best valentines I have EVER SEEN.


OMG - the wild rare loins almost made me spew water on my monitor. My coworkers think i'm crazy


oh my god, i think i had that pink dress when i was 2. the good old days...


I actually had to stop reading and put my head down on my hands to do that really quiet, heavy breathing cubicle-laughing over the "loins are wild and so rare you". Good one! I might chuckle over that for a day or two...

And I'm digging all the old scanned stuff. It's fun!


Can't stop laughing over "loins are wild and so - rawr - you!" That had to be what you meant, right?


I have to say that wasn't expecting a reference to loins being wild in this post. Thanks for keeping us on our toes, Amy!


I am shaking the whole couch laughing at the loins. OMG. That is comic GOLD right there!


Good Lord, the resemblance between you and Ezra is uncanny. If the pictures weren't obviously from the early to mid 80s (I know that style well), I'd think it was him.


See, now, that "proof you're ezra's mom" pic actually looks more like Noah to me, whereas the pants picture... if you had told me it was a picture of Ezra, I would have completely bought it.

kari weber

BWAAA HAA HAA! I almost just snorted water out my nose! Loins! *sigh*

Also, we also have the over embarrassing "Olan Mills" childrens' photos in my house. Fortunately they are like GIGANTIC wall sized framed portraits and therefore: Too big to scan! Darn!

Holy crap that was funny. PLEASE KEEP THE SCANNIN' IN MOTION!


Oh my goodness that was hilarious. The Valentine to your mom is absolutely PRICELESS. "Did you give your heart to Jesus?" I can only imagine how hard it was for her not to burst out laughing when her sweet and earnest toddler delivered that card!


I started laughing out loud after "Did you give your hear to Jesus?" and then completely died with the loins..... HAHAHAHAHA

Amanda B

I'm glad you were an overachiever! I got lots of comments about how I wasn't living up to my potential.


LOINS ARE WILD! Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa!


Is that Noah in a wig in that last picture?


HAHAHA oh man I am WEAK with laughter over here at the "loins are wild." WEAK I tell you! And I thought that WAS Ezra in the 2nd picture before I read the caption. Seriously, the resemblance is remarkable. And the last picture? TOTALLY Noah.


Love the old photos but does anyone else find the last pic a bit disturbing? I can't make out where your legs are..

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)

I love all the scanned stuff. I've loved it since you scanned that Microwave Cookbook.

I started laughing so hard at the Loins Card that my husband got irritated with me and had to pause his uber violent cop drama until I contained myself to his satisfaction.


I am LOVING the scanning and the memory lane stuff! Keep it coming! You are at your funniest when you're describing childhood. Thar's gold in them thar piles! (And now you're not going to trust my comedic judgement, are you?)


So adorable and wow, do you have dominant genes or what?


seriously. that last photo?! copy cat!

that loin poem was HYSTERICAL! i love it. i believe i wrote a puzzle about a game using long sticks and balls. later running into my teacher, she told me how she laughed hysterically about it afterwards.


The quick check on Jesus-loving in the middle of the Valentine is brilliant.


Yeah, it's going to take me a few days to get over "loins are wild and so rare you." I can just imagine how your mom felt when she got that particular Valentine...so funny!


Dude, you need to start an exclusively scanned blog. Love!


Wow...strong genes is right! My guy looks like me but that is just insane!


BARBIE CAMPER!!!!!!!!!! I so had that. Actually I think I still do!

RookieMom Whitney

Re: your connecting Valentine's Day to Jesus. I was just writing to @momslant about how my kids have never heard of Jesus or his dad or any of his people and how they might be culturally illiterate because even though they are only 3 and 5, a lot of little kids know about such concepts already. Now I modify that with, "Little kids, for example, like Amalah."

John Ray

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