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June 2010
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August 2010

Backwards Motion

It's been a tough week. Power outages, Mamapop outages, booze outages, oh my. And then there's Noah. Noah...well. Noah has not been receiving any real occupational therapy since school ended, and it's showing. It's showing HARD. He's a ball of tics, all of a sudden. A ball of walking, wiggling, finger-chewing, repetitive stimming behaviors. He speaks in scripts, he lives in rituals. He doesn't walk, he runs, while shaking his limbs and making vibrating-like noises with his mouth while every person in the area turns to stare because what the...? Ice cream is too cold, macaroni and cheese is too slimy, using a fork is too hard. He hums and squints and worries about everything. Last night he clapped his hands over his ears when I reached for the faucet because it was all too loud, TOO LOUD. He doesn't look me in the eye, anymore. His eyes stare somewhere... Read more →

We went to the mall on Sunday, mostly because it was officially Too Damn Hot For Life outside and had run out of other indoor time-killing options. Life lesson time, boys: If you get bored, just go somewhere and buy shit you don't need for awhile. Anyway. The lights flickered once. Twice. We decided to leave, let the power go out and lead to mass looting at Build-a-Bear. We noticed it was raining really hard through the skylights, but by the time we got outside the sun was shining again. The only evidence that a tornado had touched down nearby was...well, there were a lot of leaves all over the ground. Oh. And shit like this: That brownish...thing? That's the underside of a really big tree that just up and fell over. It peeled off a nice layer of the earth's crust and mantle on its way down, and yes... Read more →

(I wrote -- and intended to publish -- this entry on Friday, but Vimeo was taking FOREVER to do whatever technogidgetgabble it does to videos and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for it and then I got bored and decided to bump this post to today. Which is why I am not bitching about HAVING NO POWER AGAIN, thanks to a fucking TORNADO, like WHAT THE HELL, first a tiny earthquake and now a tornado and I swear to God, there better not be a mildly-inconveniencing volcano next week that like, singes and ruins everybody's hair before BlogHer or something gaaaaah.) A couple months ago, in a burst of GREATEST MOTHER EVER-fueled delusion, I came across this printable craft thing on Disney's website: a 3D paper version of the house from UP. Why would this particular papercraft make me the GREATEST MOTHER EVER? Oh. Oh ho ho ho.... Read more →

Jason: Here, I got you something. Amy: YAY I LIKE THINGS. Amy: (pulls package from shopping bag) Amy: What the fuck? Jason: (cackles) Amy: Jean diapers. You actually bought a pack of THE JEAN DIAPERS. Jason: You know, for your blog. Amy: (thinks) Amy: I get the sense that this could be one of those moments that Ezra will one day point to and say "THAT. RIGHT THERE. IS WHERE SHIT GOT MESSED UP." Jason: (thinks) Jason: Maybe. Amy: (pulls ridiculous jean-patterned diaper from package) Amy: OMG THEY HAVE A FAKE ZIPPER FLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Jason: AND POCKETS. DID YOU SEE THE FAKE POCKETS. Amy & Jason: HA HA HA HA HA. Amy: We're total cloth diaper snobs now, aren't we? Jason: Yep. I'll go get the baby. (For the record, Ezra: While the gimmicky diaper was ALL YOUR FATHER'S IDEA, please note that you cannot blame us... Read more →

1) One day YOU will be the asshole attempting to maneuver this giant-ass thing around the Home Depot aisles: You go ahead and buy a plunger and some new toilet parts -- nobody can see past the bright orange death of your dignity anyway. (Bonus negative 4,000 points for the matching shoes.) 2) This, constantly: 3) Sometimes, yes, you do get moments like this: But they will always, ALWAYS be immediately followed by moments like this: 4) The reason your mother probably said "SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET HURT!" several dozen times a day is because SOMEBODY IS TOTALLY REALLY GOING TO GET HURT I MEAN IT YOU GUYS STOP THAT. 5) And even, when there is this: It doesn't change the fact that the uncropped version will always, ALWAYS look like this: Read more →

I Have Clear Priorities Even In My Sleep

THINGS THAT WOKE ME UP LAST NIGHT: 1) My husband snoring at 12:17 am. 2) A mislabeled calendar reminder making my phone vibrate on the nightstand at 3:00 am instead of pm, which then kept me up another hour because I had to think about OMG THAT THING I HAVE TO DO AT 3:00 PM over and over again. 3) My dog puking at 6:12 am. THINGS THAT DID NOT WAKE ME UP LAST NIGHT: 1) The 3.4 magnitude earthquake at 5:04 am. Was it fun? Read more →

(Clearly having the time of his life here. In fact, I had to BRIBE HIM with a promise of playing a game on my iPhone in exchange for 30 stupid minutes of playing outside. It is a little hot out there today, I'll give him that, but seriously, child. Could you possibly look more miserable?) (I'll take that as a yes.) Read more →


Who needs sleep? Apparently: ALL OF US. Heavens, but we are a sleep-deprived bunch. I have a confession: After I wrote yesterday's entry, I was secretly sort-of sure that last night would be different, and that I'd make it through the night without waking. Because! Of course it would! I WHINED TO THE INTERNET ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. That's usually a one-way ticket to a mea culpa the next day about "oh hey! never mind about that thing after all, all good now." Ha. Yeah. No. Instead, because I'd been soooooooo emphatic and smug-ass confident that falling asleep "wasn't the problem," I was awake and wild-eyed until well after midnight. I woke up at 4:30, fell back asleep around 6:15 or so, only to wake up 15 minutes later because the cat decided it was time for a snuggle. I DID NOT PARTICULARLY AGREE. But seriously, THANK YOU for all your... Read more →

backfromthebeachomgzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Everywhere I go today, I am stepping over laundry baskets and suitcases. I think they are reproducing, like tribbles. We didn't take that many suitcases to the beach in the first place, did we? So why are there so many damn suitcases now? Suitcases. Suitcases! I haven't been sleeping very well. And I think it might be starting to show. Going to sleep is no problem. Not even a little bit. Staying asleep, though, is impossible. I wake up every night around 3 a.m., like clockwork, sometimes even shaking myself awake in the middle of a dream for no discernible reason. And while I used to be able to roll over and go back to sleep, more or less, now my brain clicks on within seconds, all "OH CRAP NOT AGAIN I'M AWAKE QUICK DON'T START THINKING ABOUT THAT THING YOU HAVE TO DO OH DAMN IT ALL TO... Read more →