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September 2010

Hey! Remember when my mom gave me that big stack of embarrassingly preshus mementos from my childhood? And I was all gung-ho with the scanner for a few days there, on a gleeful stretch of self-mockery, until I guess I got distracted by something shiny (or maybe my toenail polish, or wondering where I got this bruise from, or the construction of that pneumonic burrito delivery device) (I mean, have you tried applying for all the necessary patents for shit like that? It's a bureaucratic nightmare.) and...wait, what was I talking about again? Oh right! The scanning and the bag o' relics were promptly forgotten about for awhile there. Until today! Now, I've already shown you my very, very first attempt at short-story writing, but this little book...well, this was EPIC. This was my MAGNUM OPUS. This was a coloring book my six-year-old self procured during a family trip to... Read more →


Noah doesn't go back to school until next Tuesday. SeeyooooNextTuesday, is how I feel about that, especially since we received a good dozen letters stating that the first day was August 30, TODAY, before we got a letter saying that haaaaa, suckers, the preschool students start a week later. You were punked! Hope you weren't doing some kind of calendar countdown with your stir-crazy kid or anything. We attended the school's open house on Friday, even though Noah will be in the same classroom with the same teachers and most of the same kids, but hot damn, that was a good hour of SCHOOL-LIKE ACTIVITIES in a spot that was NOT OUR HOUSE, so we were going and we were going to enjoy every damn minute of it. And we did! Until we all got sick, thanks to our glorious reintroduction to community toys and community germs. I spent most... Read more →


My post about Noah and the little boy next door was a finalist for Blogher's Voices of the Year. Karen Walrond provided a gorgeous photo as its "inspired by" companion piece for the art gala and charity auction at the conference -- I posed like a total dorkwad next to it so Jason could take a terrible photo of me posing like a total dorkwad next to it, and someone asked me if I was the artist. No, I said, but pointed to the tiny fine print underneath that said my name and post title. I wrote that. The nominated posts weren't actually there or printed, so she asked me what the post was about. I struggled to sum it up concisely, and in a way that would make sense with the stunning visual of the delicate, high-flying kite in the photo. Another little boy gave my son a second... Read more →


It's been brought to my attention that my last couple posts have made a somewhat extraordinary number of you cry. At work, or other embarrassing places/occasions to be caught crying. Obviously, I assume MOST of you are exaggerating for the sake of affect (takes one to KNOW ONE, if you know what I mean), but I guess I do need to take some of you at your word and apologize for all the virtual sucker-punches, and promise that there will be nothing of the sort in today's entry. (BAM! SUNRISE SUNSET! MAGIC BABIES! PERSONAL GROWTH AND SHIT! GRAINY iPHONE PICTURES BECAUSE MY REAL CAMERA IS BUSTED! BAM BAM BAM!) (What? No good? Not doing anything for ya? Oh well.) Let's see if I can inspire some different emotions today. First up... ANGER I finally typed "Mockingjay" into Google this morning to figure out what the freaking frack everybody was talking... Read more →


Dear Ezra, Today is not any sort of official milestone or marker -- you're 22 months and nine days, if we're counting. You're almost two, if we're giving out the simpler answer to folks at the supermarket. "Wow," they say. "Such a big boy." Which makes me laugh, because I'm sorry, it's increasingly clear that your big brother got the height in this family -- the long lanky limbs and the giant feet -- and that you are our solid-but-pint-sized 7th-percentile-for-weight scrapper, much to your constant frustration. Noah's hand-me-down orange Crocs that are still a tad too big = the only shoes you want to wear. You're right in between the combo sizes but I tracked down a sized style and bought them for you. They are red and blue, because I could not find orange, although I promise I looked. I TRIED. You were pleased for a few days... Read more →


Last night we took the kids out for dinner. We'd heard about a nice-sounding restaurant with a "kids eat free" night on Sundays, and we're always, ALWAYS trying to find places that fall within that elusive category of Noah Can Order A Damned Grilled Cheese Sandwich But Mommy And Daddy Can Order Something Besides A Damned Cheeseburger. This place looked like it might fit the bill. I missed the thing on their website about the magician, though. We didn't know about the magician until our waiter stopped by to check in on us -- yes, yes, everything is fine! The food is delicious! Love the kids' bento-box style meals! Ezra ate every bite, including the entire section of ketchup, and Noah still cannot BELIEVE he just got a side of Goldfish crackers AT DINNER, like ARE YOU KIDDING ME, OUT-OF-CONTEXT SNACKTIME, THIS PLACE IS AWESOME -- and he told us... Read more →


It turns out, if I deliberately decide to stay off the Internet* for an entire day, that I am downright PRODUCTIVE. Possibly even bordering on COMPETENT. The first order of business yesterday was a playdate, and don't you love that while I would never betray the sacred trust of What Happens on a Playdate, Stays on a Playdate and actually TELL you about the playdate, I still feel compelled to tell you that yes, I totally fucking had a playdate, motherfuckers. I have friends and am in demand for social gatherings with other human beings. WHAT UP. PLAYDATE. (She's probably reading this, by the way, so I will thank all of y'all to make me sound awesome in the comment section and not say anything about that time at the place with the thing. You know what I'm talking about.) So anyway, I decided to clean the house before the... Read more →


I just heard Noah say that. Or more accurately, I just heard a Luke Skywalker action figure say that to a very small Darth Vader Lego figure. I am mining the tired trove of My Kid Says The Darnedest Things today because that same kid managed to somehow delete the ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS video I originally planned to post today at I am now at a complete loss because NOTHING WILL EVER COMPARE TO THAT VIDEO. It has officially morphed into the single greatest two minutes of footage in the history of humanity, I am pretty sure. It was so great that I am seriously considering packing the kids in the car right now to go back out for a reshoot, like, perform, my little content monkeys, PERFORM! Dance! Or in this case, wallop each other in the aisles of ToysRus with oversized plastic lightsabers while your parents cackle at your... Read more →


My kids have never been exposed to many commercials. Though only in the strictest sense of the word: I am fully aware that NickJr. advertises the shit out of other NickJr. shows and products under the guise of: "LET'S GET UP AND MOVE WITH THE FRESH BEAT BAND, EVERY WEEKDAY AT 4, YAY EXERCISE!" "LET'S GO BEHIND THE SCENES AT THE THEATER FOR A LOOK AT A CARTOON-TIE-IN LIVE SHOW THAT WILL COST YOU $375 AND YOUR WILL TO LIVE, YAY CULTURE!" "LET'S LEARN TO SAY IT TWO WAYS WITH DORA AND PROMOTE SPANISH LANGUAGE LITERACY, YAY COMING ANCHOR TERROR BABY APOCALYPSE!!" (Ooh, topical.) But thanks to the cable networks and TiVo, they (so far) have mostly been spared seeing the kinds of commercials I remember from the Saturday morning cartoon block, where every toy was the most amazing fucking toy in the history of the fucking universe, oh my... Read more →


What It Looks Like

A lot of families, as part of the path to diagnosis and treatment, videotape their children's behavioral...quirks, I guess. Tics. Possible symptoms. Just so the doctors or therapists or evaluators can "see" what you see at home. We've never done that, at least on purpose. Noah's school does a lot of videotaping for therapeutic/assessment purposes, but I've always just INTENDED to capture the normal happy fun stuff. I say "intended" because if I go through old videos of Noah I'm often kind of retroactively shocked by something we inadvertently captured that's like, "THAT. RIGHT THERE. THAT TURNED OUT TO BE THING." Noah tip-toeing across the living room; screaming in terror the first time we put him on a teensy pedal-less baby tricycle; telling some great-sounding story that we would only later realize was little more than an echolalic script. We're still in insurance limbo. We haven't heard the results of... Read more →