A Day Without Internet
August 20, 2010
It turns out, if I deliberately decide to stay off the Internet* for an entire day, that I am downright PRODUCTIVE. Possibly even bordering on COMPETENT.
The first order of business yesterday was a playdate, and don't you love that while I would never betray the sacred trust of What Happens on a Playdate, Stays on a Playdate and actually TELL you about the playdate, I still feel compelled to tell you that yes, I totally fucking had a playdate, motherfuckers. I have friends and am in demand for social gatherings with other human beings. WHAT UP. PLAYDATE.
(She's probably reading this, by the way, so I will thank all of y'all to make me sound awesome in the comment section and not say anything about that time at the place with the thing. You know what I'm talking about.)
So anyway, I decided to clean the house before the playdate. (Playdate! Playdaaaate!) And I realize this is completely 1) lame, and probably 2) cheating, because there's usually some unspoken arrangement between women that we're only supposed to express shame over the messy state of our homes and one-up each other regarding our failures.
HOSTESS: I am sorry the house is such a mess!
GUEST: Oh no, this is lovely! You should see MY house! It's a disaster!
HOSTESS: Oh, but you should see the upstairs! It's a total pigsty up there.
GUEST: Oh, mine too! I've roped it off with police tape!
HOSTESS: I LOST A CAT IN MY CLOSET SIX MONTHS AGO.
GUEST: I HAVE AN ACTIVELY LEAKING NUCLEAR REACTOR IN MY BASEMENT.
SO ANYWAY. My cleaning of the house mostly involved frantic dishwasher loading and sweeping up a thick carpet of catnip off the kitchen floor, because Max had somehow gotten the bag out of a cabinet during the night and ripped it open. I found him sprawled out and covered in the stuff that morning, high as a freaking kite. Even after I cleaned it all up, he kept returning to the scene to sniff the floorboards and chew on a nearby throw rug.
Oh! And then I cleared off the dining room table, even going so far as to set a lovely silver centerpiece bowl out, only to realize the bowl looked kind of dumb empty. So I thought: Fruit! I shall fill it with fruit. But the only fruit we had was one overly browned banana and some pathetically shriveled-looking limes.
I put the bowl away. I think this might be the first time in the history of the world that I successfully backed down from a Bad Idea, instead of like: I KNOW LET'S TRY SOME SCENTED CANDLES! OR TRAIL MIX! SCENTED CANDLES AND TRAIL MIX! IT'S POTPOURRI!
After the playdate, I was feeling so successfully housewife-y that I went on a cooking and baking rampage, the unplanned-for kind, where you're missing a good 25% of ingredients from every recipe but decide to improvise anyway, resulting in 1) several questionably edible results that you will decide to maybe freeze for the babysitter to microwave later, thus making it officially someone else's problem, and 2) a completely re-trashed kitchen because you've used every goddamn bowl you own and decided to do several recipes that contained eggs AND oatmeal, which is a combination you can use to repave your driveway in a pinch, I think.
(I didn't really have a point to today's entry. By the way. In case you were waiting for one. Sometimes I stumble into a point, like, AHA! I CAN RE-TYPE A SENTENCE AT THE END THAT'S KIND OF LIKE ONE FROM THE BEGINNING AND IT'S LIKE, OOOOOH CIRCULAR DOUBLE MEANING! SO INTENSE.)
In summary: The house was clean but now it isn't again, my freezer is full of homemade stuffed shells and lentil veggie burgers for my children to reject, I dragged them both to the store so I could buy some coconut to make cookies and also bought a bottle of wine. Never made the cookies. No idea how that happened. Catnip fumes, probably. Ordered Indian food because it turned out I really wasn't in the mood for any of the healthy crap I'd made.
Basically, MOST ACCOMPLISHMENT-FILLED DAY EVER! Going to go lie down now and get all caught up on mah gossip stories. Here is my dog and some toddler feet.
*As opposed to being forcibly (FORCiBLY!) kept off the Internet by Pepco or other technology failures, because then I usually spend 99% of my time checking to see if the Internet is back? Is back now? Internet? I can haz?