Magic
There's No Crying In Blogball

A Letter To My Baby

Photo (62)  
 
Dear Ezra,

Today is not any sort of official milestone or marker -- you're 22 months and nine days, if we're counting. You're almost two, if we're giving out the simpler answer to folks at the supermarket.

"Wow," they say. "Such a big boy."

Which makes me laugh, because I'm sorry, it's increasingly clear that your big brother got the height in this family -- the long lanky limbs and the giant feet -- and that you are our solid-but-pint-sized 7th-percentile-for-weight scrapper, much to your constant frustration. 

Noah's hand-me-down orange Crocs that are still a tad too big = the only shoes you want to wear. You're right in between the combo sizes but I tracked down a sized style and bought them for you. They are red and blue, because I could not find orange, although I promise I looked. I TRIED. You were pleased for a few days and then revolted, violently. You scream and tantrum every time I try to put any other non-orange-Croc-like shoe on your foot. You climb up the stairs just to dramatically slide back down, as if that will help convey the depth of your displeasure better than all the crying and tears and beating of the floor with your tiny angry fists. "Shuhs!" you wail, pointing at your feet. "SHUHS!"

The drama you create about those shoes makes me shake in mine when I think about you as a teenager. 

(Though if Doc Martens come back into fashion, you totally have my permission to wear them. Your Nana wouldn't let me, because she wasn't always like she is now, with the spoiling and stuff. Also L.A. Gear sneakers. Man, I wanted a pair of those. So never mind. I kind of feel you on the shoe thing, and once I finish this letter I am going back on Amazon to find you a pair of orange Croc knock-offs that fit, SO HELP ME GOD.)

None of Noah's hand-me-down shoes fit you yet -- by the time he graduated out of baby booties he was easily two shoe sizes ahead of you. To this day, I don't think he's ever really expressed a strong feeling about footwear, or been so fascinated with trying them on, like you are with everything in the hand-me-down box. You stomp around in sneakers and snowboots and backpacks, thoroughly enamored with anything and everything that is in store for you juuuust around the next growth spurt corner.

Because you are such a big boy. 

Photo (64)  

You are *thisclose* to potty training, once we figured out that you preferred to stand up, like DUH, that's how the other menfolk in this house do it, MOM. You picked out Toy Story 3 underwear. but they're still too big for you. I'm sorry.

You talk *somuch* and all the time. It surprises people, I think, to hear you chattering away and managing to get your point across even if your pronunciation isn't quite where you want it. "Hi!" you say cheerfully to everyone you see. When they smile and ask you a question you don't have the answer to, you merrily change the subject. "Backpack! Ball! Outside! Doggie! Shuhs!" 

Photo (66)  

You eat *somuch* and all the time. It still shocks the hell out of me, watching you eat with a spoon and dig into bowls of hot salsa with tortilla chips and enthusiastically try anything and everything that you see us eating. If you don't like something, it's usually nothing that a little Dip-Dip won't solve, because you will eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING if you have some kind of sauce or condiment to dip it in first. And yes, you call them Dip-Dips, preferably ones that come with Chip-Chips, and yes, I am physically unable to call ketchup anything other than Dip-Dip on the first try now. And seriously: the amount of guacamole you can put away in one sitting is mind-blowing, mostly because I haven't the faintest idea where you're putting it all.

You are such a big boy.

Photo (60)  

You kick the soccer ball across the living room. "GOOOOAAAL!" you say.

You watch us walk up the stairs and attempt to climb up after us. "WAIT WAIT!" you say.

You busy yourself with your play kitchen while I make dinner, mimicking my every stirring/tasting/preparing move. "YUMMY," you say, while offering me a plate of whatever wooden-food masterpiece you've created.

My God, you're such a big boy. 

Photo (65)  

Every night, after your bath, you pretend to follow us into your room...right before switching directions and running into Noah's. "Night night!" you say, climbing into Noah's bed and pulling up the covers, though sometimes you go in headfirst and we walk in to see your tiny bare butt sticking out. Last night you weren't feeling very well and went to bed early, so we figured we'd let you stay there and see if you actually slept or started destroying Noah's room the second the door closed, like one would EXPECT an almost-two-year-old to behave on his first night in a big boy bed.

You stayed. You slept. You cried when we put you back in your crib. Daddy mumbled something about the old toddler bed in the basement but neither of us feel as ready for that step as you do. I'm sorry.

You are such a big boy. SUCH. A big boy. 

You are in such a rush to be even bigger, to do everything your beloved Nona does. You want Star Wars, not Sesame Street. You hoist Daddy's computer bag over your shoulder and blow me a kiss before trying to head out the door in your orange Crocs. The meanest I have ever felt in my life was the day I had to put you down for a nap when Noah had a big-kid playmate over, and I could see your heartbreak all over your tearstained cheeks because it was just too unfair for words. I have always been Mommy, and never Mama. You want a bike with PEDALS ALREADY, you want a scooter, a helmet, and the keys to the car.

Photo (59)  

Photo (61) 

But sometimes -- sometimes -- you want me to hold you and rock you while you snuggle with your blanket and thumb. Sometimes you want me to hug and kiss away the boo-boos and the frustration over That Dumb Chair Being Too High To Climb Over. Sometimes I walk into the room and your whole face lights up and you come barreling over for a hug. 

"MOMMY!" you say, because you are such a big boy.

Photo (67) 

Comments

heathabee

And the weeping commences...

How special! Please print this for him for 'one day'. What a treasure :)

heathabee

And the weeping commences...

How special! Please print this for him for 'one day'. What a treasure :)

mswas

Would you STOP writing these post that make me CRY all the time?

*sniff*

*sniff*

*sniff*

...

Nah, I take it back. Don't ever stop.

*sniff*

Kelley

Love this post. And the pictures. And the kid.

Erin

Starting to see SOOO much of Noah in him...

Lindsay

Stop it, woman! One more crying session after reading your blog at work and these people are gonna think I've lost my shit!

I see so much of my "such a big boy" in Ezra. I hope he also continues the cuddle with momma and lovie. :)

Colleen

I think that Ana and Ezra would be immediate bestest buds. Oh the obsession with being such a big kid! (and she's pretty good at pretending to be older than she is). And there is the obsession with the crocs... but her obsession involves HOT PINK. Although, if she ever laid her eyes on an orange pair it would be love. Orange is her FAVORITE color.

What size shoe does he wear? If I come across a pair of orange I'll let you know!

Sheila

The pictures are freaking me out - when did he get to be so old? The one where he's sitting at a computer desk, that looks like the Ezra I "know." But in the rest of them it's like he's been replaced with some future version of him that couldn't possibly be here yet. Honestly I had to think for a minute before realizing the first picture was Ezra and not an older picture of Noah.

Sounds like he is doing so well - he is a few months older than my little girl so I've been following along with him since the pregnancy days. Yay for Ezra!

Alli

I cried when I read this. And, I have a question . . . were there/have there been times when you've watched words, and movement, and things come easier to Ezra than they did to Noah and it just hurt your heart? As I'm on the cusp of considering going for Baby No. 2 in spite of my first's developmental delays, that's something that terrifies me. But I read this, and I realize, they are individuals. Every one of Noah's accomplishments are his, and Ezra's are his, and they are little people. So maybe I can have another. Why am I crying in my office right now?! Such a beautiful letter to your beautiful boy. Thanks for sharing.

Cobblestone

My just turned 2 has gotten so big all of the sudden, it is awesome!

Roberta

Knew by the title to grab the tissues. Sniff. My daughter is 5 weeks younger than Ezra, and many of your descriptions of him remind me so very much of her. How are they so big? When did that happen and why was I not given more notice? Sniff, I say.

Heather

This is so, so sweet. I'm reading this in my doctor's office, trying not to weep like a little girl. They're going to think I have a raging case of PPD because of you. :)

Ailen

This was lovely. Your blog is my favorite.

Dawn

So, so, so, so sweet! I love the expression in the last photo, my Noah pulls the same one and has the exact same obsession with shoes. Maybe it's a second child thing...

What a wonderful sentiment and a treasure for him to have.

Happy almost birthday Ez! You are truly such a big boy.

Sarah

LOVE

Suzy Q

My god, what a cutie!

Melanie

There you go again triggering the "I waaannnt oonnneee" part of my brain! Now I shall go home and whine to my husband and blame it on you! =-)

Your family is so precious. Thank you for sharing!

Jenn

Wow, he's starting to look like Noah in some of the pictures. Are you sneaking in pictures of Noah to see if we're paying attention? Is there going to be a quiz later? I'll go take some notes.

jessica

Laughter AND tears. That was an amazing post. My son is just a month or so younger than Ezra - such a great age.

Stephanie

That first picture? SO big. He doesn't even look like a baby anymore... he's just so adorable and sweet and cute. The visor just makes the outfit. And yes, crying again! What a sweet post. Makes me really want a boy next time. Or a girl so she can want to be just like her big sister...

Txtingmrdarcy

I so love the "little hipster" picture.

I'm glad he's still your "mini-me."

Stacy

Oh geez, now I'm crying too! Such a sweet letter. Such an adorable boy. It makes me kick myself that I haven't done the same for my little girl. It's never to late to start, I hope!

JenAHM

I'm pregnant with our first, and after reading this I'm sitting here weeping.
Darn hormones.

JenAHM

I'm pregnant with our first, and after reading this I'm sitting here weeping.
Darn hormones.

JenAHM

I'm pregnant with our first, and after reading this I'm sitting here weeping.
Darn hormones.

JenAHM

I'm pregnant with our first, and after reading this I'm sitting here weeping.
Darn hormones.

JenAHM

Apparently my hormones also made my finger get stuck on the post button. Sorry about that!

meghshouse

So fast.

He bears such a resemblance to Noah in some of those pictures.

meghshouse

So fast.

He bears such a resemblance to Noah in some of those pictures.

Issa

I love this. I'm also crying, because dang it, mine is all big and stuffs too. Sigh.

What if we don't buy them cake? Or presents? Or ever tell them they are two? Then can they stay tiny?

Bethany

Oh, wow. That one made me cry. And made me realize, without a shadow of a doubt, that I want to have kids.

Christine

I don't know how many times your blog had made me cry. As I lay here and nurse my last baby... my wee, sweet 4 month old, I want to pause time forever. But oh how I also long for the awesome toddler and preschooler times ahead.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

Oh my lordy lady... can you ever make me cry.

Such a cutie.

c3south

LOVE you'll hunt and find docs for him to wear!!!;)* -c3south*

Heather Ben

so cute - love the pictures.

Meredith

This post is not good for us pregnant ladies. I'm weeping over here!!

Breeda

I just watched my 'baby' graduate from university today and didn't think I had any more tears in me ............ Wrong! What a beautiful post :)

statia

We totally call it dip dip too. I always got weird looks for that.

Corie

Oh, Amy. That was beautiful!! I'm sitting here crying, both looking forward to and dreading the day that I can write a letter like that to my son. He's only 12 weeks old, but I know that he'll have his own "orange Crocs" all too soon.

Carrie

My Ezra started high school yesterday and I've spent the last two days remembering so many sweet stories about him. You are smart to write it down because it goes by so quickly. Your Ezra is such a doll. I love the pictures of him at the table

Kayla

I found these

http://www.sophiasstyle.com/easy-usa-baby-shoes-girls-boys-orange-sandals-size-baby-3-toddler-6.html?CAWELAID=473469710

and these

http://www.shoes.com/Shopping/productdetails.aspx?catalog_name=web&pg=5059989&p=EC1084076&CMP=OTC-GoogleBase&partnerid=GoogleBase&cpc=GoogleBase&=campaign=baby+deer&category=K&cpckw=baby+deer+Kids'+Clog+Inf/Tod+Shoes+(Orange)&CAWELAID=128025253

Hopefully one will work for your sweet baby boy.

Sorry, I am not really good with the whole link-age thing.

Kayla

Also, webooshoes.com has some really cute shoes.

Amanda

Oh, Amy. BOTH of your boys are magic.

ChelsieR

I love the picture of Ezra at the computer. He all like, "Woman, when am I gonna get my own Twitter account?" So. Cute.

Hailey

exactly.

Kristin

The second ones grow up so much quicker than the first kids...anything and everything to keep up.

Ginny

Oh, dammit woman!

Ginny

Oh, dammit woman!

Ginny

Oh, dammit woman!

Sniff.

Ginny

And? Sniff.

Ginny

Sorry for multiple postage. Sigh.

Liz

Beautiful letter! I love it.

Jenna

Oh good god, girl. You make me cry like no one else. NO ONE ELSE.

Beautiful.

(and my second? Is still my baby and NOT GOING TO BE A BIG GIRL. NOT EVER.)

(GAH)

beccado

who's crying at this computer? this girl!

Maggie

I wish my (20-year-old) baby was here to hug right now after reading that.

lisa

I am in tears too! Granted its been that kind of day but still...that was beautiful. I have my own 22 month old and he is the BEST...I so get where you are coming from!

kari weber

And this is why you are the awesome.

What a way with words.

So cute you could nibble him for every meal.

Beth

Second time this week you've made me cry dammit. Your kids are amazing, and your ability to convey how amazing they are is amazing.

Beth

Second time this week you've made me cry dammit. Your kids are amazing, and your ability to convey how amazing they are is amazing.

nonsoccermom

Oh, god. Beautiful post. Beautiful boy. He's just a bit younger than my little one and oh, goodness. It breaks the heart, doesn't it?

Madeline

Ah, the second ones do grow up faster. But he still has such lovely CHEEKS, which can not be stressed enough. Gosh you have cute kids. Thanks for sharing!

LL

DOC MARTINS have been making a comeback on this side of the pond, so they should be 'back in style' over there in a year or two. But you could always start the trend yourself and buy a pair now!

Johanna

Crying.

Josh

My wife and I are expecting our first child and this entire post made me cry. Just hearing about all the joy and frustration and...everything that is coming.

Really a beautifuly written post. Thank you.

Josh

My wife and I are expecting our first child and this entire post made me cry. Just hearing about all the joy and frustration and...everything that is coming.

Really a beautifuly written post. Thank you.

Josh

My wife and I are expecting our first child and this entire post made me cry. Just hearing about all the joy and frustration and...everything that is coming.

Really a beautifuly written post. Thank you.

Josh

My wife and I are expecting our first child and this entire post made me cry. Just hearing about all the joy and frustration and...everything that is coming.

Really a beautifuly written post. Thank you.

Cory

So - I have been reading your blog for a long time now and have not commented - until today - I am currently 5 months pregnant with my first baby boy, my first baby, my little prince. Reading your letter made me cry so hard people stared. Your little boys are so precious, makes it that much harder to wait to meet mine :-)

Accidents

Re: Toddler Bed. Since he's so interested in beds now, I'd just go ahead and do it. He seems game and a good sleeper, better to get it over with before he becomes attached to the crib or one to have battles of wills over things like that. We had a crib scaler and vaulter, so we had to put Hank in a toddler bed at 16 months (THAT'S RIGHT, 16 FUCKING MONTHS OH MY HELL), and it was surprisingly not that bad, though he has NEVER been a good sleeper. We have a doorknob cover on the inside doorknob of his room, so he has to knock/call for us to let him out in the morning (or to summon us at night). I'm not giving a toddler run of the house unsupervised, so people who think we're "locking him in" can suck (what else is a crib anyway?). Anyway. I'm full of assvice today! Never done this before! Anyway, just sayin', could be a good idea to get the transition over with if things are going well sleep wise right now, before you hit a weird sleep regression or something.

Accidents

And? I read this entry originally on my phone, and so the pictures were a bit smaller, and you would have had to CONVINCE ME STERNLY that some of those pictures, esp. the first, was not Noah. They look more and more alike as Ez gets older.

Shelley

I'm at work, darn it! You have to warn a girl when you're going to have her blubbering all over her office. I have a little newborn guy, and every day I think, "Don't change, I like you just like this!" Thanks for helping me remember that the ride is just going to get better.

Mermil

Oh, EFF you and your heartbreaking writing. Stop! People will hear me sniffling and think I am tender, when I want them to believe I am DEAD INSIDE.

sarah

What a sweetie!

Deanna

Oh My goodness! My little 20 month old is so much like Ezra! Sam loves the orange crocs! and has some strange attachments to all shoes!!!!

Love, love love this post!!!!

linka72

He is yummmz. And that picture of him in the Apple Store? LOVED THAT!!

Rhiannon

He's so freaking cute!
I also have to call all condiments dip-dip, If I say ketchup he says I don't like ketchup, If I say red dip-dip he says I want a lot! mines about 8 months older than Ezra

Elizabeth

We also have toddlers who will eat anything that can be dipped in a condiment. I highly recommend giving them little cups of grated parmesean cheese. (The gross powdery stuff you find in the pasta aisle, not the good stuff in the dairy section.) I tell myself it's protein and calcium. Right? Right? Anyway it gets my kids to eat vegetables, so I say it counts.

liz

Oh, he is so delicious!!! I want to gnaw on those apple-dumpling cheeks. NOM NOM NOM.

Melina

I love when you write about Ezra, because my little guy is one day younger than E and he is also a little brother.--We also call ketchup 'dip dip' and Garit loves to eat hot salsa with his 'ips'!

Silver

From a totes diff kinda mom...

AUGH! Ya got me! [falls dead to the floor]

I did get misty. swears. Great post.

Shaboom from FrenchSkinny.Blogspot.Com

wow. i can't believe he's almost 2 already.

The comments to this entry are closed.