Trees, Knees and God-Knows-What Else (Nonsensical Bullet Point Edition)
BlogHer, Part Two

BlogHer, Part One

Oh, hi. I'm at BlogHer. It's exhausting. It's awesome. I just had to get talked off a ledge by a really nice lady in the Hilton Package Room, who cheerfully looked at her computer and was all, "Yes, we have three packages waiting for you." And I was like, 'THREE? THAT'S IT? OH SHIT. OH SHIT." And then I yanked out my laptop to show three dozen or so Sparklecorn-related delivery confirmations like, "BUT I HAVE EVIDENCE! LOOK AT ALL THESE FIREFOX TABS!" 

And then she assured me that you know what? Their computer system is kind of shit. Everything is there, after all. 

As usual, BlogHer is bigger than ever, sponsor-y-er than ever, and more overwhelming than ever. I had one of those panicked moments yesterday when I resorting to Fake Texting on my phone in a hallway just to mask my sudden terror at realizing that there was no one around who I knew, or who knew me, or who seemed relatively open to small talk with a stranger, and I didn't really have anywhere in particular to be and Twitter's gone Fail Whale and OH WOW I FEEL CONSPICUOUS AND AWKWARD. 

So I pretended to tap on my phone for awhile. Then I went back up to my room and stared at the wallpaper.


The only photos I've taken so far:

1) Riding in a rickshaw with Loralee. If someone would like to cast us as the stars in some predictably adorable romantic comedy about two friends starting over in love and life in the Big City, during which we have many wacky adventures that MAY or MAY NOT include figuring out that miniskirts and rickshaws are NOT THE BEST COMBINATION, feel free to use this photo as the promotional poster:

Photo (49)

2) Broken blood vessels all across my shoulders from the weight of the swag bags. It's all fun and free shampoo samples until some pasty girl gets hurt:

Photo (48) 

The best parties so far, as usual, have been the swag-free gatherings, chock-full of many (but never all, or even enough) of my favorite, favorite people. Even the one I got hurt at, when Catherine and I decided to launch into a very elaborate interpretative ballet routine while other Mamapop writers sang Total Eclipse of the Heart on the karaoke machine, which ended with both of us flat on the floor with TREMENDOUS DOWNWARD FORCE, but apparently there is some kind of dance-off planned for later to determine who we get to lay the blame for that particular disaster on, so I guess the full details will have to wait. Plus, I have to pee and you would not believe the lines for the ladies' around these parts, you guys. 



Nicole Pelton

Excellent recap. I too found myself testing and the party host came to chat, make sure I was having, fun, do a little matchmaking? Yay :) for friendly chicks. Great to see you live at autism panel, too statstruck to introduce myself.

Sprite's Keeper

Sorry I'm missing it this year. Although nothing can compare to the cake of last year, the only time I could ever truly say I ate a piece of unicorn ass. :-)


I would have totally come and talked to you!!! Can't wait to see pictures from tonight's shindig, since I'm not there in person to take it all in again. Hoping a great cake is involved!!

Suzy Q

Yay for a BlogHer update for those of us who are Twitter-stalking various attendees. Not that I would ever do such a thing, nuh uh. Not me.


This is my first BlogHer and I am so excited about Sparklecorn that I can't stand it! I, too, have been hiding behind my phone. We should take away everyone's technology and see how many breakdowns ensue. I would be one.

Ellen M

I totally saw you fake texting and didn't approach you because you are a widely-read blogger in a small subset of a specialized niche. If that's not intimidating, I don't know what is.


Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm REAAAALLLLY glad I a) live on a totally different continent, always a long way from wherever BlogHer is taking place and b) am soooo poor I can't even begin to imagine being able to afford to attend. If I did manage to attend, I'd probably spend the WHOLE TIME in my room staring at the wallpaper because no one would know me (you just need to see how many people (don't) read my blog for that) and I'm waaaay too shy to actually go and introduce myself to anyone.
On the other hand, the rest of the time (most of the time), I fantasise about attending and have "packed" my suitcase in my mind (that came out wrong, you know what I mean) many, many times, studied the programme, planned my trip... just for the fun of it, knowing I can't go.
Enjoy BlogHer - and believe me, those of us who can't attend (well, me anyway) love all the posts and updates and photos!


Though my jealousy is great, I will still wish you a good time. Sort of. Is it wrong of me that I am a bit gleeful that your shoulder got reddened while I sit at home drawing chalk on the sidewalk?

Not a lot. Just a bit of glee.

Have fun and be careful!


I wish I could be there! By the time I realized I needed to go every ticket was sold out.

But next year I will be so glad to know that even famous bloggers fake text on their phones!

If I didn't have a child or phone to hide behind in awkward moments I'm not sure what I would do. :)


I was there; several people told me they felt so judged and I said "don't be ridiculous, who could be judging?"

One friend sent this after the party. Next year I'll skip the party-of-the-girls-who-weren't-well-liked-in-high-school-but-are-enjoying-their-time-as-the-cool-but-mean-girls-in-the-niche-of-dorks. (I include myself as a dork.)

Hope the party made your self-esteem grow three sizes today.

Debi (Truthful Mommy)

Sounds like you had a blast. I can't wait to be there next year!


Sounds like fun! I always wish I could go to BlogHer - maybe next year.


I really need to see some videos of the dancing and the downward force and all that followed.



Hi Amy - I know this is totally unrelated to your post, but I stumbled across this movie preview and it made me think of you. You may have seen it already, but if not, it looks amazing and reminded me of mothers like you who would do anything for their kids, no matter how much of a challenge they face.

RookieMom Whitney

Why oh why does this event send everyone - even AMALAH - back to high school-level self esteem? When I found myself sitting alone at a breakfast table and didn't find anyone I knew to talk to, I tried to take pride in being an adult woman that could handle eating breakfast solo in a conference room larger than the UC Berkeley campus, but I really was wishing for a friend or stranger to chat me up. Thank you for saying hello. Always hard to know who remembers me and who I have to remind or hold up my nametag for.


Okay, even though I met you and you were awesome and friendly and normal and even though we're like, FRIENDS, you are, no shit, so gorgeous in real life and I GOT NERVOUS EACH TIME YOU WOULD SUBSEQUENTLY WAVE TO ME.

You've always been beyond pretty in photos. But jesus Amy, you're smokin' hot in person.


i can't believe i sold my ticket. ((sob))


Amy, I am so coming to BlogHer next year and I will just follow you around on the off-chance that you need a stranger to small-talk with. I will also Tweet the entire time: OMG Amy ALMOST NOTICED ME SQUEE!!!


OK, so I know we're supposed to be looking at your swag-related war wound in that one picture, but I can't get past how cute that shirt (dress?) pattern is! Super cute!


Hey, we were getting over BOYFRIEND PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And my BlogHer breakdown goes like this:

Photos taken: 5
People I didn't meet: ELEVENTYGILLION


But, hey! I sat with you in a rickshaw and made out with Tracy so it's allllll good. ;P

Black Belt Mama

I so wish I had been in that hallway where you were fake texting. I was in a hallway nearby, willing my LG to turn into an iPhone and hoping to meet you. So glad I got to on Saturday! It was one of the highlights for me, and I can't thank you enough for knowing who I was when I approached you by that sparkly cake (or even just pretending to, which is equally cool).


Sparklecorn was amazing. Just wanted to come tell you that.

Oh and I'm glad I managed to see you. Even though it was in the elevator.


Hearing about amazing, confident people like you (and Britt) feeling this way always makes me wonder if major movie and tv celebrities ever experience that type of thing, too. In my eyes, you guys are the rock stars of the blogging world.


It figures that the moment I run into you I have to pee like a racehorse. SIGH.

Hope you kept having fun, lady.


I can only hope you didn't cry TOO hard over not getting the chance to meet me. I know, I know. You were so looking forward to it!

(I will hunt you down like a dog in the street next year, lady! Count on it!)

(That was just a light-hearted attempt at humor - don't call your security patrol on me.)

(Unless they are big and muscular and cute - then by all means, call them. I shall text you with my address.)

(OK, this is out of control.)

I ate some of your unicorn cake and it didn't taste gamey at all! Well done!

I hope you had fun. I love hearing that you fake-texted in the hallway. It makes me love you lots of muches... you're just as geeky-awkward as any of us, huh?

Miss Grace

I thought you were fab, every single time I saw you. And less awkward than me, if that counts for anything at all.


Ah, I love a good luggage hickey in the morning!

Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher}

And then there is me, harassing you about chatting with Jenny, the Bloggess as she wrote Psychic poetry on Friday night. I'm awesome. And maybe a sarcastic ass sometimes.


AMY! Sparklecorn was SO MUCH FUN! I introduced myself to you and your husband and I felt really awkward about it later! I hope it was not as awkward as I remember and that you will always remember me as hilarious and drop-dead gorgeous! (as I, of course, will remember you.)


I love you so much and was so happy to see you again. I just wish it could have been for longer than 5 minutes.


Wow, broken capillaries for free junk? The mind boggles....

Jen L.

My shoulder-strap injuries are healing nicely. Yesterday, though, they looked like really unfortunate hickeys.
LOVED meeting you! Definitely one of the highlights for me. You are lovely and your husband is adorable. Also? Sparklecorn was the best party I've been to in a loooooooong time!

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)

It was great to see you for that 1.5 BlogHer second in the hallway. What a blur the weekend was - but it was a fabulous, fun blur!

So glad to know that even YOU have moments when you look around and recognize no one and no one recognizes you. Those moments can be a little terrifying.

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)

It was great to see you for that 1.5 BlogHer second in the hallway. What a blur the weekend was - but it was a fabulous, fun blur!

So glad to know that even YOU have moments when you look around and recognize no one and no one recognizes you. Those moments can be a little terrifying.


It makes me feel a whole lot better to know that I was not the only one fake texting!!!!!

I will now say that I was SO excited to meet you... but I was so awe struck over the fact that I was surrounded by all of you MamaPop people that I could barely mumble a coherent "hello". I don't even know if I said who I was????? But, um... hi! I was rooming with Danielle (Miss Banshee).


I don't know a lot about the official world of blogging or BlogHer, and I'm sure that when something gains corporate sponsorship, you can suddenly afford to do a lot more cool things, but you also get a lot of corporate-y stupid stuff. It's so great to hear that the heart of it, the getting together with other cool ladies, is still at the bottom of it all. Hopefully someday BlogHer will come to my backyard and I can be there!

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