There's No Crying In Blogball
August 25, 2010
It's been brought to my attention that my last couple posts have made a somewhat extraordinary number of you cry. At work, or other embarrassing places/occasions to be caught crying. Obviously, I assume MOST of you are exaggerating for the sake of affect (takes one to KNOW ONE, if you know what I mean), but I guess I do need to take some of you at your word and apologize for all the virtual sucker-punches, and promise that there will be nothing of the sort in today's entry.
(BAM! SUNRISE SUNSET! MAGIC BABIES! PERSONAL GROWTH AND SHIT! GRAINY iPHONE PICTURES BECAUSE MY REAL CAMERA IS BUSTED! BAM BAM BAM!)
(What? No good? Not doing anything for ya? Oh well.)
Let's see if I can inspire some different emotions today. First up...
I finally typed "Mockingjay" into Google this morning to figure out what the freaking frack everybody was talking about on Twitter yesterday, and what exactly we're giving away on Mamapop today. Spoiler alert! It's a book! Now here is my dilemma:
1) Take all of you at your word that it's omg!thebestthing!ever! and start the series at the beginning, looking for all the world like a shameless fad-follower and hopeless behind-the-timer, especially since I'll probably finish the third book riiiiiiight when the "thing that is massively popular" backlash begins and nobody will want to talk with me about it or care that I read it because oh my God, you're still TALKING about that? Whatever, loser, we've all moved on to that OTHER young adult book series that everybody is reading now. Man, you can't even manage to stay hip among the book nerds.
2) Be the one to up and START the "thing that is massively popular" backlash, on the grounds that I allowed myself to get sucked up into that whole Twilight nonsense, which ended with me reading a book about vampire c-sections and werewolves falling in love with vampire hybrid toddlers, consumed with shame over...well, a lot of life decisions, but namely the one involving me dragging my pregnant ass and child to the bookstore to explicitly buy that horrible, terrible book in hardcover.
3) Anger just about everybody in the world by comparing the Hunger Games series to Twilight, because they are so totally different, you giant ignorant asshole, for a zillion different reasons that I will outline for you now.
(PS. Also, Jacob IMPRINTED on Renesmee. Totally different than falling in love. STOP MAKING JACOB SOUND CREEPY.)
I decided to go with number 3! I bet it worked!
Speaking of shameless fad-following, I bought myself two (2) packages of ZanyBandz last weekend. And then promptly lost them. I last saw them on the dining room table, after I opened them and carefully selected the cutest assortment of colors that matched my outfit, AS ONE DOES, WHEN ONE IS A MATURE, FULLY-FORMED ADULT-TYPE PERSON, but then they vanished soon after that. I'm thinking the babysitter moved them, but I am too embarrassed to ask her about whether or not she moved my ZanyBandz, as this would entail:
1) Admitting to a 24-year-old that I purchased ZanyBandz,
2) Admitting that the ZanyBandz were not actually intended for my children, in case she assumed they were and put them in a toybox or something,
3) That I care about the whereabouts of said ZanyBandz, and care DEEPLY, and have basically been driving myself crazy all week looking for them, as I'm only admitting defeat days later, and
4) Possibly finding out that she threw out the ZanyBandz, not realizing that a brightly-colored pile of misshapen rubber bands were like, a THING, an IMPORTANT THING, and being forced to smile and assure her that it's okay, I don't mind, because seriously, I'm not going to be an entitled asshole boss about ZanyFuckingBandz.
1) I kind of can't help but wonder if damn, bitch stole my ZanyBandz!
Anyway. If you're not feeling particularly SCORNFUL yet, perhaps this will push you over the edge: One of the missing packages of ZanyBandz was the "Moonlight" collection, which includes hearts, wolves and vampire fangs.
(PS I was actually thinking of True Blood when I bought them. And I bought them IRONICALLY. And yes, I'm totally judging myself for suddenly caring so non-ironically about their whereabouts.)
I have a snack, and you don't.
This one is really more for Ezra. I took this photo today to hold for future discussions about faith, reality, Santa, the Easter Bunny and the idea that none of us are really unique special snowflakes. Also that mothers are tricky, sneaky bastards:
LAUNDRY DAY IS A CONSPIRACY! EVERYTHING YOU LOVE IS A LIE! THERE IS NO SPOON!
Wait, have you not even been READING this entry? You MUST be feeling all kinds of superior to me by now. I'd suggest you go back and re-read it but I already promised that I wouldn't make anybody cry today.