Time Enough
This Post is the Blogging Equivalent to a Set of Shiny Keys

Down to the Bones

So I have no intention of trying to fake it for you guys. I'm sad. I'm miserably, terribly, fucking-ass sad. Something inside feels like it...kind of cratered last week, so I have no defenses against even the mildest, stupidest everyday sort-of bullshit. I'm getting a zit! I can't find the nail clippers! Ezra only wants Daddy all the time and it hurts my feeeeeeelings. A kid was mean to Noah and I'm the one who burst into tears. Folding laundry dissolves into a fit about gaining weight and clothes not fitting and WHY BOTHER, MAN. WHY EVEN BOTHER. 

I wish they sold Xanax or something over the counter, because I can't even deal with getting my ass in to see a doctor. I had a mole removed last week and the effort nearly killed me. I'm supposed to get my hair done in a couple days and I'm all, "I don't want to goooooo, the receptionist is always so chatttttttty." I'm supposed to be planning a birthday party for the boys like, RIGHT NOW but instead I've decided to downsize the current goal to: "Get to the store and buy a package of cookies to send to school on Noah's birthday."

His birthday is on Thursday. I have like, two-and-a-half more days to make the cookies happen. I CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF! AND IN MY ABILITY TO OUTSOURCE THINGS TO MY HUSBAND.

But I know nobody wants to hear about how sad I am. (SPOILER ALERT: Pretty sad!) Sad is boring! Sad is such a bummer! Sad is just begging for someone to come around and whack me with a dose of I-HAVE-IT-WAY-WORSE-THAN-YOU style perspective, like a sock full of pennies. Plus I sense that this whole "grief process" thing has yet another violent mood swing in store for me ANY MINUTE NOW.

So instead, I'm just going to try to post about the little things that manage to cut through the sad and make me rethink that life plan of going back to bed with a bottle of Syrah and a bendy straw.

Today's thing: Glow-in-the-dark skeleton jammies

Noah-92710-3 

Noah-92710-1
 
Also, maybe you can include the kid wearing the glow-in-the-dark skeleton jammies.

Noah-92710-2

Comments

Kristy

You sound, well, normal. Hugs.

Bloom Creatives

Oh, honey. You have every right to feel decimated, and sad, and not want to get your hair done or buy cookies. Are there some things maybe Jason can help you with this week, under the circumstances? Sending positive energy your way...

Martha H.

Take time to remember and feel what you need to feel. You have every right to it. Just don't forget the good and Glow in the Dark Skeleton Jammies on an adorable boy should do that for you!

Roberta

How about one of those curlicue Crazy Straws instead of a bendy straw? That's frivolous and fun, right?

schoolofmom

No wonder those dimples cut through the sad. He's just so beautiful, even when life is ugly.

Starbuck

Don't let ANYONE tell you that there situation is worse. You can't quantify sadness or grief based on someone elses life. This is your life. And what's happening to you and your family is huge. Are there people going through worse things? Not necessarily. How can you say that losing a parent is not nearly as bad as losing a spouse? a friend? a child? All are awful things to go through. They are just different yet no less painful or life-changing.

Talk about your sadness and grief. This is your reality and no one can expect you to just snap back and be funny or act like nothing is going on.

You are often on my mind and I wish I were able to help you in some way.

Megan

Do they make those skeleton PJs in adult sizes? Because I want one!

gabrielle

I kinda love that you're writing about your grief. I mean, I hate hate hate that you and your family are going through it, but I'm glad that you're writing about it, because it lets people know that it's totally, completely normal to feel this way. That is SO important. I spent a whole lot of time in grief over the last year, and I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was weak and ridiculous for feeling the way that I did. But I wasn't, I was just totally normal. And you are, too. Thanks for admitting it. *hugs*

kdblya

Please feel free to tell us how sad you are. Maybe sometimes you entertain us but most of us are here also because you've made us care about you guys.

Not trying to be creepy. Isn't the internet weird? I'm still not used to the etiquette of it.

amy

I'm in nearly the exact. same. spot.fuck cancer. thank you for this post, it makes me realize that holy shit this is normal.

Dawn Bent

ok, I think you and the rest of the family should get glow in the dark pajamas. and someone mentioned bendy straws I love that idea! *hugs from Denver*

Triela

Things will get better, someday. Just try to keep focusing on the little things that make each day less suckish, because that's all anyone can do in that kind of situation.

My heart goes out to you, and your family. I've been through that turmoil, and eventually it will begin to become better. Someday, anyway. :)

P.S. Jealous of Noah's skeleton PJ's....starting to rethink whole growing up at 19 thing.

chris

Fuck the "perspective" of narcissistic people who won't understand they have two ears to listen, two shoulders to offer, two arms to hug, but only one mouth.
Well, if the mouth produces such gorgeous smiles as the one in that last picture... bah, even then. Only kids can get away with it ;)
But do get the cookies! Wallow in cookies! :) *hugs*

Amelia Sprout

I hate seeing someone who always makes me smile so sad. Wish there was something I could do to replay all of the smiles you've given me. Just focus on the jammies.

Kailee

You're spot on. It's a process. So, you just go on and process the way you need to, no judgment here.

Bethany

I don't have any advice for the sad other than to hug your kids a lot and let your husband pick things up for you while you grieve. It's ok to let someone else take over the reins when you're falling. You're in my prayers, for what it's worth, and Noah's pjs are adorable!

Kate

I am so, so sorry for your grief. Those pictures of Noah, though, are just awesome.

meowlam

We're here to listen. We're here because we WANT to hear your stories - sad or happy. Of course, we'd prefer happy - for your sake - but spill the sadness to us, Amy. Get it out...we're here for you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

kris

Spoiler Alert right back at ya: We are so OK with you telling us how sad you are right now! I mean, come on, it's your DAD!! It makes me cry just thinking of something like this happening to my Dad. And, well, death sucks...cancer, accident, not accident, it...just...sucks. And it makes us sad.

Nellig

Just wanted to send sympathy re suckage. You seem to be coping extremely well despite feeling understandably awful.

BTW Noah is a strikingly handsome little boy.

Britt

Hello. We're the shitty internets here for you to dance for us. Be funny and entertaining now, damnit. Fuck what else is going on.

It was either that or that we totally love and adore you and can't believe you've got the will to type up a post let alone look for moments of cheer in a day.

More hugs.

Lori

Hi Amy,

I don't like to comment much. But shit fuck damn.

My dad died of cancer in January, and well...I know. And I'm so sorry.

I wish I lived close to you and could come bearing wine, bendy straws and hugs. This process can feel so unbearably lonely.

As always, thank you for sharing your life with us.

Alyssa

Having received condolences ranging from helpful to totally offensive, here were the most meaningful things that were said to me:

#1. This sucks. It totally sucks and you are entitled to feel absolutely miserable, depressed, and overwhelmed. You do not have to put on a happy face.

#2. It's not fair. It's not fair that you and your family have to go through this. You don't have to listen to anyone who tells you that "everything happens for a reason" or to be thankful that you don't have it worse.

#3. I'm here for you. I'm thinking about you and wishing you and your family strength, courage, and love during the difficult times ahead.

In my opinion, there's not much else to be said.

Clarabella

You are completely entitled to be as sad as you want AND to tell us about it as much as you want to. This is your corner of the internet, and we are your readers. Do what you want.
I am sorry you are so sad. I have been in a similar place, and I was sad, too. Hang in there.
One thing to be happy about is those pjs, since I've been scavenging Old Navys, online & in store for them, but they're sold out EVERYWHERE! Wah. So you've got a cute kid in rare jammies to bask in. Soak it up :)

Kim

those jammies are devine. i love that he is a walking x-ray.

try to keep the hair appointment and bum some Xanax from a friend. be 'that woman' and just keep wearing your sunglasses while you wait for your appt. hopefully the receptionist will be with it enough to realize that sunglasses = invisible = please not so much with the talking. nothing like some freshly cut hair to prop us up when the world feels like its spiraling down. and if that doesn't work, bum another Xanax.

(and we all love that you are telling us you're sad, even if we are sad you are sad too. we come to read the truth from you even when the truth is crappy insurance companies and bad news from a doctor. we love cheering you on and attempting to cheer you up. somehow, reading your experience makes our experiences both more important and less. thank you for writing your heart. we're rooting for you.)

jodifur

Someone gave me the best advice once, "the only way out is through." You have to feel what you feel. Be sad. It is ok. You have a lot to be sad about.

If Noah's party is in two weeks, it is ok, and if you need helping planning, that is ok two. I'm happy to help.

Lisa Z

I'd say glow in the dark jammies count as a costume - great job Noah :)

And be sad - you have to and deserve it. ::hugs::

Heide

As always, thanks for the honesty. Here's hoping the worst of the doldrums lift before too long. Also: thrilled to know that your Noah and my Zeke share a birthday! (Somehow I never noticed that in all these years of reading your blog.)

julia

Hi, thanks for sharing, I went through the sads when my Mom fell very ill and passed away. My family and friends helped by being there for each other and me. It took me a long time. Thinking of you and yours, Julie

MS

Its okay to be motivation crushing sad Amy. You're going through a really rough time and its going to take a lot more time to wrap your head around everything in a way that allows you to "be strong and carry on." In the meantime, its really okay to be sad. And write about it if it helps...we're always here for a virtual hug.

Also, my girlfriend's daughter had those pjs last year (when she was 18 months old) and the skeleton pjs + baby belly=hysterical. Noah clearly loves them as well.

ssheers

I like in Northern Virginia, I can make cookies, and I will deliver them to whereever you want. Just email me.

How many would you like?

I hope chocolate chip is OK. If not, just give me a recipe that's not too complicated.

ssheers

I meant "live" instead of "like."

Leandra

Amy, you can feel sad about it all you want. And if somebody tries to tell you they have it so much worse and tries to make you feel guilty for feeling sad, well fuck them. If you want to write about it, then do. If you don't, then don't. You don't owe us anything. If you want to take a break from the internets, do it. We'll be here when you get back. {{Hugs}}

Stephanie

It's totally to be sad and mad and whatever else. I'd be there right with you, believe me. And don't feel like you have to be all chipper and happy on your blog. Remember - it's YOUR blog. Be sad. Be angry. Be you.

And Noah? Well, he's just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. That smile just warmed my heart this morning. :)

Amymarie

That, right there, is his Halloween costume. So, you may not have cookies, but you are so ahead of the game because you have halloween half done. Go back to bed now.

(I'm not mentioning The Sad)

PopMommy Pam

You can be sad and share sad and all that stuff because we love you just being open and honest. Sending another hug your way. And, man, those jammies are awesome!

jonniker

Here's some perspective for you: This sucks. What you're going through is hands-down, no-holds-barred awful. It is awful. You have every right to be sad, miserable, and hard to please. You have every right to cry.

This sucks, Amy. It sucks. Fuck perspective.

I'll make you cookies and overnight them, or any other treat you want. I really will.

Sprite's Keeper

Sorry for the repeated shit to fall, but the photos lifted MY spirits. :-)

Mel

Amy, I just wanted to tell you that I can empathize. I have spent the last five months in a sea of sadness (a lot of death happened in my family) and finally with the death of my very favorite grandparent last week I borrowed some Xanax from my mother in law and became a zombie for three days. I'm out of the haze now but the sadness is still there, I'm just a little calmer about it. This reminds me of why I don't medicate - it did nothing for me except make me extremely glassy-eyed and absent minded with my kids. Now, I try to find my joy in them, just like you did above. Ugh, I know this sucks. And it will continue to suck. I wish you patience (old Turkish saying) and wish you well.

Linda_M

Sad is OK, sad is necessary for your mental health, sad is not to be denied, and not-sad at the same time is alright, too. And it's so OK to send husband-bought store cookies to school! Also OK to take up a kind neighbor's/friends'/acquaintance's offer to help out with baking (or other stuff). I'd love to provide my killer brownies, but the mail from Nevada would never get there in time.

So sorry about your Dad. So happy about cute kids in glow-in-the-dark jammies.

lisak

Sad is okay. Can you outsource making a dr's app't and taking you to it to your husband, too?

notsupergirl

I'm sad, too, for you. This sucks. My dad has put me through a few scares, too. Different, but scary and still sad. Our parents, what will we do without them?

Jen

You know what, once you're feeling a bit more able to function - I would highly recommend doing some voice and/or audio recordings of/with your dad. For you to have, definitely, but mnostly for your kids. So they can remember what Grampa's voice sounded like, how he told jokes, etc. My mom died when I was 13 and I still miss her every, every day, so I am not for one second telling you not to be sad - I am still sad about it on a regular basis. But damn, what I wouldn't give for my little girl to be able to hear her grandma's voice just once.

Marci

You can write whatever you want..we are here to listen to you. I am so sorry for the sadness and pain that you are experiencing.

Don't let anyone judge you. You have every right to your sadness and your grief. Don't let anyone take it away.

You've got one handsome boy there, mama. Thanks for sharing him with us.

Lizgizzy

I'm so, so very sorry. I'm not sure which is worse, losing a parent slowly, or without warning. I had people tell me that it was better to know what was coming. But I knowing seems to draw out the pain FOR. EVER.

I had very little patience when I was going through losing my Mom, but had my little guy not been around, I wouldn't have had to try to be normal. I could have been as wild and upset as I wanted, which ultimately would have probably been a very bad thing.

Jeanne

Oh Amy. You don't need perspective. I don't care how privileged your life is, or how much you have that is wonderful. Your Dad is sick and you shouldn't feel guilty about being sad. It is sad.

The jammies are awesome though. And I too would bake and ship to you were it feasible... you know if we actually knew each other or something weird like that.

Oh and ummm hosting a little people birthday party while depressed? Ugh. Just thinking about the chatting required would cause me to go back to bed.

Jason - make Amy an appointment and drive her to the doctors.

Take care.

Shelly

BUY THE COOKIES! Hope you can relax. :) Thinking good thoughts for you as I was there all last week. I betcha I cried everyday.

Erin

You should never feel like you have to fake it for us. Happy or sad, people who care about you want you to be real.

(Which sounds sort of stupid now that I type it, but what I mean is, I'm sorry you're sad, and I'm sorry we (The Internet) can't make it better).

Swistle

NOT BORING.

And I totally empathize about wanting psych meds to be over the counter. It's only when I DON'T need them that I can manage what needs to be done to get them. That makes no sense. I think at the very least there should be a walk-in clinic for it so I don't have to callllll and make an apPOINTment.

And also, if Hell needs a remodel and they call me in to do it, I'm putting in a WHOLE AREA for people who think that only the person who is the worst-off in the whole world is allowed to complain---and even THAT person can't complain, because AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT DEAD.

Julie

You should always be able to talk about it when you're sad, without awakening the Judgy.

But I'm glad you have those jammies, and the kid inside 'em.

Swistle

Also, if you have Amazon Prime, you can maybe order a whole case of cookies and have them shipped directly to the school. No need even to handle the cookies.

Actually, never mind, that's dumb. Because if you get the cookies, you can get a second package and also a thing of ice cream.

Kacie

Love you and your awesome family. I am sad for you. You do not owe anyone any explanations for why you are sad...it is normal and you will have to get used to that feeling. Noah, Ezra & Jason are the best though and you can lean on them. I wish I could be there in person to help you. Those skeleton jammies are rockin though and I need to find some for myself. There, picture me in those jammies and that should make you chuckle...just a little. Love you!

marlena

Just hang in there. Take it day by day. Screw the cookies, get someone else to do it if you can't be bothered right now. It's normal to not be normal. However you may lose some grief weight. Happened to me! Silver linings and all. Best advice I got: Do ONE thing for yourself each day. Just one.

Maxine Dangerous

I think you're awesome, um, pretty much always and am sending you and your family big hugs. Do what you need to do to get through; the Internet will still be here for you. :) Also, could Noah BE cuter? :)

Wendy

Okay, as a professional in the mental health field, do NOT go to the doctor, unless you feel like you are becoming dangerous. Grief is normal. Grief sucks. But it is normal. Medicating it away is just a recipe for it to come bite you in the ass later when you least expect it. Feel what you're feeling. Wallow in your sadness. Buy some damn cupcakes from the grocery store - have them delivered if necessary. Cry if you want to cry. Sleep if you want to sleep. Talk as much as you want. Don't be hard on yourself. If generous people want to help you, take them up on their offers. Spend time with your Dad. What do you want to know about him? Are there any burning questions that you have about him or his life that you would love to have answered? Write them down. Ask. Have him write his answers, if he's feeling up to it. Support him, even if you don't agree with him.

I know, it's pure suckage. It is. There's no denying it. But what you're feeling? It's okay. You're not weak. You're human. The hardest thing about loving people is the knowledge that you will one day lose them...

M

I understand how the little things drive you off the cliff. Last week I survived the realization that we'll probably lose our house, then the gigantic IRS bill that arrived the next day and was overdue before it even arrived, but then started crying because we got 3 lollipops at the bank and my 3 year old didn't want to share one with me.

Sometimes Mommy just needs to go home and dig through the medicine and/or liquor cabinets for relief!

Buy an extra box of cookies for yourself.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

Being sad sucks. Hang in there, Amy.

And yes - the cutie in the skeleton pjs helps immensely.

Amy in Stl

You're right; sad is boring but you have a right to feel what you feel and you have a right to blog about it too. Just please include more visuals like going to bed with a bottle of syrah and a bendy straw. I've had those days but I've never thought of that life plan. Thanks!

Plano Mom

I'm with first commenter. You sound normal for someone whose life really really sucks right now. Wish I could magically make it better. I would. Instead I'd say stick with the kid in the PJs.

Oh yeah, and your kid is NOT going to remember whether you BOUGHT the cookies for his birthday or you made them. Only that cookies were present.

Issa

Halloween pj's are the best. Truly.

On the cookies? Send Jason. Maybe have him take Noah with him? Know that no matter what kind they are, it's okay.

Hugs Amy. Remember, it's your blog. Post whatever you want, when you want. Those of us who adore you, we will wait.

Jenna

Perspective is overrated at times like this. You can't change a really sucky, sad, unfair situation = you get to be sad.

And I do just this: when I get scared about my dad's cancer, I look at pictures of my kids making silly faces or wearing bike helmets that are three sizes too big. It helps.

Alicia

Glow-in-the-dark skeleton jammies are the "it" clothing item for boys age 2-6 this fall. My nephew has a pair and I have to agree with you that it's hard to fight back at least a little smile while watching a little guy dance around in a bathroom with no lights on because glow-in-the-dark is pretty much the most badass thing ever. I'm still hoping for the best for you and your family!

Dawn

I'm sorry about the sadness. It's a grieving process like you said. You have to go through it when things like this happen. It all sucks. I know. :(
On a lighter note, I just bought the same jammies for my 8 1/2 month old. My husband told me they are a Halloween costume. I told him they are PJ's so I'm glad to see you think the same as me!

Casie

We love you whether you're happy, sad, funny, moody or bitchy. what kind of peeps would we be to abandon you now? Love you!

Lori

Thank you for sharing your sadness. It helps me to feel my own sadness and know that it's normal.

Fuck cancer.

Nina

You are totally entitled to feel sad Amy. *hugs* I'm so sorry.

Virginia

Keep on hanging in there. Sad is normal.

And go get your hair done. You will feel every so slightly better for having gotten something done. Have Jason write a note for the receptionist that says "My wife is very sad and doesn't want to talk about it. Just cut her hair and don't chatter at her, please."

And the jammies are awesome. You should have a pair for yourself, too.

Lemon Gloria

I'm sorry, Amy. Of course you're sad - it's a huge kick in the life. I agree with the outsourcing of everything you need to. And sometimes wine and a bendy straw are a good temporary solution. Maybe with a side of chocolate.

Kristin

The soul crushing sadness is to be expected. Cling tight to the happy good things and they will see you through it.

Alias Mother

It's amazing, isn't it? This drive to JUST CARRY ON! MUST CARRY ON!

Bullshit. I call bullshit. There is no need to carry on. I wish people (and I include myself in this criticism, oh yes) would learn to recognize the times in our lives when carrying on is just plain stupid. I have a love/hate relationship with the phrase "sacred space." The New Agers have turned it into ridiculousness, but the truth is, we all go through phases of sacred space in our lives. Times of good or bad when we need to shut out as much of the day-to-day as we can, strip everything down to the essentials, and just take it moment by moment. We can't live in that space, of course, but don't rush through it either.

Take the time. Take the time you need to get through this period.

Kate

There is this old entry over at Miss Doxie in which there was a mishap at the symphony, resulting in her being kicked out of said symphony. The refrain for the evening, even among waiters at the restaurant she then went to, became "FUCK THE SYMPHONY!" You know, as in, "FUCK THE SYMPHONY! May I bring you another glass of wine?" (It is much funnier as she tells it; see: http://bit.ly/bzjOzs. Anyway, this type of refrain could not possibly be more aptly applied than in the case of cancer. So... FUCK CANCER! I am so sorry about the cratering, but hope that the many shoulders you have to cry upon over here can help to lessen the blow somehow. I know I speak for so many of us in saying that we're here to listen, regardless of what you need to say.

(Oh, and I would advise against the bendy straw -- too short for wine bottles, which requires tipping, and then there is spillage, and god forbid wine be wasted at such times. I may or may not have some experience on that one.)

Robyn

When my grandma died unexpectedly last year, I was a total mess. The day before the funeral, I decided that I needed to get my hair cut because it was ratty looking, and it hadn’t been cut in over a year. I walked in all puffy-eyed from crying off an on for the last day and an half, and thought I could make it though the appointment. But as soon as my butt hit the chair, I burst into tears. I told the stylist that my grandma had just passed away. She proceeded to give me a big hug, which totally surprised me and was actually comforting. I was embarrassed for sobbing in public like that, but in the end, getting my hair cut did make me feel better.
I find that in times like these, if you take care of yourself on the outside, it helps the inside not get so bad.

Leora Thompson

((((((HUGS))))))
Ahem. You are having an extremely difficult time right now and all of your feelings are valid. Do what you gotta do to get yourself through each day, but I speak from experience when I say that the things that you don't feel like doing might be the things that will make you feel a little better after you make yourself do them. Even if they are tremendously hard. After my miscarriage, I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, but after I started forcing myself to make that trip to the store, to go pick up the mail, I started to feel a smidge better. Sending good prayers and thoughts your way, and the reminder that for the time being, he's still here! Try not to let your grief for what is happening stop you from storing up good feelings with your dad. Also, when I'm really sad, a chick bath can take the edge off. Chick bath=chick music, wine (or whiskey), candles, really soft bathrobe, bubblebath.

Shelley

You get to be sad and no one gets to judge you for it.

SS+1

From what I've read on your blog I have no where NEAR as much to be bummed out about..but I'm with ya, lady.

Just last night, I ACTUALLY TOLD MY SON if he didn't start listening to Mommy, Mommy would have to find a new family for him to live with...WHO SAYS THAT TO A 4 YEAR OLD?!?!?!

Anyways, I love that you're finding ways to get through your funk...Thanks for being real, and more of an inspiration to people (like me) than you'll ever know.

Now, if only I could find those skeleton PJ's...then I'd have something to smile about while fighting with my little man to go to bed! :)

Jenna

In an attempt to add to the cheer-ups, it looks in the middle picture as if Noah is doing the Thriller dance, in his glow-in-the-dark skeleton jammies. Now that's a mental image!

Heather

Noah, in his awesome jammies, is pretty well the cutest thing ever. I hope that amidst the sad (which is totally ok! and reasonable!) that there are many things able to make you smile.

Amanda

It's always amazed me when the world doesn't stop while you're grieving! Take your time dear, you don't have to check in with any one!

a.

Karen

Oh honey. I have been there. My brother died unexpectedly (and we still don't know why) when he was 30. My oldest was 8 months old. He was seriously the only thing that made me smile while I was going through that. And my husband had to remind me to shower some days.

It sucks. It seriously does. But you know what? You have a RIGHT to feel sad, and just tell your hairdresser (because getting your hair done will help, believe it or not) that you really don't feel like talking, you're going through hell right now and would just like a cut and color and style and to read your magazine, thanks.

Stefanie

You go right ahead and be sad. Your dad has cancer and you have every right to be. BUT, those jammies look an awful lot like a costume to me! Go Noah!

Rebekah

Screw people who try to minimize your pain by flaunting theirs. It doesn't make yours any less.

I'm so sorry you're in a shitstorm right now. I sincerely hope that the time your dad is trying to buy will be good time. When I see the pictures of your kids and all of you together as a family, I can see why he wants to try for that extra time.

lumpyheadsmom

Everyone grieves in their own way, but it always sucks. I'm sorry.

Lisa R.

I have worn the "know I need antidepressants but too depressed to face the doctor's office" shoes. Hang in there. You have every right to feel devastated. Pick yourself up when you're good and ready.

Also, I love the skeleton pj's and am deeply jealous of your shiny clean floor.

tasterspoon

Sad is a bummer for you, but it's also an opportunity for your friends to show you they love you. In my experience, nothing makes a true friend feel better than being asked to do a favor. I know you are surrounded by people who care about you, they just may not know specifically what you need until you ask. Give them the opportunity to help you. Let them know.

Beth

You know what? Be sad, and write about being sad, or angry, or nostalgic or sentimental. I'll read every post, because I owe that to you. You've made me laugh and cry happy tears, so in return I'll keep coming back when things aren't funny or touching or inspiring. And I'll read, and I'll cry too because this sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it.

MichelleH

Sending love your way. I'm so sorry. I know this feeling and its awful. I hope you do go to that hair appt. Small things like that make a difference.

As for the birthdays-they will love whatever you come up with. Do exactly what you can and not a bit more. Just show them you love them. Kids know.

Once again, I wish there was something any of us could do or say to make this better for you. I'm sorry.

That little Noah, though. He is ten kinds of adorable. Those dimples are just too cute. That is definitely the kind of thing that makes you get out of bed and decide to face the day, I'm sure. You will make it. Treat yourself kindly and know that many real and virtual friends love you.

Molly

Oh Amy. It's okay to not be okay. Sometimes, when I'm sad and just can't do anything, I go sit outside and do nothing out there. Doing nothing in sunshine feels a little nicer than doing nothing in a dark room.

Sara

I never wrote about it when my father was going through his cancerness and I wish I did.

Sending your family light and love.

PS I didn't know your father's name, so for shabbat I just said "Amalah's dad" for extra prayers at my congregation.

kat

amy! we'll rally around you. i wish we lived closer. but let us help. we'll send cookies. we'll send directions. i don't think we can send drugs. but we can send a non-chatty hair stylist to your house!

rkmama

My daughter had those same jammies in pink. She wore them nearly every night (and many days) for 2 years and they still make me smile.

And ain't nothin' wrong with a little Syrah and a bendy straw, lady.

JewelD

SKELETON JAMMIES!!?? For REALS??

does he know that he is very, very close to being in a costume?

That's good stuff, right there.

(totally understand that it's not enough to chase all of TEH SAD away... but it's still pretty darn fabulous... right?)

JB

Agreed, @Alyssa above.

For what it's worth, one thing that slightly helped for me in this same situation multiple times: Comedy CD's.

While in your same situation I listened to Steve Martin and Bill Cosby, and it gave me momentary seconds of relief/humor amidst all the sucky stuff. Specifically I remember listening Steve Martin's bit about the French: "It's like they have a different word for everything." Watching sitcoms isn't the same as they have to build up to the punchline, etc. But with comedy CD's it's joke after joke and just gives you momentary respite.

Sending hugs and jokes your way...,
JB

Cara

What everybody else said. And this: Syrah will stain. Maybe something in a nice, crisp white?

Mhlia

I'm sure I'll be repeating what others have said, but I found them helpful when we were going through something similar. My father-in-law died in February after an 18 month battle with lung cancer (and nope, he wasn't a smoker).

It sucks. It's painful. It's okay to be sad. And cry at the drop of a hat. Or be angry or lose patience. And it's okay to find joy even in the worst of times.

It isn't fair. And I think it's okay to say that over and over. Personally, I still don't think it's fair. And people who want to play the "my story is worse" game - need to shut it.

Talk about it as much or as little as you want. I, too, found people didn't always want to listen, so talk to those who will.

Best wishes and good thoughts.

ChelsieR

Dude, the skeleton jammies are practically a Halloween costume. Complete and total WIN!

Jenn

Oh, Amy.

Amy, Amy, Amy. I don't even know what to say. Because I understand. And I'd love to tell you some "buck up little camper!" story to try to make you less sad, but I fear you'd just end up wanting to kung fu kick your computer, or your iPhone. And they're just innocent electronics, so we don't want that to happen.

What you are going through just S-U-C-K-S. There's no other way to say it. It just SUCKS and it's not fair. And it's so very, very hard. My heart breaks for you just thinking about the fight you have on your hands.

I wish I could give you a hug. I really do. So consider yourself wrapped in a big virtual bear hug.

Katie

You don't always have to be chirpy on these here website lady. We come here for the good and the bad. A bottle of Syrah and a bendy straw sound perfect, wish I could keep you company. In the meantime I hope your spirits be lifted by skeleton pyjamas, the energy that is Ezra and the outsourced hubby. Take care, Amy!

Superman

I'm sending good vibes to you and your family. And hugs.

Marci

Uh .... glow in the dark skeleton jammies TOTALLY counts as dressing up ... like in a costume too! Yea for Noah helping bring a random smile in a sea of yuck!

Kristin J

I'm glad you didn't try to fake it. We can go through this with you and somehow we can try to make it a little easier on you. Noah has an awesome smile too. That kid is super cute in those jammies.

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