Bunkmates
First Day Baby Blues

Mellencampy

I woke up yesterday morning completely incensed at John Cougar Mellencamp. That asshole had the nerve to get MAD at me after I called him "John Cougar Mellencamp" in my dream, because I simply forgot that he dropped the "Cougar" part, like who can keep it all straight all the time, and even after I apologized he yanked my wine glass out of my hand and and said "this is going to kill you one day, young lady" and then I woke up and was like, don't you judge me, John Cougar Mellencamp. For HOURS. Possibly even still now, a little bit.

God. He was just so fucking CONDESCENDING about it. 

Anyway, after I woke up and had a whole imaginary defensive conversation about my imaginary intervention with an imaginary John Cougar Mellencamp, I had to start frantically cleaning the house for our Labor Day party, to which I had invited the local Mamapop contingent -- Sarah, Laurie, Jodi, Tracey, Charlie -- to come over and start drinking before noon.

The party was a great success, if I do say so myself, judging by the two (2) recycling bins we done filled up with wine and beer bottles (STOP JUDGING ME, MELLENCAMP), and the staggering amount of food we all managed to consume. Including grits cakes with tomato-basil marmalade, courtesy of Charlie, grilled lamb with tzatziki, courtesy of Jason and an entire Crock Pot's worth of nacho Velveeta dip, courtesy of me. 

"Bless your little white trash heart," Charlie said to me about that, while we were all practically eating our seventh helping with the little itty-bitty broken corners of chips because GET IN MAH MOUTH, PASTEURIZED CHEESE PRODUCT, but I think he meant in a nice way and not like YOU-KNOW-WHO. FUCK, MAN. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 

The party also included a very enthusiastic Miley Cyrus lip-syncing performance in my backyard, during which I improvised a hairography Ode to Britney Spears' Weave of Busted. It was videotaped. It will...probably be made public embarrassingly soon in a Mamapop Roundtable. So I should go gird my loins for that indignity. With more wine, probably.

But first, I must go put Noah on the school bus for his first day of school. (OH HI THERE, EMOTIONS. GULP. SOB.) I have about 15 more minutes to convince him that he really, really needs to take off Ezra's little red fleece bathrobe, which he's been wearing for about 18 straight hours now and demanding that we all call him Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Go knock 'em dead, kid. You are just too awesome for color TV.

Photo(11) Photo(10) 

(We also took them peach picking this weekend. So lay off with the attitude about a couple imaginary glasses of white wine consumed at some kind of imaginary Hoarders meets Antiques Roadshow party we were all inexplicably attending in an abandoned warehouse down in the city and I was completely and thoroughly overdressed for with like, a tiara and everything, and thus nervous and prone to social faux-pas like including "Cougar" in the name of 80s rockers who have since dropped it due to label disputes or WHATEVER, WE ARE TOTALLY A WHOLESOME SORT OF ALL-AMERICAN COW-PETTING FAMILY.)

Comments

Starbuck

I still use Cougar when referring to him. And I love the Velveeta dip.

sweetney

Most fun I've had with clothes on in since, well, Sparklecorn. Thanks for the laffs. And Velvetta. And booze. :)

PS: Fuckin' Mellencamp, man. Phhbbbt.

jodifur

Now I am a little sad I didn't have any of the Velvetta dip b/c of the meat. Must make a vegetarian version soon, because it seems like it was kick ass.

And thank you for the awesome party. Should we rename you cougaralah?

jessiee

I'm going to assume the velveeta nacho cheese thing is the velveeta & rotel dip. Which we here in these parts (my house, that is) refer to as "crack."

Eliza

I often drop the Mellencamp altogether and even use "Johnny" Cougar. As if we were friends in Indiana back in the day. Which we weren't.

jessiee

I'm going to assume the velveeta nacho cheese thing is the velveeta & rotel dip. Which we here in these parts (my house, that is) refer to as "crack."

Missie

He will always be Cougar to me, regardless of his personal preference. I will not allow him or PRINCE (who was always PRINCE to me and never a symbol) to screw with my teenaged memories.

So there.

If JCM comes after you, Obiwan and I've got your back.

ChelsieR

I feel ya on the recycling bin thing--I'm almost afraid of what the garbage men must think of me when they come by our house every week--because we've got one of those 70 gallon jobbies that always ends up FULL of Diet Dr. Pepper cans and wine bottles.

ChelsieR

I feel ya on the recycling bin thing--I'm almost afraid of what the garbage men must think of me when they come by our house every week--because we've got one of those 70 gallon jobbies that always ends up FULL of Diet Dr. Pepper cans and wine bottles.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

That fucking Mellencamp. How DARE he judge you? Oh. He's seen the video, has he?

Fine then.

Laurie

I apologize for eating that pie with my hands there at the end. I couldn't help it.

And apparently day drinking at Amy's means I pass out and sleep through the RHONJ liveblog, thereby bailing on my colleagues but potentially staving off the loss of even more brain cells. So thanks for that.

(Fucking Mellencamp and his pink-house having small town judgey self.)

Jennie @ Modern Mamaz

Dude. Of course it was a success! You started drinking before noon! How could that possibly fail??

Life of a Doctor's Wife

The Cougs has had such a bee in his bonnet ever since he got into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. I'd just ignore him and his snark.

Also, Velveeta is a nectar of the gods.

Hope Noah had a fabulous day at school!

stacy

i tuned in for a laugh today and you delivered. Thanks!

Lauren

White trash or not, I have totally humilated myself in pursuit of that cheese dip. A friend makes it with sausage, salsa, velveeta and cream of mushroom soup and I have been caught, on several occasions, scooping it out of the crockpot with a spoon. Why waste the calories on chips? ~ L

Amy

I feel the need to defend poor John Mellencamp, but only because I heard the BEST interview with him on Fresh Air a few weeks back. He sounded like a very cool, smart guy. (And the interview gave me a completely new perspective on a musician I would really never have listened to that closely before. His newest album sounds like something that might need to come live in my house...) Anyway, he doesn't sound super judgey or tetchy. Now if you can just convince your subconscious. ;-)

Amy

I feel the need to defend poor John Mellencamp, but only because I heard the BEST interview with him on Fresh Air a few weeks back. He sounded like a very cool, smart guy. (And the interview gave me a completely new perspective on a musician I would really never have listened to that closely before. His newest album sounds like something that might need to come live in my house...) Anyway, he doesn't sound super judgey or tetchy. Now if you can just convince your subconscious. ;-)

Schweeney

The Busboy aka Waitman household totally owns Velveeta cheese dip since forever. Well, at least since 1982. I need to know what you seasoned it with. Please.

solitarysunrise

now he's gonna start following you on twitter... lest we forget the levar burton debaucle

solitarysunrise

now he's gonna start following you on twitter... lest we forget the levar burton debaucle

Kristin

Sounds like an awesome party!

Brooke

Oh, lordy. If Velveeta dip is white trashy, then I don't want to be anything else.

Judy

Love the rotel/velveeta drug!

I've looked askance at John C.M. since seeing him on ... something ... and he was singing one of his long-ago big hits and said his wife was 13 when he wrote that song. I gave him the side-eye and thought that even if true, damned if I'd announce it on national television. It had a sort of Jerry Lee Lewis flavor, you know?

Dona

Ha. I woke up this morning thinking about what sweet little boys were sitting behind me at church and then remembered that I dreamed that you and your boys attended my mom's church and sat behind us. Note, however, that my mom's church (which I've become Mayor of on Foursquare because I've gone with her too many freaking times this week) is in Northern Illinois.

You were very gracious in the dream -- especially since I blathered on about all the times I'd dreamed about you.

Angie

I totally had a dream about you a few nights ago and woke up and was super sad. You were all high and mighty and basically called me white trash because I didn't shop at a and m and h and m and v (very made up posh stores) then I didn't use method hand soap and that was the clincher and I was no longer your sitter.

Amanda

Feh. Fuck Mellencamp, right in his uppity assface.

(I bet he's actually very cool. But the same thing happened to me the other day - had a dream that the boyfriend said something really insensitive, woke up and was TOTALLY UNABLE TO CALM DOWN for like 6 hours. He even asked me why I was so upset at one point, and I was like *jabby chest poke!* "YOU KNOW WHY!" and then I realized, oh, probably he doesn't because he didn't actually say it wasn't my jeans that made my ass look fat, it was my ASS that made my ass look fat, but fuck him anyway. If he wasn't capable of saying things like that, I probably wouldn't have made it up in my sleep, even if he's never said anything of the sort and is actually pretty sweet most of the time. GOD. What a DICK. I JUST HAD A BABY -like then months ago- GODDAMNIT. Get off my BACK.)

Jen L.

Haaaa! Ok, have you ever put sausage in your cheese dip? How bout spinach? Because that shit? Will change your LIFE.

kari weber

I fourth the need for this cheese recipe... I just got a new crock pot, and it needs some breakin' in!

Wendy

I might be able to top the Velveeta dip. 1 block of cream cheese, 1 can of condensed cream of mushroom soup, 1 package of cut up pepperoni. Mix together and pop in the oven and serve with french bread. Fucking heaven.

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