My Natural Born Talent, Part Two
September 01, 2010
At some point, while working very, very hard on my very, very important coloring book, I obviously decided that I was done with writing stand-alone stories about each of the pictures (either that or I simply didn't know how to tie the rest of them to JESUS GOD SON and/or the lovly Indians). Instead I tried to create a cast of recurring characters:
Hi. we are best
friends. we play together
all (triple underline!!!1!) the time.
(we're also brothers and
sisters!) our m names
are; Kate, Jenny,
Sarah, Johnny, Minnie
and Flora. Sometimes
we fight, but we make up! Jenny
Let's us ride her
mule, Senny. Which we
By this point in my young life, most (if not all) of my much-older half-siblings were graduating from high school and moving out of the house. So I was far too busy constructing elaborate wish-fulfillment scenarios about lots! of sisters! who would play with me! all the time! to ever notice or write any reasons why Kate, Jenny and Minnie HAD NO FUCKING EYEBALLS OR FACIAL FEATURES.
You see what I did there? That little "I'm Sarah" that totally ties the characters together and makes it all circular and connected and stuff? Oh, yes. And I would do it for PAGES and PAGES more. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW BOOKS ARE WRITTEN. FACT.
Hi! I'm just
I like to pretend
I'm a cowboy
rescuing a pretty
girl from bad
guys. I win always.
Opps, gotta go now.
Its dinner time
Here we have a pretty good glimpse into the psyche of a little girl who knew next to nothing about little boys, thus dooming herself to give birth to an entire baseball team of 'em later in life.
The year is probably 1985 or '86, and I have already developed the cursive handwriting of a serial killer.
His horse is called "Wild Texaco. Named after Wild Tex in a movie and a gas station." You guys, I think this was me trying to be FUNNY.
I honestly have NO IDEA what I was going for here, but am pretty sure that Ming Ming from the Wonder Pets owes me some money for copyright violations.
Oh! I can't belive
it! US! Kate, and
Flora! get to
see the beutiful
by us! our
us! if they do
they might be jealous!
Translation to the translation:
My older brother and sister just went to see Ghostbusters without me so I'm just gonna sit here and color beutiful shooting rainbow stars and then cry about it, probably.
There are seven sets of parentheses on this page. SEVEN.
I am rapidly losing interest in this undertaking.
I don't remember presenting this book to my parents -- whether I wrapped it or made a big deal about it or was just like, "here, I have no money, Merry Christmas." However, if you perhaps are looking for the perfect gift for someone, I would like to point out that this exact book is STILL AVAILABLE online, for $2.50, which is probably what my parents paid for it in 1983. (Shipping will cost ya seven bucks though. Inflation!) I can certain attest to the fact it indeed did bring me years and years of enjoyment, right up until this moment right now. Give the gift of DREAM HORSES today!