Crime & Punishment
October 29, 2010
I'm fine! I'm fine! The EVERYTHING IS OKAY alarm is going off at full volume, I promise. Much like our neighbor's car alarm two nights ago, in the middle of the night, to which we responded by getting up, muttering a lot of curse words before slamming the window shut.
The next morning, we discovered that another neighbor's house had been broken into around that time, along with a good half-dozen cars in the area. Including ours. Although "broken into" makes it sound more dramatic than the reality, because our cars were unlocked. coughMORONScough. Nothing was taken from mine, though the glove compartment and center console had both been opened and tossed around, but they didn't even snag my phone charger or the stack of Emergency Tissues.
(Here's what a dork I am: When Jason told me about the break-in, I was like, OH MY GOD THE ERGO CARRIER WAS IN THE TRUNK DID THEY STEAL THE ERGO CARRIER?)
("Um. No. That wasn't really the kind of thing they were after, babe.")
("Well, shows how much THEY know, because that's a really expensive carrier and they could totally make like, $80 at a consignment store. I'D steal an Ergo carrier.")
("Just tell me you didn't leave your cell phone in the car last night, okay?")
Jason's handsfree phone thing was taken, but even this was no terrible loss because he hated it and wanted to get a new one, and he hated it because it was so ridiculously complicated and required five specific voice prompts to make a phone call that I do kind of get a kick out of the mental image of the thieves attempting to use it without the instructions and being like CALL PAWN SHOP MAIN. NO, NOT TEXT MESSAGE. PHONE COMMANDS. SYNC. HUH? WHO IS IT DIALING NOW? OH FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
So that happened. Also, I went to a farm as a preschool field trip chaperone yesterday. Guess which thing was worse.
Since Ezra was coming along for the ride, I dressed the boys in seasonal and easily-visible-in-a-crowd orange shirts, silently congratulating myself on being so smart and from learning so many things from my years and years of experience at maybe doing stuff like this a whole three times before.
Let's see. A field trip to a pumpkin patch. In October. Just a few days before Halloween. The whole farm was freaking lousy with orange shirts. LOUSY WITH THEM.
This was pretty much the way the whole day went. Viewed through the zoom lens, with the sounds of my shrieking after them to COME BACK HERE BEFORE A GOOSE EATS YOU.
Baby chicken nuggets.
(Ezra's like, "SIX-PIECE, PLEASE.")
And an absolutely mind-blowing, life-completing encounter with a real-life SHEEP, like OMG BAA BAA BAA SHEEP SHEEP SHEEP!
An emu. They liked it. I distrusted it.
This is either a wallaby or a kangaroo. I wasn't paying attention. Either way, I just loved its expression of fuck y'all, I gots a TENT.
At some point Ezra got tired and insisted on being carried everywhere, and I suddenly realized how ill-equipped I am for the reality of THREE OF THESE PEOPLE.
Ugh. Hell in a petting-zoo pen, you guys. Noah got bit by a turkey, but he probably deserved it. Much like that turkey will deserve all that delicious, delicious gravy next month.
Trying to catch a decent natural-looking photo before he instinctively does that exaggerated CHEESE thing he does all the time now and...
Sigh. Never mind.
PS. New post up at The Stir. Plus lots of great stuff at Mamapop today and while no, I didn't technically write any of that particular great stuff it will have to do until I can formulate a proper sentence about last night's Project Runway finale that doesn't disintegrate into HORRIBLE SEETHING EARTH-TONED RAGE.