Eight Weeks
Crime & Punishment

Why We Probably Never Get Invited Places

This story requires some background. In fact, I'd say this story is probably a good 95% background. This is the kind of story I would submit to my creative writing professor in college and get back with the words YES, AND....???? scrawled after the ending because the denouement was basically me running out of time at library that morning and then pretending that the unsatisfying, abrupt ending was ON PURPOSE, like even the WHOLE POINT, god, nobody GETS ME, it was DEEP and SOCIALLY-COMMENTATING-Y.

Anyway! It is true, I was very misunderstood. Now let's all move on and pretend that this is a vaguely accurate rendering of the great state of Pennsylvania:

Pennsylvania-1
If you believe the original boundary-deciding people all had raging meth habits, I think it kind of works.

Now, I spent the first 19 years or so of my life in this general part of Pennsylvania:
Pennsylvania-2

Basically, if you picture New Jersey as the head and shoulders of some old dude in profile (AND I BET YOU DO NOW), I grew up tucked directly under his chin. Jason also spent a good chunk of his adolescence in the same area, only in the town where M. Night Shyamalan filmed Signs instead of the my neighborhood's claim to fame, which was the largest used car dealership in the state. Neither of these accomplishments have held up very well in recent years, what with the economy and The Happening

Point is, we like to think we know our way around that area pretty well. 

So when my dear long-time friend Temerity Jane sent us an invitation to her PA-based wedding -- complete with assurances that it was SO OKAY if we didn't feel like making the trek -- I waved off her protests and insisted that it was no big thang at all. I love weddings! And this wedding was like, 30 minutes from our parents' homes, because everything is 30 minutes from our parents' homes. Philly. The neck-hole parts of New Jersey. Malls. Amish people.

I thought the wedding was 30 minutes away because the invitation said: South Abington. Abington! I know Abington! I had friends who lived in Abington. The high school was in Jason's tennis league; they'd played them all the time. 30 or 45 minutes away, tops. 

Well, technically the invitation said South Abington Township. But Pennsylvania is literally crawling with random areas that like to declare themselves townships, much like Pennsylvania is not technically a state so much as a commonwealth and I STILL don't understand what that's all about, even after having to take a Pennsylvania history course in high school. And the south part, well, sure. Abington must have a...south...type...part. Right? So we'll give ourselves the full 45 minutes, then.  

Pennsylvania-4

See. EASY. We just had to go...down and to the left a little.

Oh, ho ho ho. And a ha ha ha.

The day of the wedding started off badly for us. I forgot the invitation on our fridge, thus leaving behind the actual address, thus having to be the complete asshole who sends desperate Twitter DMs to a BRIDE on her WEDDING DAY, mere HOURS before the CEREMONY.

(Jason suggested we just drive to Abington and see if any church or hotel names sounded familiar, because you know, how many weddings could there be?) 

Luckily, I managed to get the address before we arrived at Jason's parents house, where we quickly ditched the kids and changed our clothes and hopped back into the car. Abington, ho! We had exactly an hour before the ceremony would begin. We were good. As was my hair, for a brief few seconds in time.

I entered the address into our GPS and...

"Why is this thing saying Abington is 120 miles away?" 

"Uh. That's not right."

"Two hours? What the?"

Suddenly, it all became perfectly, horribly clear. Abington and South Abington Township had absolutely nothing to do with each other, besides some really fucking uncreative place-naming at some point. 

Pennsylvania-5
Now, don't get me wrong. That part of Pennsylvania is absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous. The views from the mountains roads -- especially this time of year -- are like stepping into every picture-perfect postcard of idealized autumn colors you have ever seen. It's a perfect spot for a wedding or weekend away.

But unfortunately, once you realize that you are suddenly TWO HOURS AWAY from a wedding ceremony that is due to begin in ONE HOUR, and that nothing -- short of rocket-jet-packs or some sort of PA Turnpike Wormhole -- is going to help you make that wedding on time...well, the beautiful fall scenery can go fuck itself, you know? 

Particularly if, on your way to the PA Turnpike, you hit every single construction detour or accident along the way. (One major road was closed completely because someone hit a deer, and the only way around the mess involved a ONE-LANE DIRT ROAD.) By the time we hit the seventeenth or fortieth detour because one quaint little town was having a craft fair on the ONLY ACTUAL THROUGH STREET THERE WAS, I was pretty much ready to kill the entire wiggly jagged side of Pennsylvania with my bare hands. 

The GPS told us it would be a two-hour drive. It took us two-and-a-half. We did indeed miss the ceremony by a good 50 miles, and by the time we finally arrived 1) my hair looked like total ass, and 2) I was completely and utterly paranoid that we would inadvertently walk into the reception at the PRECISE MOMENT the DJ or whoever was doing the whole, "And now, presenting for the very first time! Mr. and Mrs....wait, who the hell are those assholes?"

We crept in, literally peeking timidly around corners before stepping out, and did successfully manage to join the other guests with a minimum of OH HI WE'RE INSANELY LATE AND DUMB fanfare. 

I completely owned up to our dumbassity, though, rather than bullshit my way through conversations like, "The ceremony was beautiful! I especially liked the part where you...uh, walked in! And then said I do!" I understood why our attendance had taken several other guests by surprise, you know, being willing to drive ALL THAT WAY AND STUFF. Because...yeah. Okay. I see what you're saying now. 

The reception was awesome and there were all-you-can-eat mashed potatoes with cheese and crumbled bacon toppings. I ate a lot of mashed potatoes and two pieces of cake. I even got Jason out on the dance floor for a slow dance and TJ had ever-so-helpfully stocked the ladies' room with a basket of toiletry essentials, including a package of bobby pins that allowed me to salvage at least a little dignity out of my hair. 

And then we got in the car. And drove back. And everybody learned something very important about maps, but nothing about finishing up stories with any sort of actual point. 

THE END!

Comments

Cass

Oh honey, I feel your pain, even from this last weekend. We had a wedding on Friday at 7pm that was easily 60 miles away from home. I also have a BF who's notoriously early to everything and gets insanely stressed if we're not on time. Guess who got lost and stuck in traffic? I think for some reason we were lucky that we only showed up 1 min late.

But I've also completely missed the ceremony of one of my friends (got there just as they came back down the aisle) because I thought the address was on one side of town instead of the other. What was supposed to take me 10-15 mins took an hour.

It happens...and I'm kinda jealous of the unlimited mashed potatoes. :-)

Coleen

We just drove through South Abington Twp. on our way back from Syracuse this weekend. I had the same momentary brain numbness, wondering why it was called South Abington when clearly it was north of Scranton and even norther of the real Abington. Pennsylvania is dumb.

ndc

LOVE the Mordor, hobbit reference. Hilarious.

MP

Your drawing of the great state (commonwealth?) of PA looks startling like Oregon. Where I'm from. Might have to borrow your drawing for my 4th grader, who is doing a unit on Oregon history and the Oregon Trail and all that. And what's weird? Everything is 30 minutes away from here, too. Except PA, of course.

Kelly

I grew up in that general area. My main Dr in HS was from Abington General. I totally would have done the same thing. I had no idea there was a South Abington Township?

Dr. Maureen

I was once late to a wedding because I totally thought it would take me 45 minutes to get there. This was confirmed by my father. It did not, because I neglected to look at a map and drove in a half circle instead of straight through and it took me 90 minutes and I arrived JUST as the ceremony was starting and I tried to hide out and wait until an unobtrusive time to join the guests but some idiot SENT ME DOWN THE AISLE instead. By myself. One second before the wedding started.

So I feel you.

rkmama

I think it was the hobbits that slowed you down. They have a way of just fucking everything up.

Also the Amy's brain version is sort of freaking me out with its cracked out meth eyes and mouth that it probably going to eat me. Or New Jersey.

Christina

Alot of people think Vancouver is on Vancouver Island, ummm that might have been me as a kid when I was told we were moving to Canada and to Vancouver Island.

Map people want to confuse us!

Kim

Love the LOR references too. I guess everything went okay at the doctor yesterday then?

Kim

Love the LOR references too. I guess everything went okay at the doctor yesterday then?

leandra

We were up in that area in 2007 visiting Ricketts Glen State Park, which is probably 30-45 minutes from the wedding location. :) In all seriousness though, this has happened to us as well so now I *always* put in the final address in the GPS first.

lis

Wait -- that's not a real story?

Kate

My dad and stepmom live in that general area of PA (DelCo) and I really think that the people who named the townships/boros/villages were drunk or fell off their horses too much or whatever.

Like how West Chester is west of Chester BUT EQUALLY NORTH and also? Like 20 miles away and with five or six OTHER towns in between.

Those Quakers. So wacky.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

That.... sucks. Although the geography lesson was utterly charming.

If it makes you feel any better, I have lived in this midwestern city for a year and a half and yet I recently got so ridiculously lost that I had to call my brother in MONTANA to Google maps me home. And stay on the phone with me because I was lost in some VERY unsavory areas.

Shin Ae

I grew up in that general area of PA, too. My husband grew up in California. He alternates between lament and raving, angry tirades at the fact that there is almost no good route from anywhere to anywhere within the state of PA.

We were a couple hours late to a wedding once. When we got there, it hadn't started yet. That was a strange day.

I, too, loved the map with the hobbits and the Mordor and the far away.

Kathryn

Sounds like a trip my husband and I took over Labor Day weekend...We're also from Pennsylvania, but from the northwest part (Erie, to be specific), so we don't really have much understanding of where anything is in the southeastern part of the state. We had a wedding in Hershey, which was where we were staying. His brother lives in Lancaster and my sister lives in Scranton--we decided it would be a spectacular idea to swing by and visit his brother before the rehearsal dinner and my sister before the 1:00 wedding. Eesh...cut it very, very close both times.

Belly Girl

I think the point of this essay should be the importance of an all-you-can-eat mashed potato bar at weddings. Absolutely essential.

Annelise

Lol! As someone from the town of "signs" married to someone grew up in the middle of Pensyl-tucky as I like to call it, I feel your pain. Everytime we leave the Dc metro area I have to reprogram myself to remember that a 35 minute trip to the grocery store is completely normal!!

suz

Hmm. My husband is from Media PA, also 30 minutes-ish from Philly. It's SO odd, ever since I met him I am constantly running into people who grew up within a 1-hour radius of him. Including the bartender at our hotel this weekend. Seriously, it's weird.

Shannon

This happens to us all the time in the Philly suburbs. Oddly enough it also happens to us when we're out where my parent's are in western PA too. This state has definite issues with towns that are North, South, East, or West versions of some other town.

Megan

Hilarious!

Good thing you didn't make up stories about being there for the ceremony. There was an episode of "Scrubs" where Dr. Cox totally missed Carla and Turk's wedding (which was postponed because Turk was a no-show). Dr. Cox tried to tell Carla that she looked beutiful and that the ceremony was touching, etc., and she thought he was just being his usual supersarcastic a-hole self.

JenAHM

Ahhh yes, Pennsylvania is so strange, no? Growing up not too far from where you did, we also never calculated a trip by distance, but instead by how many minutes it would take us to get there. How far is it to get to the grocery store? Not 10 miles.....15 minutes.

Dawn

Ha! I read somewhere that we have somewhere north of 1,000 separate municipalities in PA, not to mention the 500+ school districts!

We live in Chester County, and it is a never ending source of joy to me to patiently explain that no, I don't live in CHESTER, I live in a teeny tiny village called Chester Springs, and technically I live in X Township, but you know, that doesn't really matter, and oh, why don't I just give you directions.

So yeah, South Abington is new to me too.

Kailee

This story makes me SO embarrassed! It reminds me of when I was dating my now husband. He's from Australia and we wanted to plan a big trip over Christmas for me to meet his family.

I've been a faithful reader of the WaPo's Travel section for years, and I saw an amazing, unbelievable deal for flights from Baltimore to Melbourne! It was on an airline I had never really heard of, but I thought this must be a promotional sale! Of course! It's just trying to get its name out there!

I booked the flights totally happy with my supreme money-saving skillz. When I told my SO, he seemed dubious. First of all, the flying times were totally off. And secondly, a $250 fare wouldn't even cover the cost of fuel to Australia and back.

After further investigation, we found out this fare was to Melbourne, FLORIDA. I booked a 2 hour flight to FLORIDA when I was trying to book a 20 hour flight to Australia.

I am forbidden from making travel purchases without supervision now.

Amanda Wolgamott

One of my husband's really good friends was getting married here in town and we both had it in our head that it started at 7p. About 4p one of his friends texted and said hey where are you? He's like "at home getting ready why whats up? want to meet for drinks?" And they were all...um well we just wanted to make sure you were ok because the wedding was at noon and we are at the reception. We were like WTF?! So we raced downstairs, looked at the invite and lo and behold the invite said noon. They told us the reception was still going strong so if we wanted to try and make it, come on... So we made record time into downtown Houston and when we walked into the reception everyone started clapping. It was more than a little mortifying.

MommyNamedApril

oh, my. and congrats to TJ :-)

coleen

so...you're from langhorne, then? (longtime lurker- hi!)

mrschaos

I wish that I didn't know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Well, except for the Pennsylvania part. I really don't know that part.

Liz

So was the wedding at the Lady of the Abingtons church, across from the seminary? I grew up close to there in a town called Factoryville, and often visit my mom who lives a few miles away, and my hubby's grandmother, who lives on S. Abington Road. I knew where you were going with this post from the very beginning! Poor thing. The mashed potatoes at the reception are so typical! (and I bet they were delicious)

burghbaby

Where was this post BEFORE the Great Washington Street vs Washington Avenue debacle of 2009?

The Domestic Goddess

Yes, EVERYTHING is 30 mins away from Philly. EVERYTHING. Except it takes 90 to go 30 minutes. For those of you not good at math, 90-30=traffic!

Mary Lou

And! Why is it called "South Abington" when clearly it's north? (according to your map anyway) : ) I'm glad you made it for the mashed potatoes! Were they in martini glasses as planned?

Alli

Did you know that if you live in Georgia, anywhere in Georgia, you live "just outside of Atlanta?" It's true! Sure you might be 4 hours away, but I'm sure when you say your obscure Georgia town's name and people give you a "I have no idea where that is" look when you add, "it's just outside of Atlanta!" they will go from confused to totally understood.

Maura

Ha. I totally understand the confusion. I have spent my life as such:
Me: "I'm from E_____ H______ Township."

Idiot: "Ohhh! I know
E_____ H______ (entirely different city located 45 minutes away)."

Me: No, (idiot). E______ H_____ TOWNSHIP.

(which is towards the lower rear shoulder in your wack-o NJ geography.)

Olivia

Haha...love this story in spite of the abrupt ending. A couple of years ago, husband and I flew to Denver for a wedding. We stayed with a friend there, got all gussied up and drove out to Boulder for the ceremony.

When we arrived we saw the couple and some guests milling around and we thought they were greeting people as they arrived. Yeah, that was a stupid thought. We had the wrong time in our heads and got there an hour late. We missed the ceremony entirely. The reception was a lot of fun, though.

Melissa

I grew up in the VERY NEXT TOWN from the Abington you originally thought you were going to (did we know each other?) and I can absolutely see myself doing the same damn thing.

Wait. I did do the same damn thing once upon a time. Showed up to my former boss's wedding mid-vow. Yes indeedy.

So, I am completely with you on this.

MichelleH

Oh how I laughed and laughed at this. This is so something I would do. At least you got there in time for the mashed potatoes and cake! That is the really important part of the story.

Olivia

JenAHM, I think using time instead of miles for figuring distance is really common. I know it's done in CO, NM, TX and IN (all states I'm familiar with).

jonniker

I'm working hard here with my PA geography to figure out where all of this IS, given that I, too, grew up in a similar part of the Commonwealth. Well, sort of. Easton, Bethlehem, Allentown? And ... that's about an hour and a half away from Clarks Summit, near South Abington Township?

And now, after actually looking at a map, I canNOT figure out where Abington even IS.

Amy

Huh. I'm originally from Philly (now live in CA). I would have assumed precisely the same thing re: where South Abington Township is. Must go look at a map. (Also, love *your* map--looks like PA to me.)

Suzanne

I'm laughing.

You're like my husband, the 'yeah, I know where that is' type. Meanwhile, I'm the walking GPS type who actually does know where the heck we're going.

At least you got to the reception-and some nice scenery after dealing with the construction BS!

Sara R.

I decided awhile ago that I HATE PA roads. Since I live in MD we have to drive ALLLLLLL the way through PA to get anywhere up north and there are always surprise road closures for no reason, miserable traffic, expensive tolls for crappy roads and general misery.

And your story reminds me of the time I took Rt. 97 instead of I-97 to get to a wedding (the bride had the directions wrong on her website) and ended up missing the whole ceremony. At least you made it in time for the food!

Laura

BWAHHAHAHAH AHA AHA AHA AH!! Sitting here with my manager LITERALLY biting my lip as hard as possible to stop from laughing, as it is most inappropriate right now. MAN I love your classic Amalah stories :) But boy are you going to get me in trouble!

Jay

I'm from near where the hobbits are on your map, and sorry to non-PA people, but I think this is just going to be funnier to people from PA who know exactly what you mean about the townships and whatnot.

Caroline in Hawai`i

Pennsylvania: It Never Ends.

Tell me THAT shouldn't be that goddamn state's motto.

Especially after you've driven there.

Haley

We one time drove from Chicago to Iowa for a wedding, only to go to the wrong church and to the wrong wedding. We hightailed it out of there as soon as the bride made it down the aisle and went to the right church, ending up at the very end of the dreadful (sorry, I hate them) receiving line. It was a bad day, but at least the reception was fun!

sandee

The difference between Philly and Pittsburgh: no matter where you are, everything is only 20 minutes away (rather than Philly's 30). Same schizophrenic naming conventions, however.

Cristin

I loved the Mordor pic.
And they totes do the same thing in New Jersey. Hamilton Township is NOT the same as Hamilton, NJ. And there's an Egg Harbor Township and Egg Harbor City. Whut?
I just moved from Southern Jersey back to the area and please believe I drove my ass almost all the way up to the PA border to go to Trader Joe's once a month.
Savages.

Corey

We lived in PA for a few years (and I still own a house there because the muthafatha did not sell, should you ever need one. Not in Abington, NOR South Abington Township, but in Bethlehem, right under the airline route, not that my prayers for a plane to crash into it and burn it to the ground have done any good.) And I noticed the same annoying thing. My GPS would ask did I want the town in County A or County B? How the heck should I know? If I knew where it was, I'd know how to get there!

Julia

This brings back very bad memories which I thought I had successfully blocked out. Husband's brother getting married - we were supposed to be driving our family of four plus parents of the groom to the ceremony. We were all ready to leave in plenty of time except Father-in-law who kept insisting we had plenty of time and wouldn't get in the f***ing car! FINALLY set off, stressful drive, couldn't find a parking space... had to walk down the isle to the front to sit with others from the groom's immediate family...priest had just begun ceremony - the bride and groom up the front turning to look at us ... ok now I need to bury this memory again fast.

Christina

Hilarious!! Love it, especially the LOTR references.

Kerry

This cracked me up because I just had a disasterous 7 hour drive to Disneyland with hellish traffic, accidents, etc. all the way. Whoever said "getting there is half the fun" never sat in bumper-to-bumper LA traffic with a 4-year old who needs to pee. Sounds like you made the best of it once you got there!

joaaanna

I don't believe you about the hair. Show, please. Everything else? Awesome.

Katie

I'm from the Abington you *thought* you were going to. Go Ghosts! Moved away 6 years ago. I think I am starting to miss it.

Lady in a Smalltown

My two closest friends from college got to my wedding in time for the receiving line because they were sure they were only 3 hours away, but it was really closer to 5!

Another time my husband and I were nearly late for a wedding because SOMEBODY won't stop for directions and when we got confused at a fork in the road SOMEBODY wouldn't stop and ask the tons of people we passed at yard sales and such. Of course, it turns out the church was at the other end of the road our friend lives on and we could have gone a much more familiar way.

I hope you at least had fun.

Jill

So sorry this happened - what a pain in the arse. But this piece of writing is effing hilarious:) Thanks for making me laugh!

Kristin

Bwahahahahaha...too funny!

MS

Ha! If it helps at all, a similar thing happened to my in-laws at an out of town wedding in North Carolina. They left the invitation at home, my father-in-law swore that the wedding started at 6:30...until they got a call from the mother of the groom at 6:25 wondering where they were since the ceremony started at 5!! (They were in the parking lot waiting for more people to arrive so they wouldn't be the first guests there...however, everyone was already at the reception at that point). Ha!

Liz

Ah, yes. Pennsylvania. I, too, grew up in PA, or as I like to call it, The Big Pasture. Only I graced the western half. A full HOUR from Erie and Pittsburgh, but the Amish people were scattered at a radius of 15 minute rides. By car, that is. Their horses & buggies could probably make it in 10. And crazy sturdy, are those horses & buggies. I once saw an accident involving said horse & buggy and one of those box-y, 300-ton, 1980's Oldsmobile cars. The Olds took a beating. The horse was all "Wut?" and one of the wheels on the buggy lost a spoke. The mother and infant that were driving the buggy were FINE. Crazy sturdy, I tell you.

The End.

Pansey

Should I mention when my husband's parents got list on the way to our wedding? They were at least 45 minutes late (felt like HOURS) and we had to hold up the whole ceremony while a friend tried to talk them through (you guessed it!) crazy pennsyvania geography. And all of the guests were sitting out in the hot sun wondering WTF was going on. And the officiant was threatening to leave because she had another wedding on the other side of town in less than an hour. I still feel sick just thinking about it....

Pansey

Should I mention when my husband's parents got list on the way to our wedding? They were at least 45 minutes late (felt like HOURS) and we had to hold up the whole ceremony while a friend tried to talk them through (you guessed it!) crazy pennsyvania geography. And all of the guests were sitting out in the hot sun wondering WTF was going on. And the officiant was threatening to leave because she had another wedding on the other side of town in less than an hour. I still feel sick just thinking about it....

Pansey

Should I mention when my husband's parents got list on the way to our wedding? They were at least 45 minutes late (felt like HOURS) and we had to hold up the whole ceremony while a friend tried to talk them through (you guessed it!) crazy pennsyvania geography. And all of the guests were sitting out in the hot sun wondering WTF was going on. And the officiant was threatening to leave because she had another wedding on the other side of town in less than an hour. I still feel sick just thinking about it....

Therese

Totally reminds me of when I used to live in Atlanta. There are like 47 different "Peachtree Streets" in Atlanta and it's just infuriating. My husband and I spent 1.5 hours one night driving around downtown to meet some friends at a particular restaurant on "Peachtree." Yeah, they were on E. Peachtree Drive or something... People really need to do a better job of naming cities and streets, it's just too confusing!

Plano Mom

I remember being insanely sick at about the same point of my pregnancy, and a lovely bride had a mashed potato bar. I remember nothing else from that wedding. That mashed potato bar was my salvation.

Kate

I live in the DC area and had a wedding to attend in VA Beach. Knowing it was on a Saturday in July, I figured the traffic would suck, so I gave myself the whole day to get there. I left Arlington at 10 am, figuring I would have time to get to my hotel in Portsmouth, get ready, and get to the 6 pm wedding without a problem. HA! The traffic was so horrific that I had approximately 10 minutes to get dressed and out of the hotel, and I rolled up to the venue as the ceremony was beginning. I watched from the deck of the reception site and joined up with the rest of the group for cocktails, which I needed desperately by that point.

Marianne

Hah! This is totally something that would happen to my husband and me. Except we'd get lost a couple of times, even with our GPS.

Ginny

YAY! I live in West Chester! Just wanted to say that because I've been DYING to for some time. You've got the PA thing DOWN my dear.

andrea

I did that once.. but it was back was when I was in college.. pre cell phones and pre internet I left the invite in my dorm room so I basically drove all the way home to attend a wedding I had no hope of going to. We drove around for about an hour visiting all the churches hoping that we'd find it .. maybe a sign or something outside announcing it.. but no luck. I felt like a really bad friend.

Jane Gassner

I had to stop reading about halfway through--just at the point when you were on the Pennsy Turnpike. Too many bbbbaaaadddd memories about just that thing--not the Turnpike (did you know that there are seven tunnels between Pgh. and NJ?). No, it's that thing of trying to get somewhere in PA and getting somewhere else or not there at all or.....

Barefoot Liz

Giggling at your 'actual version' of the map. (Hobbits, and Really, really far away made me laugh!)

Rebekah

The fact that you tell stories like this and that you bother to write the background the way you did is why I read your blog. :) You are so funny, and remind me so much of myself - the same thing would definitely happen to me in your situation, but I would completely fail at trying to tell the story in a funny way. You are genius at that. Thanks for swallowing your pride and sharing this with us - hilarious!

Eliza

I live in Vancouver. Washington, not Canada. Very confusing.

Liana

OH girl, it's not just Eastern PA. Oh no no no. In Western PA, we have not one but TWO places called Cranberry- I think only one of them is a Township, though. There are also various Knox-es, all with different designations (one is a village, apparently).
We also have Seneca Heights as well as Seneca Valley.
So....yeah. LOTS of unoriginal naming going on...we've even got Poland for some reason!

statia

Pennsylvania is an asshole state. If I tell people I live in Upper Providence, I get the cocked-to-the-side-dog-head look, because no, I don't live in THAT Upper Providence. I live in the other one. Because there are TWO within 45 minutes of each other.

mrsmouthy.com

If it makes you feel any better...

We set up a couple on a blind date and it led to a wedding that we missed by precisely one hour, as by 4PM that afternoon no one had bothered to tell us about friggin' daylight savings time.

They got divorced 6 years later. I'm sure this is cause/effect.

Sylvie

I am also from Philly suburbs, and until I got to the GPS part I was right with you about Abington. Who knew?

Janie

Funny facts Julia :) Don't think of it that badly... I would more likely think about it as an exact replica of a comedy movie...eh shit happens ! :)

TripleZmom (formerly Jerseygirl89)

I would have done the same thing - in fact I did it here in NJ, but fortunately it was for a store, not a wedding. Well, my husband would say that there was no "fortunately" about it. But anyway, it made a great post!

Melyni

Loved this entry! Very funny. I currently live and have lived my whole life in Bucks County. My mom worked for a million years at Abington Hispital.

Rebecca

Amy - where is your list of stuff to buy now vs. later for having a baby?! I can't find it on zero to forty and I want to send it to a friend - so useful!

Donna

@ domestic goddess , right on philly isn't that great either

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