Alive & Slobber-Coated
Less is Perfect

It's National Blog Posting Month. Which Means I Barely Posted At All.

I know.

I know I know I KNOW. 

If you are looking for someone to blame for the sporadic posting, blame the fetus. Which I know you won't actually do, because what are you gonna say? BAD FETUS! STUPID UNBORN CHILD! YOU'RE MESSING WITH SOMETHING VAGUELY ENTERTAINING THAT I OCCASIONALLY CHECK OVER LUNCH BREAK IF I REMEMBER SO KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!

Yeah, go ahead. It can't hear you anyway. It doesn't even have any ears yet. Nyah.

No, but seriously. This week was quick and mighty payback for a whole heapload of bragging I did last weekend. I told at least four or five separate family members that I feel great! Easiest first trimester yet! I had two or three uncomfortable days there but I seem to be past all that now! Already! I can't believe it! Just a couple weeks to go until the second trimester so maybe I've escaped the worst of it all together!

So, of course, I am currently on day number five of the same low-grade, persistent headache. It goes away with some Tylenol but then creeps back within an hour or two. I have thrown up almost every night this week, usually dashing down the hall to the bathroom in the middle of bedtime stories with Noah and Ezra. I don't have morning sickness; I have It's Officially Impossible To Get Through Knuffle Bunny Free Without Crying Or Puking Or Both evening sickness. 

After a good round of barfing, it's usually straight to bed. Until I wake up at midnight, and then again at 3:30 to pee, and then at 5:15 with the headache, and then at 6:45 when my lousy, still-effed-up-from-Daylight-Savings children start howling for Cheerios. 

And then! It turns out that there is nothing that can lull me to sleep better than the soothing, pristine whiteness that is the blank New Post page for my blog. I stare at it, I peck at a key or two, and then...


Wait, what was I talking about? 

Eh. Probably wasn't anything important.


What else happened this week? Well, I wrote a lot of other things other places, including making Joel McHale vaguely uncomfortable on the phone, I completed some cross stitch projects for our kitchen, learned the importance of getting three different estimates for home improvement projects because the first one will be all, "THAT WILL BE FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS" and you will cry, because you do not have four thousand dollars, but then estimate number two will be all, "THAT WILL BE SIGNIFICANTLY LESS THAN FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS" and estimate number three will say, "IT'S A LIMBO CONTEST! HOW LOW CAN WE GO! PRETTY DAMN LOW, AS IT TURNS OUT!"

Jason's ready to make a decision, but now I'm tempted to keep going. Maybe after another estimate or two we'll get somebody to do the job for five bucks and a couple cans of tuna fish. 

(The job involves replacing carpet with laminate flooring in the basement, in case you've got a hankering for tuna. I could possibly go as high as to include mayonnaise, as well.)


I attended the first parent-teacher conference of the year and learned that NOT ONLY did my temperamental question mark of a son willingly sit down and participate in a standardized  kindergarten placement test, he completely ACED the thing. Top marks, across all subject areas. I have absolutely no punchline to that story; I included it simply to brag. Because this is that sort of blog. 

I'll spare you the whole story about Ezra vomiting up an entire meal of stuffed shells in the car yesterday, though. I mean, I guess that kind of IS the whole story. Moving on.


I dropped my phone on the sidewalk and shattered the screen (and apparently damaged the battery somehow, because it's no longer holding a charge). I have exactly two months left on my contract, which means I've found it terribly amusing to show the phone to Jason and wail about it only having two months to go before retirement! And then this!!!11!

He laughed the first time. I don't know what his problem was all those other times. 


Okay, the headache is back and I'm tired. You can go away now. 



I'm pretty convinced that fetuses are evil geniuses who know exactly when to put us in our place. Little bastards, they are.

Also, as someone who owns a service based business (HVAC) always remember that you get what you pay for...the lower the bid, the crappier the work is a pretty good rule of thumb. Middle of the road bids are usually the way to go. :0)


Feel for you on the phone. My iPhone was run over last week because I am awesome and left it on top of my husband's car. I guess I was lucky (??) that they let me replace it for $199 with the new iPhone4 but I still had to sign a new 2 year with AT&T. By then I'm sure Apple will be up to the iPhone50 and everyone will mock me.


Well, my fetus is now 22 weeks along and it helped turn my cold into full blown bronchitis. I only have enough time for 11 weeks of maternity leave (we can bank our time) and now I am sick and ticking away precious post baby hours. Wah!
Just wanted to enjoy your vent with a little of my own.

Feel'in ya girlfriend. Hang in there. I keep reminding myself how awesome they are once t hey get here...or maybe 7 months after they get here and learn how to sleep.

KUDOS to Noah! Yeah!


Ugh, I've had the same headache. Or, well, a headache, for the same amount of time. Occasionally it will turn into stabby behind-the-eye pain just to switch things up a bit. I blame the fact that it suddenly got REALLY FREAKING COLD AND DRY OUT in the DC area. My sinuses are in agony, and of course the only I can take pregnant is Tylenol, which is far less helpful than the chocolate chip cookies I've been taking as well. Feel better -- I highly recommend cookies as painkillers, if you have a non-pukey moment.


Oh my word, Knuffle Bunny Free! I should not have read that in the bookstore at 7mo pregnant, I had no idea the ending would be so weepy for moms. It's almost as bad as Love you Forever.


Thanks for posting, I love these random log type posts. :) You're funny and I am so very very grateful I'm not pregnant, nor will I be ever again if I can help it. I appreciate the reminder.


Poor Amy. I feel ya on the head ache. I have a tooth ache that is radiating up my face into a head ache that has been persistent for 7 days now because the dentist can't see me till next week. Fell better.


Whether the fetus has ears or not, it can hear you. I am right in the middle of my 2nd trimester, and every time I tell someone I've been feeling better, I throw up the next morning. I've stopped telling people I'm feeling better.


I would seriously consider trading in the vomit car when the time comes. Cleaned or not because ewwww!


I love when you do these posts. They make me giggle.

Random thought...because I'm pretty sure you have an iPhone. AT&T will let you (generally) upgrade exactly one month early. Not super helpful, but better than nothing, right? But you have to go and ask them at a real store, not one of those fake Spring ATT stores.


I cried in the bookstore reading the newest Knufflebunny to Anjali. And I am not evenpregnant. Totally ruined my street cred for being a bitch.


OK, but is it pronounced "Nufflebunny" or "Kha-Nufflebunny?" Because that keeps me awake at night.

Goddess in Progress

OK, Knuffle Bunny Free is BRUTAL. I have to skip the last page entirely.

Sorry to hear the symptoms are catching up with you. I don't have awful 1st trimesters, but this time I noticed 10-11 weeks was particularly awful, and then it started to improve a bit.

WOOHOO for Noah's test results! Genius!


Assuming you're still doing the iPhone thing, I was just able to upgrade to the iPhone 4 (after losing my original iPhone) at the 22 month mark in my contract for $199. They also waived some $18 upgrade fee which I didn't know about in the first place.

Hope this works out for you!


Karen - In Knuffle Bunny Two, Trixie pronounces it KA-nuffle, while Sonya says NUFFLE. Which completely threw me because we always read it as Nuffle, and still do. SORRY, TRIXIE.


Oh! Oh oh! You know how you specifically DID NOT ask for advice/input on the laminate flooring thing? And how you are already obviously handling it yourself, getting estimates and everything, all without my advice/input? Nevertheless I have advice and input! Furthermore, it's SKETCHY advice/input, because I don't remember all the details!

BUT, when we needed laminate flooring for our dining room, we got Armstrong fake wood, the kind you snap together and it can just float over any old floor you have underneath. (We chose it because we got overwhelmed by the options and went with what Consumer Reports recommended.) And we thought it might look kind of fakey or be hard to install, but my HUSBAND, who has many strong suits but can barely put a nail into a chunk of wood, installed it himself and it was EASY, and it looks GORGEOUS. I like it better than our REAL wood. And we got it on sale for $1.74 a square foot from And we picked it up at a local store so we didn't have to pay shipping. Here's how it looked done.

And you know why else this advice is so useless, is that I just went and looked for it on the ifloor site (following my own link from an old post, and the product (Armstrong Origins with Armalock, in Black Walnut) no longer exists! Aha ha ha doh. Oh, wait, they just changed the link. And there's no photo, but I think what we did was go to the Armstrong site to look at the options (they have a "try it in a room" feature), and then just look it up on iFloor.


I had that same horrible will-not-go-away dull throbbing headache around 9-10 weeks. I finally called a midwife on-call at the hospital on New Year's day sobbing because I just could not cope anymore. Anyway, for what it is worth, she recommended I try Tylenol Sinus before trying something stronger, and what do you know. One hour later I was headache free.


My fiance is a licensed contractor, and handles remodeling projects in the greater DC area. He is extremely good, honest, reliable, and smart. I can tell you right now that he'd advise you to be careful about putting laminate directly on a basement slab. Get in touch with him about giving you an estimate. His name is Ben Tonken: He is also on Angie's List.

April F

Just read your article on Joel, I have the same moments reading your blog. OMG, our kids love the same pillow pet, OMG Ezra does the same cute stuff my second born does, OMG we should totally be besties!!! Call me!


I tried really hard, but I couldn't do it. It's too hard to yell at the fetus.


Aw crap! I've been feeing much better this week (8weeks), I knew there was a catch. I'll enjoy it before everything turns puke-y again.


Yeah, I'm at week 7 on my fourth pregnancy here, and at first I was all, "Hey! I'm not nearly as sick as I was with the other three!" And then it kicked in.

Like you, i do not have "morning sickness." Instead, I have "late morning/afternoon sickness" that is kind enough to kick in after I've eaten breakfast. It's not so bad that I puke, but bad enough that I walk around kind of wishing I *could* puke. The best remedy is mostly a nap, which I hate taking. Hate. Taking. Naps. There, I said it and I'm proud.

I did not know there was a Knuffle Bunny Free book. Please do not tell my children.

Plano Mom

I am in awe.

You did it more than once.

Even more than twice.

You have bigger ovaries than me.

Hang in there, praying for ya that you find that magical food that will Make It All Go Away.


Yeah, that screen costs $200. Don't ask me how I know.

Home Sweet Sarah

Oh the headaches! Awful, awful, awful. Tylenol can eat shit.

mrs. q.

I remember my obgyn telling me that those pesky headaches and horrible leg cramps were because most of my body's available blood was in one specific area, ya know, busy growing a human. Amazing. And Gross.


Read "Knuffle Bunny Free" for the first time last night and completely broke down. Simon looked at me and said, "Seriously?!" Thanks again, Interwebs, for making me feel like I'm not alone.

lorrie @ clueless in carolina

Our original Iphone 2nd edition contract was due to expire..about now. We were able to upgrade, as long as we signed a new contract, in July. Call AT&T & I bet you can have a new phone immediately!


I hear you on the "night sickness". That is when it is especially bad for me too. Blah. Very much looking forward to entering the second trimester so I can be done with this pukeyness.

I have to check out this Knufflebunny book...I had never heard of it before.

Little Dutch Girl

I LOVE knuffle bunny free! My daughter got an autographed copy for her birthday as she is Trixie! She has an opa and oma in Holland and so that makes it extra special for me... I have bought several copies to give away for Christmas.

Another Amy

Personally, I think Knuffle Bunny Free should come with a warning label for pregnant people. I was a puddle of tears at Borders trying to get through it. I coulnd't even read the epilogue. Love Mo, but Hate the Free.


Totally silly, because I haven't been pregnant in 15 years, but I had constant headaches in my 2nd pregnancy and they turned out to be from my pre-natal vitamin. Something about the dye that was in it. As soon as I switched to a color-free generic, I was fine. Just an idea.


Oh, and it only took me 4-1/2 months to figure it out. Perhaps you will be luckier. :-)


Wait. Knuffle Bunny FREE?!
I had no idea!


Well, it's been awhile since I've been here too. I, er, did not know you were pregnant. Congrats and good for you! You are a braver woman than I for doing this a third time.

And not to be all alarmist and ass-vicey, but have your doc watch you carefully, specifically your blood pressure. I had the same type of headaches, starting in the late first trimester and then continuing into the second and I ended up with a wicked case of pre-eclampsia. The headaches were b/c my blood pressure was totally out of control. I was having it taken once a day and it was very clear what was going on. My first OB thought it was just the high blood pressure. By the time I got to 29 weeks I was one very sick puppy and luckily under the care of another Dr. Hopefully they will just go away, but don't let your doc blow you off if they don't.

Sorry to put all that out there, but it was a scary experience and some OBs don't take it seriously enough.

Barefoot Liz

I think I'd cry if my phone broke. Or scream. Or cry, scream, and swear like mad.
Ok, I'll go away now.


Can you drink more water for the headache.....that could be due to the vomiting and getting dehydrated.....good luck!


Congrats on your pregnancy! I have been receiving your advice smackdowns for a while and thoroughly enjoy them, but this is my first time to your blog!

Dede Miller - founder

There is a national something for everyone and everything now days. Gesh... I can't keep up. When is National Sick of It All Month?

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