Suddenly, all Noah wanted to talk about was "Bearius Care." I don't remember exactly when it started, but it was all "Bearius Care" this and "Bearius Care" that.
"Who is Bearius Care?" I'd ask, over and over again.
"Bearius Care is Bearius Care," Noah would answer, like duh.
Occasionally, we'd get a clue: Noah would spot a little mop-haired boy on the playground and run after him, screeching gleefully. "It's Bearius Care! Hi Bearius Care!" Child actors in TV commercials sometimes got a reaction too. He mostly seemed to invoke the name while playing with certain toy cars, but also sometimes space ships. And once while reading a book with a picture of a desert.
But he simply would not, could not, just flat-out explain who Bearius Care was or give us any background or context.
(Other than the fact that Bearius Care was, of course, completely face-meltingly AWESOMMMME.)
It drove me so batty after awhile -- WHO IS BEARIUS CARE? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LET ME INTO YOUR LIFE, CHILD! -- that I eventually turned to Google.
I knew I was at least dealing with a mispronunciation, but I am pretttttty good at Google, if I do say so myself. Once, after Noah spent an entire month asking to watch the "Rolly Race Car show," I managed to figure out that he was actually talking about Roary the Racing Car, NOT TO MENTION that I've successfully written an advice column for four-and-a-half years now with absolutely no other qualifications or skills beyond being pretty good at Google.
This time, though, I came up empty. Care Bears? Bears That Dare? Various Bears? Marius Stares? Nefarious Lairs?
"What do you want for your birthday, Noah?"
In desperation -- like seriously, this was bugging me like a bar argument where you have the name of that movie that that guy was in right on the tip of your tongue but are totally spacing on it right now arrrrrgh let me think -- I emailed his preschool teacher, in case maybe it was a book or a video or something he'd seen there.
"You know, I've been meaning to ask you the same thing," she replied.
So I gave up. I figured either Noah had simply made something up completely, or was obsessed with a hopeless composite of so may things that we'd never know exactly who or what Bearius Care is or was.
Until a few days later. When we decided to watch a DVD. We let Noah pick.
Bearius Care = James Tiberius Kirk.
Just FYI. Nerds. The end.