16 Weeks, Stuff & Nonsense
33

My Work Here Is Done

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This morning Ezra decided to pull a stocking off the mantel, nailing himself directly in the face with one of those damn metal Pottery Barn stocking holders. He now has a big lump on his forehead and skinned and bloody nose. 

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(And this is all of two days after he fell backwards off a stepstool, yet somehow managed to split the FRONT of his upper gums wide open. Toddler physics make no sense, other than the They Will Always Visibly Injure Themselves Right Before You Need To Take Their Picture Certainty Principle.)

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Also this morning, Noah was filling me in on all the juicy preschool gossip, including one classmate's slow-moving progress towards potty-training. 

NOAH: And if she doesn't get to the potty on time, she'll have an accident!

AMY: Yes, So-And-So is still learning how to use the potty, and that's okay. Sometimes it takes awhile and...

NOAH: So-and-So needs to learn the TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS!

AMY: Which...is?

NOAH: (thinks for a bit) Listening. And using the potty. 

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Comments

Heather

My son is following the They Will Always Visibly Injure Themselves Right Before You Need To Take Their Picture Certainty Principle, as well. This is his first Christmas, and he is also sporting his first black eye. Yay.

Nanette

Toddler physics really is baffling.

My friend is a preschool teacher and said that two kids from her class had to have stitches from pulling down those damn stocking holders. Had no idea it was such a hazard!

Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas]

I thought it was just my 3YO that did that. It also usually follows a haircut, so I don't even have hair to cover it up. Ugh! Hope the rest of your holidays are bruise and blood-free!

Lyndsey

Too true! My oldest fell on the icy sidewalk on Christmas Eve a few years ago. Right before we were heading to my in-laws' house for a portrait session they booked with a photographer. I still think my mother-in-law thinks I let it happen on purpose just to keep her pictures from being "perfect". OH well... what can you do.

Merry Christmas! Your kids are too cute!

Suzanne

That last picture is precious!

Yes, kids have that annoying knack of injuring themselves visibly right before a picture is taken. Or in my case, taking Mom's razor to the scalp two days before school pictures.

If only the answer to everything was "Listening, and using the potty."

Karen

THANK YOU! I was hating our tacky stocking-hung-with-scotch tape-method until I read your post. Feeling less trashy and more safety-conscious.

Maggie

oh my goodness ezra looks just like you!

Stephanie

Our mantel is really high up, or I know our toddler would get the stockings down...

Love the "Christmas Spirit" mixed with potty training. Very, erm, logical?

Kathleen

Heh. It took my 22mo five minutes to locate the stocking with the pointiest holder and slam it into his forehead. Resulting in one of those drive-to-the-ER-while-compressing-the-wound moments because we couldn't see the cut through all the blood. It wa tiny, he was fine, but jeez, toddlers.

However, that last picture? Would have made a perfect card. Can you save it for next year? An I'll be happy if kiddo just takes the "listening" part of Noah's spirit!

Jessicawp

Cats land on their feet and toddlers land on their faces.

Sonja

He's a wise, wise man. I shall certainly be taking his words to heart as I use every potty between Rhode Island and Vermont.

Anne

He's totally right! My son just gave us an early Christmas and FINALLY started pooping in the potty. I'm pretty sure that I hear the Hallelujah Chorus the first time he did it.

Whozat

Yikes.

Just a couple of days ago, I sat there and watched Peeper yanking on a stocking at a friend's house, until the holder came down, narrowly missing her head.

The friend freaked out and apologized for not taking them down before toddlers (her kids are 4 and 5) came over, but it would have totally been my fault!

Yezelbelle

I love, love, love stories about your boys. You are making me really want to have little boys someday soon, when my husband and I are ready to start the "have the kiddo" process :-)

Someone Being Me

Poor baby. My oldest did the same thing with one of those heavy metal stocking holders the day after Christmas 2 years ago. His grazed off the top of his head but it hit on the corner so it did leave about an inch gash. He still has the scar and we threw away the stocking holders and just drilled some holes and put hooks along the bottom of our wood mantel.

Michele

Tip - secure those stocking jeers to your mantle with dentugrip - won't harm the wood finish, easy to remove nontoxic and works like a charm! Merry Christmas!

Kara

We have those stocking holders, too, in the shape of Christmas trees, so the Potential to Impale Factor goes up exponentially. My husband will not allow us to hang the stockings until after the children are in bed on Christmas Eve, and we take them down almost immediately. I like the Dentugrip tip - I may use that next year so that we can actually enjoy our ridiculously expensive personalized PB Christmas stockings from my MIL, who must think we hate them because we never hang them!

Starbuck

I'd have to agree with Noah, potty training is definitely being in the Christmas spirit.

As for the Mighty Ez, looks like he will be keeping you on your toes for some time to come! We have many an ER visit under our belt, mostly because they get those 'should we or shouldn't we take them' injuries on the weekends or right at closing time at the drs office.

Kate

Cute post, as ever. But, my favorite part is that Ezra is wearing the same shirt my Charlie wore yesterday. Not sure this is really worthy of commenting, but it does not take much to excite me these days.
Merry Christmas to you all!

Bren

I have those heavy stocking holders but haven't used them since Maggie could walk. I use those 3M hooks - just have them secured flat on the mantle, hang the stocking and then put some garland over the hooks. If one gets pulled down then it's just a tiny peice of plastic flying and not metal!!!

tina

True Meaning of Christmas and Toddler Physics aside, may I congratulate you that the last picture is less strangle-strangle and more loving brotherhood than last year's christmas?

*also side note: my God, the year, gone, so fast

Hailey

It sounds like someone's been watching the Dora Christmas Special. See, I totally get Noah's reference about the true spirit of Christmas because my kids insist on watching Dora until their little eyes bleed. But hey, they'll end up bilingual.........right?!?!

Judy

I keep going back and forth on whether the boys look more like you or like Jason, if the picture is with you I think they look like you, and if it's with Jason they look like him to me. The only conclusion I can come to is that you and Jason must look alike.

At least it's good to know I've mastered most of the True Spirit of Christmas. I listen if I'm interested and usually make it to the potty.

Karinya @ Unlikely Origins

Toddler physics really ARE something! My two year old took a headfirst dive into the bast of a mannequin at Victoria's Secret the other day. All the employees were like, "OH MY GOD IS SHE OKAY???" at her resultant screams, and I was like, please, she's a drama queen, she's fine.

Next day? HUGE goose-egg. I'm such a compassionate mom.

Christy S.

We actually tied our holders to the mantle with a rope (a small one, covered by a garland) to prevent this very thing. I have fewer head injuries at my house than my friends (I think because I have two prissy girls), but I have seen the Toddler Physics law in action time and time again. Merry Christmas! I love your writing.

Cheri Burke

Here's another idea- since we have no fireplace- I'm hanging the kid's stockings on the doorknobs- My 3yr old son managed to scratch his nose really good for photos this year..it figures.

Plano Mom

Listening and going potty.

Amen Noah.

AmyC65

Ya know those 3-M hooks they advertise around Christmas, that won't leave any residue or nail holes when you hang stuff up? I live by those things - everywhere, all the time. I put a decent sized square of the backing strip under each of my Pottery Barn anchors because my kids are fine, but my husband is an Ox and used to knock the damn things down all. the. time!

Sascha

I resorted to Photoshop for our Holiday cards this year. My toddlers forehead looks like a roadmap. A topographic map complete with mountains and rivers.

Jennifer

My now 10 year old did this 6 years ago right before we left for a Christmas cruise. She had a goose egg in the center of her forehead and a mild concussion. Scared the living shit out of me and we haven't used them since!

Haley

Poor boy, but at least he looks happy! Merry Christmas!

nicole

When my niece was four, she informed us that Christmas was about Africa. She's 15 now and just LOVES that story. :)

Melissa

Toddler physics also means that the "They Will Always Visibly Injure Themselves Right Before You Need To Take Their Picture Certainty Principle" phenomena will happen right in front of you when you're unable to stop or control the damage.

Marianne

That last picture just melted my cold heart! It's amazing how much they look alike, yet they look so different.

My 2 year old has had some sort of facial injury, molar-cutting-thereby-drooling-a-ton, or unstoppable runny nose at every photo shoot. Every one. He still manages to be cute, but man...

Marianne

Also --- Happy Birthday :)

Vicki

My son did the same thing last year with the stocking holder and this year I bought a stocking tree at abcdistributing.com. It sits on the mantle and holds all the stockings. It is really adorable!! Just a tip. Merry Christmas!

MichelleH

Happy Birthday, Amy!!!!!

Those stocking holder things are a menace!!! My kid pulled it down twice because we didn't learn from the first time he did it, got distracted, etc. We are so lucky it didn't hit him either time,since the ones we have are practically concrete! I'm taping them up with duct tape next year!

Parsing Nonsense

You know, Noah may just be on to something. I can't think of a more awkward Christmas than spending it with someone who doesn't listen to you and then pees all over the floor.

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