Star Wars to the Rescue, Again

Notes From the Other Side

BIRTHDAY UPDATE: I did get out of bed, eventually. We got burritos for lunch, and then Jason offered to go wrangle the boys while I went shopping by myself. I bought a pair of maternity pants, some mittens and a pair of stupid-looking but ridiculously warm earmuffs. Jason was all, "What the hell? I figured you'd want like, shoes or something." But I was all, "Shut up, my ears were cold. This is the best birthday ever!"

Then we went out for dinner and ordered dessert even though neither of us wanted dessert, because it was only 8:15 and if we left then we'd get home before the kids were even in bed and that's just a total waste of a babysitter, dammit, so we stayed at our table for an extra-long time having a very drawn-out discussion about how much we like our new coffeemaker. 

Also: He gave me a lovely set of birthstone rings, which I've never had before, other than one I wore as a purity ring in high school, OH YES I DID, but then I stopped wearing it, JUST I DUNNO BECAUSE, and I think I have it hidden in a box somewhere, because I still feel too guilty to wear it ever.

Now that I've been married for 12 years, I suppose it may be time to get over that guilt already. Boring coffeemaker dinner conversation aside, I'm pregnant for the THIRD TIME and my husband likes to put dirty books on my Kindle when I'm not paying attention. I am a ruined woman, through and through.

Photo (17)

(Yes, that is my hand held up in front of the very entry you are reading right now. Because I really do just make this shit up as I go along and then hit the Publish button whenever I get bored and/or hungry.)


CHRISTMAS UPDATE: Shit, I totally spoiled it already, by mentioning the coffeemaker. 

Also: Legos. Oh God, so many, many Legos. We still haven't put together all the damn Legos. We will likely never put together all the damn Legos.


(We did, however, do a pretty good job at eating all that cheese.)

We also roasted a duck, braised some brussels sprouts and gratin'd a bunch of potatoes in even more cheese. It was good. I think that Julia Child person might know a thing or two about cooking! Because calling it merely "good" is like calling the number of gifts our children received "reasonable." 

The boys hit some kind of terrible, awful wall of consumption around 11 am, after a couple hours of bouncing from item to item, playing with each for far fewer minutes than Jason and I spent assembling it, then launching into a full-scale war of whining and screaming over PERFECTLY IDENTICAL TOYS PURCHASED JUST TO AVOID THIS VERY SCENARIO. Because that 99-cent plastic wind-up train is red with blue wheels and this wind-up train is red with yellow wheels and therefore terribly undesirable while the red wind-up train is clearly the GREATEST THING KNOWN TO MAN AND I MUST HAVE IT INSTEAD.

And then this would then trigger Ezra's latest self-defense mechanism when he senses encroachment on his possessions: Scream like you are being murdered, and then throw the toy in question as hard as you can against the nearest wall. 


He's a regular miniature King Solomon, this one. Wise beyond his inability to understand gravity, as seen in the super-attractive and festive holiday nose scabs.

And next Christmas, we're going to have THREE of them. "I don't know what we were thinking," Jason commented at one point, and I had to admit that right then, I didn't have the faintest idea either.

And somewhere, somehow, I swear I could hear the faintest cackling sound, coming from the back of a dresser drawer, where the ghost of an old and tarnished blue topaz purity ring was busy laughing its ass off at us...



Okay, I have to ask what you have there. A stone for each child, including the unborn? Your stone and the two children? A wedding stone and the two children? I must know. I recieved one for my one child, but curious about building on for future children.


That whole part about the screaming over pretty much identical toys? That sums up life with my two kids as well. Gah.


I like how you tied it all together with the purity ring there at the end. Very nice.


Nah, next year will be fine. The baby will just sit there and drool.

Dude. The screaming like a banshee and throwing whatever toy is deemed unworthy against a wall? Yeah. That's happening here too. Not a phase I was looking forward too. In fact, I'd sort of forgotten it.


The fighting? Will.go.on.forever. Accept that you must plan a fourth child, just to keep the sides even in the fights.


Thanks for posting when I'm extry-bored! Glad you had a good Christmas & birthday!


I must know where he got those awesome rings! I love the set.


Glad you had a good one!


I must know... what Ezra's playing with in that last picture. My 18 month old will totally love it in 6 months.


I've been doing that throwing thing myself, when people aren't around, however. It's shockingly therapeutic.

I love that ring. I might have to make one with the birthstones of oh, say, The Beatles.


oh I love the ring. where is it from? good work Jason!


@Rachel - All three stones are blue topaz, just different shades, dark to light. So it's just my birthstone, not anything that represents the kids. I've been holding off on committing to something like that until we know we're "done." (The next baby has about an equal shot of being born in May OR June, too.)

@maresi - Etsy! Garnet Girl Designs. This is a sterling silver set, though she also makes much fancier versions! It's all recycled metals too, which I thought was extra awesome.


My son was wearing the same PJ's for Christmas as Noah is in that picture! Oh, and we're also going through the throwing things phase here (luckily no screaming yet).


I loved the ending with the ring! You are hilarious! Happy Belated Bday!


Hmm, I don't know what is better , buying Legos that will never be built, or having your son build his 3 sets of legos (Over $200 worth!) in one afternoon, so he basically has no Christmas presents anymore!


Happy Belated Birthday!

Also: cheeeeeeeese!


I noticed the timer in the picture of Noah and Jason - like at our OT. (My 4-yr-old Noah(!) just got diagnosed with SPD last month). Is the timer useful/worth it?

I've been lurking for months, and thoroughly enjoy your writing - hilarious, and ridiculously close to my life. Thanks.

ms martyr

So we now not only have the magic of animals talking on Christmas Eve but old, discarded jewelry speaking out on Christmas Day?
Hey, I'm a babysitter and I don't mind AT ALL if parents come home early. Mostly 'cause I do it for free so there's no motivation to stay longer.

Parsing Nonsense

Every single girl I've ever known who wore a purity ring ended up putting out way before they wore wedding rings. I'm not even sure what the point of purity rings are, if not just to make you think daily of all the sex you're not having.

Jen L.

A good coffeemaker makes for GREAT conversation.

I think you should write an open letter to the purity ring, just to get it out of your system. (And because, hell, we all want to read it!)


"...other than one I wore as a purity ring in high school, OH YES I DID, but then I stopped wearing it, JUST I DUNNO BECAUSE..."



You just made my day.


We have two boys, and when I look back at Xmas and birthday videos over the years, every one is filled with glimpses of them ripping open another damn Lego set.

And my husband spent many, many Xmas afternoons assembling them. It was a bittersweet moment when they got old enough to do it themselves. (Okay, bitter for me, sweet for him.)


I am so glad we're not the only ones who go out on a date and are done by 8:30. Then it's all CRAP. NOW WHAT. We totally went and got dessert one night and didn't even want it. JUST BECAUSE WE COULD, DAMMIT.

Heather Ben

You jest...you can't possibly make this up as you go along-that was such a good tie in!

We have two this chistmas and am thinking the same thing.

BTW-you are my absolute favorite thing to read!

Leigh Ann

My almost 3yo twins were most interested in a) the smallest, tiniest piece of plastic they received, and b) anything that their 10 month old little sister got.

They also somehow know the difference between their identical plush frogs from the Princess and the Frog. They are freaking the same! But no. This frog! This frog!!!!!!! I guess as a mom of identical twins, it should not surprise me that they can tell the difference between the frogs. (Whatever, they are the same.)


Found this fun kids' craft and thought of you and your boys! The only problem is I can't cut out the tiny parts of the snowflakes. Hopefully you have better luck!


We solved the issue of identical toys that don't look the same by coloring our kids. I know, right? In this day and age of anti-racism-no-more-black-and-white, who colors their kids? Our youngest is blue. Everything we get for him, from sippy cup to stuffed animal is some shade of blue, while the next oldest is red. Wondering which sippy cup is who's? We just look at the lid. The bottoms can all be exchanged in any order, but the blue lid is the youngest's. And they all know they'll colors now too! Ask one of them which color they are and they tell you. We have four boys, so it's a veritable rainbow around our house... but when it's time to put stuff away (or rather blame someone for not putting their stuff away), it's oh so easy! I'm telling you, color your kids before it's too late!


Ahh..we had our third in november. The amount of 'what were we thinking moments' has so far been outweighed with 'this was such a good idea moments'. You will love it!


I swear 3 is no big deal until the third starts walking, screaming and biting his older siblings. But, um, I never had a purity ring so maybe I'm just being punished for my sins?


Oh, the freakin' Lego, it's everywhere, covering every available surface, and while my 5 yr old can build the "City" sets aimed at 5 - 12 yr olds with minimal help, the Star! Wars! Lego! that he really wants and that Santa bought him is way beyond him.

So yeah, I've gotten reaaallly good at building things out of Lego. And am now ridiculously protective of the finished ships, because of the hours of my life they represent.

Also, the fighting over identical toys? Yup. All over the place.


Oh, the screaming! I'm actually relieved to hear that Ezra does the same thing as my kid. Why do all of the kids "need" the same toy at the same time? My son's siblings are not done cooking yet, but he does this with his cousins (I hate that my sisters in law insist on having family get togethers involving new toys and all the kids for this very reason. Boo to social conventions like birthday parties!). Next Christmas should be interesting, though, as we will also have three kids and the younger two will be mobile and definitely interested in eating Child #1's toys.


Love the ring...but I want to know about the coffeepot!! What did you get?


I've been reading your blog for years and I'm not sure I've ever commented before (I'm a lurker to n'th degree) but I wanted to give you a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS on baby No. 3! You're hubby did good, the ring is gorgeous :)

ps - I blame you personally for my beauty-product-of-any-kind addiction. Way back when you introduced to me to a little store called Sephora's... and to Philosophy products... and it's been down hill slide for me ever since. And even though you seemed to have moved on to more important things like birthing humans and what not, I am currently dealing with an overwhelming need to purchase everything MAC. Because owning their complete line of specially numbered brushes is equally as important.


I love the ring! Where did you get it?

Just recently read your blog and haven't commented on any of your post yet, but I just wanted to greet you a belated happy birthday. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family and a fun filled New year! :)


I love the ring! Where did you get it?

Just recently read your blog and haven't commented on any of your post yet, but I just wanted to greet you a belated happy birthday. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family and a fun filled New year! :)


Oh, also, what is this amazing coffee maker you got? I must know!

Barefoot Liz

I'm laughing like a mad woman at the purity ring laughing at you. :-D

victoria winters

Happy Bday! Love that ring - too bad Garnet Girl only has like 18 in her shop right now and none of them even remotely resemble yours!

CHEESE! It's what's for New Year's Eve for this pregnant gal!!

The comments to this entry are closed.