500 Postings About Hair Dye & Hot Dogs, Yet No One Ever Asks About The Risk Posed By Zombies
Some Quick Desperate Dispatches From Ye Olde Vomitorium

Tidings of Great Cranky Joy

Here are some of the better choices for our holiday card this year. It's gonna be a good one, I bet.





So that's one montage option, there.

Or we could so with some of these priceless expressions:






And then this was our final attempt, which involved bribery with slightly decrepit pumpkins and handing Ezra entire fistfuls of very small rocks:




At this point I am a little tempted to just crop out everything other than the matching sweaters and find a card design that says LOOK, AT LEAST WE TRIED, OUR CHILDREN ARE TOTAL GOOBERS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS OR WHATEVER THE HELL. 

PS. Top Chef recap! In which I spend about two zillion words describing a TV show that you probably watched, and therefore already know what happened. My life is filled to the brim with meaning and purpose. 

PPS. I haven't thrown up since Sunday night. So that's exciting, no? Again: a life of meaning, purpose, and many other assorted scintillating details that keep you coming back to this blog again and again. 


samantha Jo Campen

OMG. The bottom three. HANDS DOWN.


I love the one where Noah's cringing. That is priceless.


If it helps, even with the fuss faces, I SUPER appreciated how cute the boys look in their coordinating sweaters.


The second from the bottom is freaking fantastic. Although the one right above is also awesome, because Ezra is all, "I's got rocks, bitches!"

Posing nicely is for wussies.


I vote for Angry Fist Ezra of the last three or Bitch Quit Touching Me Ezra from, well, all of the first set.


I would include the worst ones with a note on the back that says "Please hold onto this until the boys are in their 30s. Feel free to share with their spouses, then."


I LOVE Ezra's expression at the top of the third set! I would be tempted to send that out as a card on it's own!


Splice together Ezra with the rocks and that last pic of Noah with the pumpkin in Photoshop and you have a good one, I think.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

I love every. single. one. of these photos.

If I were to receive any of them in my mailbox, my Christmas joy would be boundless.

Seriously, grouchy or cooperative or not they are cute cute cute.


May I just say: imagine what the photoshoot will be like with THREE kids??? Mua ha ha! Good luck next year! :-)


I admit relief that it is not just our boys... we had the same exact experience, with the same results. Except our younger one also had snot coming out of his nose in the latter half of the pictures.


I so feel your pain. I had one semi-decent picture to use this year.

I do think that the third to the last is by far the funniest. Ezra's expression is awesome.

Jen L.

Do one with both the pictures of the boys by themselves with this caption: WHATCHU MEAN WE'RE GETTIN' A NOO BABY???? Then take a picture of your belly button with a Santa Hat photoshopped on it. That oughtta get your message across nicely.

If it's any consolation, I only have one child and he's just as hard to photograph.


We just did this today, except with The Picture People. The guy reviewing the shots with us afterward couldn't even fake enthusiasm... he was like, "This one is really-- something. And this one-- well, their eyes are open." Heh.


I really like the 2nd picture for what that's worth. Ezra doesn't look cranky so much as excited :)


So fun to look at, after the fact. When my boys were a bit smaller, we were trying to get a picture of them with their two cousins to no avail. For some reason, I thought to have them lay down, with their heads all coming together in the middle, like the spokes of a wheel, with me standing over them aiming the camera down, and it worked! We had them make some goofy faces, some serious faces, some "good" faces and they had fun with it. Maybe that would work with Noah and Ezra. Like you want to try *again*!


I can't believe how much Ezra looks like Noah now! Such big boys! :)

Jessica V

OMG - these are awesome. We are supposed to do our own photo shoot this weekend and I'm afraid. Last year's outtakes included my little guy covering his eyes or face-planted into my boobs in a majority of the shots.

Love these!


I say number two and four of the middle group. The one where Ezra looks like he's contemplating some whoop ass and the one where Noah is cringing. Kinda sums up the whole raising boys experience.

Alternatively, I vote for Lis' idea. Embarrassing your children as they reach "maturity" is ALWAYS good. I do it whenever possible. Youngest has a new boyfriend who hasn't been part of her posse for years, so there's all sorts of potential. I can't wait.


I love the one with just Noah standing by himself in front of the rock wall, cringing. THAT'S AWESOME! (and I LOVE his sweater!)

Amanda P

I HAVE A SOLUTION! Walgreens has this cool montage picture thing where you can put Happy Holidays at the bottom and include all the pictures. I used it for Halloween when I had too many good pictures to choose from. Could be done for the opposite. :)Although I love all the pictures.


I love these photos. I tend to think that anyone who has ever had toddlers and pre-schoolers will understand. Or they should.

I gave up. My two youngest act like the camera is stealing their soul.


I am a big fan of "real" photos. My favorite Christmas card of all time is from a friend who had a saintlike 2-year-old and a colicky 4-month-old. The picture is a closeup of them outside in the snow. 2-year-old is smiling beatifically, while the other has her head thrown back in a scream. I just about lost it when I got that card. It's still on our fridge two years later.


Do you have a portable dvd player? Place a stool just behind your shoulder with the dvd player on top, set it up for a scene that is more likely to get a smile or laugh than a glazed over look. Press play, kneel to kid-level and take pictures. I've heard of it working.


ADORABLE goobers.


Please dear lord, go with the cranky first montage. I will gladly send you a self-addressed and stamped envelope. :)


Amalah, from where did you get the train sweater?


please just do a triptych of the three from single Ezra to single Noah. Those are AWESOME!


I think it would be funny if you used like four of the laughably bad ones with a phrase like, "brotherly love" or something like that. cute,funny.


I am so jealous of your not throwing up! Congrats on that :)


Oh my hell, the picture of Noah by himself and of Ezra holding the rocks....PRICELESS! Also, the butt shot pretty much made me laugh!


I *love* the sweaters. Coordinated but not matching. You're so clever.


Ohmygod, the first picture in the second set is so perfect. A close second is Cringing Noah.


Love, love, LOVE the third from the top. Noah's trying so hard to keep Ez in the frame - such a great big brother!


Okay, the two of them alone, making those "OhdealordinheavenwhathaveIjustwitnessed!!??!!" faces are pure gold. There should be something fittingly horrific Photoshopped in for them to be gazing at in such horror, like a unicorn on fire or something.

Parsing Nonsense

Those are awesome. Maybe you can cut and paste some faces from older pictures on there. Oh! And don't forget to have an ultrasound of your fetus floating in the background!


My favorite xmas pics are the ones that aren't perfect. Such brotherly love they have for each other, eh? And Ezra has a look about him in these pics that is highly suspicious...


I am laughing so hard at these pictures, and at Becca's comment.

I say put them all together in a montage with, "We tried! Happy Holidays!" under it and let it be.

It would make my holiday season to see that card.


I decided to harness my toddler's destructive nature for our card this year by making a pile of christmas paper, boxes and gift bags, handing him tape and turning him loose. We got a pretty decent shot of him "wrapping presents". If you wanted to do a mulligan photo shoot, maybe that would work? Or cookie decorating? Cute if it's messy, cute if it's not.


Honestly, I love them all because they are so real.

Alberta grandma

I love your blog, you write and post priceless pictures and I will be back every day (or two) to view -do we have a deal??


I think I'd use the best "cranky" shots, with the "AT LEAST WE TRIED" message filling most of the card. But I just designed my own card and a friend's so I am in Creative Nirvana right now and am dying to make your statement into a type treatment!

Plano Mom

Just print this post and send it out. But make sure to put sparkly glitter on the part where you haven't puked since Sunday. That's the real joy of this holiday season.

Cheryl S.

I would totally use the one of Ezra by himself looking sneaky, and the one of Noah by himself, cringing. Then the caption could be something like "Santa, we can explain" Or "We've been good! (Most of the time)"

Good luck!


Just wait until there are 3 of them!

Here’s my my 3 boys in the very similar outfits as your boys: http://anaflog.blogspot.com/2010/12/boys-for-sale.html


That's it, my mind is made up..my christmas cards this year will read: "HAPPY HOLIDAYS OR WHATEVER THE HELL"...is that copyrighted?? LOL


They are all wonderful! If you happen to go with group one or two, please consider a message akin to:

"Sending you brotherly love from our home to yours"


So I've been at work for TWO AND A HALF HOURS so far and haven't opened excel yet. I have, however, spent a large part of two days reading your blog from the beginning. I hopped on the reading bandwagon when Noah was born, but HELLO there is GOLD in those archives before that. And now I want reeses, thanks for the recipe.
(http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2004/10/wednesday_advic_1.html) Other things which are nice: You were all womp-y about not having a baby but some of the pictures got replaced with baby ones! like, SPOILER ALERT, IT GETS BETTER. This might not be making sense. Three cups of coffee. I'm not creepy I promise.


all of these pictures fill me with joy, but I think I like Ezra clenching his rock-filled fists the best. He looks like he's Method Acting. And Noah's all, doo dee doo dee doo, lookin' at my shoes, tra la la. Or else he's looking at the ground. or, I don't know, lava from a nearby volcano, flowing towards him.


My mother fancies herself the family photographer. I have an entire series of photos just like these...along with the story of how we were all but thrown out of the house when my kids finally taxed her last nerve. :-D

I LOVE them!


I laugh, because I try to do the same thing every year. I would love to hear what you were saying as you attempted to get that elusive picture where both boys are posed and smiling!! They are so cute!


Every photo my father took of me when I was small featured me sticking my tongue out at the camera. At least they're not fighting the idea of being photographed yet -- just each other.

Merry Christmas!


They are ADORABLE. if you ever need a fantastic DC area babysitter-

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