I'm Not Dead Yet
Second Wave

19 Weeks

Oh my hell, I am 19 weeks pregnant. 

And a half!

Pregnancy-wise, I am feeling...oddly great. A little tired, a little prone to lightheadedness or wooziness if I jump up off the couch too quickly (solution: don't ever bother getting off the couch), though probably a little MORE prone to snappishness and short-temperedness at my husband and children.

I have enough of that last thing sometimes that I have to occasionally ask myself "What the fuck is your problem, man?" And that's when I remember that oh my hell, I am 19 and a half weeks pregnant. That is my problem. LAY OFF ME, ASSHOLES, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT HARDER THAN I AM LETTING ON.

I was *thisclose* to five whole pounds gained after Christmas -- a job well done, and one that I was quite proud of, those pastry-wrapped sausages didn't just eat themselves, you know -- but then lost seven during the Extended Flu Remix of the past week, and am once again looking at the exact same number on the scale as the day I handed a positive pee stick in an envelope to my groggy, recently anesthetized husband and yelled SURPRISE! REAL GLAD TO HEAR YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER!

I have exactly one week before my next OB appointment to try to gain some weight back, and something tells me my current diet isn't going to cut it: Dry toast, orange juice and...honestly, everything still tastes like cardboard-y toast to me at this point anyway. 

It's alarming, looking in the mirror, and seeing 75% of your body looking borderline gross-level skinny, while your midsection is all distended, and not in a convincing knocked-up sort of way, thanks to how I'm carrying this pregnancy. (Much further back, it seems. I'm all satisfyingly round while sitting, but then everything sort of...settles somewhere deep in my torso once I stand up.)

Speaking of all this unbearable sexiness: My elbows -- I SHIT YOU NOT -- started developing the early beginnings of bed sores over the weekend, from all the hundreds of times I had to prop myself up in bed to cough while attempting to splint my poor belly and aching ab muscles. 

My boobs, at least, are totally fabulous. My best pregnancy showing yet, in that department. (Thus furthering the hypothesis that a lot of my supply problems with Noah were due to damaged tissue from cyst aspirations, and the theory that the tissue will repair and regenerate itself more and more with each pregnancy and lactation, and I just killed whatever nice visual y'all had going of me there, didn't I?)

My next OB appointment is -- IN CASE I HAVEN'T MENTIONED IT THREE DOZEN TIMES ALREADY -- the big 20-week ultrasound, and I've hit that fevered, frenzied point in the pregnancy where I MUST KNOW I MUST KNOW I MUST KNOOOOOOOW. Each day is becoming more and more of a blue-and-pink tinged form of torture, because if I just know we'd be able to tell if it's a boy or girl NOW, too, if I could just figure out a way to get my hands on an ultrasound machine already. 

Whenever I mention the boy/girl thing on Twitter (SPOILER: I MAY DO THIS A LOT), I invariably get a handful of confused replies, because didn't we already confirm that it's a boy? And you wrote that whole entire semi-pissy thing about it? 

And then I have to try to clarify that yeah, but...not really, because while it sure was convincingly-dangly looking at the 12-week ultrasound and the doctor even voted boy, there's absolutely no way we could take an early scan like that as for-sure confirmation, because you see, technically we could have very well have been looking at a clitoris at that stage and not a penis, but...you know, this isn't really good TWITTER TALK, if you know what I mean. I think my mentions column just exploded in a sea of spambots and pervs. 

Jason remains convinced that we are having a boy. I...am really not sure. I have vaguely girl-like hunches from time to time, but then I think it might just be my brain enjoying one last chance to indulge in the possibility of it being something "different" this time before the full reality of just how outnumbered I am going to be for the rest of my life is revealed. 

Noah changes his vote practically daily (boy! girl! dromaeosaurus!), the Old Wive's tales are divided straight down the middle (heart rate = girl, Chinese lunar calendar = boy, hair and skin changes = girl, food cravings = boy), and Ezra's only input to the discussion is to tap on my belly with his fist while saying KNOCK KNOCK BABY!

Photo (21)

Not the world's foremost experts in the art of fetal gender prediction, then. Maybe there's hope for the next one. 



That is the most adorable picture of Noah and Ezra yet! While I'm on team girl, I could see another little boy in that line up.

Big Gay Sam

It's gonna be twin! :D

Big Gay Sam

Make that twins... sheesh


We've been so fortunate - my dad is in Interventional Radiologist and around 20 weeks he swiped the ultrasound machine from work and we had a whole little ultrasound party in their living room. I was especially relieved because of some evidence that babies are irritated by ultrasound (the pulses of ultrasonic waves sound like a whine to us, but may sound really loud and boomy to them - no damage is involved, but they may not like it) and I was happy to have the option of a quick 2-minute check instead of the full 20-week scan.


Ack... the waiting. That sucks. I am a week behind you and luckily my appointment schedule fell just so that I was able to find out last week (17.5 weeks). Girl! Yay!
Here's to hoping you get whatever you are hoping for... be it "my three sons" or pink and frilly.


I am completely, 100% behind Noah on this one. Dromaeosaurus. But a boy one, or a girl one?

Suzy Q

Keep your elbows well moisturized! It will help prevent further skin breakdown. Of course, staying off them would also help, but I KNOW.

Can't wait for the gender update.


This is gonna sound weird, but I totally thought you said you were having a girl. Maybe I dreamt it? Which is even weirder.. But I totally vote girl, because you said so. Or so I thought. lol.
I gotta stop reading your blogs before bed.


I can't believe "we" are this far along. Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you. :)


Hmm, either way, that baby is going to be super cute!

I am exceedingly jealous that you've gained NO weight. By the time 19 weeks had rolled around, I had gained 20 lbs. I had so much water retention I wound up gaining 55 lbs. Insane. But I lost it all, even though it took some work. So yeah, jealousy.


I think you are having a girl. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. Girls-I was moodier and carried to the back. Boy-he was out front and my moods weren't so bad.


Eh, as long as the baby is growing you're fine; I'm sure your doctor will tell you that. I only gained 17 lbs. with my second and he came out at 7.3. I had elastic waist shorts and really never wore much maternity clothing at all except towards the very end.

Of course, I used that summer to eat as many cheese fries, milkshakes and burgers as possible. I also made weekly visits to the local Hostess outlet to stock up on DingDongs. That was fun.


The ice cream diet? For the next week, until you go in. Might help. Might not though.

My bet is on girl. But yeah, my reasoning makes no sense.


I may have just tried to nibble on the adorableness in that last picture.

May your child-to-be be much more cooperative than mine with that 20-week ultrasound!

Victoria Winters

Wherein I officially dislike reading how people who are FOUR weeks behind me in pregnancy have gained seven pounds LESS than me. Erg.

Also funny that you consider pregnancy breasts fabulous where I consider 2 gallon jugs on my chest a pain.


Becca Lynn

Oh my goodness, I can't wait I can't wait I can't WAIT!! Yayayay!! For babies!!


I'm 17 weeks along, and I'm with you. I cannot wait to know! I must know NOW! Even though this is our first, and we would be thrilled with either a boy or a girl, once we know, then I can really indulge in onesies and nursery gear!

Hang in there, Amy! Almost there!


My daughter had to go on a special calorie-boosted diet, and I picked up the habit of eating one of her favorite snacks: big pats of premium European butter on Ritz-style crackers. I can vouch that this is a VERY EFFECTIVE snack for weight gain.

Congrats on your 19 1/2 weeks! Enjoying the updates.

Barefoot Liz

Can't wait to hear the u/s result!


One way to tell, as taught to me by my dad's accupuncturist (who is also an MD) late one night in the airport... Have someone take your pulse at your wrists. If it's stronger on your right side, it's a girl. Left side? Boy. We have the "probably is a girl" ultrasound but it was this that convinced us to buy pink. And pink she was! Well, she was kind of blue when she was born... especially her fingers and toes. But a girl nonetheless. Wow, rambling comment...


I'm 10 weeks ahead of you, and with bothmy pregnancies the "old wives tale" of heart rate, was predictive, while Chinese birth charts were wrong both times. Glad you feel great. Looking forward to your B/G announcement!


When I was pregnant, I was told by someone "I can tell you're having a girl, because of how you're carrying - you're just kind of spreading out all over."

Um - a> gee, thanks and b> also, because I just told you I'm having a girl.


Fuck I just realized I'm 19 1/2 weeks pregnant too. What else could explain the lightheadedness, wooziness, snappish attitude and the 5 lbs from Christmas?
Who's gonna tell my husband the vascetomy didn't work?


I'm 19.5 weeks pregnant with my third and one moddy-ass bitch right now. Today anyway. Are you due June 4 too?


Had hyperemesis during my pregnancy with my daughter. Essentially, it was a case of what went in must come out. Eventually they had to give me an IV at home. Doctor basically said, "baby=parasite, it will take what it needs". Wound up gaining all the weight toward the end of the second/third trimester...


@Susie - Yep, June 4th. And I am a cranky, over-sensitive bitch today today who feels the need to overreact to every! little! thing!

Then I feel badly about it and sulk for awhile.

And then somebody does something else that pisses me off and GRAAARRRRR WTF SMASH.

You too, then?


Adorable picture of the boys and I can't wait to hear what you are having this time around.


me and you baby. This is where we do a pinky swear. Physically I feel great too but I swear emotionally I am a train wreck. I just screamed at my poor midwife over the phone today, bless her heart. She's like the mary poppins of midwives and I totally tore her a new one. And now I have to face her on Friday. I'll be checking back in over here...keep it together mama.

Jess F.

This 34 weeks pregnant lady will happily give you some weight. I have hobbit feet, hands the size of frying pans, and my girth is terrifying all people I waddle towards. :)
Happy Ultrasound!


OMG THE WAIT! I'm due 6/3 (also with my 3rd) and this is the first time I scored the big appointment before 21 weeks. I feel ya sister! I found out Monday, after sleeping maybe 3 hours the night before, and driving my husband crazy for at least a solid week. And we already have one of each, so, ya know...


I had the same supply issues for the same damaged tissue reasons and recovered a lot in my second and then third pregnancies. I hope you see the same! And can't wait to hear the announcement.


My desire to eat, ah, very calorically-dense foods coincided with an OB appointment at which I learned I'd lost 6 pounds. Perhaps I was just about to hit the point at which I would start to feel better, but there also seems to be a little crazy woman in the back of my head whispering "FEED THAT BABY."

Here's to you feeling better and enjoying some food!


I'm curious, did you try the Wives Tales with the other 2? If so, were they correct or totally off?

I have no babies yet, but have been convinced forever that my first will be a boy. Although every time I go to Target I end up in the baby isles drooling over tiny little purple & pink impossibly tiny outfits. Of course I will obsess over whichever gender it may be, I can't help but day dream about getting to actually buy all that girly stuff!


Dromaeosaurus, huh. I see you have also been watching Dino Dan at your house. Like crack for the 5 year old boys it is.


Lucky. I'm 16 (or 17? I can't remember, damn placenta brain) weeks and have to wait until the 31st to find out if we're having a girl or...our fourth boy. Yep, I'm already hideously outnumbered. I have to admit that there's a fair percentage of me that would love another boy. I wouldn't have to buy any more baby clothes! All the toys we have would work, we'd just wrap up some old crap for each birthday!

And yet, it would be downright hilarious to see how a girl would fit into our testosterone-laden, blue-and-gray-clad household. Especially considering I am the least girly, least feminine-ish woman you can find.


Oh, and I have a comedian for an OB. Last appointment he checked the heart rate and said, "Heh. Sounds like a girl." And I gave him the stink-eye and said, "I KNOW you don't believe in those things." He said, no, he was just joking, and he's never once seen the heart rate myth be accurate.

Parsing Nonsense

Don't you normally carry your babies pretty high up, though? I remember with Ezra you were ready to pop and could still wear regular jeans. Or maybe I'm confused, but I doubt that because I'm rarely if ever confused. Wrong, yes. All the time. But confused only rarely.


The needle...try the old wife's tale needle trick...worked for me all 3 times!


We have a labeled ultrasound from week 12 saying "boy" with an arrow to what was presumed to be a cute little boy part. But then about 9 weeks ago (week 21) we got a very differently labeled picture! I'm quizzical of this whole gestational development process, but I'm excited about my daughter!


I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for a pink one but the dinosaur option sounds interesting ;-) Mostly I'm thinking healthy and full-term will be just fine and dandy.

Rich full cream ice cream will help with the weight gain and it slips down easily even when flu-ridden.


hrm. you're describing my mood to a T when I was pregnant with my daughter. This time around, I am all zen and loving being pregnant. I don't find out the sex ahead of time, so this is an unhelpful comment (maybe it's another girl and it's just different? maybe it's a boy and I'm not crabby when I'm pregnant with boys? who knows?!), but ohhh, I remember that out-of-control irritable feeling. Very, very well. I'm sure it was a lot worse for everyone around me, but it is really no fun being the crabby one, either.


I dunno what you're gonna have, but the ones you've already got are adorable.


I'm with Ezra - "Knock, knock, Baby. So glad you're in there!"


Caitlyn, the true medical purpose of a 20 week ultrasound is to check the health and development of the baby -- NOT merely to find out the gender of the baby. That's why it takes so long -- they are checking everything and being very thorough. So, many may not consider you "fortunate" for skipping it in favor of a quick 2 minute scan merely to discern the gender of your baby.


As the sister-in-law and best friend and sister and co-worker of a large collection of pregnant women (there is something in the water) everyone around me is trying to gain weight. Lots of butter on that dry toast and whole milk and for some two Chipotle burritos when those can be kept down. Also, grits made with whole milk and parmesan - which I've discovered produces the fewest cooking smells with the most calorie bang while having not much flavor if you don't want.


Ooh, the sexy "general thickening" approach to childbearing. I also experienced those delights, gradually filling in from shoulders to knee, frequently leading strangers to exclaim, "You're *how* far along?!"

Patti B.

Those two guys are so cute :) I have identical twin girls - one had the 'typical' girl heart rate and the other had the lower, boy heart rate the entire pregnancy...so you never can tell! Can't wait to hear who's in there!


I also swore I saw the tell-tale dangle at an early ultrasound (nuchal fold test) and was certain this would be confirmed at 20 weeks. WRONG! My baby girl was born in September and I certainly recall being moody as hell when carrying her. And eating all manner of desserts. Anyway, we have one boy and two girls. Welcome to the world of three! Best of luck :)


Too cute!!!

I'm due with our second next Tuesday, and we did not find out the sex of the baby. Everyone thinks we're nuts, even though they smile politely. I *feel* like it's a boy... but I have no clue. The ultrasound looks just like my son's did... but he looks just like me... so, meh.


your comment about how differently you're carrying says girl to me, but we don't have to wait long.
I just scheduled my 20wk US and this could be the longest 4 week wait ever...I want to know NOW!
Just happy you're feeling good (flu excepted) overall.


What, no belly pics? Am I the only one waiting for a belly pic?


I'm really rooting for the Dromaeosaurus. I've heard boys, girls and velociraptors are all equally difficult. ;)

(Also related: you have the cutest kids EVER.)


Our nurse thought we were having a boy at a 14 week ultrasound, but by 20 weeks she was DEFINITELY a girl.

We had a boy next and my pregnancies were noticeably different from each other. Never know!

kim at allconsuming

I was going to comment about how this one could be your rainbow but then it just sounded weird and judgemental and that maybe there would be something wrong with that, which there TOTALLY is not. So I deleted it, but wanted to say something. So, hi. HI!

Amy Michelle

We love your blog! You are so honest and witty, it's so fun following your blog. With your third baby on the way you could certainly use a great diaper bag! Be sure to check out Amy Michelle's Go Baby totes. I think you would really enjoy one! Good luck with your pregnancy.

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