Life With Boys
January 05, 2011
1. While I cannot sufficiently EXPLAIN what is going on here, I am also not in the least bit surprised.
I mean, that's a toilet paper roll holder. What did you expect? Toilet paper? Bitch, please.
2. Despite a rumored, God-given ability to AIM, I do not personally believe it.
(photo of general toilet vicinity not included for the sake of human dignity and/or lunchtime, but SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS, it's not like they're expected to pee into a narrow little test tube here. IT'S A BIG OVALISH ROUND THING THAT I JUST CLEANED YESTERDAY GAAAAH.)
3. Some days, you are just going to feel like you are up to your eyeballs in boy bits. Some of these days may overlap with Laundry Day.
I'm sorry, but if you actually see an excavator on the first try, instead of, I DON'T KNOW, a pair of giant dangling yellow testicles, you are a better person than I am.
Or maybe you have daughters.
Having a boy in March and I totally see my future in this post. And I hope my own future includes those very socks, because man, those are some awesome socks.
Posted by: Sonja | January 05, 2011 at 10:56 AM
Omg. I knew I wasn't alone.
(My husband hangs his boxers on the frigging towel rail in the mornings. FML.)
Posted by: jay | January 05, 2011 at 10:56 AM
I thought at first you took this picture at my house, but then I realized the pocket of the underwear wasn't stuffed with Lego and a Beyblade. You know, 'cuz IT'S A POCKET.
Posted by: highlyirritable | January 05, 2011 at 10:57 AM
You can try the cheerios. Throw a few in the water & tell them to try & sink them.
Posted by: kalisa | January 05, 2011 at 10:57 AM
I am not a better person than you are. Giant dangling yellow testicles FTW!
Posted by: Mel | January 05, 2011 at 10:58 AM
Yup. Immediately saw the testicles and wondered what the hell they were attached to. Cause, you know. I *heart* Dirt and Testicles.
Posted by: Anna Marie | January 05, 2011 at 11:00 AM
Add some glittery whatnot in there, and I feel your pain. With one of each gender it's a bizarre blend of gender stereotypes at my house.
Posted by: Kim | January 05, 2011 at 11:01 AM
Even daughters don't aim sometimes. :-)
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | January 05, 2011 at 11:02 AM
I actually have to say that most little girls? Not really that different. Truly. My six year old is a pig pen. The underwear in weird places? Happens often.
My son is dirty though. My younger daughter gets that way. When she plays outside. But my son? He can be inside all day and he stinks by the end of the day. Like boy. At two. It's very wrong.
Posted by: Issa | January 05, 2011 at 11:02 AM
I, or more correctly, my son needs those socks! He is obsessed with diggers.
Posted by: Wendy | January 05, 2011 at 11:03 AM
Did you take those pictures in my house? Cause seriously, that happens all the time with my two boys.
I totally saw balls on that sock, and had to read on to see it was an excavator.
Posted by: Trilby | January 05, 2011 at 11:06 AM
I fell your pain! However I am going in a totally different direction this year. I think that I need a fairy corner (complete with lights and crystals),lots of pink and glitter. The more sparkle, the better! The way I see it, the sparkle will make up for the testicles :-)
Posted by: Molly Adams | January 05, 2011 at 11:07 AM
I only have one boy, but seriously that kid can make a mess. I couldn't imagine even more of him running around.
Posted by: Natalie | January 05, 2011 at 11:08 AM
I was just putting my daughter's cute socks away this morning and thought to myself, "I wonder what boy socks are like. Probably all lame and one color." Well, thanks for proving my wrong about the one color thing. Although, she has a pair that says, "I love you"...a little differetn than "I love dirt". haha
Posted by: Liz Baker | January 05, 2011 at 11:11 AM
LOL! I have one of each, but I definitely saw the dangling yellow testicles first.
Posted by: Leandra | January 05, 2011 at 11:12 AM
So I did see an excavator for the first second of looking at the picture, but then the testicles, the bright yellow testicles started taunting me.
Yes, we mothers of girls have Hello Kitty socks and lots of other pretty socks with polka dots and stripes.
This was hilarious.
Posted by: Stephanie | January 05, 2011 at 11:14 AM
I'm with you! I have 4 boys ages 10, 8, 6 and 5....
Posted by: Mamma24boys | January 05, 2011 at 11:17 AM
So... where is the toilet paper, then? :)
Posted by: North American Bear Co. | January 05, 2011 at 11:18 AM
I know just what you need!
A urinal target!
http://www.urinalfly.com/products.aspx
(studies show that given a target to aim at greatly improves "aim")
Posted by: lisa | January 05, 2011 at 11:19 AM
Totally strongly suggest (force) all 3 of my boys sit to pee. Like a man (their Dad) does- at home anyway. Mama has a limit on cleaning pee off from walls.
Posted by: Melody | January 05, 2011 at 11:21 AM
Before I even read the caption I thought to myself "those look like testicles". No, I don't have any daughters.
Posted by: Della | January 05, 2011 at 11:21 AM
When it comes to describing the zeitgeist of life with a house of boys, you have nailed it on the head. Precisely. This, too, is my life.
Posted by: Gina | January 05, 2011 at 11:22 AM
it is a "Freudian non-slip" sock!...sorry, that was lame, I know
Posted by: lynn | January 05, 2011 at 11:24 AM
Dude. Those are totally testicles.
Posted by: Jenny Joy | January 05, 2011 at 11:37 AM
I totally saw testicles.
Posted by: Zak | January 05, 2011 at 11:37 AM
I was casually tidying my (9 year old) son's bathroom yesterday and discovered a crusted puddle of urine that I could not understand. I mean, I get it, they miss. I had brothers and I know this to be true. But how did it get where it got? This particular puddle looked like an off the backboard kind of shot. Has he taken to making sport of it? Is there a point system? Is he winning?
Posted by: Denice Johnson | January 05, 2011 at 11:42 AM
OMG the pee all over the toilet seat, the tile floor, the WALL?!?!? WTH, my darling children??? (3 boys, 2 of whom are potty trained)
To make matters worse, my boys have a brand new bathroom, sparkling white toilet and white tiled floor and walls. it makes the yellow VERY easy to see. YUUUUCK.
i clean the toilets, and around the toilets, in the bathrooms pretty much daily.
life with boys = full of pee in everywhere but the toilet.
true statement.
Posted by: obabe | January 05, 2011 at 11:43 AM
AHAHA! I don't even have kids yet and all I saw were giant yellow BALLS!
Posted by: Amyella | January 05, 2011 at 11:47 AM
I have two boys 11 and 6. The aiming for the bowl, never gets better. I have even threated to make them lick the toilet & walls. It drives me crazzzy. BOYS! :)
Posted by: Jean | January 05, 2011 at 11:49 AM
Things I never thought I'd say: please remove your penis from the radiator. Or: tampons are not for foreskins.
A few months ago I cleaned (a hell of a lot of) poo off the OUTSIDE underside of the toilet. As in, one would have to be laying flat on the floor and back one's backside up to the toilet in order to accomplish that. Explain that one to me.
Posted by: Lisa | January 05, 2011 at 11:52 AM
My son has those undies. And I totally thought that was a pair of long, dangly yellow balls until I looked at it again. And again.
Also? TOTALLY hear you on the aiming thing. At some point (soon), we will have to replace the hardwood flooring in our half-bath with something more liquid-resistant, because--no lie--there is a large, stinky hole where the wood has disintegrated due to extended soaking in misdirected pee. And let's not even get into the pee all over the walls. Did I mention it stinks in there?
Posted by: Tara | January 05, 2011 at 12:19 PM
That underwear was a major score. I'll bet he flicked them off of his foot and they landed there.
And yep, my, my, what a long dangly scrotal sac you've got there.
Posted by: Plano Mom | January 05, 2011 at 12:19 PM
Um no sweetie I have girls and the first thing I saw was huge dangling yellow testicles, so there goes that theory!
Posted by: Dawn | January 05, 2011 at 12:21 PM
Yeah, I have two (plus a husband...so three!) and I have to clean the freaking floor/walls around the toilet EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. They are three and five, and I keep hoping it will get better, but seems like it won't. I go through a container of Clorox Wipes at least once a week in each bathroom. You are welcome Clorox employees!
Posted by: Chris | January 05, 2011 at 12:21 PM
I'm about to have my second boy in February. First one just turned two. I am already feeling your pain!
Posted by: Tracey | January 05, 2011 at 12:22 PM
i TOTALLY saw an excavator but I'm sure that will change. I have 2 girls and a baby boy!
Posted by: Petey | January 05, 2011 at 12:25 PM
not only did I see testicles, I sat there for quite some time trying to figure out how the penis was oriented and was this some sort of truck/penis pun joke thing.
Then I read your comment.
Posted by: Caitlyn | January 05, 2011 at 12:34 PM
I just had my second boy (and on your birthday!). Is this what's in store for me? We're still in diapers for both, but I guess soon enough we'll get one working on this mysterious aiming ability.
Posted by: Charity | January 05, 2011 at 12:39 PM
Your post was awesome. I don't know what I enjoyed more, though - your post or all the comments. They made me laugh out loud, which I truly needed today.
Posted by: Sleepdeprived | January 05, 2011 at 12:40 PM
My husband hangs his boxers on the inside bathroom door handle when he showers. He once forgot and left them there... and I had company that day! We NEVER HAVE COMPANY.
God, I hope we have daughters. >>
Posted by: Kelsi | January 05, 2011 at 12:41 PM
Just reminded me that I need to go clean the kids bathroom as my husband said he spotted pee on it this morning. Maybe I need to limit them to their bathroom and not let them use any of the other toilets!!
Posted by: kris | January 05, 2011 at 12:58 PM
The aiming thing...it makes me weep.
Posted by: Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves | January 05, 2011 at 01:20 PM
Nope, first thing I saw was a giant swinging pair of yellow testicles. Took another try to see the truck.
Posted by: Candy | January 05, 2011 at 01:22 PM
A friend of mine has a rule for her sons: You sit until you learn to clean.
She then hands the bucket to her sons each week and makes them scrub around the "missed target"
Saw and laughed out loud at the testicles.
Posted by: Karen | January 05, 2011 at 01:26 PM
Ha ha! My oldest is a boy and my younger daughter wants to toilet train but continues to search for her "willy" and insists on standing up to pee facing the toilet - talk about mess!! I think the solution is have the girl first so the boy wants to sit - problem solved!;)
Posted by: Angela | January 05, 2011 at 01:48 PM
I saw the excavator now (perhaps because we're deep into the throes of a truck obsession with DS2)... but I will only ever see testicles now. Thankyouverymuch.
Posted by: The Reluctant Belle | January 05, 2011 at 01:57 PM
Wow, from what I hear it never gets better either; never. Which - although living alone sucks sometimes - is reason #124 I like living alone. I can have decorative things and magazines near my toilet and not worry about pee.
Posted by: Amy in StL | January 05, 2011 at 02:09 PM
I actually did see an excavator there, LOL!
But then, Little Miss Kickboxer is getting one of these for her sandbox this Easter, and I've already been shopping around ...
Posted by: charlotte | January 05, 2011 at 02:12 PM
Maybe the socks are supposed to read: I love dirtballs.
Ha ha!
Okay, maybe not.
Posted by: Robin | January 05, 2011 at 02:14 PM
lol, looks like my house. i have 3 boys. feel your pain sister. :)
Posted by: Liza | January 05, 2011 at 02:16 PM
Hahahaha - that's EXACTLY what I saw in those socks. And I totally sympathize, with two boys plus my husband in the house. The bad news: it doesn't get better.
Posted by: Amy | January 05, 2011 at 02:19 PM
thank GAWD i'm not the only one... LMAO!!!!
Posted by: Stephanie | January 05, 2011 at 02:43 PM
I so feel your pain. Husband. two boys. Underwear and socks out the wazoo.
My kids bring in more dirt than my dogs. It's insanity. The man is the worst culprit of 'em all.
Posted by: The Domestic Goddess | January 05, 2011 at 02:51 PM
I only have one kid - a girl - but I do have a husband. So of course I saw the dangling balls before seeing a big piece of machinery :)
Posted by: Sarah | January 05, 2011 at 03:21 PM
I don't have sons, but sometimes I think about burning my house down after my (nearly grown) nephews have come to visit and used my bathroom.
Posted by: Charlene | January 05, 2011 at 03:28 PM
So glad it wasn't just me. Dang-le!
Posted by: reenie | January 05, 2011 at 03:43 PM
Hey, it's like you just read me my future!
Posted by: Ginger | January 05, 2011 at 04:00 PM
I have two girls, and very likely a third on the way, and use the word 'vagina' so much it has lost all meaning. their underwear also ends up in very odd places...the kitchen, under the bed, my purse.
and i totally saw balls.
Posted by: rebecca | January 05, 2011 at 04:07 PM
Yep, I saw testicles. And yes, I have boys. Sadly, (or not sadly because it gives us a free pass to be ridiculous and inappropriate) they do not out grow it. Mine are 13 and 15. They, along with my 65 year old father received for Christmas a play-doh sized container of goop that makes farting noises... hilarious uncontrollable laughter ensued (and that was just my dad) - still! Christmas was 11 days ago, OMG!
Posted by: Sassy Pants | January 05, 2011 at 04:11 PM
What is it with men and the need to hang their dirty underwear on something? Like, "oh, I don't want it to be on the floor (or god forbid the HAMPER)'cause it might get dirty...". DH puts his on the bathroom counter. GAH.
I did NOT see balls (until you pointed them out, of course) and I have two boys - they're still small, though, so that's my excuse for now.
I saw one of those wall decals at Kohl's once before we had kids that said "Boy: (n.) Noise with Dirt on It". Am kicking myself now for not buying it.
Posted by: Susan | January 05, 2011 at 04:17 PM
This post made me laugh so hard I had tears. Oh, boys. ;)
Posted by: Jennifer | January 05, 2011 at 04:29 PM
I totally saw the excavator. All girls; 8, 3 and 1. I don't have to clean pee off of the toilet seat. But, the DRAMA! GAWD!
Posted by: Michelle Baum | January 05, 2011 at 04:47 PM
I definitely see yellow balls. Maybe that's because I have a boy too who happens to be breast fed and has perfect yellow poo that's what I see every time I change his poopy diaper. Seriously, who designs these things?
Posted by: Meg Groesbeck | January 05, 2011 at 04:55 PM
Oh god, woman...wait until you have teenagers and you find out that they have a special sock on laundry day. (shuddering all over again)
Posted by: Melissa | January 05, 2011 at 05:00 PM
I saw an excavator. Also, I have a daughter. Funnier than the picture on the sock (to me) is the fact that it says "I <3 Dirt". That is just an odd sentiment. Why would we encourage the love of dirt? Unless you want the kid to be a ... geologist, I guess?
The photo of the underwear on the toilet roll holder is just PURE awesomeness.
Posted by: adequatemom | January 05, 2011 at 05:26 PM
Try FOUR little boys under six! Mine are 6, 5, 4, 3 and we also have a baby BOY :)
Posted by: Katie | January 05, 2011 at 05:34 PM
Nope, I have 2 girls and I totally saw BALLS.
Posted by: Denise | January 05, 2011 at 05:35 PM
My husband's mother taught him to sit down, and wipe if he sprinkled.
Yes, this is why I married him.
I have 2 girls. But, if it makes you feel any better, somehow the 3 year old manages to get poop *everyfreakinwhere*. And then she goes and plays with her sister before she washes her hands.
Sigh.
Posted by: La Rêveuse | January 05, 2011 at 05:53 PM
Not gonna lie, I saw balls, not construction equipment, lol! I was like...whaaat? Oh. Not a pair of super inappropriate tiny socks after all. =P
I have girls and my husband is a construction worker...
Posted by: Jennie | January 05, 2011 at 06:03 PM
No..I saw what you saw..on the first look. :)
Posted by: Melissa Shea | January 05, 2011 at 06:22 PM
I DO have a daughter (3), who just yesterday in a fit of rage took off all of her clothes and THREW her underpants at me. And yellow balls, yes.
Posted by: Amy_in_Oz | January 05, 2011 at 07:02 PM
That underwear picture is awesome. I, too, saw a pair of testicles on the socks, which either means all the moms who read this blog are pervs or those socks could use a re-design.
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | January 05, 2011 at 07:31 PM
OMG - I TOTALLY can relate to your post. I have 3 boys here myself and have also had the same issues you've posted. (I also have one little girl - poor thing, we're going to be rolling our eyes at the guys our whole lives).
Thanks for the good laugh!
Posted by: Carol | January 05, 2011 at 07:47 PM
I have a daughter... but that didn't stop me from totally seeing dangling testicles. So very glad to know that I'm not alone!
Posted by: Jennifer | January 05, 2011 at 08:01 PM
Buwaaahaaaaa::deep breath::aaawaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Posted by: Sue | January 05, 2011 at 08:01 PM
Ok, so I looked at the pic, saw an excavator. I read the next sentence, was like "wah?", looked up and saw balls. I thought to myself, "How did I not see balls the first time? It's so obvious!" Then I read on about having daughters. LOL! I do have a daughter and when we visit our friends with boys we both leave the playdates frazzled and disgusted. Often we go straight home to roll around on our clean carpeting with Barbies!
Posted by: Raegan | January 05, 2011 at 08:05 PM
Saw the testicle. Straight up. Took me a full minute to see the excavator. Yup.
Posted by: Trifioso | January 05, 2011 at 08:11 PM
I'm sorry: you cleaned the toilet area yesterday, and you expect it to be clean today? What Disney Channel do you live in?
Love the dangling yellow balls, though.
Posted by: sal | January 05, 2011 at 08:22 PM
My three-year old boy refuses to stand to pee, which means that I have to help him go to the bathroom whenever we're out of the house because he can't climb onto a toilet seat by himself (at home he sits on a potty). After readng your post, suddenly this seems a whole lot less irritating...
Posted by: Helen | January 05, 2011 at 08:22 PM
Yep, boys and their totally useless aiming mechanisms! The bane of my life until they left home at which point they DO learn how to do it (when sober anyway) probably because then they have to clean it up!
I did try the ping-pong ball in the toilet bowl idea but the trainee aimer involved fished it out to play with . . . !
Posted by: SharonB | January 05, 2011 at 08:24 PM
I might be trembling a bit with fear at the future urine on the walls...just had twin boys. So, there's no hope of a clean bathroom?
Totally saw the testicles though so guess I'm prepared:-)
Posted by: Diane | January 05, 2011 at 08:46 PM
LOL do I know this. My boys' underwear is usually at the top of the bathroom door or resting on clean towels. They can't just put their undies in the laundry basket and then bury it like, well, GIRLS.
Steph
Posted by: Adventures In Babywearing | January 05, 2011 at 09:02 PM
I actually have underwear on my toilet paper holder right now. Hmm. And about 2 or 3 empty rolls of tp on the FLOOR. Because it makes more sense that way, obviously.
Posted by: tracey | January 05, 2011 at 09:15 PM
i only have 1 boy and deal with lots of pee too :)
Posted by: Melinda | January 05, 2011 at 09:52 PM
I have nasty toilets in my house too and I totally saw yellow testicles when I looked at those socks at first!
Posted by: Stacy | January 05, 2011 at 10:05 PM
I had to do a triple take on the eks-ga-dader (which is what they're called at our house) testicles.
My 16 mo daughter has learned the word poop (boo) and will tell you if she is poopy. She then expanded to say boo for any dirty/wet diaper, and grabs at her diaper front oh so clearly to show you what she means. Well, today I was changing her brother's pull up and she got all up in his bidness, fascinated, and proclaimed... "boo!"
Posted by: Della | January 05, 2011 at 10:29 PM
Oh, and I was trying to find those biodegradable potty target floaty things (aka Piddlers now that I've re-found them), and found this on a mamapedia page: "Or you could take a square of toilet paper, put a drop of food coloring on it (blue) & let him take aim to turn it another color (green)."
Sounds cool to me!
Or, too bad you're not in Australia: http://www.gizmag.com/wee-target-toilet-training/8562/
Posted by: Della | January 05, 2011 at 10:38 PM
sheepishly raising my hand too....
Posted by: Lori McBride | January 05, 2011 at 10:39 PM
I have a daughter and a wife. I still saw testicles on those socks.
Posted by: Whozat | January 05, 2011 at 11:21 PM
my sister has three boys and a husband and when the boys were little she used to FANTASIZE about having a wall in her bathroom that was just one big urinal! i thought she was a bit weird on that count, but now that i have little ones... i get it; sigh. that and she use to want three washers and three dryers so she could get the laundry done in one shot... we use to dream of pretty sparkly things when we were younger....
Posted by: jennifer | January 05, 2011 at 11:49 PM
Isn't it amazing how they always claim that they "didn't make the mess around the toilet"?
Posted by: Kristin | January 06, 2011 at 12:27 AM
Oh, Amalah, Thank you! I just took my two year old in to have his front teeth pulled after he boyishly knocked most of these teeth out. It's been a rough, sad day, but your post made me laugh. Thank you for that.
Posted by: Christina | January 06, 2011 at 01:27 AM
Definitely giant dangling, yellow testicles. And my boys sit down. Mostly. My rule was, if you see a urinal? Go ahead and stand up. You see a seat? Sit on it.
Posted by: AmyC65 | January 06, 2011 at 08:03 AM
Actually I did see an excavator on first look even though I do have a boy.
However now I can only see a pair of giant dangling yellow testicles. Thanks a lot.
Posted by: sheilah | January 06, 2011 at 03:15 PM
Oh, and my mother swore she was going to paint a bathroom 'shit brown and pee yellow.' I have 2 brothers.
Posted by: sheilah | January 06, 2011 at 03:27 PM
Great post and so dead on. My five year old has become so lazy with peeing. The other night he just pushed his groin area forward (rather than pointing his penis in the toilet) and, because his penis was stuck to his body he ended up peeing behind himself all over the floor.
Posted by: Michele | January 06, 2011 at 04:05 PM
Totally testicles...and as a mom of 3 boys and being the only female in the house...I think it is UNFAIR that we are the ones cleaning the pee toilets when we clearly are the only ones in the house NOT PEEING EVERYWHERE BUT IN THE TOILET!!!
Posted by: Maggie | January 06, 2011 at 07:16 PM
I showed this post to my husband, and when he saw the picture of the sock, he said "I heart dirt and a ball sac??"
So, you know, you're not the only one.
Posted by: Liana | January 06, 2011 at 09:08 PM
I just stumbled across your blog yesterday...afterseeing the toilet paper hanger and the testicle socks, I about fell out of my chair in hysterics.(the good kind) I can't wait to make my way through your archives and laugh some more!! thanks for sharing your life!!
Posted by: Kellie | January 07, 2011 at 09:44 AM
I totally saw dangling yellow balls. As for boys and bathrooms, ugh. My husband and sons share a bathroom, and the floor around the toilet is a biohazard on a regular basis.
Posted by: Elizabeth @ Table for Five | January 07, 2011 at 01:29 PM