New Year, Same Crap, Now With Bonus CAPS LOCK
January 03, 2011
So. 2011. Another year, another realization that I missed my own blog's anniversary about a month or so ago...Thanksgiving-ish? December if we're waiting until I actually started posting anything other than entries that said stuff like TESTING TESTING IS THIS THING ON HA HA IT'S A BLOG BUT I'M TREATING IT LIKE A MICROPHONE OMG I AM LIKE THE MOST ORIGINAL PERSON TO EVER FIGURE OUT HOW TO ACCESS THE INTERNET?
Anyway. Here I am, about to embark on my EIGTH YEAR of blogging, and I feel like the first entry of 2011 should be a good one. An important one. I should at least attempt to spell things mostly correctly. And I should have a really, really good topic.
THINGS THAT ARE NOT GOOD TOPICS, PROBABLY
1) Bitching about the person who is selling a set of bunk beds on Craigslist for $150 yet has not responded to my email about wanting to buy said bunk beds. Which means they either enjoy keeping me in suspense OR they have already sold the bunk beds to someone else, someone else who does not DESERVE THEM like I do, who will not LOVE THEM like I will, so FINE, bunk-bed seller person, I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY WITH THAT MEASLY $150, though you should know I totally would have thrown in the extra $50 you mentioned for the mattresses, provided they weren't like, gross or smelly or anything. Nothing but the best for MY preshus ruffians.
1a) Unless you just haven't checked your email yet today. In that case I take it all back. Pick me! I am not at all the unhinged sort of person who gets completely hysterical over used furniture deals on Craigslist or anything, oh no.
1b) I can come get them tonight! Just sent me your home address. Uh-huh. Do it.
2) I have a cold. I would literally crush a set of solid maple bunk beds with my bare hands right now, if it meant I could take some goddamn Advil Cold & Sinus instead of all these various safe-for-pregnancy remedies that are not doing a goddamn thing.
2a) First person who suggests a Neti Pot gets sold on Craigslist.
2b) Seriously, if it's not used in a meth lab, I DON'T WANT IT. WAH.
3) So remember that time I ran out of gas and didn't have my wallet and did a whole bunch of other dumb shit all in a shockingly narrow timeframe? And still found time to worry about Noah's bus driver getting mad at me because I didn't manage to call the dispatch depot to tell them we weren't going to be home in time?
3a) Well! I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT, because today the bus pulled up in front of our house, and waited NOT EVEN 30 SECONDS before pulling away and gunning it down the street. I literally turned away from the window to zip up Noah's coat -- with no bus in sight -- and then turned back around and BAM. There was the bus, hightailing it away from our house. I didn't even hear the brakes squeal, that high-pitched squeal that jolts me awake in a panic every Tuesday morning at 7 am because the garbage truck's brakes make the same squeal and I flip out because THE BUS THE BUS THE BUS IS FIVE HOURS EARLY AND I AM UNPREPARED FOR IT.
3b) The bus also usually gives us a courtesy honk if we're not out there when it pulls up. But clearly, those days are over, because of That Time I Didn't Call I Just Know It. I shall now totally resume my regular topographical surveys of my backyard to inspect for possible volcano lumps.
3c) Or maybe because I didn't give the bus drivers a Christmas gift? Are you supposed to give bus drivers Christmas gifts? Don't answer that. I don't really want to know. Besides, there are FOUR OF THEM, including ride-on aides, plus a bajillion alternates, and I don't really know what all their names are and frankly the pick-up people are kind of rude and scary and Noah has five regular teachers PLUS therapists and art and P.E. and I feel like the gift card/cookie basket madness had to end SOMEWHERE, but then they gave Noah a card and a miniature candy cane a couple days before the holiday break and I was like, "BAIT. GIFT CARD BAIT. BAH HUMBUG."
3d) So I had to drive Noah to school. Luckily, I was actually dressed, though it wasn't until we got there and I was mid-rant to his teacher about I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I SWEAR WE WERE RIGHT THERE BY THE WINDOW THE WHOLE TIME IT CAME EARLY AND THEN DROVE AWAY SO FAST BLAH BLIBBITY CRAZY LADY TALK that I realized I was still wearing my bedroom slippers.
4) Yep. 2011 is pretty much shaping up to be exactly the same as the last eight years or so. Personal growth and development are for suckers.
5) PLEASE PRETEND I HAD A FIFTH THING THERE. WHY CAN'T MY LISTS EVER JUST HAVE FIVE THINGS ON THEM TO BEGIN WITH? GOD.