Dog, Thwarted
Show Me Your Teeth

26 Weeks

The theme song for weeks 25 and 26 of this pregnancy have been Lady Gaga's Poker Face, which I oh-so-super-cleverly renamed and reworked as Pizza Face:

Can't clear my, can't clear my,

No I can't clear up my pizza face.

(I have zits like no one's business.)

I am a regular goddamned Weird Al, right? I mean, I could be, once I figure out more lyrics than just those three lines. I sort-of came up with a verse about burritos and Indian food where I was able to swap "fart" for "heart" but then I stopped. Because of the DIGNITY. WHICH I TOTALLY STILL HAVE.

I also do totally have gas. And a bladder that wakes me up at least two times a night. And a slutbitch of a sciatic nerve. 

After a breakneck buying spree attack of the baby shopping, I'm feeling much more prepared than I was even just a week ago. Realizing that you somehow own 14 designer swaddling blankets will do the trick, apparently. As does discovering an entire forgotten stash of baby gifts you bought for friends' newborns but never managed to wrap up and send, and since said newborns are now toddlers, said gifts are ALL YOURS NOW YAY.

(Thus: the 14 designer swaddling blankets. Which means I am now all but guaranteed to give birth to a baby who hates, hates, hates being swaddled. Either way, I'm totes prepared!)

Oh, everything is still just piled up on the floor. But dammit, those are some well-stocked piles. I can rest easy with those piles. I could rest easy ON those piles, what with all the blankets and fluffy diapers in there. 

Lastly, the obligatory this:

Photo (31)

Can't see my, can't see my,

No you can't see my pizza face.

(I will crop and you will like it.)

Comments

jay

Damn you. Damn you and your skinniness while carrying an awesome bump. DAMN YOU!

Looking fabulous, by the way.

G.G.R

I look like that but I am 0 weeks pregnant. I think you owe me your pizza face to make up for making me feel fatty mcfat. But also HOORAY! belly pic!!!

G.G.R

I look like that but I am 0 weeks pregnant. I think you owe me your pizza face to make up for making me feel fatty mcfat.

G.G.R

I look like that but I am 0 weeks pregnant. I think you owe me your pizza face to make up for making me feel fatty mcfat. But also HOORAY! belly pic!!!

Chelsie

I think I looked liked that at 6 weeks. Basically, you're the kind of pregnant lady all the rest of us secretly hate because the only thing that makes you look pregnant is that cute little soccer ball tummy.

Patty

I had HORRIBLE pizza face when I was pregnant! And afterwards, too... it lasted until I started to use some Clinique acne stuff when my boy was over a year old. Now it's pretty good, I guess!

And you look SO teeny tiny! Gain some weight, darn it!

victoria

The door knob is bigger than the baby bump. This is one of those "the objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear" yes?

Karen

You look fantastic! Sorry about the pizza face. I have cholasma which makes me look like it is Ash Wednesday every day. A big, dark, birthmark looking thing graces my forehead...and one on my cheek. Every couple of days, someone tries to rub it off while telling me I have dirt on my...oh...it won't come off. But behold, am 4 centimeters and %50 effaced so my days preggers are numbered!!!!

Life of a Doctor's Wife

26 weeks!!!

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

Or... not so secretly hate because we talk about how jelus we are in your comments.

FreeRange Pamela

aargh. sorry for the multiple comments. It just didn't seem like it was DOING anything so I hit the button again :-(

Backpacking Dad

Whenever I hear Poker Face it goes

Can't read my, can't read my
No you can't read my poker face
(Come on Barbie, let's go party.

Beth

Freaking hell. You with baby bump looks far better than me ever.

Except for that little "starving myself" stage I went through in high school.

Still, reading this makes me so glad I'm not preggers. :)

Kailee

Don't you secretly just love when you find a gift you forgot to give? My latest was a handmade mobile we bought in Australia for a friend that was pregnant over two years ago. Now that mobile is dangling in our nursery! Score!

Heather

Baby bump! Squee! ;-) I also could sing the pizza face version and it's even due to hormones, but yeah, not THOSE hormones. Jerks.

erin

oh the GAS! 20 weeks over here and glad i am not the only one. I keep telling my coworkers i have restless legs but i am really crop dusting the whole office. soooo not my fault.

Marianne

Even though we can't see your face, you still look amazing.

I had my baby in January, and my skin was a nightmare about 30-34 weeks. Then, at 35 weeks, I developed this hellacious tailbone pain. But at least my skin looked great!

Lori

You do this pregnant thing really well.

SarahB

Let's see...Zits, check. Up to pee twice a night, check. Oh the farting, check. And I'm having vegetarian Indian food for dinner, check. Glad to know I'm not alone.

Elle

I look like that after taco night and I'm not WITH CHILD. Just with... gas.

MMmm... tacos.

Vicki

Sadly for me my skin is good when pregnant/feeding but 'troubled' at all other times. First time posting here and I just want to say your blog makes me smile.

Jill

Congrats on the 26 weeks and yay for swaddling blankets! I was thinking after your post with your to-do list, do you think you could document your re-vamp of your closets and make a post out of it?!!! Am in desperate need of reorganizing our closets but can't bring myself to begin! (Our 3rd is due in July. Have similar paralysis-inducing to-do list.) Would appreciate inspiraaaaaation! Pretty pretty please?!

Jody Brettkelly

Hi Jody here, a kiwi living in Oakland. You look great - what a great preggie pic. at least you have your dignity, as you say. I gave up on mine many poopy carpets and tantrums ago...

Dani

OMG.......FAMY (fat Amy) that is hands down the cutest baby bump ever. Oh the cuteness!

kelly

Hi Lady - yoga teacher here. GOT A SCIATIC NERVE STRETCH FOR YA!!! Actually, it stretches the piriformis muscle, which is the dirty, dirty spot where your sciatic nerve hurts like a beeyotch. Directions: stand and hold onto a chair or the wall. cross the ankle of the offending buttock over the knee and push your tailbone backwards, like you are going to sit down in a chair with your ankle over your knee. Cheer because you have some momentary relief. Repeat as needed, a gabillion times a day. The non-preg version of this is to sit in a chair with your ankle over your knee and lean forward, but preggo belly gets in the way, so for now you have to stand. Good luck!

HolyMama!

i'm sure you're gorgeous above the neck too. that bump is stylish?! What? i always looked like a flesh toned SUV.

Michele

I'm totally sympathetic about the sciatic nerve thing. I had this problem with my first pregnancy (though thankfully not my second), and now I find that it flares up everyone once in a while. A heating pad helps, as do those stick on icy/hot patch type dealies. (Get the name brands - never the generic.) Or Tiger Balm.

Eden

The way you describe the sciatic nerve...feels good to repeat that! I am 29 weeks, and counting...yay for boys!!!

Corinne

Word up on the pizza face. I thought I was supposed to get all glowy and shit. Somebody lied to me and once I find out who they will pay. And yes, gas and peeing and aren't we just beautifully maternal and blah

Jessi @ Quirky Cookery

Lol, I love the Lady Gaga rewrite. <3

Alaina

I am totally jealous of your cute bump! And your skinny ass....

Frema

You look lovely, and nowhere near 26 weeks pregnant. Meanwhile, I am 22 weeks and look to be about 32 weeks. Plus my belly isn't nice and round like it was during my first two pregnancies - it resembles more of a triangle shape. The hell?

die Frau

I'm just 25 weeks and, sorry for the TMI, but totally with you on the gas part. Ugh. I could be an extra for the DVD commentary for "A Mighty Wind".

I have to agree with the other posters and say that you are an extremely cute pregnant lady with your sweet boy bump.

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