Over, Part Two
March 18, 2011
My mom just called. After multiple blood and platelet transfusions this week, my dad's numbers were the lowest they've ever been. Hemoglobin at 6. Platelets at 10.
So no more chemo, for real this time. No more transfusions. No more. He's enrolled in hospice.
The prognosis is two months.
I'm due in two and a half.
Goddammit, cancer. Just goddammit.
Hoping beyond hope for you all that they're wrong about the months. I wish there were something I could say to ease any of it. Just know you are loved by a whole bunch of crazy internet.
I'm sorry to hear that, Amy. Just wanted to repeat what everyone else is saying--"two months" isn't an absolute. We were told that my grandmother had 2-4 weeks. She had a steep decline for a couple weeks, and then after 3 weeks, something changed in her, and she was strong and lucid for another month and a half. She exceeded her doctors' expectations, and we got the woman we loved back for a little while at least.
My heart goes out to you and your family, and I hope that you have the time that you need.
Longtime lurker posting today to say I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
One more birthday. Praying for one more.
I am sorry...
Amy, I am so sorry. I'm praying that your dad gets to meet his newest grandson. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry, Amy. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I'm so sorry Amy. I wish I had better words of encouragement for you, but that just stinks. My prayers are with you and your family.
I am so, so sorry to hear your news. Know that you and your family are in the prayers of many.
Oh Amy, I'm so very, very sorry. Wishing your family peace.
I am so sorry, and that fucking sucks. This whole situation (about your dad) sucks.
Sending prayers for you and your family.
I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to hope. But keep hoping and cherish every moment. He wants you to be as strong as he is. Celebrate life every day.
Thinking of you and your family... Much love.
Oh, Amy. I'm so, so sorry. I"m praying that your dad can hold on long enough to meet his littlest grandson.
Oh, god. I am so sorry.
I don't have anything useful to say. I don't know you in real life...but my heart is breaking for you and your family.
Big internet hugs.
Sigh.This just sucks, on so many levels.
Fuck cancer. Lost a 20-year friend last week to breast cancer.
I'm a long time reader but first time commenter(and I'm not sure WHY this is my first time commenting since my due date is about 2 days before yours). I am so sorry. I'm praying hard that EVERYONE in your family is cloaked in Peace and Comfort. Sending all the love in the world to you and yours.
Praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family.
I'm sorry.
I really don't know what to say except this completely sucks that you and your family have to go through this. Sending thoughts your way from AZ.
Let me add my voice to the litany of others who send their prayers for strength, comfort and positive energy your way. It seems I've been bending St. Peregrine's ear a lot lately. You and your family will certainly be in my prayers, Amy.
Wishing comfort & peace to all of you.
I'm so sorry, Amy. Thinking of you.
Amy, I am so very sorry. Hoping for the best most peaceful and loving outcome.
I'm so very sorry. Just so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
I am so sorry. I can't even think of anything else to say.
<3
My heart breaks. Praying for peace for you and your family.
Oh. Oh, Amy. I'm so sorry.
I will say a prayer to the universe for you that your father will be able to wait to end his journey in this life and be physically here to hold your baby boy as he begins his.
I am so sorry. That sucks.
I am so sorry. I know we don't know each other but I wanted you to know that your whole family is in my thoughts and prayers. Fuck cancer hard.
I am so sorry, Amy. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't comment a lot, but did want to say this: grief is hard, hard, hard no matter what. And yes, it would be lovely if your dad could meet the new babe before he passes- I really hope that happens. But I also want you to know that if it does happen that your dad passes just before baby comes- there is no better balm for grief than a new baby. I lost my dad from a stroke unexpectedly four days before my daughter (baby #3) was born, and while I spent a lot of time in extreme emotional pain the first month she was born, I think I spent way more of it smiling than I otherwise could have. She has healed me in ways I could never have foreseen. Anyway, I send a ton of love and strength your way- you will make it through no matter what. And though at times it seems inconceivable, it does get easier, on average, over time.
I'm so, so sorry.
I lost both parents to cancer. I know how rough it is.
Sending all my love and squishy stuff.
I'm so, so sorry. No words for how much this sucks. I'll definitely be keeping you & your family in my prayers, for whatever that's worth.
How awful; I'm so sorry for you and your whole family.
How awful; I'm so sorry for you and your whole family.
I'm so very sorry, Amy.
I'm sorry Amy - I've been there and it sucks and is so incredibly stressful. My thoughts are with you all.
so sorry, honey.
If his goal is to see his new grandchild, odds are he will make it. I've seen it time and time again with my hospice patients. Never underestimate the power of the human spirit, especially a tough guy like your dad. I hope and pray his remaining time here, however long, is filled with pain-free peace. Love and hugs to your family.
Oh no. My heart goes out to you and yours.
(((((you))))) <3
I'm so sorry.
I am so, so sorry. Wishing I had something to say that didn't sound so empty and simple. I lost my dad five days before my oldest son turned one. It sucks. Take care of each other.
Like everyone else, there is really nothing to say except I'm so sorry, but here's another useless comment just so you know that SOOOO many people have you and your family in their thoughts.
Amy, I am so very sorry. I will hold out all the hope I can muster that your dad will meet the baby.
"I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to cover it, and I really am just so sorry Amy. I will say that the prognosis and the "real time" don't usually match up - I will be hoping against hope and praying fervently for that to be the case with your dad. I wish you joy in every remaining minute together, and peace for your family in the face of this unbelievable reality.
Oh, Amy.
I'm just gonna go with your category and say "fuck cancer". I know where you're coming from, unfortunately. It sucks. I only hope you can feel a little bit of how much you touch other people with your writing, and how much we're thinking of you.
Oh God. That's all I can say. I'm so sorry.
This fucking sucks so much.
So so sorry!!
Dammit. Life is so effing awful sometimes. Major positive vibes being sent your way.
I've been reading you since Noah was a toddler. Your post today really brought me to tears. I am praying so hard for you and your Dad and your whole family. I pray he can comfortably be there to greet his newest grandson. God be with you.
I'm so sorry, Amy. Sending love and positive energy to your family.
I'm sending all my love, hugs, and positive thoughts your way. Stay strong.
I'm so, so sorry. My thoughts are with your family--I know how hard it is, and I can only pray with you all that your son gets to meet his grandfather.
Love, hugs, and prayers.
No words....just love and comfort sent your way.
Wish I could do more.
Well, crap, this is why I shouldn't have abandoned religion, because the PERFECT thing to say here is that I'm praying he'll get an unexpected extension and be here for the new baby boy. I can say the same thing with "hope," but it doesn't sound as much like I'm WORKING on it.
That just sucks. I am so sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know it doesn't help, but remember that a prognosis is just an educated guess. Hold onto hope, because hope is a good thing.
Prayers for you and your family!
I'm so very sorry. Your dad will live on in you and your kids. Hopefully when your newest little one arrives, you'll see glimpses of your dad in him.
I am so sorry.
Shit. Sorry.
damn damn damn. i'm so sorry Amy. that's just such crappy news. i'll be praying for you and the boys.
I'm so sorry.
oh, amy. i'm so sorry. my heart aches for you and your family.
I'm so sorry, Amy. What a roller coaster. I'm thinking of your family and wish the best for your dad's comfort.
My heart aches for you and your family...
Love, hugs & tears for u all!!! My own father died of cancer, on hospice in my home, WELL before his time; he was 51...met my 1st son, not my 2nd who is already SOOO much like him & will never know any of my brother's children (if any) so unanimously yes FUCK CANCER - I am here if u need the "small talk" :'(
Love, hugs & tears for u all!!! My own father died of cancer, on hospice in my home, WELL before his time; he was 51...met my 1st son, not my 2nd who is already SOOO much like him & will never know any of my brother's children (if any) so unanimously yes FUCK CANCER - I am here if u need the "small talk" :'(
Amy, I am so sorry. And shaking because this sounds all too familiar. My third child was born during my father's last days--he was already in a "rehab" facility though we knew there was no rehabilitation possible. I left the hospital with my newborn, my husband and my two other children, and we went directly to see my dad so he could meet his newest grandchild, his first grandson. We were told not to do it ("too germy!") but we did and it was one of the most poignant moments of my life.
I used to wish your dad would beat cancer, for my dad who didn't and all those who won't. Now I will send my wishes that he meets his new grandson. But, dammit, it's so not fair, is it? Hugs to you. -Christina
Oh. So many warm thoughts your way, to you and yours. So, so sorry...
Amy, this sucks.
:(
Stacy
Sending prayers and hugs for you and your whole family. Hospice people are wonderful, they helped us so when my grandfather was sick.
I'm so sorry, Amy. My thought and prayers are with you and you're family.
I'm so sorry, Amy. And you know, doctors don't know everything. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
So sorry. I'll be saying prayers that whatever time remaining is peaceful for your dad and your family.
Sorry just doesn't seem to cut it, but it's really the only thing to say. I hope that whatever time you have left with him is peaceful and full of love.
I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Long, long time lurker - Amy that really sucks, I am so very sorry.
I so hope he gets to meet your baby and I too am so sorry for the roller coaster of emotions you must be riding at this time.
I'm so sorry. Please do keep your hopes up, he does have that to look forward to, maybe the powers that be can grant them one meeting. Even though I know you are being realistic, I bet you can't help but hope, and that is a good thing, not a bad thing.
I'm putting my money on your dad seeing your new son. I'm so sorry Amy. You and your family will be in my prayers
oh... 2 months. it could be more. is that the wrong thing to say? because i really have no idea. but he's already proven them wrong, and maybe...? i'm sorry. even if it is 2 months. that's short, and awful, and i wish it were negotiable.
Oh Amy. I know this is not how you ever imagined things.
Do you remember when Noah and Ezra were tiny, new babies and would sometimes giggle in their sleep? My mom used to tell me that that was b/c the angels who took care of them in the womb were checking on them. We had a priest who used to say that the reason old people and babies have so much in common is b/c babies are just coming from God, and old people are getting ready to go back to God, and they just seem to connect. I know your belief system is not based on any institution or human-made rules or ideas, but if there is a heaven, then I believe your dad will go there, and will make your son giggle. Whether or not he gets to meet him on earth first. Peace be with you.
Cancer sucks big fat donkey balls. My mother in law is fighting breast cancer for the third (and final)time. I want to thank you for writing about your experience, it always helps make sense of my own thoughts...
I am so sorry to hear this, and thinking about you and your family.
No words, except to say how sorry I am. I hope your remaining time together can be joyful and will cement positive memories of the boys' granddad. Hugs to you all.
I'm so sorry.
Your readers love you and are lifting you up. So, so sorry you're going thru this.
I'm so sorry, Amy. There's never anything right to say when you hear terrible news like this. I'm just so sorry.
Ugh. I am so sorry to hear that. I'll include y'all in my universe vibe-sending. I know it's hard to say goodbye. I hope your dad's last months are peaceful and pain-free.
I'm so sorry, Amy. You and your family are in my thoughts.