Over, Part Two
March 18, 2011
My mom just called. After multiple blood and platelet transfusions this week, my dad's numbers were the lowest they've ever been. Hemoglobin at 6. Platelets at 10.
So no more chemo, for real this time. No more transfusions. No more. He's enrolled in hospice.
The prognosis is two months.
I'm due in two and a half.
Love, love and more love to you guys at this ridiculous, impossible time.
I'm really, really sorry. It's not fair and it fucking sucks and I'm sorry.
So, so sorry. For you, Jason and the boys. For your Mom and family and for your Dad.
Aw, sweetie, I'm keeping my thoughts with you, here's hoping like he'll that all the timing works out the way you would most like it too...much love. And yes, fuck cancer.
Here's hoping for one more birthday and many more months.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I wish I could donate an extra few weeks for your dad.
Hugs and prayers and whatever else the internet can do.
Hugs and prayers and whatever else the internet can do.
I'm so sorry. So so sorry.
I'm so sorry. So so sorry.
I'm sorry, sweetie. Really, really sorry.
Come to Canada. We will have a glass of wine. You have been living my story. You type exact words that have came out of my mouth. I know the heaviness of your heart.
Come to Canada. We will have a glass of wine. You have been living my story. You type exact words that have came out of my mouth. I know the heaviness of your heart.
Whew. I have so been there. As much as it totally and completely sucks....there is nothing you can do that will change it. Which makes it suck all the more. Having gone through it, with my dad, I will offer up what I learned in the process. Don't hold anything back. Say everything that is on your heart. Laugh with him. Don't be afraid to cry in front of him. You are so fortunate that you are being given a chance to say goodbye - so many aren't given that opportunity. This was the toughest thing I ever went through in my entire life, but there is such a peace that comes with knowing that it was real. Don't ever stop talking to him. I absolutely cannot gush about Hospice enough - they are truly angels on Earth, and are so respectful of the patients and their families. They allow our loved ones to leave with their dignity intact.....and what more could anyone want?? I would give anything to have not gone through it myself, but yet, I have such a peace and calmness about it as well. Hugs to you, and prayers for you, as well as for your precious dad and the rest of your family.
I'm so, so sorry. There is never a good time to lose a loved one, but this seems unbearably cruel.
My heart is breaking for you. I just got chills reading that post.
have chills. so sorry, sweet girl. you're in my thoughts!
I am so sorry.
I will be thinking of you and your family
I really hope your father gets to meet the new baby.
<3
So sorry. I can't express it right. Just know that I lost my sister last month to melanoma, and my mother-in-law was diagnosed this month with bladder cancer which is already in her lungs and other places in her abdomen. She's in near constant excruciating pain and can't tolerate narcotics. Only treatment is chemo, which will reduce the pain, but doc doesn't think she's strong enough to handle it. She has an appt on Tuesday. I know it won't go well. It can't. And I'm so sad.
There are just no words. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
DAMN IT TO HELL. F'IN CANCER. I have needed to cry all day today, and this will do it. Thinking of you all.
Damn. Sending you many many good thoughts.
so sorry. this sucks. hug those boys a little tighter.
Amy, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Oh. I wish I could hug you. I can't, so I'll pray for you, for your dad, your mom, all of you. Love.
I don't comment often, but I had to let you know you and your family will be in my thoughts. I lost a family member last week and it just sucks so much.
So sorry, Amy. Hoping your father stays healthy and gets to meet the new baby.
Echoing everyone...to say I'm so very sorry for all of you. Enjoy the time you have.
So sorry to hear this and wishing you peace. I think it was on Rebecca Woolf's blog just the other day, where she wrote that her son believes that "when people die, they immediately become babies in someone's tummy" -- I never really thought of life that way but think it's such a beautiful sentiment... and just maybe, even in some small way, it is true.
Shit, Fuck, Damn!
That's all I can think of to say besides I'm sorry.
Oh Amalah and Familah - I am so so sorry. I have read this blog for 5 whole years and never commented until today. THIS is when I delurk to say that I am praying for all of you. I will work on imagining all of you surrounded by love and light and angels to comfort you. Peace ...
Oh Amalah and Familah - I am so so sorry. I have read this blog for 5 whole years and never commented until today. THIS is when I delurk to say that I am praying for all of you. I will work on imagining all of you surrounded by love and light and angels to comfort you. Peace ...
I am so, so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I hope that your dad is able to be comfortable and comforted by the love of his family and the help hospice can provide. I will be thinking of you all in the coming weeks and months.
Fuck fuck fuck!
Amy, I'm so sorry for you and your family.
I'm so, so sorry, Amy. Hugs to you and your family.
I don't know what to hope for here. We knew in the July that my sister was terminal, no more to be done. She was determined to hold out for her birthday in September so she could have a wake instead of a birthday party. The Friday before the big day she slipped into a coma but actually lived until the afternoon of her birthday on the Sunday when she quietly just stopped.... Maybe just hope your lovely Dad slips away comfortably whenever the time comes and if the baby has come first then that will be a bonus.
xox
I'm so very sorry.
There are no words, but I'll be saying many prayers. My heart is breaking for all of you.
Amy, nothing "right" to say, but I can't just sit here and not post, either. I care.
I'm so sorry. So very sorry.
Fuck cancer, indeed.
I'm so sorry Amy. This is so... awful, unfair, horrible.... bullshit. Sending you peace and love and prayers for a brighter tomorrow. You and your family are so loved, and I hope that brings all of you some comfort.
So so sorry, i hope you all come out of this ordeal in peace and with love. I admire your Dad's courage.
I am so sorry Amy. Thinking about you and your family
Yet another internet stranger-friend sending good vibes your way.
Oh, I'm so sorry. How heartbreaking. I hope you have the baby early (a healthy early). I hope you dad surprises you all.
Fuuuucccckkkkkk. All the best to you and your family.
Oh Amy, I am so sorry. Your dad is a fighter. I betcha beans that he will fight until that new baby boy makes it into this world... I know that doesn't mean a thing coming from some random stranger off the internet, but I've been in my business for long enough and seen it enough....
Prayers for all of you.
Sending you love and light!
Dear, dear Amy: one day when you're not reeling so badly and it's not so late I will tell you how, on one of the absolute suckiest days of my life, I did a random Google search and you were the second hit (props for that, btw) and on subsequent nearly-as-sucky-but-not-quite days i read your archives all the way back to the Haiku Smackdown days and now can always count on you for a laugh and my days are a bit brighter because you, random Internet person, are funny and smart and geeky and hippie enough to keep me wishing I knew you for real.
But tonight i want to remind you of the book The Voyager of the Dawn Treade, when the ship runs into the fog, and the man they pick up out of the water tells them to run for their lives, because they have run into the Island of Dreams. The crew panics and all is lost. And Lucy puts her head down on the railing of the ship and says "Aslan, we need you." and all she gets back is "courage, dear heart" and a whiff of warm air. And they are still lost, and things are still awful, but Lucy feels the tiniest bit better.
Courage, dear, brave Amy. Things are awful. But please know that there are those of us random internet people who hold you dear. Some of us have lost beloved parents, some have had to face violent spouses, not unlike your water-noodle-bearing-swim-instructor. We dont know your pain, but we feel it with you, because we have felt our own. We will pull for you and cheer for you and grieve with you.
Courage, dear heart. There may not be a way OUT, but there is always a way THROUGH. One day at a time. And when that may seem too hard, one breath at a time.
You're in my thoughts.
Shit. WTF? What is the universe trying to say? Cause it could just say it instead of making it so fucking HARD!
Ugh, I'm sorry that you're going through what you are right now. I'm not a platitudes and happy unicorns person so I'm just gonna say the timing sucks.
Also, I'm not a big believer in the Christian afterlife idea, but I do believe that there is a transfer of energy for all of us and that your dad and unborn son share a powerful energy regardless of what happens when.
I'm sending thoughts and good energy your way.
I'm so sorry, since you're not a hugger, I will not send that as it could be awkward, but I will send you strength in this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear the news. No matter what or when something happens, I'll bet he will be sharing your joy.
All I can do is send you love and more love. And join you in a big fat rousing FUCKING CANCER.
I hope you're surrounded by some of the many many people who love you right now.
I don't see no fat lady.
just heartbroken for you. thoughts are with you.
I don't know what to say. I am so sorry Amy. My prayers are with you. Hugs from Massachusetts...
Hospice will help you all to make the most of every day.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so so sorry.
Sending my thoughts and prayers. So very sorry.
I am so sorry :(
I'm so sorry, Amy. Lots of wildly inappropriate Argentine hugs being sent your way.
I love you and your family, Amy. Your blog is by far my favorite on the internet and I am just so sorry you and your family are going through this. I wish I could do more, but I am praying for you. HUGS
Not fair. Sending lots of love.
Love to you and your family.
Amy,
So many of us love to read your words every day. We feel like we know you! I am so, so sorry to hear this. I, along with a LOT of others, am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Shit damn fuck. Would make things easier if I could. Hate so much that you're going through this. I'm sure you watched The Lion King and GotItALready. Didn' fucking need the live version of the whole Circle of Life thing. Just really sorry.
I don't know what to say. Just...so sorry.
I am so, so sorry, Amy. Effing cancer.
No amount of time would be enough, but I'm still hoping he has more. Always more.
I'm sorry for you all, here's to your Dad being as comfortable as possible - and Lorrian's so right: fuck cancer.
I am so very sorry.
OMG. Praying for you and your father. He's defied odds before, right? Hugs from the internet.
I am so sorry, Amy. I will tell you though, I have vibrant hope for your family. Praying every day for all of you.....
I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you guys.
I'm so sorry, Amy. My father passed away unexpectedly a few months before my first child was born. It's definitely a great loss and we work hard to keep his memory alive in the whole family. I'll be thinking of your family and your parents in the days to come.
I'm just so, so sorry for you. Sending good thoughts to you and your family...
My heart aches for you. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Sucks about yor Dad. I'm crossing my fingers that he'll stay on long enough to see your newborn.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
We went though this in the summer of 09 when my mother in law (and one of my best friends) was given about 10 weeks to live when it became apparent ovarian cancer was going to win. I was due in 3 months. She made it longer than they thought, but missed my daughter by 2 days. My husband said she must have wanted a closer seat, and while that doesn't necessarily align with our beliefs- it felt right.
The one thing we did that I think helped some, was doing the 3D ultrasound and bringing a copy over for her to watch. She got to see my daughter (who ended up sharing a name she loved) and we got to share some of that moment with her. I know it doesn't fix it. I know it doesn't take away all the worries about timing and what ifs, but if for some reason he doesn't make it, it's something small to hold onto.
Hugs.
I just wanted to say thank you to you. For continuing to update us when I know this must be so, so hard for you. I have nothing else to say, nothing will make this time any better for you. You're in my thoughts. x
Hug, hug, hug.
Cancer's a bitch, no way to get around it. Take care of yourself and we will be hoping that your Dad hangs on to meet your newest little guy.
My heart breaks for you all. Thoughts and prayers and internet hugs.
I lost my father a month ago. He had a stroke at 57, completely unexpectedly. We are still in so much shock. So much sadness, so much anger, so much unfinished business. It's for my 3 boys that I am most angry. He was a wonderful grandfather and only the oldest at 6 will really remember him.
I am so sorry for your families suffering. And that the loss is l for your 3 beautiful boys. even they won't really know what they are missing, you will.
I'll be thinking of you and your family...I'm so so sorry.
Oh Amy. <3 I'm so sorry.
Man oh man, I'm so sorry. Wishing you the best possible outcomes during this. Cancer is a bastard. I keep writing things and deleting them, so I'm just going to post this. Take care.
Thinking of you, your parents and all of your boys. xo
I'm so sorry. Hoping for peace for you all.
Babies come early (not too early! )and your dad has shown remarkable strength of will. It would not surprise me at all if these two meet. It's hard, it's always hard, and you have lots of peope thinking of you and wishing you and your dad strength.
Oh Amy... I am so, so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Your father sounds like a stubborn, determined man and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he hung on longer just to see his newest grandson born. Here's hoping anyway. Best wishes to all.
I'm so sorry, Amy.
I'm so sorry Amy. My thoughts are with you and your family.
My heart hurts for you. So very sorry.
What does one say to another's broken heart?
When even just breathing is tearing you apart.
I pray down a blessing, from God straight to you.
And wishing and praying for a miracle too.
So sorry.
Amy, I am so sorry. I'm trying to find words, but nothing adequate comes to mind. So I will just say that my heart goes out to you and your family.