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March 2011
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May 2011

Apple Store of My Eye

I had to ask what, exactly, a "word retrieval disorder" meant, when we met with the child psychologist to go over the action-packed, 25-page report on Noah's evaluation. I understood most of what was in there -- ADHD, auditory processing, some too-early-to-tell red flags for dyslexia for us to "keep an eye on" -- but the word retrieval bit was a new one. Was it like apraxia? I asked. No, she said. That's an inability to form words. This is more about plucking the right word from your brain soup. Basically having it right there on the tip of your... Read more →

34.5 Weeks

PREGNANCY PRO TIP: Once your belly reaches a size where it starts provoking unsolicited comments/predictions from strangers regarding your due date and/or the likelihood of you "making it" to said due date and/or shit like "another MONTH, plus some? whoo-boy, get ready for a 15-pounder there, mom," consider dressing in clothing that allows you to blend into the wall color. I find it incredibly slimming. Read more →

Yellow & Black & Read All Over

Hidden among my father's rows and rows of books -- every book that had ever landed on the high school English curriculum list, plus a few from the banned column, for good measure -- was an impressive stash of Cliffs Notes. I remember being surprised by the huge number of yellow-and-black-striped study guides one day while digging around for something to read, something more challenging than the pathetic selection of Christian young adult fiction-with-a-Jesus-message my school's library offered. I think I was on a Thomas Hardy kick, or maybe it was Vonnegut by that point. Either way, I knew I'd... Read more →


Why is today still spring break? Why wasn't one whole week off from school enough? Why this one extra stupid day -- the same day, of course, that I traditionally spend alone and gleeful as I thoughtfully and judiciously "edit" the contents of my children's Easter baskets because THAT BUNNY HAD NO RIGHT TO BE SO GENEROUS -- of stir-crazy kids running around the house begging for peanut-butter eggs? And honestly, I'm not so sure Noah is particularly thrilled with being home with me anymore either. He's bored and done and over it too. Especially since I won't let him... Read more →

The Great Confession

A long time ago, back when I only had one singular solitary child, my car had to go to the shop for a few days. I rented a car in the meantime, but when I arrived the rental place had given away the last mid-size class car I'd reserved. So they offered me a minivan. I think they thought I'd consider this a fabulous upgrade, since I was clearly SUCH A MOM and all, but I made a face, like, really? Ugh. My mom car is a Subaru WRX! It's a turbo. And a stick shift. It's fucking fast as... Read more →

This Post Brought To You By The Power Of Drugs And Also Drugs

Guess what! Guess what guess what! I AM FEELING SLIGHTLY KIND OF A LITTLE BETTER. Definitively, objectively so, even. (Still in bed, however. I left the house exactly once this week, to take Noah to karate, but I sat down the whole time. I PROMISE.) (The previous parenthetical written for 1) my mom, and 2) several of you adorable people, who have been leaving clucking comments of concern and ordering me not to do anything at all, YOU MEAN IT.) The turnaround came from the proper combination of drugsdrugsdrugs, in my case an antibiotic and 12-hour maximum strength Mucinex. The... Read more →

Almost Bed Rest, But Not Quite

The fun continues. If by "fun" you mean "AMY IS SICK AGAIN AND TALKING ABOUT BEING SICK AGAIN." Which I am guessing is not at all what you meant. So. 33-week OB appointment this morning. Highlights for discussion included: 1) The flu, the aches, the misery, the two-week-old cough that's getting worse instead of better, probably because I keep thinking I feel a little better and then immediately rush back out into the germy world to Get Shit Done and/or Not Neglect My Children and/or Completely Overdo It (see: the rest of this entry). 2) More weight loss thanks to... Read more →

It's Like Winning the Lottery Only More Contagious-Like

Because I am pretty sure this pregnancy JUST WON'T COUNT without at least one unwarranted, after-hours trip to Labor & Delivery, I went and diagnosed myself with pre-eclampsia last night and called my doctor's answering service in a panic. I'd had a headache all day that was getting worse by the hour, and I was feeling increasingly woozy and tired and out-of-it. My body was a mess of weirdly unspecific aches and pains in my back and sides and shoulders and maybe my abdomen or maybe my uterus, I don't know, it just allll hurts, and I was having these... Read more →

From the Boy Who Brought You "Fuckles"

(Actual word-for-word transcript from actual video taken on Monday, which is sadly not exactly suitable for public consumption because one of the on-camera participants was only clad in his underwear, and the other one decided to take off his pants at some point during the conversation as well, and I don't really remember why that was exactly, but they were also standing on top of a wobbly rattan ottoman they'd placed on top of an unsteady upholstered storage bench so they could yell HI! HI! HI! out an open window to random strangers on the street, and then Ezra attempted... Read more →


Everyone -- okay, well, not EVERYONE, but enough people for it to feel that way -- keeps telling me how lucky I am to have the new baby to look forward to. How thankful I must be! What a wonderful thing! What timing, in the midst of so much sadness, to have something so purely joyful and happy to focus on. The problem is: I don't feel any of those stupid things. The oh-shit moment of general pre-baby non-readiness has morphed into full-on crazy anxiety about the reality of what's coming. Three children. Three! As in, the two I already... Read more →