I spent most of the weekend alternately convinced that 1) I was going into labor, or 2) never going to go into labor until I FINISHED ORGANIZING ALL THE CLOSETS EVER.
Very Serious-Looking Self-Portrait With Toilet Paper & Assorted Hand Soaps (And A Very Bad Angle Of My Kickass Mother's Day Gift, Dammit). Taken at some point during three hours' worth of contractions, at times coming as little as three minutes apart.
I figured the best way to put a stop to that nonsense was to pack my hospital bag, but then decided to take a quick bath first -- just in case, so I could shave some essential areas -- and BAM. The contractions stopped as soon as I got in the tub, which...was good! I'm still a week away from full term! I have to wash the car seat cover, and that one baby blanket I ordered hasn't shipped yet, also CLOSETS, and...and...
Fine. I was kind of bummed.
Luckily, Noah was on hand to amuse me with his best Hipster Michael Cera impression.
Very Serious Portait Of A Very Serious Breakfast In Bed. Perfect eggs Benedict with shaved pork loin and homemade Hollandaise sauce. Coffee and additional bacon arrived later, but by that point the rest of the plate was no longer as pretty because I'd practically eaten straight through the tray in a frantic rush.
Because I thought I was in labor. Again. This time, I was sure my water was leaking. It was not.
I will...spare you any more details, now.
(Don't judge all the shoes! In particular those green gardening clogs that I wear FOR GARDENING OUT IN THE GARDEN I SWEAR TO GOD DON'T MAKE ME STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH A STILETTO OF WHICH I ALSO OWN ENTIRELY TOO MANY.)
Baby closet! Freshly stocked with a brand-new summer-baby wardrobe, which he'll maybe wear about half of because I am generally too lazy to attempt anything more complicated and snap-centric than a diaper. But still! The clothes are there! They EXIST! They have been washed and organized meticulously by size and style and maybe even color scheme a little bit!
I am ready to have a baby. This baby. Because seriously: I have nothing else to do with my time now except sit around and imagine that I am in fake labor all the time or maybe relabel those bins of hand-me-downs with a more pleasingly color-coordinated tape.
*stares at blue tape*
I...need to go. Now. Something...important...just happened.