Praise You Like I Should Even Though It's Like, Soooo Embarrassing
I Know

38 Weeks

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND:

1) Got a pedicure, had total Blush-and-Bashful moment when the bright, funky royal blue color I chose in honor of Baby Boy Number Three dried way too dark and now looks all black and goth-y. I don't really pull off "goth-y" too well, even when I'm NOT wearing giant maternity caftans with extraneous underboob ties and ribbons. Then again, I seriously just tried to describe blue toenail polish as "funky." I AM HOPELESS. 

2) Saw Bridesmaids, had moment of brilliant inspiration during a scene that (SPOILER) featured someone vomiting on someone else's head that, wow, this would be the BEST TIMING EVER for my water to break all over the place. In fact, the crowd would probably have thought it was an interactive part of the show and given me a standing ovation.

3) Went to IKEA in search of a medicine cabinet and a second diaper pail. Argued with universe that fine, I'm not mad you didn't take my going-into-labor-during-Bridesmaids suggestion, because I actually think IKEA is EVEN BETTER and MORE POETIC-LIKE. So come on! Come onnnnnnnnn. 

    3a) Also had conversation with another mom in IKEA who tried to offer me some first-timer advice re: kid-sized plastic hangers. It was, in fact, good advice (YOU WILL NEVER, EVER HAVE ENOUGH KID-SIZED PLASTIC HANGERS) and I felt like an asshole for being like, "yeeeeah, this is baby number THREE, I'm hip to the whole hanger thing," but then she was like, "YAY LET'S TALK ABOUT CHILDBIRTH AND EPISIOTOMIES" and I had to be all, "oh, I actually had c-sections" and then she said, "CHEATER JUST KIDDING HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A VBAC?" and I learned a valuable lesson: Just play dumb and nod the next time someone offers you advice about kid-sized plastic hangers. 

    3b) Purchased medicine cabinet and diaper pail, also got a really good deal on napkins, a cutting board, and...a shitload of kid-sized plastic hangers. Seriously, you always need more than you think you do. 

4) Installed shiny new medicine cabinet in master bathroom, super-conveniently over this patch where I attempted to touch up the wall with the wrong color paint four years ago. I've been meaning to get the right paint and fix it for awhile now, but. You know. Things. Life. Shit to watch on television. But now I have a new medicine cabinet and organized drawers and no more expired medication taking up room and I even hung up some artwork and decorated and shit and now I have a very pretty master bathroom THAT NO ONE WILL EVER SEE because who ever goes in your master bathroom besides your own damn self? It's not like I can be all, "oh, I know we've lived here for four-and-a-half years but how about a tour of the upstairs? But only the nursery and the master bath. And a couple of the closets. And Imma gonna have to ask you to close your eyes while you walk through the master bedroom, because that still looks like we just moved in three weeks ago."

    4a) THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD JUST WATCH TV INSTEAD.

5) Did not have a baby or anything even close to it. 

IMG_2357

Look at that! A goddamned jewel tone. I think it contrasts nicely with the master bathroom OH WAIT A SECOND...

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Oh heeeeey, just chilling out next to my new medicine cabinet and toilet all casual-like, wishing I could get a better angle of the other stuff we hung up including those funky* clay pots right there but whatever I'm so sneaky.

*STOP USING THAT WORD, DORKWAD.

Comments

kelli

So very happy for you! Congrats! And I bet those toes do look super funky cool. Baby Boy #3. WOO!

anne p

How was Bridesmaids? It either looks really funny or really crude. I am guessing since you mentioned vomit, it's crude?

LaniB

Can I just say that I love the "no baby yet" updates, since I am in the exact same boat? My due dates run from the 30th to the 9th (super accurate! yay!)...and I desperately want to meet this kid already!

Pictou

OMG! You're Huge! and Are you sure there's only ONE in there?

You look lovely, now come sit down while I make dinner for you and your family. May I watch your boys while you take a nap?

chris

Totally for luxury makeovers of parts of the house noone would ever visit, then pretending you're doing a photshoot for a magazine, and posting everything on your blog.

You can even redo the photos when you realize someone left the toilet seat up, and you're so used to it you took the photos and didn't even notice (ha! do we ever not notice that?)

I forbade my mother from ever getting rid of these awesome plastic hangers that came from my favourite kids clothes store.

Danielle

no picture of the gothy blue nail polish?? I feel robbed

Kathi

Would love to know what you thought about the movie Bridesmaids. Saw it myself this weekend because a friend and I had had terrible weeks and we needed a laugh. [Not really a SPOILER ALERT but YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET.]And there were funny parts, certainly. But overall . . . we both thought it was depressing. Watching someone's life fall apart is not really funny. At least it wasn't to us. So now I don't know if the great sense of humor I have always prided myself on has just deserted me . . .or what. So I'm eager to hear other's opinions of this movie.

Life of a Doctor's Wife

You look fabulous and so does your bathroom! Woo!

(Also am mentally rolling my eyes at Hangar VBAC IKEA lady. Keep it to yourself, girlfriend.)

robyn

so, am i a terrible first time mother, because we're not planning on hanging up a GODDAMN THING?!

our house is over 100 years old, and the closets were too small to hang regular hangers, so we turned them all into shelf-only closets. which means all of our kid's things will be folded on shelves or in drawers. not hung up.

i have until September to change my mind and re-add a bar to his closet somehow, but for now? no hangers at all.

will i somehow be punished for this fact?

Bettejo

I'm on baby watch with you, you know without me having a baby coming. I was just hanging up my grandson's clothes, and he needs more hangers. Wishing you the very best

Babs

Hello. I am going to go ahead and comment that your skinny arms and legs, while beautiful and amazing, make me uncharacteristically jealous. So much that I thought, "Gee I wonder if I have another baby if I could manage to keep my appendages that thin." (I already have 4 kids.)

Molly Chase

My water broke in Sears. Oh yes it did, all over the floor and everything. It was every bit as bad as it sounds. The ironic thing was that we'd just left my last doctor's appointment, where they'd declared I wasn't even a fingertip dilated and they'd see me for induction on Wednesday. Not so much.

My unsolicited advice is to go somewhere expensive, with nice carpet. You could also try abandoning all hope, if you haven't already. I think that, like meeting a nice guy, that's when it happens.

Dawn

Nothing like the nesting instinct kicking in to actually get projects done around the house. Hmm, maybe that's the route I should take to convince hubby that we need to get to fixin' up the basement: get pregnant! You look great and hope that BB3 doesn't drag things out too much longer for you!

cindy w

This is probably a major parenting fail on my part, but I... I don't understand the purpose of kid-sized plastic hangers. I have a few for coats and church dresses, but otherwise...? All the baby clothes are shoved in drawers or plastic bins. Hanging it up is FAR too much work.

And hey hey, we're both almost there! Yay!

SarahB

Somehow I think my belly already looks as big as yours at 29 weeks. This is not me saying your belly looks abnormally small--rather that mine is abnormally large. 8^0

Helen

You're not having a baby at all, you've just shoved a balloon up your shirt,how has nothing else got remotely bigger? You are tiny and non pregnnat looking wpart from the belly which is perfectly perfect and looks like it will just fall out any minute. Can't wait to hear his name and see his sweet face.

Helen

PS your comments thing is SO pushy with it's 'Your comment has been posted. Post another comment, I don't have anything else to say, now what?

Helen

PS your comments thing is SO pushy with it's 'Your comment has been posted. Post another comment, I don't have anything else to say, now what?

Martha

I LOVE that Ikea is always filled with really pregnant ladies who are obviously in full-on nesting mode. Sadly, I know nothing of this love of little kid-sized plastic hangers, because my daughter's room doesn't even have a closet!

Trista

My toes were blue but I scuffed them up sitting on my knees on the side walk planting flowers... I went looking for the blue to fix them quickly before we went out to dinnr and couldn't find it. (Hello, its May, I refuse to wear anthing other than flip flops)

What did I do?? I slapped some pink on and now my toes look all blue/pink/purple swirly...And I'm telling everyone they are supposed to look that way!!!

Rebekah

Just had to say - you look gorgeous and the color of that top is really flattering! You are beautiful pregnant! I hope for your own comfort the little guy comes soon - but pregnancy really looks good on you! :)

Bridget

AH - yes, the VBAC woman - I am constantly getting myself into that conversation with other pregnant ladies and then wondering why I didn't just nod and smile and move on. (I am having a c-section this time after delivering vaginally last time, and yes, I have VERY good reason, but No, I don't want to discuss my vagina with you, stranger).
Also, I kind of love the blue toenails for a boy idea - probably going to go ahead and steal that one :)

Stacy

@robyn -- Don't fret, my kid is 2 years old and I've never hung up a single thing! I live in Europe where apartments don't come with closets, and her room is only big enough for a dresser, so all of her clothes are folded. Even her coats are on a hook on the back of the door. :-)

Karen

My water DID break right in the middle of a movie! (Toy Story 3). Let me tell you it is a loooong squishy, awkward walk back to the car trying to avoid the stares of people checking out your soaking wet pants. Sorry it didn't work out for you this time :)

Karen

I've had three kids, waiting on #4 to finish cooking, and have never hung up a single item of baby clothing in my life. It all goes in drawers (folded while I'm expecting, tossed after the baby arrives) or plastic bins. I hate hangers.

jadine

You know, I can't really think of anything *less* warranting of a well-hung (ignoring obvious joke) outfit, than a baby. Except maybe a saucy-meatball...with some parsley...and is really wiggly. But, I have 2 entire closets full of baby hangers (not people who hang) that my 11 and 14 year olds will have to suffer with until every single item of their clothing falls to the floor. I even had them color-coded (hangs head in shame).

Amy

Hello! (knocking on the computer screen)..a pic of the goth fingernail polish would be way cool! And love the shirt!

Sonja

I too got a pedicure right before popping out my son. I too chose blue nailpolish, though I went with a "baby blue." The nurses in the labor & delivery room thought it was so cute! so cunning!

Let's not talk about how my son was born in the beginning of March and I still haven't had ten minutes to *remove* said nailpolish, which is now flaking off and pretty gross.

Oh wait, I think we just did.

Parsing Nonsense

Looking good, Amy! I'm sad you can't pull off goth-y, it's one of my favorite looks. There's nothing I like better than to do a whole bunch of typing (like when I'm working on a novel) with black nails going clitter-clatter against my black keyboard.

Alas, no such shenanigans for you.

Good luck with the gestating. You're almost done!

Diane

I'm 32 weeks along, and I got a couple of doozies this weekend:

1. At the grocery store: "Your third child? I can tell you must be good Christians. Are you good Christians?"

BLANKSMILE

"I could tell! 'Go forth and multiply!"

2. Checkout lady (upon noticing my two daughters and gigantic belly): "Ya havin' another girl?"

"No, this one is a boy."

"Oh, good. You got lucky this time."

Yeah, really dodged a bullet there.

Kristin

You look amazing and I love your master bath.

Olivia

OMG, Bridesmaids! I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants, and I'm not even pregnant.

I can't believe the hangar lady. Seriously, if this is your third time around the block I think you know your options for giving birth. Sheesh!

Olivia

Regarding small hangers: I only hang up the too-big clothes waiting for rotation. I don't like to hang most of my clothes so you know I'm not going to be fooling around with tiny hangers every time I wash baby clothes.

Maverick

Speaking of Bridesmaids... I know you're kind of busy with the baby thing and all, but when are you going to quit all this blogging (aka giving away the milk for free) and write some movies or TV shows and make your millions? You are wasting your talents on us!

Jill

Ok so I came to comment about hangers, but read the comments first and apparently I'm *not* the only one who has never hung up a single item of my kids clothing in 2+ years. I even returned a couple of sets of hangers someone gave me as a shower gift because seriously, it's bad enough I have to wash and sort the clothes for various drawers (pj drawer, shirts, pants drawer, etc) I can't imagine the time it would take to actually hang up all those small things.

Julie

I'm only 16 weeks and I've already been to IKEA 4 times! I think I'm a little behind, actually. We just finished replacing all the hangers in our closet with the IKEA wood ones, but I'm so glad to know that there will not be another hanger obsession I can move onto. (and I'm sure my husband will be equally as thrilled.)

Starrynite

I haven't seen Bridesmaids but I *have* vomited on someone's head. From three floors up. I know, I win at life.

LD

I love your shirt! I check back here daily! I don't have anything more original to say!

Rachael

if you run low on hangers, just let me know, I've got a whole closet FULL that are not used at all. I have 3 nice shirts that are hung up - the rest of the kids' clothes are shoved in drawers!

kim

Huh. Apparently I am some sort of neat freak, because nearly all of my daughters' clothes are hung up. I don't even want to think abut folding all of my eldest's various dresses, or finding a drawer big enough to toss them in. More hangers, please!

WifeMotherMe

If your still Knocked up then who is the baby Jason is holding in the twitter pic and WHY DEAR GOD OH WHY IS HE F'N WITH ME LIKE THAT?!?!!?!?

PopMommy Pam

You are the prettiest 9 month pregnant Mama ever! And, yes, where's the photo of the toe polish??

Mermil

I love those pictures because I feel like the caption for both could be, "Yup. Just preggin'. Preggin' along. Yup. You know, preggin'."

Isn't pregnancy totally ridiculous? Especially towards the end. I mean really. All of us wandering around with something basically sticking out of us at a ninety degree angle. For heaven's sake. How is that a good design?

Elizabeth @ Table for Five

You are totally going against the whole "third babies always come early" theory I had going. Your top is really pretty too. I showed my husband one of your photos and he asked me to dye my hair the same color as yours!

*totally NOT refreshing every half an hour for baby updates, I mean, that would be weird :P *

alexa

I say rock the gothy blue nail polish. I'm sporting dark purple with my 35 week belly right now.

On another note, will you be bringing back the link to zero to forty? I read it every week and your site has always been the easiest way to get to it. Poor preggo brain can't always remember the name to google it otherwise.

Kellie

You freakin crack me up.....

Dawn

Re: 3a - Sometimes it is just best to play dumb, because for some women, motherhood is a competitive event.

Although I do think both you and I were clever to have C-sections. I do so like to delegate work!

r4i

It's such a great thing that it's the 38th Week. I will Surely say that, This weekend you must have to do it. Congratulation in advanced.

Emily

the funny thing? I have a ton ton ton of baby sized hangers with no clothes on them.

I don't understand why I need so many... am I supposed to have more clothes? am I supposed to hang up clothes that she can't wear yet and use those little age dividers?

I use like 10-20 hangers and the rest of them (like 50?) just sit there empty.

Amy

you are super adorable and funny, and I love your blog! can't wait to e-meet your little one!
has anyone ever told you that you look like the actress that plays the headmistress in South Riding. Her name is Anna Maxwell martin, you definitely kind of look like her

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