Obligatory: No baby yet. I am not in labor NOR I am in anything even approaching what could be considered a good mood.
I slept like crap last night because I'm just so all-around lumpy and uncomfortable AND THEN I had a dream that I was trapped on an MTV spinoff/prequel show called Jersey Shore Babies and was responsible for changing an infant Snooki's diaper AND THEN I woke up with a terrible headache -- like a why is there not someone I can hold personally accountable for this amount of pain and thus murder with my bony bare hands style headache. Then I ate some toast and got heartburn from the toast and promptly threw up all the toast and what the HELL, man. IT WAS ONLY SOME TOAST.
So...probably good (for Jason's sake? as the accountable party in this instance?) that this morning's routine OB appointment revealed absolutely no indication that this baby feels like exiting any time soon. Cervix is closed, baby is happy and continuing to leech an alarming amount of body fat directly off my frame as his weight/size goes up and mine goes down and no one really knows why but it's not a big deal, apparently, and I can report that I've managed to hold on to plenty of extra pregnancy weight in my chin. Or chins, as the case may be.
(Oh, and my blood pressure is just fine, since I know pregnancy + headache talk tends to elicit a Scooby-Doo-style ruh-roh most of the time.)
In other words, everything is fine! Except for all of the things that are terrible!
Anyway. Here! Look! Click here to see some pictures from my maternity photo session. Which will one day make me look back at these last couple weeks and think, "Awwww, that wasn't so bad! Look how peaceful and serene I looked! Kind of glowy and vintage-y? We should totally do that again."
(And yes, there really is a 35w5d belly under that heap of children. OUCH, YOU TWO. STOP DENTING YOUR BROTHER.)
(Thanks so, so much to Kaileen for taking these...for INSISTING on taking these, really, because without her kicking me in the pants the only photos I would have from this pregnancy would be crappy iPhone shots, and I think we can all agree that hers are much, much prettier.)
Now if you'll excuse me, this here pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and I have some business to attend to. Important pregnancy-related business.
*looks at carton more closely*
NON-FAT FROZEN YOGURT???? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK KIND OF EVERLOVING BULLSHIT...