This Post Is The Bloggy Equivalent To Flipping Fate The Bird
Father's Day

Stuck In The Middle

EZRA: Mommy! Mommy!

AMY: What is it, buddy?

EZRA: Um. 

Two minutes later...

EZRA: Mommy! Mommmmmmmmy!

AMY: Yes. I am here. What?

EZRA: Um. Where Daddy go?

AMY: Daddy went to work.

EZRA: No. Daddy went poop.

EZRA: *laughs hysterically*

AMY: Rimshot!

One minute later...

EZRA: Mommy! Mommy! Mommmmmmmmy!

AMY: Mmm-hmm?

EZRA: Ummmmmm.

Thirty seconds later...

EZRA: Mommy! Mommmmmmy! Mommmmmmmmmmmmy!


EZRA: Um. My butt

EZRA: *collapses into giggles*

AMY: What...about your butt?

EZRA: My butt! Look at my butt! My butt right here!

AMY: Awesome. 

Five minutes later...





LOLOMG that picture is too funny. Middle child needs a hug yes?


This post just made me go "Awwww!" so many times :D


Oh my God. Ezra and my son could be twins. Right down to the "My butt!" part. It must be a male thing.


Such a cutie! That's one thing about boys...their sense of humor develops early and really doesn't change much. Poop and fart jokes and anything butt related will remain the pinnacle of comedy for them for a long, long time. Good thing we can still laugh while holding our nose!


He's awesome.


Ah yes, boys. Welcome to the world where everything revolves around butts, and farts, and penises. Enjoy!

Jessica V

Awww...I've been hoping for an Ezra post...glad to see he is handling things with humor, if not grace (butt jokes ahoy)!

Bre T.

You know you spend way too much time on Facebook when you are looking for the "like" button on a flippin' blog post!


I second the "He's awesome" comment above :)


Okay, that joke about daddy going poop is awesome.


I, too, think this is adorable but I'm really beginning to wonder how he will feel about these posts being forever linked to his name, probably pretty prominently as this is a very visible blog. He's just a few years away from school, especially middle school. This goes double for Noah.

Julie K

Aww. Someone needs the old Mr. Rogers Classic "When a Baby Comes to Your House." Hang in there, sweet boy, and butts ARE awesome!


HA! I also collapsed into giggles.

I find it very comforting that even after life and law school and the bar have taken their toll on me, a good old fashioned poop/butt joke still brings the LOLs.

Good show, Ezra. Good show.


@Rachel: the only thing he really has to look out for is the occasional bitchy chick in junior high. Guys don't research dirt to use to tease to other guys - it is always the same bitchy chick who is vengeful because cute guy avoids her at all cost.

Luckily, those kind of chicks are super easy to spot. Like, insanely easy. They jump off the screen, is what I am saying.






Way to bring the funny, Ez! Keep it up!


Kari is awesome.

Also - as a middle child, he will survive and find his place...
but still, funny stuff!
I love boy humor!

kari weber

All I can think about that last post is "guilty of something"... no? Maybe a little poking...


Ezra is awesome...


I can't handle the cute, and can't wait until mine is a little older to join his dad with the butt jokes. I'm outnumbered!


Bless his little face. So funny.


Oh, the penis...


Oh, my! You are surrounded my the male folk who love the butt, poop, and fart talk. Good thing you love them all!


oh Ez you made my day!!


"I also have penis" was a pick up line used on me by some Eurotrash dude in a bar when I was 24. Word.

Your kids are so awesome.


Ezra might just be my hero of the day.


And so begins the middle child comedian act. Get ready. It's a wild ride.


Love me some Zah! Also, isn't the whole point of having kids in middle school to embarrass them? And if so, really? This is the post that will do it?


I love little boys. My son (3 next week!) sure does love the fact that he has penis. The other day he said he was sorry I had to pee out of my bum, cause "mommy doesn't have a penis..only a bum", lol.


Man, you are doomed to hearing poop/fart/butt/penis jokes until the day you die.

But at least he is adorable.


laughing my ass off.


If he needs a little undivided attention, you can send him to me. Be forewarned, however, that he will be returned sans cheeks because I will probably NOM THEM OFF.


Something tells me Ez will never be the quiet middle child. Just a guess...

(Actually, I see Last Comic Standing in his future.)

The Woman Formerly Known as Beautiful

Here's what I get. "Mommy, when you ask how I did on a test it makes me feel stressed out and insecure." She's 9. And I'm f**ked.


We watched Kindergarten Cop the other day--my husband loves Arnold movies, what can I say?--and their absolute favorite line was: "Boys have a penis and girls have a vaGINA."

Ah, the world of boys. My own middle child has coped by becoming the boss of the younger one, who has actually learned the phrase, "You're not the BOSS OF ME!" and he means it. I'm hoping the birth of #4 will upset the balance and there will be no middle child, amiright?


If I didn't know better, I'd swear you had been at my house.

Toddler boys are insane.

Parsing Nonsense

Such a guy. At least he's familiar with his own anatomy, though. Good job!


and thus goes the next 18+ years! Butts ,poop,farts,penis! Does it ever stop being funny to boys?


Hope he never grows out of his love of butt and penis declarations. My husband, a middle child, hasn't either.

You go, Ezra. Get yourself some attention by any means necessary.


Ezra, from one middle child to another -- your older brother try to may blame everything on you, but haha! you get to blame everything on Ike!!! It works out!!! booyah!




(I can haz english?)


Mondo cute picture! Ike does not look impressed by that news, though.

Pssst. Ike. Being the baby rocks. You can get away with murder. Take it from me. Stick with me kid, I'll teach ya how to work that system.

You heard nothing Ezra. And stop trying to blind us with the cute! It's not going to work! Much...

Wanna cookie?


This does not have me looking forward to raising a boy...


@jessica, boy or girl, they all talk about poop, butts and underpants. I can guarantee you that there are very few kids in the 2-8 yr demographic who will not dissolve into a puddle of giggles if you say "butt, bottom, underpants etc."
My second child threw a giant fit of jealousy when a friend left her 13 month old with me to do some errands. My daughter, who is 4, still says things like, "you like that baby better than me, because you carried her and you did not carry me", 5 weeks after the babysitting. I used to think it would less problematic for the second children when a new one comes to the house, but boy, they like to be the baby of the family.


This is do damn funny.


He's adorable! And I'm pretty sure you have a long road of "my butt" jokes ahead of you in a house full of boys. It's going to be fun!


Poor Jan. :)


OMG does that ever sound familiar. I hate to break it to you but Ike will learn this even earlier than Ezra did.


This sounds like a perfectly normal everyday conversation for my household. I am 28 and live with two 30 year old men. One of them is my husband.

The bee

I am also a middle and it is a hard spot to be in. I think some one on one w/ each of you might be just the ticket. With 3 boys these jokes will be a big part of life. I am not jealous of that part.


Another one here looking for the "like" button!

My son also tried the butt bit this evening when I was holding his little sister.


That is beyond classic. I'm genuinely Laughing Out Loud on the internet.


@Kari, if you really think it is only the occasional bitchy chick who will dig up online dirt on classmates, you don't understand either children or today's online practices among children. This is what I work on and it can get brutal out there for the unlucky kid.

It's one thing to be posting cute baby stories. But when they get to be 3+, it's *them*. You're posting their stories, their personalities.

Some kid is going to learn that Ezra's or Noah's mommy is a blogger and then it's really a short step before this post, or one like this, will be sent to everyone in the classroom. Likely in 3rd grade or 4th by the latest.

Noah's case is even more sensitive as he is a special needs kids. I guess the last thing a special needs kids would like is stories of his struggles floating around his peers.

I don't know about you but I laugh about stories like this from my toddlerhood now that I'm 30+. However, if my classmates in 3rd grade saw something this about me, I'd want to die.

Have you all forgotten what it's like to be a kid?

Bre T.

@Rachel - Ezra and Noah are children. Children. Chil-dren. If someone is going to make fun of them later on in life about stuff they did or said when they were CHILDREN, then I would feel sorry for that individual. Besides, it's nice to know that there are people out there (like Amy) who are willing to essentially invite us into their homes so that we know we aren't the only parents/guardians dealing with "these" issues (special needs or otherwise).

Please just enjoy what Amy is so graciously offering THE ENTIRE WORLD; have a good laugh, reminisce about your own kids/yourself, and then move on and enjoy the rest of your day knowing that these kids are amazing, unique individuals who have SOOOOO many people backing them up and rooting for them to succeed.

And if A.N.Y.O.N.E. ever picked on Noah, Ezra, or best believe the readers would be pouring out suggestions left and right to support them AND Amy.


Look, I am not trying to be negative. I feel like someone has to forcefully point this out. This is a head-in-the-sand moment for all of you.

Yes, Amy has their best interest at heart, no doubt, but this is an area I work on and I know what I'm talking about.

I am not trying to hijack the aaaw, comments either. I also go "aaaw" at all this. I, too, love reading about these kids. Yes, it's important for parents to share.

But. We're not talking about adults making fun of an adult Noah and "us" pitying that adult individual while Noah laughs it off as the secure, confident adult he has become. We're talking about 3rd graders making fun of a 3rd grader Noah. We are talking about a 7th grader Ezra while his peers pass around his penis and poop comments from three! Sorry but all your adult "suggestions and support" will mean crap to a 7th grader.

You really think it is not going to happen? Wake up and smell the Internet.

Yes, I too, would get outraged with all the other readers of this blog. I'd offer my advice and support. I'd be among the many adults who is rooting for Noah and Ezra to succeed as the little amazing individuals they are.

But Ezra would be there, as a kid, in 3rd grade, dealing with the fact that his oh-so-funny toddler stories are now fodder for making fun of him and Noah would be that 7th grader facing the fact that all his peers know all about his disabilities and struggles which he might have largely put behind him at that point.

I repeat, y'all need to remember what it was like to be a kid and add that knowledge to online practices/skills of today's children.

Amy, sorry to be a bummer but you need to take every post you write, imagine it's about you, personally, rather than your adorable, wonderful children, think very, very hard and remember what it's like being in 3rd or in 7th grade, and then close your eyes and imagine *everyone* in your class --hell, in today's world, everyone in the whole school-- reading that post about you.

Then post away.


Ok, I read Amy's columns all the time but never posted until now. Rachel - you are just stinking rude. All of our kids will be picked on no matter how hard we try to avoid it. You are just bringing everybody down. Please let us just go back to enjoying this family, this blog, and these adorable children. Save it for your work.


Such sweet boys and sweet pictures. Thanks for sharing it all with us.

On a side note, to the side notes. I was the fat nerd in school that was picked on every single day. The advise given to me by my mother was "it builds character" I would give just about anything to have stories from my childhood to look back on. Having lost my parents decades ago I guarantee that they will cherish every word you are putting here Amy, perhaps not in Jr. High but they will later. The rest just builds character!

Keep the stories coming please.


Sorry for being "stinking rude" and ruining your enjoyment but sometimes there are issues more important than your and my enjoyment--for the record, I adore this blog and it has certainly helped *me* deal with parenthood.

But who cares about me or you? Enough with what's pleasurable for the adults. These kids are not fictional characters in a television show for us to enjoy without ramifications for them.

Is it really beyond everyone's memory that certain topics are viewed as extremely embarrassing by children when revealed to their peers just a short time later in their little lives? These include their cute toddler comments about genitals, peep, poop, etc. and many of the things that make us parents go "aaaaw" as well as their struggles with disabilities.

Yes, they all make such comments but none of them remember being that age and is not available at the tip of a Google to their peers.

If you think this is not issue, try a thought experiment. Imagine stepping into your 10 year old child's classroom and telling all his peers about how he used to point to his penis and declare "I also have a penis". Fun? Ha, ha? (Actually, quite funny once you're over 25 or so).

Yes, many, if not most, kids get picked on. And you can't tell the difference from the point of view of the child if this teasing is due to Mommy's blog?

Yes, sorry to ruin the fun and I am only going to comment on this thread and will not "ruin" any other thread. And I am commenting just so the issue is clearer for everyone, not just Amy but all of us who occasionally post about our children that this is going to be a major issue once those kids hit the age where their peers have Google skills.


Mom of middle schoolers chiming in.

First - hilarious! Ezra is definitely blowing off a little sibling rivalry and baby envy, but he's doing it with good humor. So, great job there!

Second - I blogged for a few years when my kids were in elementary school, and they loved it. And a story about a toddler boy making butt jokes? If/when my middle schoolers confront posts like that from their past, their response is, "Wow, little me was awesome!"

Third - chiming in as an elementary students would not begin to give half a rat's ass about someone's mom's blog. And even if they came across this post, they'd either snicker for a second or think, "Butts *are* funny, little guy."

Cyber-bullies (and I've seen 'em, firsthand, as a parent) don't use cute toddler stories for fodder. They've got much richer pickings in middle school from the present. SMH.


@Rachel - Why are you even here if this worries you so? Besides that, have you even hung out with grade school boys? Do you really think a mom's post about a classmate when he was a toddler talking about poop would be cause for teasing?? Are you kidding me, if anything at all they will all be high fiving him!

Give me a fucking break. And maybe you shouldn't read Amy's blog.


Why yes, Ezra, why yes you do.

Boys, and their bits. My first was a girl, and having a boy, with all of the burping, farting, butt jokes, poop talk--wow, I was not prepared. Though yesterday he was asking me why only big girls have penises.... funnily enough, my daughter, at the age of 3, was convinced she would grow up and get a penis. Hmmm....perhaps there's a connection?

kari weber

As another elementary school teacher (5th grade) I would like to know what 3rd graders @Rachel is so knowledgable about?! If my third graders at school even KNEW what a blog was, and if their parents allowed them on unsupervised to read a blog that uses profane language from time to time... than we have bigger issues than some jokes about butts and penises. Step down Rachel. Your argument sucks. Maybe YOU were teased as a child, but I bet it was due to some real issues, not some mommy-blog.


Pshaw, when I was in the UK-equivalent of 3rd to 5th grade I was joyously passing around the words of a song I sang when I was teeny entitled "I wish I had a willy" (my mum wrote it down). I thought it was hilarious (remember, willies are funny!) and so did my classmates.

drowsybutawake (Compa)

As a mama of boys, I can assure Rachel that the mighty Zah will still find it funny at five, and eight... and as a former camp counsellor I can further attest to poop, butts and penises continuing to provide considerable mirth to boys at twelve, fifteen, seventeen... and after that, well they're all grown up, no? (still funny, btw).

The special needs stuff is a little touchier- I have been lost on where to go re: sharing that stuff myself, which is most of the reason I no longer blog. But I do read those brave accounts by amazing parents of kids with special needs / learning disabilities like Amalah, and nod to myself, and whisper "me too. Me too." And I am damned sure I'm not the only one. But when is the right time to start such a discussion? Surely it's not when a mama is so early post partum, and the father's day so soon after having lost her dad. THAT I am damned sure of. Many, many, hugs to Amalah. This parenting in the technological age is a new beast, and we are all doing the best we know how with the information we've got.


Yes to everything drowsybutawake just said.

Amy - your blog is so completely mom-centric I can't imagine it holding much interest for your average middle schooler - even if it is full of toddler butt talk. In fact, IF Noah & Ezra & Ike ever have to face down some sicko bully trog who resorts to reading mom's blog for tease fodder their best defense is probably;

"Jeeze, man, you read my mom's blog? How lame."

Your kids are going to be FINE.

And, yes, you DO need a hug today. It was a rough weekend. (((hug)))


OMG too funny! My boys (4 years and 2.5 years old) are into that stage... anything regarding poop and farts are HILARIOUS!! And then the other day in Marley Station Mall, my youngest decides to tell anyone within ear shot "My Mommy doesn't have a birdie!! But I doooo!!!" (birdie - penis) I was just glad he didn't decide to SHOW everyone!


Reminds me of this one time in church: the little boy in front of me was drawing stick people. One of the stick-figures had three legs. Then, in the middle of a quiet prayer, the boy announced loudly: "LOOK MOMMY I DREW HIM A PENIS!!!!!!!!" Totally made my day!


OMG!!!!! LMAO!!!! That is so priceless!! Hysterical!! My youngest, Andrew is 7. And back when he was about 4 he used to do this rather often. He'd come running in the room and say something completely off the wall, we'd all laugh and he'd run out again. Those moments are so priceless and are forever cherished in my heart.

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