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It's Tradition, Dammit

Brotherly Warfare

Photo (46)

Yeah, yeah, right. They're all cute and cherubic until one of them skips his nap and a full week of all-day summer camp starts to wear on the other one and there's an attempted drive-by head-smacking incident at the dinner table and the next thing you know the little one has both fists full of his older brother's hair and is kicking him repeatedly in the face and you're like, WHAT THE FUCK, GO TO BED and they whine and protest (because clearly, they were having SO MUCH FUN) but then they go up to their room and you hear...

THUMP

    THUMP

        THUMPTHUMP

            *waaaaaaaiiillllllll*

...and you run to the stairs and the little one is howling from halfway down (I ROLLED! I ROLLLLLED!) and the older one is standing at the top and you're like, EXPLAIN YOURSELVES, YE MONSTERS and he's all, WHAT UP I KICKED HIM DOWN THE STAIRS and no sooner than you get that crisis sorted out and scolded and life-lessoned do you realize that yet another full-contact wrestling match has erupted in the bathroom over a Lightning McQueen toothbrush (OF WHICH WE OWN TWO, BY THE WAY) and you start wondering if this is a situation that requires spankings or an exorcist or spankings from an exorcist but instead you just send everybody to bed with the gentle reminder that YOU FREAKING LOVE EACH OTHER, OKAY, AND THE BUNK BED IS NOT BEYOND THUNDERDOME.

In other words, Ike is totally my favorite, and the only one I would not sell.*

Photo (45)

*Until about 4 am. Then we can talk. 

 

Comments

Arnebya

I'd love to have a hungry infant to deal with at 4 a.m. instead of this nearly 2 yr old who wakes at 4 in full conversation mode (not really; it's hilarious, actually). Didn't have the wrestling but the high pitched girl wail of broken headbands and stolen nail polish while I yell I said we love each other!

tehamy

I'm fairly certain that this is a quick glimpse into my future life. I have two boys that are two years apart. The wrestling matches and fighting haven't even started yet and I'm already dreading it.

Donna

Cute story and photos. Been there although now it's with grandkids. Would have been better without the "F" bomb, but I certainly understood your frustration. I've said it before, too. Kids grow up and believe it or not, you will miss these times, even the fighting! Quiet houses are not always wonderful.

Jaime

Right now we're dealing with a rambunctious 3 year old who beats the crap out of me when I'm putting him in time out. What the fuck do you do for that? Grrrr! Parenting is hard.

Amanda aka Superpucky

Ah yes, days of wanting to sell them for a penny. When the fireplace seems like the most interesting thing in the house. Along with power strips and anything else that could kill them. Don't forget the super hyper time RIGHT before bed when you could peel them off the ceiling. WTF is that?!!

Amalah

(For the record, I didn't actually say the "f-bomb" to my children. I also didn't call them monsters. To their faces, anyway. And I only managed to leave the exorcist a voice mail.)

Jen.

And this is why ours sleep in separate rooms. 6 weeks of up-until-2-AM got old after day 2.

At least #2 can kick #1's butt, d/t stupid SPD upper body weakness.

sally

Oh honey- have to tell you, we just had to get rid of the bunk beds. 6 and 4 year old boys, but it was the climbing nutso 19 month old brother who finally suffered the bunk bed rath. Best of luck-cheers!!

Anne

BOYS. And this will go on FOREVER!

Anne

BOYS. And this will go on FOREVER!

mamamama

Three here as well. Two older ones (brother and sister 20 months apart)... best friends when they are happy, vicious enemies when they are not. Wait until one of them starts, "You like him better than me, Mommy." or "Nobody loves me."

Baby, who is a toddler now, is learning to defend himself... hair pulling and all.

So outnumbered... and my husband is deployed to F-ing Afghanistan until the end of the year.... at least you don't have to be the referee all by yourself, because then Mommy Dearest is more likely to make an appearance!

Aggg.... and my husband says he wants 2 more kids. Easy for him to say when he's literally in a war zone!

Jessica

Yikes! I'm glad I have sisters.

Steph T.

I love boys...they are just so full of entertainment!

Andrea

WHAT THE FUCK GO TO BED
hahahahhaah And I thought I was the only one who screamed that inside my head...and occasionally out loud (but quietly) when I am hiding in the closet!

The Mommy Therapy

There has been fierce fighting in our house this morning. My 9 am 3 fights had exploded and my youngest son had been bitch slapped by the older for not fighting anymore. What?

I basically keep taking things away and locking people in rooms. It's getting rough around here. Soon they will be in empty rooms with a couple pieces of tupperware.

My baby girl is totally the favorite these days. I can't handle any more brotherly love!

Good luck and Happy Fourth!

JB

@Donna, I have a book recommendation for you: http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255 , and, scroll down and read the first review (by "M. Patel" - no, that is not me). It's the same concept.

You would never *actually* scream that at your children, sheesh.

Lol at WHAT I PUSHED HIM DOWN THE STAIRS ;-)

Kirsty

Can I just say that whilst undoubtedly more physical with boys, the JUST ABOUT EXACT SAME THING happens when you have two girls, 2yrs+4months apart in age? Mine are now 9.5 and 7 and we get this kind of crap every night. No wrestling, for sure, but hair pulling, flicking, favourite-toy-rabbit-stealing, screeching, whining...
They do play well together most of the time, but bedtimes. Meh. Not so much.

Carmen

I just saw the past 19 years of my life flash before my eyes. I was 3 when my little sister was born and we haven't stopped fighting since. But yeah, we still love each other.

Megan

Yes to the fighting. I mean, it's wrong, but yes, it's happened here, and I'd MUCH rather deal with a hungry baby than two good-sized kids fighting away.

Shelley

I know it is SO seriously overused but I totes just LOL'd at "WHAT UP I KICKED HIM DOWN THE STAIRS" oh boys.

Kari Weber

Sigh. I have two. Boys. 4 years apart. I don't usually require my husband to read this blog. But today? A must. I am home with them all day during the summer (I am a teacher...) and he just DOES. NOT. GET. IT!!!!!!

tracey

Ahhhh... siblings. Ain't it grand?

Suzanne

I SO get this. My two darlings (5 and 8)have been at Arguing and Backtalk camp all week. And Fight Club, too with their recent "wrestling" matches. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt..

Life of a Doctor's Wife

"Spanking FROM an exorcist" - I love it.

Parsing Nonsense

Oh my gosh. The manly hijinks, they start so freaking young! I HAD NO IDEA.

Sarah

I know they shouldn't, but the full-on brotherly dust-ups really made me giggle. I guess you could say that being indifferent towards one another would be worse.

BethAnn

Aahh...brotherly love. Nothing like it.

Mary

This is my life EVERY DAY. Thank you for capturing it so perfectly - and hilariously!

Shannon

No joke, my mother used to scream at my two brothers, "You should be nicer to each other, because someday you will piss everyone else off, and but your brother will always love you. Unless you kill each other." 25 years later, SO true. They have each other's backs always. And will throw me under the bus like you wouldn't BELIEVE.

Della

I've got a gently-used three-year-old whose sweetness warranty apparently expired. For sale at the same auction as your kids.

Loretta

I also had 3 boys, but then I had to go and add a girl to the mix. she was just as bad at the drive by hair pulling and smacking. and then trying oh so hard to look innocent. But they grew up, and those litle boys are serving our country proudly, 2 in the army and 1 in the navy. and the girl? yeah, she's a marine... go figure!

Cindy

Hilarious! And so normal!! My husband, who travels for work, emailed me this week to ask if it was wrong that he missed our 3 month old more than the others (16, 5 & 3 yr old twins)... I told him "no, he's the nice one."

Katy

Ohhhhhh the fighting. Big and middle are 6 and 4 and fight like rabid cats most of the day. The violence is astounding, nothing is out of bounds. Thinking of creating my own Thunderdome in the back garden with the paddling pool.

Also, I do drop the F bomb. Just to myself, under my breath, all the live long day.

Cy

Well, I have dropped the f-bomb, out loud, at the top of my lungs, so you're doing way better than me. Ps--I love that you update so much even though you're obviously busy. Thanks for not forgetting about us!

Erin

LOL

Jen

Have you seen Louis c k "why"?

Jen

Have you seen Louis c k "why"?

Nicole @ myIdeaLife

you've just given me a glimpse into my future and although it made me laugh but that was only because it's not happening to me yet - arrggghhh. My two are 16mths a part, with the eldest only just 2 the pushing, kicking and headbutting has already started but I know so much worse is coming. (can see why theBloggess recommended u!) Will be back for more hysterically written premonitions...

Nicole x

lorrie @ clueless in carolina

Ah, just wait..I have an almost 13 year old who only deigns to speak to me when requesting something and has a pained look on her face like the fiber didn't work right and an almost 11 year old who is cruising down the ramp towards Puberty Land, while I try to enjoy the last few spontaneous kisses and smiles I may ever receive until, you know, the teens. As in 2016.

Live roulette

This Boys are such an very naughty and make some awesome fun and Enjoyment,and also sleep together.

Jen

Um, never finished my thought haha... And it sent twice but I was too tired to care. Louis C. k. "why" is about having kids and is hilarious. If you haven't seen it, you NEED to! :). Just you tube it!

wendy

As an only child (married to an only child) I have been whistfully thinking about a second. Although the fighting? Do NOT understand... cannot compute. Maybe one is enough?

Barb

OMGS (which, in my house, means oh my GoSH -- a term my 5th grade parochial schooled daughter invented as a non-swear, and you bet your bippy she would fall down and have a seizure if she saw the number of F-bombs I've read on your blog all these years...but I digress here...) just a shout out to your awesome writing; "spankings or an exorcist, or spankings FROM an exorcist.." OMGS, I haven't laughed that hard all week.... thanks, Amy!

Plano Mom

My Dad made us hug each other. For three minutes. And if we didn't hug, truly hug for the entire three minutes, we had to kiss each other. Then came the hardest part, the ten minute speech about how we would be the only real true friends we would have for the rest of our lives, and we needed to cherish that, blah blah blah...

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