It's Tradition, Dammit
Only In Dreams

Five Weeks


Baby Ike! Is five weeks old!


He weighs nine pounds! And five ounces! Holy cats!





Anyway, in honor of this momentous occasion, I thought I'd go all service-y and listicle-ish and whatnot and tell you about some of the Shit We Bought That Ensured Everyone's Survival During The Past Five Weeks. But don't worry, I'll keep inserting random baby pictures for those of you who could not give less of a crap about the wordy word parts of this blog.



1) Miracle Blankets and Aden + Anais Swaddles: Technically, we only really swaddle in the Miracle Blankets. No matter how hard I try and how many time I've re-read the instructions, Ike can break his arms free of the Aden + Anais blankets. This would not be a problem if say, he PREFERRED to have his arms free, but instead, he fights the blanket and frees his arms in 15 seconds flat and then three seconds after that he's all, OH MY GOD HORRIBLE ARM-FLAILING FREEDOM THIS IS TERRIBLE HALP. 


Exhibit A, Babies Make No Goddamn Sense At All Sometimes

Thus, Miracle Blankets for the swaddling WIN, second baby in a row. But we use the Aden + Anais blankets for just about everything else, from an extra layer in case of over-the-top air conditioning to an impromptu nursing cover to just general around-the-house half-assed bundling. Every other receiving blanket we've...uh, received has basically gone unused now that we have a set of these oversized, lightweight suckers. 

Photo (51)

2) Padded car seat handle cover. What? What the what? I KNOW. I'd never seen nor heard of such a thing, until I saw a mother with one about two weeks before my due date and practically threw myself at her head in order to find out where she'd gotten it. Surprise! Etsy. Crafty, crafty Etsy. 

My HipstaPrint 0

If you've ever lugged around an infant car seat before, you know. YOU KNOW. Eventually you have to like, USE YOUR HANDS to find your keys or open doors or reassemble a Very Important Lego Creation That Has Just Come Apart On The Sidewalk And Someone Is Refusing To Take Another Step Until It's Fixed. So you carry the car seat in the crook of your elbow, like a purse. A really heavy purse. A tank with a strap, basically. The padded handle cover won't help you with the weight, obviously, but OH MAN, does it ever help reduce those horrible red marks and bruises and burst capillaries you can get from a pinchy handle otherwise. 

There are several Etsy shops that sell them. I bought mine here, along with a matching set of strap covers. Because: MATCHY. The seller was lovely and shipped my order super extra fast once I admitted that I was like, days away from my due date and was going apeshit from the nesting and the thought of NOT HAVING THE PROPER CAR SEAT HANDLE COVER IN PLACE BEFOREHAND OMG. 


3) A cornucopia of slings, wraps and carriers. Look, I know every pregnant woman out there wants to find and purchase a singular, perfect sling. (I sure as hell did.) They're expensive! They're an investment! They're two whole trimesters' worth of shopping obsession right there! And so you ask your friends and blog readers and Twitter tweeple and random ladies in the supermarket for their recommendations. And then your HEAD PLUM EXPLODES, because you will never, ever get a consensus or even see the same recommendation more than twice. Moby! Maya! Ergo! Babyhawk! Infantino! Bjorn! Pockets, pouches, wraps, Mei Tais, recalls, oh my god make it stop.

Yeah. I've bought a lot of slings, over the years. I've returned one (a super-cheaply-made pouch bought sight unseen online) and given two away (a badly-sized Hotsling and a secondhand Maya). I had a Bjorn at one point that mysteriously vanished, much to my husband's dismay (it was his favorite), but I think I may be blocking out some Machiavellian sabotage there, because I didn't like what I was reading about front-facing carriers and hip and spine development and maaaaaybe had a hand in the disappearance. 


Currently, we have three that actually get regular use. A Mei Tai from Anna Carrie Baby on Etsy (top picture), a resizeable pouch from RockinBabySling that brilliantly adjusts to fit me and Jason (second picture) and our trusty, intrepid, bulky-ass Ergo (not pictured, but dig through the early Ezra archives and you'll realize I carried that child around backpack-style for at least a third of his life). And each one of them STILL has its own list of pros and cons and while I could probably do an entire separate post going ON and ON about said pros and cons (I wish I'd gotten the "extra long straps" option on the Mei Tai, for example), it's likely that MY pros and cons would look nothing like YOUR pros and cons. If that makes any sense. 

In other words, carriers are awesome! Except for one that you will inevitably end up buying. That one probably sucks. 


4) My index finger. Pacifiers? You mean all the Soothies, Avent, Playtex things we tried? And then that weird European one that someone gave us as a gift (Natursutten? Natureosucking? Something like that?) that Ike loved for about 48 hours so we ordered a boatload more of 'em and then BAM I HATE THESE THINGS SO MUCH I MAKE ANGRY FACE IF I SENSE ONE WITHIN SIX INCHES OF MY FACE? 

Yeah. He likes my finger better. So if you come visit and find me awkwardly crouched next to the swing with one index finger crammed in my son's cryhole and the other attempting to type an email on my iPad, please don't judge. WE ARE JUST TRYING TO NOT LOSE OUR COLLECTIVE SHIT OVER HERE.


5) Cloth diapers. Speaking of shit...

I've lost track of how many emails and comments I've gotten demanding to know how the whole "cloth diapering a newborn" thing is going. I guess this is because y'all view me as either:

    5a) An inspirational, aspirational lifestyle guru whom you hope to emulate and/or model your entire life after, including your diapering choices, or...

    5b) A shining example of someone whom you are constantly surprised has managed to get through her day without dying and/or getting hopelessly lost in New Jersey on the way to the supermarket, thus epitomizing the idea that hell, if THAT MORON can cloth diaper, so can I. Like if Snooki took up canning, or something.

Photo (52)

Anyway. I will be doing a whole THANG about the cloth diapering experience over at AlphaMom in a couple weeks, but suffice to say: On the one hand, it's really no big deal. It's an extra load of laundry every other day or so. We've had zero diaper rash and hot damn, they are cute as all hell.

HOWEVER, on the OTHER hand, it turns out I kind of fucking hate prefolds. I wanted so hard to love them, but I am totally over the leaks and the blowouts and nobody else in the house knowing how to fold them correctly except me, like come on. Have more or less switched to fitteds with covers and could not be happier. 

6) Oh hell, the baby is waking up, so never mind. Five things it is! One thing per week of his life! Let's just pretend I planned it that way, and that in this picture he is giving that little hint of a first-ever smile to HIS MOTHER, THE ONE WHO GAVE HIM LIFE AND TWO FULL POUNDS OF WEIGHT GAIN IN A MONTH VIA THE POWER OF HER BOOBS, instead of what he was actually looking at**.


*Nothing in this post was sponsored or donated by companies or PR firms or anything like that. There are a couple Amazon affiliate links, and I'm thinking of offering up my index finger for advertising space via tattoo. 

**The underside of our kitchen counter, for the record. Whatever.



So what you are saying is when my husband and I have kids you'll just do my registry for me and compile a list of must-orders from Etsy? Fantastic. I can't wait.


You are so funny. I am dying. "Cryhole"?


oh, it's going so fast!! Mine is now 3 months 1 week.

you have great pics of your little one :D


@Daisy: You have totally just described my dream job. I'll get business cards that say "Registry Consultant" on them. Or maybe just "Insufferable Shoppy Bossypants."


Such funny pictures. Very expressive. :)

Question--why would you have wanted the extra long straps for the Mei Tai?


Ike is so cute! As are your other two, naturally :-)

I read always, but rarely comment. I actually have a quick question about diapers. I started with my son at newborn, he's 19 months now- he's always been cloth diapered. We went with one-size pockets right from the beginning, which I love. But I'm thinking that for the newborn stage next time around, I'd rather use something sized before switching to the one-size. What fitteds/covers do you use with Ike and what size(s)? And what's your favorite kind?

sue {laundry for six}

Oh mah gah that baby is adorable!! I don't need infant products any more but I just forwarded this to two people who do. Congratulations on that adorable little turtle!


@-k- The standard straps on my particular carrier seem MUCH shorter than other (waaaay more expensive) Mei Tais I've seen online, so the tying options seem more limited, and I wonder if we'll outgrow it early just because I didn't spring for the extra $5 straps.

It also just *barely* ties around Jason, and we like carriers that we bring along and take turns using.


Just make plastic casts of your finger and sell it on Etsy. I've seen weirder things on Regretsy!! ;)


@Amy - Yep, yep. I'll cover all of that as soon as I can over @AlphaMom. I'm still trying out a few different options that I want to include in the round-up, plus am trying to get a sense of what gets outgrown at what weight, etc.

We did get some one-sizes this time and they honestly are just NOW starting to fit okay, at 9 pounds. And while they contain leaks and blowouts waaay better than the prefolds, they are sooooo bulky that I still like the newborn fitteds better. For some reason I thought newborn fitteds were a waste of money but they're just so easy and dependable. (Though I don't know about the widely available brands --mine are by Rebel Baby Co, handmade by an reader/friend. LOVE.)


Thanks! I'll look forward to your post about them when you're ready. I was lucky with the one-size diapers because my son was 8lb 4oz when he was born, and he was over 9lbs by the time his cord fell off 2 weeks later and we started with the cloth. So even though they were bulky, they worked early on.


Favorite part: "If Snooki took up canning."


His expressions are so adorable!


I can't wait for the cloth diaper post. I use them on my son after being inspired by you and I am so happy that I did. Zero diaper rash! And so much easier than anyone believes!


What about the fancy swing thingy Jason bought when he couldn't find the missing part for the other swing????? I don't plan on more babies over here, but just curious how you like it. =)


I HATE prefolds. I really wanted to love them but just couldn't. My mother, who used pins and plastic pants, is very disappointed in my use of expensive, easy cloth diapers. (Not really, though she did try to get me to use what she used. I tried and stuck the baby the one and only time I used them. No thanks, Mom!)

Also - such a cute, sweet baby!


If you want a wallet to match your sling, Cottonpurr on Etsy makes a wallet out of the same material. I bought the wallet from her and I love it!


My son was 9 pounds, 5 ounces when he was born. Look at that sweet baby Ike and imagine pushing him out your you-know-what. Cuz I did that. And it hurt.


That baby is too damn cute. That is all.


I'm not even pregnant right now and I'm drooling over Etsy. Affordable Mei Tai in Groovy Guitar print? Yes please!

And boo on the cloth diaper series being on Alphamom. That one is blocked for me at work.

Amy J

Babywearing overload for recs, etc:
Yay babywearing!
(And Ike is adorable)


Ike is super adorable!! Thanks for the Etsy recommendations. I just ordered a sling and the padded car seat handle cover w/strap covers! Hoping they arrive before my 7/22 due date (or let's be real..before she decides she's ready to take on this crazsy world)! Hope you get like some freebies or such for your Etsy advertising! :)


@Carolyn Noah was 9 pounds, 15 ounces at birth. (I didnt push him out, though, so you win! OUCH.) (Not that emergency c sections are a laff riot or anything.) It is so weird having a two day old that's the same size of the average two month old, right?

Jen L.

That Ike is one damn cute baby. Especially when he looks concerned and makes a double chin. All your products are fun, too, but really? CUUUUTE BAYBAY FTW!


Total WTF look, since we didn't get a pic when you made the clacking sound with your tongue.


(from the person that didn't read the blah blah blah words. just want more. pics. now. kthxbye.)


Enough with the blah blah blah.... I. WANT. MORE. IKE.
Little man is thinking BIG thoughts....


I'll take one of your business cards! I don't have a bun in the oven or anything, but I love your cute baby things...and I'm in love with your cute baby. :) I actually went through etsy withdrawal after our wedding. It is a sickness.


I'll take one of your business cards! I don't have a bun in the oven or anything, but I love your cute baby things...and I'm in love with your cute baby. :) I actually went through etsy withdrawal after our wedding. It is a sickness.

Katie Kat

Anyone else think Ike looks a lot more like Jason than either Noah or Ezra? Love seeing him grow! He's like a concerned old man in so many pictures tho - makes me laugh every time!


God bless miracle blankets. My favorite baby gift. My daughter stayed swaddled in those until she was 9 months old! (We kept the feet out, just swaddled her arms.) At 5 she is still the best sleeper on the planet, thought I can't say for sure the miracle blanket is responsible.


Baby Ike is adorable and edible.
I love your serious babies, with their deep concern about everything.

FYI- those padded car seat strap covers are unsafe. Unless they are crash tested with the seat, they are not recommended. Also, they prevent the clip from being at the right height. The plastic clip needs to be at his armpit level. With the covers it is far too low.


Oh, I do so love reading your posts. You should keep having babies because a. they're adorable and b. they are endless supplies of funny posts. Seriously. Consider it, m'kay?


"Like if Snooki took up canning, or something" ah. . . love it, love u and your babies and your products.



I hear you on the "no one else does it right" with the prefolds. We've started using our Flip covers with the prefolds stuffed into the flaps at the front and back so we don't have to snappi them, and it works pretty well.

Also, GroVia hybrid diapers? Are my new favorite thing ever.


I'm so paralyzed by sling/wrap/carrier indecision I had my second child two weeks ago and still only have a Bjorn (which I don't like).


First time commenting- but I had to say hi because I just had a baby and she's just a day younger than Ike, so I love reading all your posts! I just loved the sentence about the arm-flailing freedom- haha, that is sooo true! Thanks for keeping me entertained while I internet during breastfeeding, it sure helps the time pass!


The picture of Ike in the RockinBabySling is so cute!!Though, to be honest, I'd be really hard-pressed to find a not cute picture of him.


Have you felt the A&A bamboo swaddlers yet? On second thought, don't. Your credit card will thank you.

Also, I have to chuckle at how every experience is different. I've used GMD prefolds in a simple tri-fold with a snappi and a cover since my daughter was born. Everything else I bought to try? Hated 'em.


Ike is so stinking cute, I can hardly stand it!!!

Just a quick note on swaddling with Aden & Anais blankets - double swaddle!!!! We had to swaddle our youngest until she was 7 months old and the only way we made it that long was by double swaddling from 3 months on. Google "double swaddle" for instructions and if Ike breaks out of that, then you need to change his name to Harry freaking Houdini.


If you haven't tried the gumdrop paci, might want to. I had to buy mine online but I saw that they now carry them at Target. My boy loves them. 28 months. I know, I know. But it is down to nap and nighttime only at least. Love little Ike, he has the best expressions!!!

Jennifer Moran

Just for the record, I bought cloth diapers cause of you. BumGenius 4.0's to be exact. The End.


11 lbs, 6 oz here! (Two weeks early!) But I'm with Amalah, had emergency c-section, too. But it was bizarre having to get rid of all his newborn-size clothes and go straight into the 3-6 months!

mrs. q.

Thank you for those ridiculous/funny/adorable faces.


A. Ike's faces are amazing

B. I really do turn to you for future mothering advice. You're like, a cool mom.




Love your blog and LOVING this post. I just bought a car seat handle cover thanks to you! We're going to have our first baby (a boy) next week and your blogs have been both inspirational and hilarious! Thanks!


Amalah, you pretty much have been my registry and pregnancy consultant, what with the pregnancy calendar and its registry list and things mentioned here and there. You could write a guide at this point or consolidate it all into a concise, hilarious, and truly helpful and practical website. My husband and I read the pregnancy calendar as counterpoint to the babycenter weekly e-mails. You have been so on target on validating whatever weird symptoms I've had, and my DH thinks you're hilarious and "gets it" when I send him your occasional post. Your material has been the best source of "see, it's not just me" I have had this whole pregnancy.

So, thank you, and, yes, become a consultant, but, please, to the masses not just one on one!

Also, we love Ike's concerned face. He is adorable.


I hope part two of this post covers the belly wrap thing you were thinking about getting. I demand that you pre-buy what I think I might want and test it for me!!!!!


squeeee!!! seeing Ike in "my" diapers is so much fun :)

also, love love LOVE that picture of him in the sling. to die for!



Ike is gorgeous. Thanks for the list - I just ordered the Mei Tai sling for my two week old - I have been looking and looking, this is perfect! Glad you are all doing well. :)


I don't know how you get anything done at all with those extremely delicious baby fingers and toes in the house! Nom nom nom!


I've been reading forever, but I'm not a poster blah-blah delurking pants. But! I have the cheapest, most awesome-est diaper bag staple that I think you'd love.

You know those really long, light-weight sarongs? My mom used to bring them back from vacation for my sister and I to use at the beach. They take up almost no room in the diaper bag, and they function as: 1) a light blanket, 2) doubled as a more substantial blanket, 3) something to tie around the stroller to block out sun or wind without creating more heat, 4) I've used it to secure my just sitting baby at a friend's house without a highchair (supervised, of course), 5) an emergency shirt, skirt or dress when you get yacked on, 6) a breastfeeding cover.


Do you ever get over yourself?? Just curious...You aren't the only one that has had a baby. You must be rolling in dough to be buying all that expensive shit. Hopefully, your baby making days are over with...


You make the cutest dang babies over there in the Storch house!

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