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July 2011
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September 2011

I knew it was going to be One of Those Days when the baby woke up at 5 am. I need him to sleep until at least 5:30 am to avoid his second, for-real-and-serious waking two hours later happening smack-dab in the middle of my window to get Noah out of bed and dressed and eating breakfast. Now, I have never, ever been one to brag about my time management skills, because prior to having all these children I never HAD any time management skills. I was someone who routinely lied to her dayplanner to give herself an extra crucial 20 minutes of lead time for meetings and who, back when I had one teeny tiny solitary little baby, it once took over two hours to get to a Starbucks less than six blocks away. So while I don't know EXACTLY what it means that now my days are so... Read more →

For the record: 1) He did great. 2) Dude Teacher is a bona fide rockstar hit. 3) Lady Teacher has "Kill" in her name (Killian) and thus requires more time to determine if she is a Bad Guy or not. 3a) This may a job for the Spy Kids. 3b) If you want to be a Spy Kid, you just need to wear a belt. Duh. 3c) It sounds to me like the Spy Kids' recruitment requirements may have gone downhill over the course of four movies and the advent of Aroma-Scope, but I'm clearly not the expert here. 4) He is a little bummed that he isn't able to read fluently yet, since the fifth graders corrected his reading of the words BUS STOP this morning. "Actually, that says STORM DRAIN," they said. "But good try!" 5) I still get hugs. 5a) And kisses. 5b) Even in front of... Read more →

I woke up this morning to discover that a big giant kid crept in and ate Noah up last night. I was pretty annoyed, so I walked him to the neighborhood bus stop and sent him off to school with a bunch of other big kids. Whatever. *** The other parents snapped pictures as their kids lined up and boarded the bus. I just stood there. I'd abandoned my camera on our front step because Noah was having a hard morning and me standing around trying to capture the preshus memories of childhood rites of passage was clearly NOT HELPING. He didn't want to get out of bed, he didn't want to get dressed, he didn't want a shirt with too many buttons and he didn't want breakfast and he CERTAINLY didn't want to walk to the bus stop. But of course the minute we rounded the corner and he... Read more →

Back With a Bang & a Whimper

For the record, yes. I am ashamed over how I neglected my blog this week, and how I will continue to neglect it, because all I can think to write about today is Noah's kindergarten orientation, which is happening in a couple hours. BRAIN: That', really not interesting to anybody else but you. SMALLER LUMPY SUB-BRAIN: Hello, I'm not sure we've met. When has that EVER stopped me from writing about a specific topic before, ever? BRAIN: Well...never, but... SUB-BRAIN: Also, could you do us all a favor and Google the usage distinction of anyone vs. anybody? Because I suspect you're doing it wrong. BRAIN: You know if I do that we'll never get anything posted today, because we'll get lost in a Wikipedia wormhole and the next thing we know it'll be 2:15 and time to leave for the kindergarten orientation and she'll freak out about still being in... Read more →

Oh, did I say something about posting more tomorrow? As in, yesterday, the day I did not post anything because...well, I don't know. Was busy. OBVIOUSLY. Planning on being similarly busy today as well, although we're leaving tonight because Noah has his kindergarten orientation (WHUT HELL NO) and Ezra needs school shoes (NOT MAH BABY) and Ike...well, Ike just kinda needs a bath. I'm sure I could find an acceptably-sized sink to bathe him in around here, I never claimed to not be completely ridiculous. OBVIOUSLY. PS. Yes, we totally felt the earthquake. I mean, poor Tracey did, since she was alone in the house and everything shook and wobbled like crazy and she ran out right when Ezra and I were returning from the beach for a potty break and was all, "Holy shit, earthquake!" and I was all, "Oh, I thought that was like, a truck," and... Read more →

So you know what I decided I needed? I needed another blog. Or maybe it was a hole in the head. From which even MORE of my every vapid, passing thought could flow more freely out of. Anyway, I done got my arm twisted into blogging about...oh my God, you guys, I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO BLOG ABOUT. I was actually sold on the idea of these salon-style conversational things we'll be doing with all the Babble bloggers, but we aren't actually doing those yet, so in the meantime I have nothing to talk about. So I'm getting all kinds of weirdly meta over there about blogging and IT'S WEIRD, Y'ALL. Also kind of cricket-y. But! Samantha Bee! And Dino Dan's Mom, whose presence has officially (though surely temporarily) made me the absolute coolest, in Noah's opinion. But yeah. If anybody has any topic ideas they want... Read more →

I had big plans for today -- I really did. Today is -- was -- my last day with alllll my boys to myself before school starts. The babysitter comes tomorrow so I can pretend to be all business-y and important, and then the day after that we're heading back to the beach for a few days (with Tracey and Charlie! THERE WILL BE VELVEETA DIP AND LUGGAGE CART MAYHEM.). And then Noah's school starts like, five minutes after we get back. And then Ezra -- EZRA! BABY ZAH! -- starts school a few days later. Today was it. (Until the first random holiday or teacher in-service day that I will not be aware of, and will be all, SHIT NOW WHAT when I realize we're the only idiots out at the bus stop.) I was going to swallow my fear at being anywhere out in public with all three... Read more →

Allow me to come clean, albeit vaguely, for minute or two. I am fine -- Jason is fine, the boys are fine -- but several people I love are not. At all. I can't get into details about who and what and when, because these are not my stories to tell, but just to give you a basic sampling of ALL THE AWESOME THINGS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, we have: inpatient rehab, depression, calls to a suicide hotline, impending financial doom, death, loss, suffocating grief, spread amongst several different friends and family members. All at once. BOOM. Hi! You're welcome! Love, August. (P.S. Fuck you.) I am not a "fixer." I kind of get bugged by "fixers." You know the type. You tell them your problems and they immediately pepper you with helpful, practical suggestions, and you're like: Wait. Did I make it sound like I was done wallowing? Because I'm... Read more →

So it appears that puke is totally the new poop when it comes to mommyblogging. Or mommytweeting. Which is kind of the same thing, only with less monetizing. YET. This morning I asked Teh Twitter if anyone had any experience with a "happy spitter" (which I swear is an actual name for an actual thing) and at what age could I possibly expect Ike to stop barfing all the freaking time. The response was INSANE. I should've hashtagged that shit. Five hours later and we are still talking about it. So if you've been waiting for a reason to finally join Twitter, well. This is probably not it. This is probably the opposite of it. So. The "happy spitter." There are so many things wrong with that term I don't even know where to start. For one, Ike does not "spit up." That's what my other babies did -- the... Read more →