Back With a Bang & a Whimper
August 26, 2011
For the record, yes. I am ashamed over how I neglected my blog this week, and how I will continue to neglect it, because all I can think to write about today is Noah's kindergarten orientation, which is happening in a couple hours.
BRAIN: That's...um, really not interesting to anybody else but you.
SMALLER LUMPY SUB-BRAIN: Hello, I'm not sure we've met. When has that EVER stopped me from writing about a specific topic before, ever?
BRAIN: Well...never, but...
SUB-BRAIN: Also, could you do us all a favor and Google the usage distinction of anyone vs. anybody? Because I suspect you're doing it wrong.
BRAIN: You know if I do that we'll never get anything posted today, because we'll get lost in a Wikipedia wormhole and the next thing we know it'll be 2:15 and time to leave for the kindergarten orientation and she'll freak out about still being in her pajamas because that article about European serial killers of the 1800s was just soooooo interesting.
SUB-BRAIN: Kindergarten orientation! Oh, God. Can you believe it?
BRAIN: Indeed. I cannot.
SUB-BRAIN: I'm really having a hard time with it. And I would really like the opportunity to get all maudlin about it on the Internet. So why no-o-ot?
BRAIN: But if you do that TODAY, over an orientation that 1) is really just an hour-long open house, and 2) hasn't even happened yet, what the hell are you going to write about on MONDAY, the actual first day of actual kindergarten?
SUB-BRAIN: *barely audible pneumatic-sounding sputters*
BRAIN: Shit. You're totally overheating now, aren't you?
SUB-BRAIN: Gah. You know that happens if you make me think too hard.
SUB-BRAIN: Why does it smell like burnt hair in here?
BRAIN: Shh. You're overdoing it. Hey look, turns out "anybody" and "anyone" are synonymous, and the Oxford usage guide says the choice comes down to euphony; which one sounds better.
SUB-BRAIN: Buzz! You're pretty. Let's have a popsicle and take a nap.