And Then Suddenly, BlogHer!
BlogHer Part Two Kind Of

BlogHer Part One But Not Really

God, isn't BlogHer just the worst? First, we all bore our readers with ZOMG I'M GOING TO BLOGHER posts. Then we go to BlogHer and don't post anything because we're so busy and crazy or can't get on the hotel wifi or are basically, just drunk as shit the whole time. 

Then we come home and don't post anything because we're so tired out from BlogHer. Or if we do post anything, it's all, "ZOMG I'M SO TIRED FROM BLOGHER." And then followed by some random crappy photos we took with our phone that don't make any sense because you totally had to be there and stuff.

Ugh. I hate when bloggers do that.

***

Photo (64)

This is a photo I took of my roommate taking a photo of the leftover room service cart full of half-eaten breakfast items that we pushed in of Jason Mayo and TwoBusy's room across the hall from ours. Because. I don't know. WE HAD TO.

Photo (62)

The morning after Sparklecorn. Still covered in eye makeup, glitter, unicorn tattoos and a vague sense that I embarassed myself and future generations in a wide variety of ways, the least of which was climbing on a table and taking a bite of the four-foot-tall unicorn cake's ass. 

Photo (61)

And I have absolutely no explanation for this one, except that it is one of like, 17 different blurry versions that I took. So clearly, whatever is happening here was important at the time.

*** 

So basically, nine-plus weeks of newborn-baby-related sleep deprivation (on top of however many weeks of pregnancy-related sleep deprivation), followed by two nights in a row of partying until 2:30 am local time (AKA 5:30 am your time, you stupid dumbass), all squished together with two cross-country flights in the span of 48 hours, then back home to the non-sleeping-through-the-night baby and minus any naps....carry the one....divide by the square root of the weight of all the swag you abandoned in your hotel room to make room for your electric breast pump...and...

Yeah. I'm pretty beat. I can kinda see through space and time right now. 

***

ALSO!

Photo (60)

It fell out on Friday. Jason managed to stall on the tooth fairy thing until I got home so I could do it, which, in retrospect was not all that's cracked up to be, once you c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y slide your arm under the pillow and feel around for this tiny, practically hollow tooth and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y remove it and then c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y put a ridiculous amount of hard-earned cash in its place...only to suddenly get really, REALLY grossed out by the nub of a tooth you're now holding in your hand that your husband is all, "DON'T THROW IT OUT, WE NEED TO SAVE THAT" and you then look around you at your life and realize that holy shit, there are like, 200 of these stupid things that are going to fall out and require you to touch them and then pay money for the privilege of doing so in your future. 

But still. I was awfully sorry to miss this one. 

Photo (65)

(NOTE: Usually, this is the sort of photo I would crop to make sure none of y'all saw the giant bag of trash hanging out in the recyling bin in the back corner there, but since this was taken on Jason's watch I feel okay leaving in there. Even though I have been home since Saturday night and it is, in fact, still there. LAY OFF ME I'M TIRED.)

(NOTE NOTE: Jason took them both for haircuts while I was away, thus ending our summer of ragamuffin-where-is-that-child's-MOTHER-style chic.)

Photo (63)

(NOTE NOTE NOTE: Today is our 13th wedding anniversary. Here, sweetie, I got you some kids.)

Comments

Jurgen Nation

I'm surprised hotel security didn't throw us out because we were howling for a really long time about how bad the Cheap Sally apron was. And then I needed to make it drunk-sexy, which is to say, made it look so much worse.

Really, though, it was terrible.

Suzanne

Sparklecorn was the best night of my life. Ok, that might be exaggerating just a TINY BIT, but the unicorn was delicious and thank you so much for not running away screaming when I attacked you on the dance floor and fan-girl vomited all over you. I am already looking forward to next year.

Overflowing Brain (Katie)

But for those of us who were at BlogHer (and who you told you were going to go sit in a corner at Sparklecorn and milk yourself...heh), these posts are the best.

Mostly because they help you put together the really foggy alcohol pieces of the weekend.

Anthony from CharismaticKid

I just bought a temporary tattoo last weekend! YOu just reminded me to put it on now. THANK YOU! It's of a kite soaring high!

Rayne of Terror

Put future teeth in an envelope or other easy to find and flattish container. I slip the envelope out, stick it in a high bin in the linen closet and they are saved for as long as I can stand keeping body parts in a closet.

Glad you had a good time in SD!

Erika

I don't know anything about Blogher, but I have some experience with baby teeth. Have them put it in a baggie before putting it under their pillow. It is easy to find, less gross, and the slides out soundlessly for greater stealth.

TwoBusy

Happy Anniversary, and thanks for all the sausages.

Ivie

Happy Anniversary, Amy and Jason!

Heli

Despite all that, your post is great! And oh so relate-able! We are also celebrating an anniversary and your sentiments couldn't be more on point with my thoughts! Happy Anniversary and welcome back!

VandyJ

Happy Anniversary! It's my hubby and my 13th anniversary today too! To was a great day 13 years ago! Pretty great one today too!

Heather

I think I might have witnessed the biting of the unicorn's ass, but it's all sort of foggy. Thanks for being nice to me when I drunkenly gushed about how awesome you are. It would have been forgivable if you'd backed away slowly instead.

the bee

That sweet Noah looke really cute while missing a tooth. I am sure that Jason did a great job because the kids are all still there and everything. Happy Anniversary ! Go out somewhere fabulous.

Shannon

I saw you up on stage shaking your groove thang at Sparklecorn! Anyway, that was BY FAR the best party at BlogHer, and I just wanted to thank you all for planning it! I really liked the gummy watermelon slices!

Missy Carvin

The whole touching-the-fallen-out-tooth thing is pretty gross. We made my daughter put hers in an envelope for less tooth-touching AND easier retrieval. Of course, now I have 2 envelopes with baby teeth in my underwear drawer. Whatevs.

http://www.missylaneous.com/2011/07/22/of-teeth-and-fairies/

Jaelithe

Oh, this is why at my house lost teeth get put in an ENVELOPE addressed to the Tooth Fairy. The kid gets to decorate the envelope with stickers and glitter, and put the tooth inside the envelope himself. And the Tooth Fairy gets to find the tooth under the pillow that much more easily and without having to actually touch any dead teeth. It's a win-win.

Karen

Would it be bad to toss the teeth? We are right about at this point with our little guy and I don't forsee him wanting them in the future.
I am pretty sure my folks tossed mine...

shawnessy

Yo, picture of the cake?!

JenVegas

"climbing on a table and taking a bite of the four-foot-tall unicorn cake's ass." And where's the picture of THAT I ask you? Huh? Huh?

Jodi

our boys put their lost teeth in a glass of water on their bedside table. when you retrieve the tooth add a drop of food colouring and coins (for payment) to the water - the colour indicates the colour of the tooth fairy's wings. the kids are super excited to see what colour the water is. (of course it's easier for canadian tooth fairies to pay with coins since we have $1 and $2 coins.)

stacy

My mom kept my baby teeth in a little ceramic jar, and I later came across them when she sold her house. I screamed and ran away, then took a morbid peek, then tossed them in the garbage. Keeping teeth, sentimentality aside, is gross. I wonder how long I will hold onto my kid's...

Susan

@Karen - I'm 35 and my mom STILL has all my baby teeth - including my wisdom teeth that got removed when I was 18! Maybe I'll send her my kids' teeth too - "body parts in the closet" - ha!

Yes, my first thought when reading about the unicorn's ass was - "WHO TOOK A PICTURE OF THAT?!" Inquiring minds want to know!

MissRed

Happy anniversary!! I also want to see the unicorn pic from BlogHer :D .

Erika Mitchell

Welcome back!

Janessa

Happy Anniversary!

Wished I had stayed at Sparklecorn to see you dance and take a bite out of a unicorn's ass. Bet that was f'in hilarious!

Christina

My mom had us place our lost tooth in a plastic baggie before we stuck it under our pillow.

:paula

I blow the tooth fairy transaction Every Single Time. Either I get drunk and forget (it was Halloween, leave me alone), or I get confused about who sleeps in which bunk, and the fact that they half the time have misplaced the tooth by bedtime and put a paper facsimile under their pillow does not help. Gonna start just leaving a savings bond under both pillows and telling them the Tooth Fairy's really their grandmother.

whoorl

I would really really REALLY love to see photographic evidence of the unicorn ass-biting. There must be a photo out there somewhere, right?

Lis

I go to photographer's conferences a few times per year. It's a big fancy deal where you are supposed to gather and MAKE ART. Problem? All the art made is so meta-tastic that it's not really interesting to anybody who wasn't there.

At least this is, in theory, more about learning things. And not ACTUALLY BEING PRODUCTIVE.

Cheryl

I have my kids put their teeth in an old ring box. Easy to find under the pillow and the tooth fairy replaces the tooth with a gold dollar or 2-1/2 dollars (because together they make noise and that is cool!)

Kate

My 13th anniversary too. I hope your 13 have been kind. Mine have been insane lately (kids) and great overall.

I've been thinking so much today about how different my life was pre-husband. I wonder if you'd ever do a "look back" entry on life before hubby and kids.

I've read your blog for three years at least, and it's been such a great ride. You have mostly entertained me, but also inspired me and educated me.

Please write Amalah forever. Thanks.

SarahC @ w30

Pretty sure we need to see some Sparklecorn pictures...

Michelle @ Special Mom Space

I'm so on the outside :-( I really wanted to go but I'm in NY and it was out of my budget this year. I even missed last year because by the time I had even heard of Blogher all the tix were sold out!

So thanks for sharing just a little piece :-(

Kati

Re: the apron pic - if you've seen the movie Empire Records, this makes sense: "Welcome to Empire Records! How may I service you?"

alison

Happy anniversary! It's ours too. I figured he wouldn't forget 8-8-98. :)

Jennifer

Girl you need to get you a tooth fairy pillow. Go onto etsy, pick one out and you hang it onm the door of the room! Ours even came with a little plastic tooth to put in the pillow to hold the tooth. Super cool! And hella easier.

Adventures In Babywearing

Well I love reading this type of recap because I wasn't there and can't sleep so it's nice to have something to read while I eat some Chex mix. Also, so true the tooth under pillow thing. Also I hope my kids never dig around in in my jewelry box because that is where all of their teeth go.

Steph

Mary

I so hope to make it to BlogHer AND Sparklecorn next year! Thanks for the sneak peek for all of us on the sidelines.

Vicky

I still have all my baby teeth in a pink plastic treasure chest. All of them. That's not creepy is it? I might make it into a necklace and wear it just for you at the next Blogher. That's not creepy either, right?

It was great seeing you again! The party was a blast!

electriclady

A couple of weeks ago, I was at my FIL's house and he handed me a sweet little box that he said came from my late MIL's Place of Special Things She Saved. I opened it and IT WAS FULL OF TEETH. My husband's baby teeth, that my MIL had saved all these years. (My husband is 40.) It was the grossest thing I had ever seen. I tried to appreciate the sentimental value but I was like AAUGH NO GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

Jen

Doesn't the tooth fairy require special packaging? Yeah, i'm pretty sure she requires the tooth to be packaged neatly in an envelope and placed on the night stand... Just tell Noah it's a Y2K thing, I'm sure he'll understand....

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