Baby Ike, Three Months
September 06, 2011
Baby Ike officially turned three months old six whole days ago, but I truly believe that if I don't mention something, it doesn't exist. It's just one of my many mystical powers of bullshittery, actually.
But now that another week has gone by, it's preferable to round his age down to "three months" instead of being all specific. Because 14 weeks old? Are you kidding me? Shut up. Just...shut your fat whore mouth already about my baby. Who is brand new. I haven't even taken the tags off yet.
Okay. So. I wrote those two paragraphs at 9:15. It is now 11:22. That should, in and of itself, tell you what life with Baby Ike is like these days.
1) Toes, face, and bald head are distracting as all hell
2) NOM NOM NOM BOOBAGE
3) So many stripe-y convict outfits, so many hork-related outfit changes
The "happy spitting" continues, yes. I keep saying dumb things like "OH I THINK IT'S GETTING BETTER" and then someone asks why I appear to have dumped an entire container of yogurt down the back of my shirt and I remember oh, yeah, I meant to change that. I must have gotten distracted.
BY WHAT I WILL NEVER KNOW.
I've packed two entire wardrobes away already. All the teensy tiny newborn clothes and the slightly bigger 0-3 month clothes. I remember looking at the outfits he wears now when he was born and thinking: No. Never. These things are gigantic.
He has found both his hands and his sense of humor. He thinks the word "barfing" is hilarious. Probably because it comes up so often (ZING!) in our conversations. He likes to mimic certain sounds and tries to sing along when you sing to him, and lest you think I am bragging about my brilliant singing baby let me assure you that he can't carry a tune at all.
He has rolled over exactly twice: Once when he seemed kind of pissed off at me over something and kicked his legs against my thigh enough to propel himself over. And once in the middle of the night when I went to pick him up and spent three minutes in the dark wondering why the back of his head felt so weird and bumpy before I realized I was carrying him down the hall by his face.
I have gotten sooooo good at this baby thing, you guys. It just takes practice.
But oh, really, he's a dream baby. I keep getting dream babies. I keep waiting for the one who doesn't sleep or screams all the time and I keep getting these little balls of happy, contented deliciousness instead. It's like the universe keeps testing us, like go on, come on, have one more. And then BAM. Antichrist.
Definitely didn't happen this time, though. We got another good one. Another very, very good one.
THINGS BABY IKE ENDORSES, THREE-MONTHS-OLD EDITION:
Miracle Blankets, though God help me, Imma 'bout to duct tape the edges down if this kid doesn't stop busting his arms out and then wailing, like LOOK WHAT I JUST DID, WHY COME YOU LET ME DO WHAT I JUST DID?
DEX Products white noise machine (purchased when Noah was still in utero, has since gone unloved and unused by two whole other children, but is now suddenly essential)
Adiri Natural Nurser, AKA the bottle what looks like a boob
Prince Lionheart washPOD baby bath tub, AKA teh bukkit
Noah's ancient plastic travel swing that I forgot we even owned, kind of an older version of this one, which you may note is significantly cheaper than the Mamaroo that Ike is decidedly "MEH, WHATEVER" about because it doesn't light up and make noise and isn't covered in mysterious hand-me-down stains.
Indian cotton prefold diapers (hated them at first, now I love them, like isn't THAT SO HELPFUL)
Rebel Baby Co. fitted diapers (currently on hiatus, but you can contact Leanne (leanne[AT]rebelbabyco.com) for custom orders/inquiries)
Fleece and wool diaper covers/soakers, AKA WOOOOOLLLLIEEEEEE PAAAAAANTSSSS
Bac-Out Stain & Odor Eliminator (not so much for stains, but amazing for diaper pail stink, and this one may be more exciting to me than him. I dunno. I should ask him.)
THINGS BABY IKE DISAPPROVES OF:
How long it took me and my boobs to write this post
Aaaaany time now, princess. Hurry it along.