The Mom in the Mirror
On Second Thought, Hell No



Yeah, yeah. Wookit the wittle face with the big eyes and the round cheeks and the blond hair and blah blah blah, this child BIT ME SO HARD this weekend that I kept checking the front of my shirt for blood afterwards. At first my shrieking startled him and I thought he was going to cry -- his eyes went all extra-Precious-Moments on me and his bottom lip began to tremble -- and then after a few seconds of studying my wincing-face-of-pain expression, he decided it was all terribly funny and laughed while I struggled to determine whether or not he'd broken skin on the underside of my boob. And did I mention this was all happening in the parking lot at Whole Foods? Greetings, hippies and fellow earth mothers! Say hello to MY BREASTS: THE OTHER OTHER WHITE MEAT.

I am currently sporting two teeth marks and one large angry bruise on my left boob. 



Jen O.

Von. Von chewy nipple. Mwah, ha, ha.


My 7.5 month old did this the other day and I looked and looked but only saw a slight mark. The next day, I went to pump and it looked like someone had taken a knife to me. Evil little monster...with wittle-preshus faces.

I threatened him with uber-nasty formula in a bottle for the next 5 months and he too, laughed his ass off.


You are a brave, brave woman to continue to offer your boobs to that woodchipper of a mouth. Kudos to you.

Hairy Farmer Family

Yowser! I clearly remember the fangs. It eventually developed into a crippling case of Nervous Nipple which continues to blight... things... to this day, much to my husband's exasperation. Bad Baby!


Babies are out to get you. And if you had to show off your boobs, Whole Foods is probably the best possible public venue.


Ouch. That is all.


Good Lord. This almost makes me grateful for the myriad health issues that precluded me nursing my own four little vampires. Especially the one that teethed at 3 3/4 months. My condolences to you and your boob.


No, you can't tell me that little face would do something like that!


Oh god. I know that bouncer.

Carrot. ORANGE Carrot.
Tomato! RED tomato!
Corn. YELLOW corn!

Buh buh BUH buh buhbuh buuuuuh, buh buh buh buh buh!

That song was (and still is) drilled into my head in the most painful way. I think we'd have to get a new bouncer if we had another child. We are completely functionally unable to say either one of those vegetables without following it up with the color and vegetable name again afterwards.

"Honey? What do you want for a dinner vegetable? Corn? ...YELLOW corn!"


Whole Foods customers completely understand.

That type of thing usually happens to ME in a school parking lot, or church parking lot, or some other such place.


Ooooh, yeah. BTDT. I sympathize!

And also, your Precious Moments descriptor was perfection.


Ouch! Those little teeth are so sharp when they first come in too. I'm glad you didn't bleed and it is good you're so experienced with nursing- it was super traumatic when it happened to me! My darling daughter broke the skin- she bit me twice in one day about two weeks after her first two teeth came in. I think I had bite PTSD for three solid weeks afterwards (it went away, we're still nursing and she's 18 months). Did your other guys do much bite damage?

Amelia Sprout

I laugh only because I know my day is coming. So far H mostly laughs at fart noises and her big sister.
I can't think of a better place than Whole Foods to flash the boob. They can handle it.


My little angel bit me for about a week when he got his first tooth, just trying it out I guess! I yelled and took him off every time,finally he stopped. I was worried-if it hurt that bad with 1 tooth, how would it be as more came in!!


Appatrently, I heard somewhere that with the biters, instead of pulling the boobie away and shrieking in pain, you're suppose to shove the boobie in their mouth. This of course requires ninja self control since your reflexes do opposite.

Oh, I dread the teeth, I hope they come later later.....


The Twilight reference made my day.


I saw a onesie yesterday sporting the words "I Might Barf," and I thought of you. (Trying hard to remember where... must have been Marshalls, I think...)


Ah yes, the bitey phase. When every time you nurse, you have to be super vigilant, never let down your guard, never relax for a second, and have that finger at the ready for the first sign of what I like to call BITEFACE!(tm) so you can get that finger in between the gums to prevent the clampdown. Remember when nursing was relaxing? Yeah, that went out the window when you gave him that hilarious reaction. Good times! (She says from a 2-year distance. My 2nd kid did that til she was 3 because it was OH! so funny when Mama yelped like that.)


You all are much nicer than me--biting means the END of nursing...I give 2 chances and then I am done! Of course, my kids get their teeth around 9 months or so...

Amy-Hamlet's Mistress

I'm a non-mom so I can't identify and I hate to laugh at your pain, but......hee hee hee! That made me giggle.


My son bit me so hard when he was 8 months old (I think I was clinging to the midnight feeding, which he was more than ready to give up) that the next day at work when I pumped it was 25% blood and 75% milk. No more night feedings ... OUCH! So sorry it happened to you ...


Jen O.'s comment wins the internet. That is all.

mark @ yelling near you

Wow. Who said breastfeeding was a good idea? Clearly a hazard to one's personal liberty.


What Marija said. To the letter. I yelped at the first chomp, then asked on a breastfeeding board I was on how to handle it (he was about Ike's age), and all the wise moms said to pull him in closer.

I think he bit two more times total. Not bad when you consider that he got nursed until 21 months.

Sorry for your poor boob, glad you're (probably) not pumping, because pumping a bruised boob HURTS and hopefully, dracula gets the hint soon that boobs are for sucking, not biting.


Been there, taken advil to help with the pain the next day... usually, I manage to just call him a little monster to his face, but that's usually my third choice - especially when the toddler is around...


I need to hire you to tell my stories. I also had an interesting time at whole foods this weekend - I was eating on the patio and a freaking pigeon stole the sushi out of my hand. I bet you'd tell it better than I can.


I think it's hilarious!! Dumb bitch


I don't believe one single word you wrote about that little angel. Mean old Mommy! Send that precious peanut to me. I am seriously jonesing for another baby...

I remember when my youngest bit me so hard I screamed. It scared her so much, she never nursed again. Not to scare you, but I remember and it SUCKED. Like, what? I'm not supposed to react to pain?? Lil stinker.


Ike was singing: I like big boobs and I cannot lie. Ha! Only my oldest was a biter. She did it once, around 10 months, but we were close to the end of nursing anyway. The other two -- nary a nip more than twice BUT THEIR ASSES LAUGHED TOO. Preshus wittle demon seeds from hurt boob hell.


The oldest bit me on her last nursing (coincidence?) and my youngest got his teeth so late, like freakishly late, he never got a good chomp in. Thank god. That is one experience that you never forget. You may forget the pain of childbirth, even the discomforts of pregnancy, but that nipple chomp stays as vivid as if it were yesterday.

die Frau

I love your bouncer. We need to get one, stat. Little man is great at rolling over on his activity mat, getting stuck, and sucking his fingers frantically and getting mad that he can't quite get back. Hence, a new activity is required for everyone's sanity....

Not teething yet, but I'm just WAITING. Right now our big problem is that he's getting lazy about latching--he holds on for a second, detaches, cries, and starts again. Sigh.


I had hoped to nurse my son for a year, but he had 2 fully-formed teeth at the age of 4 months and 4 (top & bottom) by 6 months. And he used them. And wouldn't stop using. He drank pink milk while I pumped my sore and bleeding breasts.

He got cut off at 6 months.


Oh thank God these days are over for me. My boobs are my own once again after 5 years of BFing. I finally got my daughter off just shy of turning 3 years. Yes. July of this year.

Lynda M O

My first bit at eight months and we weaned very shortly after that episode. Second time around had to go back to work when she was eight weeks and so pumped and weaned after hysterectomy at about six months.

I have never forgotten that pain and she’s 34 with two little ones of her own.

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