Halloween in Real Life
Just. Start. Typing.


It's been a...well, it certainly has been a week. (Said with deep, emphatic, eyebrow-raising emphasis.)

I'm all jumbled up inside, unable to put the not-so-good stuff into words and the not-that-terrible stuff into a humorous context, like: usually a story about an overflowing toilet during a playdate should be good for some pathos, right?

Except when the overflowing toilet overflows twice (because said playdate wouldn't stop flushing it over and over) and floods the basement bathroom at the same time, and this happens right after you learn that your kindergartener was sent to the principal's office that day for behavior problems, and then came home and declared himself a "loser" because of it and begs you to "sign [him] out" of kindergarten, and "sign [him] out FOREVER"...

And right before the cat starts vomiting all over the house and taking random bloody shits in the kitchen...

Which turns out to be an extreme yet ultimately run-of-the-mill reaction to SOMEONE accidentally grabbing a similarly-labeled-but-actually-different bag of cat food at the store, which is a relief...right up until the moment you exhaustively collapse into your bed...and discover that oh, the cat puked there, too...

And then the baby wakes up at 1:15 am, like he's done every night for almost three weeks straight now.

Mix in some of the aforementioned life stressors, a couple of poetically timed diaper/potty incidents from the other two children (AND the dog, who has suddenly developed an aversion to crapping outside first thing in the morning because it's too chilly, or something), a full-moon-like and across-the-board increase in temper tantrums and sibling conflict AND ALSO the triumphant return of my period, and that pretty much brings you up to speed on what the last couple days have been like. A classic slow-burn sneaky hate spiral.

And while usually my first instinct to most of those things would be to curl up with my laptop and CAPSLOCK my way into some insight or catharsis or even just a "let's keep things in perspective, first-world-white-girl" punchline, this week I mostly just want to hide under the covers until everybody promises to JUST STOP POOPING ON ME FOR 15 GODDAMN MINUTES, BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. 

Of course, we all know that's not gonna happen anytime soon. So I think I'll just take a couple deep breaths, hope that tomorrow is better and then stare at this picture for awhile instead.




I was doing a very good job at having a bad day until I looked at that picture. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a foul mood when my uterus is doing jumping jacks and shouting "awwwwwwww"?



I was doing a very good job at having a bad day until I looked at that picture. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a foul mood when my uterus is doing jumping jacks and shouting "awwwwwwww"?



Is... Is that a glow worm? I remember quite fondly MY glow worm... and I thought it was one word, but gloworm just doesn't look right, but now that I think about it, I think it was GloWorm... anyway, the point is, I didn't know they still MADE those things... now I want one too.

Oh, and I really hope things pick up, smooth out, calm down, and generally un-fuck themselves soon.

mark @ yelling near you

Sweet picture, keep it close. Holy shit storm. Have they strung biohazard tape around your house yet? Hang in there, it'll be over in a dozen or so years unless the apocalypse gets here first.


Shit, I wanna stare at that picture myself, it's so...right. And ugh sorry about the - ahem - shitty time you're having of it right now, but rest assured that it will end (in five years or so).


Boo on bad days! And sending lots of non-pooped-on vibes your way.


I think you just summed up the qualities most necessary for parenting: resilience, deep breathing and an ability to look beyond the moment.

We are having fun with night awakenings as well, but we actually started it on purpose. Our 10-month-old has some GI issues and has real trouble gaining weight and so we started waking him to add night feedings. It seems to be working though, so that's enough to help keep my attitude up.

Here's to deep breathing and the true inate sweatness of baby creatures.


Wow, that sounds like one heck of a week! I hope things start calming down for you real soon. On another note, I just wanted to say I love your blog and have been a reader for several years. You're one of the first bloggers I hope to see updates from when I check my google reader every day.

P.S. That last picture is absolutely adorable!


Sarah @ w30

Holy CRAP (pun intended) that picture is adorable. I hope the rest of your week does a 180!


......traveling back to when you were pondering what LIFE would be like with THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........maybe you would be scared by your last couple of posts! But then, maybe, and probably, you would see that picture of Ezra and Ike and be like, psh, why did I wonder. Love it...!!!


Your week sounds massively crappy. (Sorry for that.) But that picture is PRE-SHUS. Also, it might bring a smile to your face to know that I took my son to Disney on Ice last night and could not stop staring at the skater playing Wendy in the Peter Pan section because holy hell, she looked just like you.

Hillary M

An adult-version of Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day... Sorry for your poop covered day, but I have to say your writing made me smile (and that is a very cute pic).


And I hope the rest of your week is a special as that photo. Dang, that is sooooooooo sweet.

C @ Kid Things

That is a beautiful picture. You may want to enlarge it and hang it above your cat vomit-y bed.


I've done the kindergartner principal behavior problem thing. More than once. I recommend wine.


That sounds all types of not fun! That is however an excellent picture! I got my son "Freddy the Firefly" since you had talked so highly of him in one of your posts and he absolutely loves it!


Sending you happy thoughts and love and oh dear I hope it gets better!!! That photo definitely brightened my day :)


Very cute picture!

I was wondering if you’d be interested in sharing your articles with other like-minded parent bloggers? If yes, please email me at info@atomicreach.com with Parents in the subject line.


Plano Mom

Shit happens, my friend. Hang in there, you are NOT alone.


oh sweet baby jesus are we living the same life or WHAT?!


Wine? I hope things get better. That picture makes me want another baby right now.


Is it bad that the most terrifying thing in there for me was the return of your period? I never got a full year off (as advertised!)even though I was breastfeeding like a banshee. Oh, and the wrong cat food can cause bloody shits and a puke-a-thon? One more reason not to get a cat...

Erika Mitchell

Yeah, I was like that this week too, except instead of pooping it was with vomiting. Hang in there, lady.



I hate those weeks. Bodily fluid exposure is a very big downside to the whole parenting/pet ownership thing. But that photos... you really grow some cute ones that is for sure.


oh my frank that is a shitty week! your humor still gets thru, so there's that.

and that picture! wow!
did ezra somehow find a way to kiss himself like in a time machine or something?

come to think of it, i think that picture could get anyone out of a funk.

good luck......

bad penguin

I hate a slow burn hate spiral just this morning! Between the parking guy who insisted I pay for my validated-by-the-doctor's-office parking, the blinking message light on my phone that won't go away, the traffic I had to sit in and a million other little things, I was CRANKY. A pop tart helped, but your photo is better. :)


Oh man, big hugs! That picture is adorable, but I hope you get some time soon to recover from all the poop you've had on your plate! Good luck!

Shannon Lell

I hear ya, both literally and figuratively. Eat some cheese if it's before 5pm... a cocktail if it's after. Did I say 5pm? I meant noon. NOON!


Owww, that is the worst kind of day...not just a crappy day, but a day that is crapping ON you. I hate that. Tomorrow should be a breeze, eh?


my older son's K teacher called so many times I stopped answering. It was a bad year. he was a "challenging" child. he is now 25, living on his own, great job, health insurance, etc. Nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. this will pass. and honestly, I'd give everything I have for another day with that little 5 year old. :)

Jill (mrschaos)

Whoa. That's...quite a week you've had there.

But man, that picture is delightful and beyond cute.


That picture (and Julia's comment) did wonders for my bad mood.

Long view, long view, long view (and a lot of left over Halloween candy.)


So sorry to hear about the crappy week for you and Noah and the pets and everyone... :( Hopefully you've used up your crap quotient for a long time to come. Beautiful photo too.


I'm so incredibly happy that you linked Hyperbole and a half. My two favourite blogs inside each other inception style gave me a little giggle. I'm sorry for the terrible time you're having. I hope things get better soon!


Oh Noah... another virtual hug from a weird stranger who reads your Mom's blog, you must be getting used to those.

No signing out Noah. You are far too awesome for the rest of us to do without.

Not that it makes you feel any better Amy, but my Kindergartner only made it to week three before I got the principal call.

Hoping for better days ahead.


Please know that every mother of boys has had that "I'm done with school" announcement of Noah's. It will pass and there will be new problems and new joys. In the meantime, I'll be sending you some good jou jou.


Hugs from ND... If we had actually ever met, and if I lived closer, I'd be right over to clean up the flooded bathroom, cat vomit, and poop. Hoping for a stress free weekend!


This post sounds eerily familiar to my week-just substitute noxious dog fumes for the cat. Here's hoping all the crap has run it's course and the weekend is better.


Who the heck sends a kindergartner to the principal? They are kindergartners, for God's sake! They are SUPPOSED TO BE BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS!

Me thinks that the educational system is no longer set up for kindergartners to be kindergartners- especially BOYS. Kindergartners are now supposed to be like second graders and it makes me really, really mad.


I recommend wine, in copious quantities. Good luck.

PopMommy Pam

And that's a REALLY great picture...Hang in there.


I agree with Leeann. We do place some mighty high expectations on kindergartners these days. You'll get through this one, too.


I'm very sorry. Just smell their heads as they sleep. You are a very good mom, and this too shall pass.

Rebecca Van Hout

OK that totally put my cruddy day into perspective. And reminds me to be thankful I only have one small person currently producing said bodily fluids that I have to clean up. My animals are all currently continent and/or behaving themselves. I hope everyone quits soon!


I think there's something in the air because my last week sounds similar, although it suddenly seems like a walk in the park compared to yours. Hang in there! But OH MAN that picture!!!! My heart just melted all over the keyboard.

PS My son told me tonight that maybe we should just "get rid" of him since he can't be nice. Made me want to ball my eyes out.


So let me add this up on my right hand: a dog, a blog, 3 children, a dog, a ca...
oops, I just ran out of fingers.


:( Noah - poor kid.

In NYS they can't subject kids to normal disciplinary action for behaviors that are consistent with the diagnosis on their IEP. (Which is both fair and not fair and a potential path to enabling if parents teach their child that they "can't help it.") BUT in the best possible scenario, the school will have an awesome special ed coordinator/counselor/somebody who will sit down and talk things through calmly, discuss alternative ways to cope with stress and just generally ease the kids into being more responsible for their choices and their consequences. We are very blessed in our district with an awesome lady who helps Maxx that way - sadly I can't send her to your district, Maxx still needs her!

I hope that Noah bounces back and that the school handles it better next time.


Oh wow! That just put my day in perspective. I hope that yours gets better soon.

Amy M.

Sending better day vibes over the interwebs...

Also, since I've had similar issues in my house in the past, is there a carpet cleaner you'd recommend? I haven't found one that gets rid of the odor as much as I'd like... Thanks!


First things first: that's a great picture!
And now the comments! Shitty days are just that shitty days. When they pile up they deliver a beautiful shitty week. As long as they don't turn into shitty months or shitty years that's cool. The one thing you don't want is to live a shitty life, right?
Then again, sometimes when my life gives me those days I try to think about how do my kids see this... I guess that sometimes they feel like this: http://wp.me/p1Vcv0-3M


What a perfectly FML week. Get ye some liquor!


It's so hard to watch your child struggle in school, whether it's academically, socially, or whatever. And with SPD everything is always 3X worse than it is for 'normal' kids. It's such a HUGE change for him to deal with, but it will (slowly) get better.

You might want to take some one-on-one time with Noah - either you or Jason, while the other one watches the other two - take him out to eat or something and just talk to him, listen to him, let him know you're there for him, etc. Even an hour-long love-fest could do him a world of good in terms of his confidence, positive outlook, etc., and at the very worst it won't hurt.

Hang in there, and I hope things get better soon!


Hey, if you were able to always be nonchalant about the shit life hands you, I wouldn't be able to read your blog for 3 years. Hope tomorrow is a good day, though, Amy. Hugs to ya, babe.


I'm sorry, Amy - I hope it gets better soon!


Mum... you are heard. Here, have some wine.


Love the Hyperbole and a Half reference! You rock, I'm sorry your week has sucked. :(


That really is one incredibly sweet picture. Hope people stop pooping on you soon!

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