WE ARE
Let's Go To The Zoo, Part Four

Double Indignity

Very early this morning, the bathroom door opened. I protested because, well, it was closed for a reason, if you get my drift, and I think that you do. 

A still-sleepy-looking small child appeared in the doorway, clad in old-man-style plaid jammies, holding something. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was a not-insignificantly-sized, perfectly-formed ball of poop.

I should note that he was still wearing his pajama bottoms, and that everything...usually involved with this sort of thing was perfectly clean, as if his offering simply materialized in his hand like some kind of goddamned Mr. Hanky of a Christmas Miracle. He was quite pleased with himself, apparently, having bypassed his own bathroom to purposely make his way into mine so he could show it off before depositing it neatly into our toilet.

And the You Know You Have Too Many Small Children punchline to this story is that my only reaction was to shrug and think: Well, that's a timesaver.

Comments

Twinmamateb

LOL!!!!!

Della

While snorting at this post, my FIRST naked-butt child came in the room and announced 'I peepee'ed" and the other naked-butt child is playing with the toy he got for making poo in the potty for the second time this week - the second time since he stopped doing it 10 months ago after a week-long bout of diarrhea followed by a two-week bout of constipation (of which we have video of him screaming and crying while trying to pass #2) traumatized him so much he's refused to do it again until now. He's almost 4.

Oh, I feel ya. Boy, do I.

E @ Oh! Apostrophe

Oh wow. Add this to the list of Things I Have to Look Forward to That I Did Not Know Existed Before I Had a Son.

Kimberly

Are you sure it was his?

Susan

bwahahahahaha! Made evermore priceless because you told the internet about it...and made a Mr. Hanky reference.

Olivia

And now I'm really happy my daughter just wants to "See it, mommy. I wanna see it."

Michele

What - no picture?

Liz

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm crying from the maniacal laughter. I love Ez even more now.

*m*

Moral: Have your camera (iPhone?) on you at all times. You don't want to miss catching those Precious Moments for his scrapbook.

Alexia @ Babies & Bacon

Oh man am I looking forward to having those days with my toddler. And Mr. Hanky Christmas Miracle, just nearly made me shoot hot tea out of my nose!

Stacy

That there, is, ahem... hmmm... All I got is that you will have a lot of fun telling that to girls he brings home when he's a teenager.... "And there was that one time, when he marched into the bathroom proudly holding a ball of poop..."

Michal

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! At least he wasnt painting the walls with it!

Jaime

Oh wow. Kids are so WEIRD! My 3 year old boy just learned to pee standing up, which means that the back of my toilet is continually covered in pee. And yes, I've sat in it accidentally. Good times.

Plano Mom

I'm with Kimberly. Are you sure it came from that kid?

Nancy

How did it hold together? On second thought, I don't want to know.

Jen

And THAT is why we call the kids turds in our house. HAAAA :)

jadine

And then when they're 11 and 14, they STILL fondly and frequently recall such potty episodes. Countless conversations have been had remembering the marble-poops on the bathroom floor in the old house, the huge poop that wouldn't flush for 3 days, the time the sleep-walking kid peed in the trash can, (I'll stop now).

Melanie

Um, eww. And, I totally get your reaction. Eh, what's another ball of poop, right? I just hope there weren't MORE strategically placed around the house for you to find later. What's that smell?!

Ladotyk

Someday when your kiddos are all grown up and have kiddos of their own, I hope they'll look back and realize "DAMN, my mom was pretty cool."

jessiee

Classic. And just FYI (cause I've been there) I'm sure it just slid down the leg of those classic old man pjs.

Becca

My sister went to bed one night and found something on her pillow. On closer questioning my nephew informed her he'd made a poo bunny for her. Nice.

Janessa

This made my morning. I love that you referenced Mr. Hanky!

tiphane

When I was working at a daycare with the toddlers, I was vacuuming the room near the end of the day and turned to find one of the boys standing in the middle of the room with a perplexed look on his face and what looked like an old, oatmeal cookie in his hand. Closer inspection revealed it to be a hard, flattened turd. After steering him to the bathroom to deposit his find, I did find streaks on his underwear, though no big mess. It looked like he'd been sitting on that one for a while.

The worst part was, from the look on his face, I think he'd given it an exploratory bite.

melissa

The fascination with their poop doesn't end for boys. When they are teens they are proud of what they have done and have many conversations amongst themselves comparing size, smell, sound effects. Good times ahead :)

AmyB

Soooo, totally unrelated. I'm on a long, boring night shift tonight, and am reading your archives, because you are SO SO funny. And i clicked on your link for www.jlbrigade.com ... anddddd it's now a japanese website. Just thought you'd enjoy that.

Barb

I wished for some privacy when my kids were little. HA! One day I walked in on my son who said "can I have a little PRIMACY in here?" Primacy. That's explains a lot about my single Mom of 2 boys home!

Karen

I don't know what I like better, the post or your title!

TwoBusy

Clearly, this is all Jason's fault.

colette

wait....what? did he dig it out of his own ass and bring it to you or was it someone elses???

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