Five Months & Change

Just. Start. Typing.

That's not so much of a post title as it is a command. To myself. I have absolutely nothing to talk about today, in particular, and I even spent the entire weekend wishing extra hard that *something* worth blogging about would happen. The following is the closest it ever got to that point:

1) I saw Paranormal Activity 3 on Friday. This was by choice, at my own damned insistence, even though the first two movies just about turned my nervous system inside out. WHAT'S THAT NOISE OH MY GOD SOMEBODY GO CHECK THE POT RACK FOR SIGNS OF DEMONIC POSSESSION, etc. While waiting for Jason to come back with the popcorn, an entire family waltzed in, with a whole pack of kids ranging from preteen all the way down to no more than four years old. Being the tireless champion for children that I am, I glared pointedly at the parents and bitched about them on Twitter. 

The coming attractions started and I continued my silent judgy fuming, waiting for one of the kids to lose his or her shit over sci-fi horror trailers about people disintegrating or whatever the hell, even I know better than to pay attention to anything advertised during the ONE horror movie I watch in an entire year.

Finally, by the third or fourth IN A WORLD WHERE ZOMBIES FROM MARS KNOW HOW TO OPERATE BEAR TRAPS style trailer, the family was up and hustling the kids back down the aisle and loudly arguing about theater numbers and hissing to the children that YEAH SORRY I DON'T THINK THIS IS PUSS IN BOOTS YOU GUYS.

The movie went on to scare the crap out of me, but not as much as the first two. Mostly because the mother character was kind of dumb. Look, lady, it's not MY fault you're trapped in a unnecessary prequel and didn't learn the rules from the first two movies, you know? If you're just gonna be all "I know crazy shit is going down but I refuse to watch the readily available footage of said crazy shit going down on principle of something something conveniently muddled character development" I can't help you. The previews are trying to tell you something. I'm just here to silently judge you until you figure your own crap out.

(Jason was even more adamant that this installment was inferior to the first two, however he was noticeably less confident in this opinion around 4 am when I snuck downstairs and fired up the old electric breast pump once it became clear that Ike wasn't going to wake up anytime soon and I was uncomfortable. RRRR-rrr-RRRR-rrr-RRRR-rrr-I'M IN UR HOUSE, POSSESSIFYING UR BOOBS.) 

2) I got my hair cut and colored. (This is what I was dealing with before.)

Photo 103

It's a little fluffy. But hopefully not too Mom Hair? You know, when you reach that point where long hair is just too much so you aim for that perfect short-but-not-too-short cut that still goes into a ponytail without falling too much in your face and doesn't need to be blowdried or curled and even though you're almost 34 years old you haven't yet realized THAT PERFECT HAIRCUT DOESN'T EXIST and suddenly you're like, oh God, the Rachel

I completely lost my grip on that sentence. In other news, I am eating Elmo crackers for lunch.

Photo 109

I really hope that block of cheese is not to scale. 

3) I keep finding my underwear hidden in the corners of my dog's bed. Repeatedly. The weirdest part is that it's always, consistently a thong. 


I suppose I should be...flattered? 

4) HAMS!

Ez amy 11611

Ez ike 11611

(And also stuffed pigs, yes.)

Ez ike 11611 2

I bought half a dozen apples on Saturday. He has already eaten all of them. I've always viewed fresh fruit (FRESH FRUIT!) as one of those free-for-all anytime-you-want kinds of snacks, and by "always" I mean "in my dreams" because Noah has never touched any sort of fresh fruit on the non-banana variety with pointed stick in his entire life. Ezra, on the other hand, will eat an entire pint of raspberries or blueberries in a single sitting, has been throwing periodic tantrums over the package of fresh cranberries in the fridge that I will not let him eat, and I spent most of yesterday having to forcibly remove apple cores from his sticky little fists because if you let him, he will eat the ENTIRE THING, poisonous seeds and all. Last week he handed me the stem and that was it. 

5) Noah wrote a book, you guys. After watching a little bit of Diary of a Wimpy Kid on TV, he asked for a diary of his own. I gave him a spiral-bound notebook and a purple crayon (like Harold, OF COURSE) and told him he could doodle a little bit in bed. The next morning he presented me with a complete masterpiece, with illustrated scenes from several of his favorite books and movies blended together to tell the story of a boy and his bunk bed, and one time the boy got sent to the principal's office but then he also stopped being afraid of dressing up for Halloween. The final page says: THEE EN.

And I will be dragging that notebook around with me until the day I die. THEE EN!

6) Imma just gonna leave this right here:

Ike 11611



Man, I do not even want kids and I suspect that I have mom hair because sometimes, you just need a ponytail, you know? But long hair is more than I can deal with when I stagger out the door every morning. Anyway, your hair looks waaaaay better than mine.

Angie @ Musings of a Violet Monkey

Love the hair! Been thinking of dying mine that shade for a while now... and... I just need to do it. Love.
Oh, and the wee ones are pretty cute these days, too.



I saw a family come in AND STAY FOR "Bad Teacher." I thought they'd leave for sure, but when they didn't, oh boy I let them have it.

On Twitter.
And with the stink eye. Maybe even a loud whisper or two.

I remember going to see some Disney movie in the early seventies and being fascinated by the trailers they showed -one being Rosemary's Baby.

But that was back in the day when our parents let us watch "Demon Seed" on the basement television if it meant we'd leave them alone to their poker party.


I was having kind of a crap day, but this just made me smile AND lol. Thanks. :)

P.S. Hair looks fab.!


And life imitates art where art=Modern Family. Oops, wrong theatre kids!

Love the hair. It's quite a sex-ay, tousled look.


I went to see Paranormal Activity 3, and a couple of women in front of us had a toddler with them. I. Shit. You. Not. I judged them the whole movie, although the kid didn't seem to care about the possessed light fixture at all.


What a smile on that child!

Also, my husband has been eating every bit of apples except the tiny little stem for his entire life and he's not dead yet. So don't worry too much about Ezra. (Unless American apples are that different from Irish apples (that are probably imported from somewhere else). And I bet he still does it here in the US, though I have now schooled him on proper apple-eating ettiquette.)

Marilyn @ A Lot of Loves

I did the same thing in a movie theatre - only backwards. My husband and I rushed in and sat down only to watch trailer after trailer of cartoons, when it struck me that we were probably NOT in right theatre. Those theatre numbers are confusing, yo.


I can't believe you watched all three of those movies! I couldn't sleep for a week after the first and had to change the channel when previews for the next two came on. So scary!!

Loving the new hairstyle! It is making me jealous. I am debating on getting mine cut, but oh how I love the ponytail (and my stick straight completely blah unless I blow dry it with a round brush and curl it hair won't ever work with a "just let it go" look).


Wait, apple seeds are poisonous?!

Domesticated Gal

Um...what's wrong with the apple seeds? The Little Man has totally devoured every apple I've ever given him whole. And now I'm worried. Is this like the time I gave the guinea pig cilantro, only to find out months later that that is the One thing you should NOT give guinea pigs? Well, that and chile peppers. But we kind of suspected that one before we gave it to him...

Don't worry. I'll call CPS myself. Right after I get off the phone with the SPCA.


Loving the hair!

I knew some people in college that always ate the entire apple, One was from the Czech republic and the others were from Chile. Maybe just American to not eat the core??


Ike has hair! And I'm impressed that you even have a thong and must wear it at least occasionally or the dog wouldn't have access to it.


I'm just glad to hear my kid isn't the only fruit-eating weirdo. He also ate a half pint of blueberries yesterday (and four blueberry pancakes, but that's a different story), and will eat the whole apple if I don't stop him.

I guess it's better than not eating it at all, right?

But seriously . . . did no one else's mom tell them that if they ate the seeds an apple treet/watermelon/whatever would grow out of their stomach? Because mine did and it still freaks me out to this day.


Getting to see a real movie at the movie theater is very exciting! That's reason to post right there. We have not seen a movie like that since March when Levi was born.


On the advice of some crazy lady writing something called the Advice Smackdown, I never put my hair in a ponytail. Ever.


We went to an orchard in October and came back with 30 pounds of apples, and my youngest of 9 "saved" the seeds to plant them in the back garden coming spring.
Maybe also an idea for Ezra?


just to say he didn't save the seeds of all those apples though


Yes, the fruit eating. Too bad you can't wash strawberries in advance and the kids *might* eat all of them before you know they had anything at all. They also *might* get a nasty case of stomach pains that *could* be from the unwashed organic strawberries their mother bought on the side of the road from a sketchy person claiming to be a farmer.



Ha! #6 gave me my first genuine smile of the day. And #4 -- Z eats apples NONFUCKINGSTOP like seriously, do you know how much those apples cost? I don't want to say don't eat the apples this fast (or bananas or oranges or pears) just b/c they cost so much and I feel like I didn't even get a return on my investment b/c he didn't let me have just ONE and it's not like he's wasting them but damn do you know how much those apples cost?


I just went through the exact same thing with the hair. OMG. How do I always end up with THE RACHEL?!?!?


I have to tell you, Amalah, that I never really got the whole name thing for Ike. Not that you should care what a random stranger-who-relates-to-you-due-to-the-whole-PDD-NOS-no-wait-it-is-a-sensory-thing-thinks but...that last photo....

He IS Ike. Well done.


I myself am in desperate need of a hair cut/color. Mine is just long. Long and brown with grown-out layers and gray streaks mixed in. And boring. I think everyday I need to just bite the bullet and get a mom-like cut (but not too mom-like). But am not good at making hair appointments so I just suffer.
That was probably more than anyone ever wanted to know about my hair.
Your welcome.


That was an excellent post! I swear! Got to see the kids, the dog, your cute haircut (really! very cute!),and laugh along with you since my kid also eats the apple cores (why? gross?) and the entire pint of expensive raspberries. On the way home from the grocery store. (Why did I not buy 2 pints? why?!)

Man, but I could just eat up that little Ike. Your babies make me so broody!!! :-)

Plano Mom

Sounds to me like you had a pretty decent finish to last week.

Plano Mom

Oh, and there was supposed to be a little smiley at the end of that comment, so it wasn't so snarky. Sorry for the snark.


You start with nothing to write and end with Noah writing a book? Noah wrote a book. Awesome!


I love your hair. I have wanted to do something in that vein, but how do you keep the hair out of your eyes? I like the sexy swoopy thing, but feel like I would be bumping into walls, or sporting a headband. Do share...


Love the hair- i think you look so much like Emma stone. The color really suits your coloring.

Andrea/Confessions of a Daydream Believer

I always tell myself that I am not going to watch the Paranormal Activity movies but then I eventually cave and watch and then not sleep for a week straight:-)
Love your hair!!!

Jill Tysse

A thoroughly charming post and a reminder that you should always just start typing when you are stuck. You spin the most everyday details into great stories. The part where Ezra just gave you the stem - hilarious. Nice hair cut!


I'm glad I'm not the only one who eats the EB crunchin crackers that I buy for my baby. I have also been known to eat a dinner of Annie's cheddar bunnies and a Heineken.


(1) You're hot.
(2) Noah's book sounds awesome! I've got little boys, too, and I absolutely love their sweet earnestness about their projects.


For the record, I ate goldfish crackers with a nice pinot noir for lunch (at 3 pm, it's 5 o'clock somewhere) one day last week...

Snackbox also eats fruit non-stop - we recently went through 3 pints of raspberries in 3 days. Baby Jack loves blueberries - frozen no less, like THAT'S not a choking hazard - but I don't love the blueberry poops...


Oh, and I have a friend from Australia who eats apple cores, seeds, stems - plus orange peels and chicken bones. Gak.

Lynda M O

Rock on NOAH !~!~! I love that he wrote a book on his own. You are the Best Mom of the Week.

can I sniff ikey’s neck before he loses that yummy aroma ?~!


Ike = delicious, I can alllmost smell that delicious baby head smell;) Your hair= love it. Apples = not a problem, for real, yo- that trace amount of stuff simply passes through. Noah = preshus. The een


He's on his way, sister.


I think you should always do this whole Just.Start.Typing thing because it is really quite wonderful!

Also - my baby just turned three months old. Went to get my hair cut. Total mom hair. Gah.


Sounds like a busy enough weekend to me!

We used to have a dog that liked my underwear.

It always amazed me how completely different 3 kids could be when it came to food likes/dislikes. Made it almost impossible to find something everybody liked sometimes.

Wow, love Noah's book! Ity's a keeper.


You're purty.

And yay for Noah's book!

And my pervy vet once told me that the dog-dragging-undies thing is a sign of love & affection. They're trying to tell you that they recognize your smell and that they want to be near you. I still think both he and the dog are batshit crazy, but everyone is special in their own little way.

Shannon Lell

You are so totally right about the Mom-hair thing! OMG, why had I never noticed that before? I think your hair looks great BTW, but I have hopeless Rachel/ Mom-hair too so take that comment for what it's worth. Also, I had a whole bag of these,
for lunch. Ketchup flavored b/c I'm keepin' it classy like that.


OMG, I think so many of us can relate to the "when you reach that point where long hair is just too much so you aim for that perfect short-but-not-too-short cut that still goes into a ponytail without falling too much in your face and doesn't need to be blowdried or curled" phase. I keep getting mine cut at about chin length but hubby wishes it were longer. He doesn't have to deal with it though!
LOVE the color and the book!

Just incidentally.

Hi. Love yer writing. A wee correction though. "Imma" stands for "I'm gonna." So you don't have to say "Imma gonna leave this..." You can say "Imma leave this." That's the beauty of it.


Love the hair. The darker color is perfect. Keeper.


I prefer Cheddar Bunnies to Elmo crackers.



I wept because you didn't get to share this with your Dad.

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