November 18, 2011
NOTE FROM THE MANAGEMENT: Please direct any complaints about the lameness of this post (and I assume there will be multiple)to my husband, who decided it would be fun to make me a margarita at 11 pm last night, even though he KNOWS that tequila and I broke up over a decade ago for a very good reason, and that very good reason is that tequila likes to wake me up at 4 in the morning by clubbing me in the face with a two-by-four.
Besides getting my ass kicked by a single mean-drunk cocktail, I am also running low on things to talk about. Seven other blog deadlines in addition to my regularly-scheduled freak-outs right here are fine and manageable some weeks. Other weeks I'm all panting and crazy-eyed by Friday, like OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT BREASTFEEDING ANYMORE. (Seriously, though, it does come up a lot. Exhibit A, and B, and a totally cheaty C.)
TL;DR version: HERE ARE SUM PITCHERS I TOOK WITH MAH PHONE. SHUT UP, I'M TIRED.
School picture time! This is, without a doubt, Noah's best showing in a school portrait. While I am of course majorly biased in my belief that he is an incredibly handsome child, I have to admit that there is something about school pictures that transform him into a slightly demonic-looking gooberface.
There's a big trend among this portrait companies to shoot in front of a green screen now so parents can select from a variety of cheesy-looking backgrounds. I geninely think they're missing out on an opportunity by not offering something like this one.
And then there's THIS KID, who looked so absolutely adorable in the one-inch photo preview the portrait company sent home that I was POWERLESS to resist buying a super-expensive portrait package with a gazillion and one wallets, but who I JUST NOW NOTICED managed to dribble some kind of bright red liquid all down the front of his shirt. (Way to go, preschool! You apparent bunch of rookies.) He also has a band-aid on his arm, just to complete the "Don't Let The Vest Fool You, I Am A Fan Of Bar Fights" look and feel of the whole thing.
Here's Ike, who we all know by now has two basic expressions: Schmoopy glee or WTF IS THIS SHIT, MILK LADY.
Here's my makeup-less self showing Ezra how to use the Incredibooth app.
And here's why that may have been a mistake.
I'm deleting about 20 of these A DAY, at least.
Also a daily occurrence: me attempting to get "fancy" with the morning sunlight, resulting in streaky, blurry photos of my baby's giant head.
YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLY ANNOYING? THE CAT. HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO SNUGGLE WITH ME AND GET ME TO PET HIM EVEN THOUGH I MOSTLY JUST PULL ON HIS EARS BECAUSE HE'S JUST SO DAMN NEEDY AND...
He's...totally right behind me, isn't he? Crud.
Aaaaaaannnnd that's all I've got. Time to go parent through a hangover, because I am a winner and an awesome grown-up and also a noted Internet parenting columunist who knows ALL THE THINGS, except how to see through my husband's transparent attempt to get laid and ruin my Friday.