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February 2012

So. Okay. You guys know I don't really do paid product reviews and giveaways all that much -- and not entirely for any MAH BLOG MAH INTEGRITY credo thing, but more because 1) I don't think I'm very good at them, and 2) they really interrupt the flow of "talking non-stop about myself" I've had running non-stop here, for eight straight years. That said, I will do sponsored posts, so long as ME ME ME I MUST FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT ME, or at least tangentially related to the usual crap I write about. It's an incredibly complicated personal algorithm I employ every time a potential sponsored post opportunity comes up, and it usually comes down to my confidence level re: Will I Be Able To Work In A Reference To Baby Poop? TL;DR version: Hi! This is a sponsored post. The lovely folks at JewelMint wanted to send me some jewelry, and at first I was like MAH BLOG MAH INTEGR...wait, did you say jewelry? I MEAN GIDDY UP. The site doesn't just...show you jewelry, though. First you're asked to create a "personal style profile" by clicking on photos of celebrities you like and which... Read more →


As Ike creeps ever closer to full-on mobility and the ability to kill his fool self, his nightly plan to kill me is going swimmingly. Just...peachy. And scream-y. When we last discussed The Utterly Fascinating To No One Else On Earth Topic Of Ike's Sleeping Habits, we'd stumbled upon what I thought was the solution to all the problems: Early bedtime! No, earlier than that. 6:30 pm. Huzzah! It worked, and he started sleeping through the night for all of...I don't know. Four, maybe five nights in a row, if I'm being generous. Then the wakings started again. He wakes up wide-eyed and wet-butted at 11:30, then argues with me about sleep and politics and whatnot for an hour or more. So I get to bed around 1 am most nights, only to get woken up AGAIN around 5 am, usually for good, because at that point, he's gotten PLENTY of sleep, so what's YOUR problem, lady? Go nuke me some butternut squash. And would it kill you to grate a little fresh nutmeg over the top this time? So. That's what? Four hours of sleep, on average? Holy God, I was getting more when he was a newborn. I've... Read more →


We have officially achieved and surpassed level one mobility: rolling as viable means of transportation. I will no longer stay anywhere close to where you put me! The world now is full of places for me to get my head stuck! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! But of course, two seconds after he mastered the art of rolling across the floor in search of brave new choking hazards and also dust bunnies and dead Christmas tree needles and dust bunnies made up of dead Christmas tree needles, he decided it was kind of bullshit, what with the occasional THWACK of his noggin on the hardwoods, so he went ahead and traded up for a +1 scooting power-up. He doesn't quite have the knees-under-the-body thing down yet, so it's not exactly "crawling" but more of that weird mostly-arm-powered army trench crawl thing, while his legs paddle desperately behind him, occasionally finding some traction to power-boost him forward. He's incredibly proud of himself. I'm trying to work up some fake enthusiasm even though, HISTORICALLY SPEAKING, mobile babies are the worst. THE WORST. Say goodbye to swings and bouncers and jumperoos and every other handy Child Containment Device because they will no longer have any of that... Read more →


We have an IEP meeting today, the first of two IEP meetings scheduled over the next few months. For this year is Noah's re-evaluation year, the year he's due for...wait for it, oh, you'll never guess...a re-evaluation of his strengths and weaknesses and needs and services, up to an including the Big Label that keeps him in special education and keeps my mother-in-law up at night for fear of his PERMANENT RECORD and her continued, unshakable belief that the public school system is legally allowed to tie him to a cheerful Circle Time Chair and forcibly inject Ritalin into his veins. IT HAPPENS. SNOPES IS IN ON IT TOO. This particular meeting is, quite frankly, going to be bullshit. Not much more than a procedural checkpoint. We will show up and be told about all the different evaluations and testing procedures they plan to do before our next IEP meeting, the big one that will determine his placement for first grade. (Where there are no Circle Time Chairs, but I believe you may be able to request one of those coin-operated massage recliners for your child's Clockwork Orange-style med drip. Fingers crossed!) They will hand us five trees' worth of... Read more →


As in, ALL THE FOOD. ALL THE COOKIES. ALL THE WINE. ALL THE BRAIN CELLS. Hello! And happy 2012. Sorry for slacking off last week. After Instagramming the shit out of Christmas Day, I guess I got distracted by our hosting duties, my new-found mastery at making pâte à choux and filling it with horribly fattening delicious things, and Noah's pleas to assemble ALL THE LEGOS. If you ain't no punk holla We Want Legos WE WANT LEGOS! The Spongebob house (worst set EVER, was missing a ton of pieces and will fall apart if you breathe on it too hard) was a brief diversion from the True Meaning Of Christmas, however, which was: STAR TREK MORE STAR TREK GOOD GOD COULD THERE BE ANY MORE STAR TREK IN THIS PICTURE (Judging from the complete Enterprise Bridge Model Playset with Poseable Action Figures and Various Other Impossibly Tiny Pieces currently taking over my entire living room floor, the answer is YES.) "It's not that big, I don't think," my mom texted me re: this cardboard spaceship. Lies! Such lies! My mom was actually the one who had to go to the emergency room on Christmas eve. Her calf and ankle... Read more →