Official Post-Valentine's Day Recap ExtravaganzSQUIRREL!
Outside the Box


Surprise! I'm currently en route to New York City. You know, for stuff. Just the usual glamorous kind of drop-of-a-hat jet-setting that I am all about. To call this trip "last minute," however, is such an understatement that I think it might actually be offensive to minutes.

I'm not even 100% sure I'm allowed to tell you anything else about the trip until later because I signed the contract thingie at 5 am this morning and therefore haven't the faintest idea what I just agreed to. I HAD A TRAIN TO CATCH AND ONLY THREE HOURS TO MAKE A 22-MINUTE TRIP TO THE STATION HOLY SHIT PANIC.

(If you don't see at least one Instagram photo from me later, best to just go ahead and assume the answer was "white slavery" and delete me from your bookmarks.)

Anyway, since we all know that each and every independent, unsupervised venture outside my own front door is an exercise in terror, allow me to recap the happenings thus far.

(NOTE: I have been on the train for 14 minutes.)

1) Spent entire night attempting to comfort violently teething baby. Failed miserably. Currently operating on 45 minutes of sleep. Goddamn vampire teeth. God. Damn.

1a) Alternated between coos of soothing lullabies and bitter regret over delaying trip until this morning instead of bailing the hell out last night. Because you just know the kid is going to sleep for 17 hours straight tonight, right, when he's 100% Jason's job? You know, I know, the entire universe knows.

2) Walked halfway to Metro station before realizing I'd forgotten my cell phone in my car, back in the parking garage.

2a) Went back to car, grabbed charging cable to yank phone off passenger seat and over center console to where I could rea...


2c) Retrieved newly-shattered phone from under the car.

2d) Shit.

2e) It still works and all, but COME ON.

3) Failed to grab first seat I saw on train, thus ended up sitting backwards at one of those table things with a couple of the noisiest, chatty mcchattersons ever.

3a) They don't "do" Twitter. Just don't see the point, you know?

1) Well, to bitch about people like you, for starters.

2) Oh my God, if top-volume Adele can't drown out your insipid conversation, YOU NEED TO DIAL IT THE FUCK DOWN, YOU'RE SIX INCHES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.

3b) The good news about sitting in the only backwards seat in the car is that I can type all the caps-locky shit I want about everybody else without worrying about my font size.

3c) The bad news about sitting backwards while hate-typing is the vague sense of impending motion sickness. Oh, God.



Ooh mystery contracts! Hope you cost them a bundle.


Oh god, I HATE those backwards seats! I hope you nab somebody else's seat when they get off the train.


I also hate those backwards seats. Did you check to see if there was a quiet car? That's my saving grace on a trip to NYC.
Good luck with your adventure. Can't wait to see pics! Stay safe.

Her Ladyship

Safe travels! I also managed to send my iPhone flying. The back really does shatter quite spectacularly, doesn't it? I tried taping it so I wouldn't get little shards of poisonous plastic every time I picked it up but finally gave up and got a back for it.


It sounds like you have the kind of weird, not-so-great luck with traveling adventures that I do! It's like everything that can go wrong, does, right? I completely understand the feeling. And I can't stand sitting in the backwards seats on the train - they give me massive headaches.

Good luck with the rest of the trip and I hope you have a good time!


Have you tried Hyland's Teething Tablets? They are from the Lord. Trust me.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

Dawn K

Yeah the back on those things does shatter into a really beautiful pattern! You probably already know this, but get yourself to the nearest Apple store because it only costs $29 to have the back replaced (the front screen however...$99). And can't wait to see what contract it is you have signed!


Lisa sent me over and so glad she did . It is good to now that one is not alone in these mis-adventures!!

Art by Karena


Why do phones randomly decide to fly at the WORST possible moments?! I hate that.


Oh hurl, I cannot sit backwards on a train! Not on a bus, not in a car, not with a lox, not with a fox...


if you need a place to crash/use the loo/sit down and gather thoughts in midtown, email me


I'm on a Train Motherfucker! Did you take T-Pain?


Hurl ON the insipid conversation havers. THAT will be a memorable train ride. Then show them the tweet afterward: Dork hork.

I cannot congratulate you on the secret undercover spy newly signed contractual mission to NY until it is proven not to be white slavery so, um, I'll be over here until you clear that up. Hiding because black slavery is realer, yo.


My iPhone has been semi-shattered since November. I moved to the country, I don't feel like driving 45 min to the nearest Apple store to fix it. So I just...suffer.
Also, I hate traveling.


Loving the crazy numbering scheme! So sorry about the phone. How bad's the screen?


Why do phones like to fly so much? I don't understand it. And it's ALL phones, too. Not just cells. I have dropped my cordless into the washing machine as it was just starting to agitate. Full bubbles and everything. Good times.


Oooh! Fun! I hope your secret mission is to enjoy the awesome weather we are having. Also, feel free to drop a line if you need help finding an awesome drink!


Also, now that I know you're with @herbadmother, I am simultaneously jealous and happy to know you are 100% safe from being anywhere near sold into slavery!


I'll go ahead and think positive here and say I have a feeling that you are going to have a break through with your work and will get recognize big time by some people that will make it happen. Of course it's easy to think negative so I'll leave the others to that =)


I love you. Have fun in NYC!!


Right before you said "motion sickness" thats EXACTLY what I was thinking! sorry. hope it gets better.....


Heeey! Another member of the marvelous misadventures team!! We need to start a sorority for this stuff or something. Looking forward to see what the trip is all about.

Coupons Online

I loved this blog post, You are very talented & This website is really worth to be checking
Thank You


After you get the back replaced, get one of these. Miracle - have dropped/tossed it dozens of times!


Take a good hard look at the motherf#^%&ing train!

Helen Spencer

I know a woman with no self-awareness. She talks very loud, spells everything wrong, but still seems blissfully unaware of the fact that she is NOT as special as she thinks she is. Volume down, lady, there are people within ear-bleeding distance.

The comments to this entry are closed.