Nook
Nine Months

This Is Some Award-Losing Nonsense, Right Here

In honor of my shiny new super-organized (for now, but check back in 30 seconds) office, I present an entry without any topic at all. But disorganized, stream-of-consciousness writing is a valid art form as long as you do it while sitting in a chair, at a desk. FACT. Are you sitting at a desk? I have just legitimized everything you do today. You are a serious professional and nothing will change that. Go on, drip yogurt on yourself. You've earned it.

Apologies to the non-desk sitters in the audience. I was you! All the way up until yesterday! And while I will never forget my roots, I have already forgotten where I was going with this sentence. I'M AT A DESK! To the next topic! Hurry!

1) MY HAIR & ASSORTED AW SHUCKSING

Thank you to everybody who complimented my hair yesterday! In the old days, people used to have to write their own daily affirmations on their mirrors in lipstick. Now we can just post flatteringly-blurry photos of ourselves online. What a glorious time to be alive.

I will add the caveat that those cell-phone-mirror-reflection shots completely hide the unfortunate Chia Bangs, which yes, are still there and are still unfortunate. At my last hair appointment they were the first thing my stylist noticed, and was like: "This is because of the BABY, you know that, right?" I answered that yes, I did, sigh, hormones be crazy, etc.

She examined them closer and added: "But wow, I don't think I've ever seen them THIS BAD before."

*shoots Internet a LOOK, like, the hell?*

However! I will own that from slightly more far away, I am having a Good Hair Phase right now. I recently switched to one of those weird shampoo bars from Lush (the one for oily hair, for my scalp could slick down an entire flock of seagulls and some baby seals in the morning, AND YES I AM JUST THAT SEXY), and I cannot believe I never tried one before. I believe the technical term is "amazeballs." 

I weigh almost the same as I did the day I gave birth to Ike (oh yes I do), my chin is melting into my neck (I now stare covetously at other women's jawlines like I used to stare at anyone who had bigger boobs than mine) (which was everybody) and I have crow's feet that are more like octopi-spider-zilla tentacles, but dammit, my hair looks nice most of the time kind of.

Christ, I felt a lot better about myself approximately four paragraphs ago. Perhaps we should change the subject.

2) IF A BLOG AWARD FALLS IN THE FOREST...

Did you know I was nominated for a Bloggie this year? Me the fuck neither. 

Last week we attended Parents' Day at Ezra's school and another mother congratulated me for it. And I stared blankly at her because I had no idea what she was talking about, plus I always get momentarily disoriented when someone in real life turns out to be a blog reader, and I freeze and mentally go through my writing because 1) oh dear God, I hope didn't say anything stupid about them, and 2) oh dear God, this person has read approximately fourteen thousand words about my boobs.

Anyway, yeah. I was nominated for Best Parenting or Family Weblog, along with the Bloggess, Aunt Becky, How To Be A Dad and Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures.

I, uh, didn't win. OBVIOUSLY.

3) LUCKILY THE CRIB RAILS ARE PRE-CHEWED FOR HIS BITE-MARK CONVENIENCE

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Oh hai. I am up to NO GOOD AT ALL.

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I haz a plan. A terrible one.

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LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE.

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LOOK AT IT.

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'Sup, bro?

Comments

sonja lange

If you makes you feel better - I weigh what I did the day I gave birth to my first child. Really...it kills me...but, well...ya know...I think you look great and you sure do make beautiful children.

cheryl

Much like Viola Davis was surely saying to reporters in a dead-eyed monotone the other night...it's an honor just to be nominated. Congratulations!

Brenda

1. yes I did know you were nominated & I voted for you!
2. Baby so cute!
3. I'm a non-traditional college student--means I went back after 40 ;) I didn't feel like a "real" student until I set up a desk and designated a room for "school work."

David

Awards for blogs? Awards for blogs that don't I form their respective authors? Quite unusual times we live in. You shall be the Wwody Allen of the blogosphere having no need to attend or even know of such tedious ordeals such as a blog award!

michael

....am sitting at a desk so thanks for making me feel special, and I weigh a bit more than I did when my wife gave birth to daughter number two, nearly three whole weeks ago. All those late night feeds whilst on paternity leave, means lots of crap tv and lots of crap food. Do I care a toss? Not really. Cos babies are ace....

By the way, I hope someone brings you tea periodically, important desky people should have this happen to them.

Kim

One of my biggest accomplishments so far this year is that I am down from the second's birth weight to the first's birth weight, and am now working towards the pre-pregnancy overweightedness.
Also, you gained like, 2.5 pounds with Ike, so od course you still look fabulous.

Arnebya

I'm in love with an Ike (sang in my I'm in love with a stripper voice). His cute oozes cute. I be smiling.

And yes! Desk validation. I was just mean to one of the stupid people at work who asked if I was finished something I haven't even started on because I'm distracted by Ike and I'm glad to be totally justified because I'M AT A DESK, YO!

meekasmommy

Oh the cute little wee one pulling up in the crib! (I have one, too, but her face is usually not so cute and happy when she's doing it, it's got more of a "WTF, MOM, why am I still IN HERE? Come and get me, sucka!" look on it)

Jaelithe

ARGLEBARGH! You are not allowed to post any more adorable photos of an adorably mischievous baby who looks adorably almost exactly like my adorably mischievous son looked at that age. Seven years ago.

You are not allowed to do this anymore unless you also send me a new desk. To soothe the lamentation of my ovaries. Desks can do that. Desks can do anything.

(Right now all I have is a cavernous, crumbling armoire. Armoires do not have the same sort of magic as desks. They're pretty much only good for going to Narnia with, and I'm over that.)

Charlie

We both should have won. WTF.

Dawn

FWIW, I shall award you the 'Best Stream of Consciousness' blog post award because that right there was magical.

Call me Jo

Squee! Baby Ike is so freaking adorable.

Liz

I'm sure you know of these already, but in the event that you don't - enjoy! (Nursery prints about jedi knights I just ran across on etsy. Thought immediately of your family. I'm a stranger! I know that's weird!) http://www.etsy.com/listing/93128566/nursery-art-print-star-wars-decor

My Little Otter

...that uncomfortable moment when you realize someone has been reading your blog...and you're pretty sure you may have said something hilariously unflattering about them back in 2009...

Usually, when that happens, I always hope they're not smart enough to figure out archives.

Kathi

Wow, weird! Can't believe I knew before you that you were nominated for a Bloggie. I stumbled upon another parenting blog, which mentioned being nominated, then I went to check out the nominations, saw that the blog I was reading was up against YOURS, and voted for you. And I wondered why you hadn't mentioned the contest here. But you got my vote anyway!

JennyBean

I'm on a diet. Again. The one last week didn't work and the one before that didn't work and the one before that.... I think maybe I should give it up and embrace my fatness.

Sorry, you didn't win, but damn those are some cute pictures!

xoxo

Charlene

That is one cute baby.

As for teeth marks, my now thirteen year old nephew loved to chew on the window sills in their living room when he was teething. I almost cried when they bought a new house and didn't take the window sills with them! I loved those little teeth marks!

theresa

So question on the Chia Bangs, do yours stick up? That's what I'm dealing with right now they stick up all around the front of my hairline! How the heck do you style that? I could wear my hair down which disguises it some but with a grabby 8 month old that get's tired real quick. So then I become the mom with the ponytail that has wacky hair. Solutions? Suggestions?

Lauren

Wait, hold on and everyone stop RIGHT NOW! How do you know if it is safe for color treated hair? It doesn't say on the site (woe is me) and I pay good money for this color!

Also? How long does it last???

Steph

I had a baby about a month after you had Ike, and I will admit I sat and giggled at your Chia hair. I am no longer giggling. I've noticed some Chia hair of my own growing in. I wish I could include a pic because it is AWESOME!.

-k-

I think you win as far as any of us are concerned. Truly. Official results can suck it.

Beth

Unlurking to say "hey - we have the same crib!" Teeth marks and all. And also - did you buy the rails for that bad boy? Because when we bought it for our first 6+ yrs ago, we said "eh, it'll be years before we convert it to a double bed. We have time. We'll get the rails then." Well kiddo #2 is 3 and "then" is now and I haz fear: Cribs from ~7 years ago may be hard to find parts for today. And PS - Ike makes me want a third. Now I shall take my rambling self and this full box of Nilla waffers away from this here desk off to the couch for a little "Chopped". Crib rails shall wait for at least another night, right?

Liana

First of all- I'm not at a desk, alas.
Second of all, your baby is SO cute, even if he is STANDING. (yikes!)
Third of all, I think you will like this article because it's like Artax from the Neverending Story EXCEPT with a happy ending! http://animaltracks.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/28/10531632-woman-battles-for-3-hours-to-save-her-stuck-horse-from-rising-tide
Seriously, as soon as I saw it, I thought of you. Happy Tuesday! :)

Jade

I have the chia hair. I call it my halo, much more flattering I think.

My baby is 11 months. Looking at yours makes mine seem big and I want another wee one. He is so cute!

Paula

Baby Ike is just too cute. I don't understand how you get anything done when there is such yummy flesh around to chomp on (ok, maybe that is why you got yourself a desk!). Oh and I see that bruise on his forehead!! Good thing you had the foresight to post a "pre-daredevil" picture of his unblemished forehead a few days ago.

Amanda

Didn't know you were up for anything... : ( Looked at the blog that actually won ..... : (


Not impressed!!!

jodifur

Is the Lush shampoo safe for color treated hair? I'm assuming it is, because I think you are still dying your hair, but it looks awesome, and so much cheaper than the shampoo I'm using.

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