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If You Liked It You Shoulda Put A Padlock On It

Home Sweet Hazmat

(What up, people. This is a sponsored post. Big thanks to Oreck and the AirInstinct Air Purifier. As usual, there's an awesome giveaway at the end and lots of me making an idiot out of myself in the meantime. Enjoy!) 

One of the weekend prompts for the March Photo a Day challenge on Instragram was "a corner of my home." A lot of people chose nice, neat, book-filled corners. As I do not own one those corners, nor did I have the energy to clean and organize and stage a fake one, I posted this instead:

Hot mess

I admit that even before I had all these children (and all their related sold-separately accessories), housekeeping was not really my forte. I have a very high tolerance for clutter and a natural knack for procrastination. (Both of which I am clearly passing on to the next generation, since that photo above was at least taken after we told the kids to "clean up.")

Now there's a cat and a dog and three boy-children -- two of which have officially started to Smell Like Boys on a regular basis, and I have not nommed on their little footsies in a very long time because STANK, DUDES -- I just...I don't know. It's overwhelming. It's...disgusting. 

SEVEN DISGUSTING CORNERS OF MY HOME, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEM:

1) Shoe rack in front foyer, filled with shoes that emanate the aforementioned radioactive foot stank.

2) Kitchen sink/disposal/trashcan area, filled with various unspeakable things that attract various wildlife.

3) Basement, better known as the place the dog likes to spite-poop on the floor whenever it rains outside. Also, one time Jason saw a snake and I will never, ever, ever, never stop being freaked out about that. 

4) Cloth diaper pail, at top of the stairs, outside the nursery. Everything is all well and good when it's just sitting there closed, but when the lid comes off...well, let's just say things get very, very REAL up in this bizzatch.

5) Noah and Ezra's closet. This one I will never understand. I wash their clothes. I do. I wash their clothes on an extremely regular basis and use perfectly nice-smelling detergent. Then I fold and hang up clean, perfectly nice-smelling clothes. Yet that closet smells exactly like feet and sweaty hair, mixed with a vague hint of maple syrup.

6) Noah and Ezra's bathroom. Holy God.

7) The closet in my office. There's a litter box in there. Now that poor old Max is really and truly aged, it's unfair to hide his litter far away from his favorite place to be (my lap). So FINE. Nearby closet it is.

So you'll never guess which corner of my home got the super-sweet air purifier, right? 

(AWKWARD SEGUE IS AWKWARD.)

Anywayyeah. Oreck sent me a (freeeeee!) AirInstinct Air Purifier just in time, and while I gave them my whole "I'm not a review blogger but will be happy to find an appropriate, conversational topic that fits with your brand blah dee blah blah" pitch, it would be unfair of me to not include the relevant fact that I LOVE THIS THING TO ABSOLUTE DEATH. Hot ham, it's fabulous, and if you ask me about it in person I will make overly-dramatic faces about it. 

EVE the air purifier

Hello! I am EVE from WALL-E crossed with an iPhone! I am your silent soldier in the war on disgustingness! Do you smell anything coming from that closet over there? Do you sense any litter dust in the air? No, you do not. FACE. I also offer mood lighting! 

Am I easily impressed? Maybe. But maybe not. I like to think I'm pretty grounded and measured about a lot of th-OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND A DOLLAR. IT WAS UNDERNEATH THIS GROSS PILE OF SOCKS AND GRANOLA BAR WRAPPERS THE WHOLE TIME!

***

Would you like an EVE of your very own? Aw yeah you do. 

1) Visit Oreck.com. Then come back here and comment, including one thing you learned about the AirInstinct

2) Um. That's it. 

3) Well, you can also enter three additional times, if you're feeling frisky:

    3a) Follow @oreck on Twitter. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3b) Like Oreck on Facebook. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3c) Tweet about the giveaway, mentioning me (@amalah) and Oreck and the link to this post. (Then -- wait for it -- leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

4) Comments will close in seven days, and then I will select a comment using Random.org and email the winner. 

5) Okay, that's REALLY it. Other than the fine print stuff I have to copy and paste now.

The giveaway winner must be a resident of the U.S. 48 contiguous states. Oreck Corporation provided the prize for the sweepstakes but is not the sponsor of the sweepstakes.

Comments

Suzy Q

Aaaaaaand, I have tweeted about the giveaway. On Twitter!

Jessica Glover

...and following on Twitter, also. Here's to an allergy-free spring!

Amber P.

I learned that it has 3 year filters, which is AWESOME since I'm about to have a baby in 2 months and it means that I won't have to clog my (already foggy from the 2 other children I have) mommy-brain with remembering to change the filter 'till the last kid's ready for preschool. Heck yeah!

emily

I learned it has 3 filters, one that you can wash (traps the big stuff, like cat hair!) and the other three that are supposed to last for 3 years. This purifier looks incredible and would be amazing!

Jill Solem

followed on facebook

Stacey

works as a white noise machine and the AirInstinct is covered under 3 year limited warranty.

Ally

It's expensive, but having a 3 year filter is all sorts of awesome!

Jackie S

The purifier is smart and will act based on the amount of allergens in the air.

Ally

I liked it on FB!

Jackie S

I liked Oreck on Facebook

Jennifer Deuber

Holy crap, it works on smells of the dog and hubs-to-be variety. Bring it on.

Jackie S

I followed @oreck on twitter

Jackie S

I tweeted about Oreck giveaway here: https://twitter.com/#!/jaxon77/status/181805799209836544

Amber

It has child safety features! I like to keep my child safe. It's a match made in heaven.

Jessica

White noise! I love sleeping with white noise, but we also live in a dusty place with a mostly inside dog. And we are about to go back to cloth diapering when the baby is born. I see lots of reasons to get one of these!

Amy @ A Little Nosh

I like Oreck on FB!

aimee @ smilingmama

Wow. I learned that this thing is awesome -- sets its own level? -- smart, too!

Becky

I learned (from this post and oreck.com) that air purifiers make the air smell better...because I totally did not know that :) And I'd love it for my son, who is prone to croup/things of that nature!

Becky

I followed on Twitter! :)

Becky

And liked it on facebook :) I'm an overachiever.

Lisa

white noise? and fresh smelling air? We totally need that!

Courtney

Wow, the filter lasts for a year. Nothing lasts that long in my house. I want one!

Lisa

PS. I liked them on facebook too :D

debbiemuz

This thing looks amazing! I REALLY need this, what with the husband, teen and 4-year-old, not to mention the dog and cat. The only question is where to put it... Read that it's for rooms up to 221 sq. ft and offers white noise or ultra-quiet operation.

Tanya

Having asthma, allergies, a big dog, and general poor housekeeping skills, this would be so wonderful to have! I love that it monitors the air and senses what it should be doing! Awesome sauce :)

Natalie!

Three year filter! That is amazing! I bet this could stop my allergies dead in the night!

Katie McC.

I love the fact that it changes colors to let you know that it's working and what level it's working it at. A light and color show all at one time!!

Bethany Kashawlic

Wow! A filter will last an entire year!

Katie McC.

I liked them on Face Book!!!

Anne

I learned that the filter lasts a YEAR, which is awesome because sometimes changing filters constantly, uh, doesn't happen in my house.

Jen

I learned that it covers a room that measures 248 sq ft which would cover my master bedroom where the cats spite pee on the carpet and the kids spill yogurt drinks in hidden nooks and crannies to fester and smell baaaaaad.

Alison

It's a white noise machine! I have a new baby, a golden retreiver, three kitties and a husband. I need this!!

claire

I learned that it's self-monitoring and will go from low to medium to high, depending on the odors in the room. Awesome! I'd like an AirInstinct, please!

dawny dee

you have to move the air to clean the air - hmmm i never thought of it that way. thank goodness oreck has some smart folks working on this. sounds very cool.

Mary

It changes the speed automatically based upon its own sensor??!!?? that is way cool. Can I have one, pleeeze???!!!???

Donna

Helps with smells - yeah!

tonya cinnamon

I didnt know they had a 3-year odor filter.sweet!

Ivie

With two cats, a dog, and two teens, I totally need this! Love that it can be quiet or provide white noise while it works!

tonya cinnamon

following on twitter

tonya cinnamon

liked on facebook :)

TwinMamaTeb

learned that it works on smells. NICE!

Amy N

I learned that it has a 3 year hepa filter - also, holy cow, air purifiers are $500!!

Caroline Balke

"re-insert into the unit"...sound like Wall-E got lucky!

tonya cinnamon

just tweeted about your giveaway :)

Katie

I love that this captures allergens. Also, it's crazy expensive so I won't be buying my own, so fingers crossed.

Katie

liked Oreck on facebook

Anne S.

I learned that it's ENERGY STAR certified! I also learned that I want one. My golden retriever is throwing his coat, and OH MY GOSH IT'S AWFUL.

Grace

3 year filter! Which means kiddo will be old enough to change it when it poops out.

Katie

followed Oreck on twitter

Jackie

I learned it's kid safe. I also learned that I really want one!

dominique

Pick me please! I have four kids, 2 cats and a husband to clean up after. An air purifier with an easy-cleaning, never-needs-to-be-replaced Truman Cell sounds like a perfect way to help.

Amy

Nice that the filters are supposed to last three years (***, of course). And the child safety thing is great!

megan

NEED THIS. Stupid Virginia and all of its various pollen madness!

Jackie

just liked them on facebook!

Katie

tweeted about giveaway :)

Amy

[followed Oreck on Twitter]

Amy

[liked Oreck on Facebook]

Jackie

following them on twitter!

Amy

[tweeted!] - https://twitter.com/#!/amedame/status/181823759060172800

Clearly I don't really feel like working this afternoon. Shhhh....

Brooke

I did not know that air purifiers actually made smells go away. I guess that makes sense given that unpure air would presumably be stinky, but this was like a newsflash to me.

Also, you totally nailed the description of the way little boys smell--sweaty hair, feet, and syrup. Kind of like elementary school classrooms, minus the chalky/tile smell.

Sarah

That purifier looks nice...with two boy children/stink monsters, one husband/stink monster, a daughter, two cats, and a dog this would be very helpful!
I learned from the website my laziness would be acceptable and the purifier would adjust to the air quality automatically.

David

Boys and poop smell? Never! I wonder what the exact moment it is that the baby smell no longer exists. It can't be gradual. It has to happen all at once!

Sarah

I "liked" Oreck on Facebook, too.

Amanda

You had me up through "48 contiguous states". Damn you, Canadian living!!!

michelle

Captures 99.97% of dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and pollen at .3 microns from the air that passes through its filter
Cool.

Homa

I clicked on the link & learned the unit changes colors depending on the airflow. Nifty! We deal with food & environmental allergies so it would be awesome to win!

Amber Wielkens

I am trying to figure out how to measure my son's room to see if the 221 sq. foot room it will clean the air in fits for him! Thanks for the giveaway, I love your blogs, all of them.

Heather

I learned that Eve-looking air purifiers cost a lot of money, so it would be pretty awesome to win a free one. Especially for me and my pitiful little allergies that never improve because I'm too busy (lazy) to clean my home better.

Karen

Power saver mode! I don't have to remember it is on...like the curling iron.......
........
....OMG

Homa

I clicked on the link & learned the unit changes colors depending on the airflow. Nifty! We deal with food & environmental allergies so it would be awesome to win!

Sara Plays House

I learned that it does the thinking for me! I rather enjoy electronics that do my thinking. Especially since I probably grow far, far too accustomed to the stankness in my house so it's always a surprise when someone walks in and pinches their nose. WHO KNEW.

Homa

I tweeted the giveaway as @homawoodrum

Steph

I like this thing because it captures 99.97% of dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and pollen.

I have also liked Oreck on Facebook, followed them on Twitter, and mentioned both @oreck and @amalah in a tweet.

Four entries, I has them.

Ashley

First, I learned that the air in my house might be 5 times more polluted than the air outside. Ummm...gross! I also learned that the filter is a 3 year filter. That is awesome!

Deb

My husband says that our house is where dust is born. I would love love LOVE to win this! and since I am a lazy housekeeper I love that it has a 3 year odor filter cuz do you really think I am going to remember to change a filter any more than that? WANT

Deb

Also? I "liked" Oreck on the facebook. I need all the chances I can get, thanks for doing this giveaway girlie!

beth

So I hope random.org throws me a bone. We just got one and I'm having to hike it up and down the stairs. Two would be DELIGHTFUL, especially as the house is about to get way smellier - the first boy is due in three months. And there's the whole not carrying crap around when you're knocked up thing. Hook me up!!

Karen

White noise and getting rid of the stank from my cloth diaper pail? Love it! NEEEEEEED it!!!

Kristen

I learned that air purifiers remove pet dander. Maybe that is obvious to some, but I thought they were just for...smoke, I guess? I honesty never considered it. And they remove dust? With 2 greyhounds, 2 cats, and 1 fiance, this would be a wonderful addition to our new house! I also like the super quiet technology!

Sarah

It's whisper quiet!!! I wish everything was whisper quiet. :-)

Shaynee

Ooooh, the white noise function! I could have cleaner air and sounder sleep during summer months when the windows are open. I also have a closet that smells of feet....but only during half the year...and I don't store clothes or shoes in there. I would love to banish the mystery stench.

Diane Zielinski

I learned that the Air Instinct is Energy Star qualified so it will save me money on electric.

Diane Zielinski

I follow @Oreck on Twitter.

Diane Zielinski

I like Oreck on Facebook.

courtney in fl

It is a white noise maker too!! Sounds great to me!

Juliane

Smart Purifier! Love the Automatic Particle Sensor (see, took notes) and that it's three years maintenance free!!

meghan

I like that it continuously checks the air quality and adjusts accordingly. No need to worry about it! So easy.

courtney in fl

I followed them on twitter too!

Laura

I NEED this for my classroom! I'm serious- I have NO windows, which equals no fresh air. That combined with 27+ high school students is a disaster, especially for someone who has terrible allergies and is prone to migraines.

So, the fact that I learned is that the AirInstinct will continuously check for particles int he air and adjust accordingly. Plus, it has four different color lights to let the user know when its working and at what speed. Genius!

spicy sister

Would LOVE this! Love that it could help with the odors that end up in our son's room every time we cook in the kitchen on the other side of his wall. Also LOVE that the stage 2 and 3 filters last 3 years!! Our last "air purifier" sits unused in the closet because I haven't been able to get around to replacing the filters AGAIN.

Shelby

It will filter a master bedroom ever 13 minutes. That is pretty awesome!

Juliane

I liked on facebook. And they should send you more free stuff because I never do stuff like this! Thanks for all of your entertaining posts!

Diane Zielinski

I tweeted about the giveaway.
https://twitter.com/#!/Hollytwig4/status/181839766273273859

Shelby

followed oreck on twitter

Laura

"Liked" on Facebook! :)

Shelby

I tweeted about the giveaway... https://twitter.com/#!/shelbygayle3/status/181840024520769537

Emily B

So I learned that it can be quiet, but also provide white noise! Which is awesome for me and my white-noise-dependent kiddos! Would be amazing to win this! Thanks for the giveaway.

Sherry

Pretty colors!!

Also, I kept saying Oreck In-stinked in my head. (No offense Oreck, but you are the one who named it.)

sarawr

Okay, so I have a 400-square-foot apartment, a six-year-old, and FIVE CATS. Five. And there are only windows in the living room! Nowhere else! So what I'm saying is: stanky in here. All the time. Embarrassing to the point where I only ever have one friend over, ever ever.

I guess what I learned about the AirInstinct is that I WANT ONE. No, wait. Also, they are $399, which is half my monthly income! No, not that either. I actually learned that they're functional up to 221 square feet, which would literally eliminate the odor from half of my apartment... which means if I placed one near the litter box, my WHOLE HOUSE would smell like decent human beings live here for the first time in years. That is pretty amazing, Oreck!

(I did the Facebook thing too, but I don't know if it requires a separate comment. So uh... there's that!)

sarawr

Okay, so I have a 400-square-foot apartment, a six-year-old, and FIVE CATS. Five. And there are only windows in the living room! Nowhere else! So what I'm saying is: stanky in here. All the time. Embarrassing to the point where I only ever have one friend over, ever ever.

I guess what I learned about the AirInstinct is that I WANT ONE. No, wait. Also, they are $399, which is half my monthly income! No, not that either. I actually learned that they're functional up to 221 square feet, which would literally eliminate the odor from half of my apartment... which means if I placed one near the litter box, my WHOLE HOUSE would smell like decent human beings live here for the first time in years. That is pretty amazing, Oreck!

(I did the Facebook thing too, but I don't know if it requires a separate comment. So uh... there's that!)

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