If You Liked It You Shoulda Put A Padlock On It

Home Sweet Hazmat

(What up, people. This is a sponsored post. Big thanks to Oreck and the AirInstinct Air Purifier. As usual, there's an awesome giveaway at the end and lots of me making an idiot out of myself in the meantime. Enjoy!) 

One of the weekend prompts for the March Photo a Day challenge on Instragram was "a corner of my home." A lot of people chose nice, neat, book-filled corners. As I do not own one those corners, nor did I have the energy to clean and organize and stage a fake one, I posted this instead:

Hot mess

I admit that even before I had all these children (and all their related sold-separately accessories), housekeeping was not really my forte. I have a very high tolerance for clutter and a natural knack for procrastination. (Both of which I am clearly passing on to the next generation, since that photo above was at least taken after we told the kids to "clean up.")

Now there's a cat and a dog and three boy-children -- two of which have officially started to Smell Like Boys on a regular basis, and I have not nommed on their little footsies in a very long time because STANK, DUDES -- I just...I don't know. It's overwhelming. It's...disgusting. 


1) Shoe rack in front foyer, filled with shoes that emanate the aforementioned radioactive foot stank.

2) Kitchen sink/disposal/trashcan area, filled with various unspeakable things that attract various wildlife.

3) Basement, better known as the place the dog likes to spite-poop on the floor whenever it rains outside. Also, one time Jason saw a snake and I will never, ever, ever, never stop being freaked out about that. 

4) Cloth diaper pail, at top of the stairs, outside the nursery. Everything is all well and good when it's just sitting there closed, but when the lid comes off...well, let's just say things get very, very REAL up in this bizzatch.

5) Noah and Ezra's closet. This one I will never understand. I wash their clothes. I do. I wash their clothes on an extremely regular basis and use perfectly nice-smelling detergent. Then I fold and hang up clean, perfectly nice-smelling clothes. Yet that closet smells exactly like feet and sweaty hair, mixed with a vague hint of maple syrup.

6) Noah and Ezra's bathroom. Holy God.

7) The closet in my office. There's a litter box in there. Now that poor old Max is really and truly aged, it's unfair to hide his litter far away from his favorite place to be (my lap). So FINE. Nearby closet it is.

So you'll never guess which corner of my home got the super-sweet air purifier, right? 


Anywayyeah. Oreck sent me a (freeeeee!) AirInstinct Air Purifier just in time, and while I gave them my whole "I'm not a review blogger but will be happy to find an appropriate, conversational topic that fits with your brand blah dee blah blah" pitch, it would be unfair of me to not include the relevant fact that I LOVE THIS THING TO ABSOLUTE DEATH. Hot ham, it's fabulous, and if you ask me about it in person I will make overly-dramatic faces about it. 

EVE the air purifier

Hello! I am EVE from WALL-E crossed with an iPhone! I am your silent soldier in the war on disgustingness! Do you smell anything coming from that closet over there? Do you sense any litter dust in the air? No, you do not. FACE. I also offer mood lighting! 

Am I easily impressed? Maybe. But maybe not. I like to think I'm pretty grounded and measured about a lot of th-OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND A DOLLAR. IT WAS UNDERNEATH THIS GROSS PILE OF SOCKS AND GRANOLA BAR WRAPPERS THE WHOLE TIME!


Would you like an EVE of your very own? Aw yeah you do. 

1) Visit Then come back here and comment, including one thing you learned about the AirInstinct

2) Um. That's it. 

3) Well, you can also enter three additional times, if you're feeling frisky:

    3a) Follow @oreck on Twitter. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3b) Like Oreck on Facebook. (Then leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

    3c) Tweet about the giveaway, mentioning me (@amalah) and Oreck and the link to this post. (Then -- wait for it -- leave me a comment telling me that you did that.)

4) Comments will close in seven days, and then I will select a comment using and email the winner. 

5) Okay, that's REALLY it. Other than the fine print stuff I have to copy and paste now.

The giveaway winner must be a resident of the U.S. 48 contiguous states. Oreck Corporation provided the prize for the sweepstakes but is not the sponsor of the sweepstakes.


Sandy W

It has 4 self adjusting speeds.


The thing I learned is that it costs $400 for the cheapest one, and I could never afford that, so if I could get it for free...well.


Oh I need one of these! I learned it has a 3 year HEPA filter and it's portable!


I learned that it 'does the thinking for me'. That's good...I have a baby and OMG...I can't make any more decisions - DECIDE FOR ME AIR PURIFIER!!! :)


I liked them on Facebook!


Oh I need one of these! I learned it has a 3 year HEPA fiter, and it's portable!


I learned that the AirInstinct senses just how much stank is in the area and adjusts its airflow accordingly. Hence the "instinct" part of the name. Amazing!
I imagine that living with three little boys is even stinkier than having three dogs like I do.


It's got a HEPA filter, so it actually might help with my really, really awful seasonal allergies! That would be sweet.


Followed @oreck!


I learned that it's Energy Star Certified, which is great because I'm cheap.


It reduces odors and captures 99.97% of the particles (as small as .3 microns) from the air that pass through its filters!

I want it to make the litterbox room smell better. Oh random function, please pick me!


I learned that if it glows red, it's working hard, which means my air is filthy, and would kinda scare me as red glowing electronics=angry robots trying to take over the world.


And I followed @Oreck


And I tweeted about Oreck.


It's smart and will change it's power as needed ALL BY ITSELF- even though I know it will ALWAYS be on high since we have 3 cats,a dog, an active teen/preteen/and kid and a smelly husband.


Just followed Oreck on twitter!


Jut liked Oreck on Facebook!


Annnd now Oreck has another like on Facebook. I love Oreck vacuums as well, so they are doubly liked!


So fancy! And it can double as a white noise machine, sign me up!


it removes pollen from the air. that's the most relevant info for me. pollen removed from the air! i neeeed this!


I have a 10 yo that suffers from horrible seasonal allergies, to the point that his eyes swell shut,therefore we have had air cleaners for years. I have never had a Oreck, but now that I know this one can tell which setting it needs to be on & changes it's self is now on my "save up to get list!!" We have to leave a whole house purifier on turbo right beside his bed 24-7 just to make a small difference in his reactions this time of year & his room is so hot with it on this setting constantly that you just about can't stay in there. So this would definately be great with the automatic settings! Way to go Oreck!


Man. I love the whole leave it and walk away aspect. With two (large) dogs, I can't keep up with the 'dog' smell at certain times.


I learned that the air in my home is worse than the air outside. Basically, I learned that I should be much more proactive with cleaning than I am.


Learned it will help my allergies. Just learned I have allergies! Meant to be!

christine in PDX

HEPA? less odors? i have 3 dogs and a cat (and 2 children and a husband) -- must get the Oreck!


It circulates the air in the room every 13 minutes & adjusts it's own speed depending on the particles in the air! Air Instinct, I think I love you.


Pretty cool that it has a 3-level filtration system, including HEPA. HEPA is big in my house as my husband is allergic to dust. Wish I were a better duster. This would help!


I learned that it captures 99.97% of dust, allergens, smoke, pet dander and pollen at .3 microns from the air that passes through its filter. Awesome!


I just liked them on Facebook.


Hecks yes I want one! Have you smelled my basement? We live in a split level, in Western Washington AAAAAND the geniuses who owned our house before put all MDF trim and stuff in the lower level. It smells like, well, wet MDF down there.

I like that the Orek can do up to 4 rooms! That's my whole basement!


I'm following Oreck on twitter!


aaaand now I liked them on facebook!


Its filter lasts for three years. That's pretty cool.


Since I'd never heard of an air purifier (whaaatt... I blame my parents) their entire website was new information for me. There are machines that take smells out of my room instead of covering it up with daisy butt smell? WHY AM I ONLY LEARNING THIS NOW


That fancy air filter changes colors depending on how high the setting is! I like color lights.


Also, I followed @oreck on Twitter.


Wow-I like the fact that it can be set to automode, and it will monitor the Ee-vill in the air automatically, adjusting the speed accordingly; I also (as the mom of one 3-year-old boy-child with a lot of energy and curiosity) love the safety/security grill/screens that protect him from the fan, and the fan from him!


It can provide white noise, so I can sleep while it cleans. I like that!


I "liked" Oreck on Facebook. Because I like clean air.

Christina Simpson

Followed on fb

Christina Simpson

For rooms up to 221 sq. ft!


first off, i had no idea air purifiers remove odors! i learned that it monitors the air and automatically changes settings depending on the dirtiness of the air. i also learned that it's portable, energy efficient, and I NEED ONE. NOW.


I'm following @oreck! (fingers crossed...)


I learned that it has a 3-year odor filter. Awesome!


I've liked Oreck on Facebook! (fingers crossed on the other hand...)


Tweeted about the giveaway and followed @oreck...(toes crossed...)


I checked out Love how this thing senses the stink in the air and figures out how hard it has to work. We have a baby in diapers and litter boxes for 3 cats... Something to de-stinkify would be awesome!


I checked out Love how this thing senses the stink in the air and figures out how hard it has to work. We have a baby in diapers and litter boxes for 3 cats... Something to de-stinkify would be awesome!


I would love to win one of these! The fact that it can filter smoke and pet dander is amazing! I'd send it over to my parents! My son loves to spend time at their house and they have cats and my father smokes, so this would be awesome there!

Melissa Yuditsky

I learned that the AirInstinct will circulate the air every 13 minutes!! With our allergies and our favorite furry Golden Retriever...this would work wonders our my house :)

Susan in Maryland

3-year odor filter. For my 3-boy household. Plus one husband. They all smell.

Susan in Maryland

Liked on facebook. And 4 self-adjusting speeds.


OMG I am laughing so hard at the color coded terror alert system on the AirInstinct... love that! It's definitely a code red in my son's room after a poopy cloth diaper.

elizabeth v

ewww. my house air is 5 times dirtier than the air pollution outside? ick. air purifier, yes please!

Jenn S.

3 year odor filter -- woot!

this looks so Jetsons -- love it!


I learned it can also be used as white noise :)


Holy crap, were it not for the photos in your home, I would swear the thing is a mythical unicorn. As it is, I'm pretty sure it would have a magical effect in my home. Living in the country during the worst drought seen in 100yrs plus 2 dogs equals unimaginable dust. So a device that works to clean the dust/dander/hair out of the air before it lands on every surface sounds pretty awesome. I like that it catches 99% of the dust; that the filter lasts 3years; that it's quiet; that its sleek; and that it automatically sets itself. Sign me up, pretty please!


I learned the air sensor needs regular cleaning (recommended every two months) or else it will decline in performance. Yes, I read the product manual; is that odd?


I learned that a good air purifier is SO EXPENSIVE, but now I want one!


I learned it is out of my price range, but with 2 cats, a husband (with allergies to said cats), a 15 yo & 12 yo (both in sports year round) I should probably get one anyway, if I don't win the one you're giving away!


And liked on Facebook!


"Oreck's patented Truman Cell® is an EP (Electrostatic Precipitator) filter." I live right next to the Beltway-- need this!


I learned that I need one- Energy star efficient and odor-killing? This stanky boat could use some help.

Kristiana Nelson

Hooray for HEPA filtration!


I learned that it uses a HEPA filter! This would definitely go right next to my odorous litterbox too.


It has a one year odor filter. Which I need. 'Cause the boy stank just gets worse.


Wow! I would love this for our loft where the litter box is. No matter what I do, it always smells! I like how it will automatically adjust itself. I didn't realize that it would work on smells. I might have to convince my husband to get us one.


I am following @oreck on Twitter.


I like Oreck on Facebook.


I learned that I really like the four colors! :) I could use one of those...


I love that it has self-adjusting speeds. Our current air purifier in my son's room has only one speed and it's annoying.


I learned that it captures 99% of allergens which is amazing since I have an allergenic son who hates spring!


This is neat!

I like how in auto-mode is changes colours depending on the speed. One of those little things that makes something seem SUPER HIGH TECH!

I'm curious to see other peoples' opinions of how it works. I have pretty severe asthma and would love something to help out.

Emily D

oh I LOVE. And NEED this - 4 people + 1 dog in one tiny townhome = stankyness!

I learned that it is Energy Star qualified.

Emily D

I followed @oreck on Twitter!


I love this and we could totally use this in our house! I learned and liked that the filter can be washed and never needs replacing, awesome!


And I just liked Oreck on Facebook!

Jessica C

Visited the site and it's Energy Star qualified!

Emily D

Also liked Oreck on FB!


It can tell when things get stinkier - SO awesome!!

Nicole Monte

It features a 3 year HEPA filter! Aw, yeah, baby! I would love to have one!

Shar Files

Considering I live in pollen city right now,have 4 pets and 3 kids,I need this.I also love that it is smart and moniters the air by itself!Also I never have to change its fliter.Great


The odor filter contains an active carbon material to help reduce odors! I have three big dogs...I need this!


I learned that I really need this thing to help with my seasonal allergies which are a mess right now.


following on twitter


Liked on FB.




I learned that I should have bought this one instead of the piece of junk I have:(

Emily B

Followed Oreck on Twitter!

Emily B

Liked Oreck on Facebook!

Emily B

Tweeted about your giveaway from Oreck!


I like the HEPA filter. I have horrible allergies, and that may allow me to open the windows!!!


I liked on Facebook!


The filer lasts for three years!!! I need this-I have a new and smelly baby boy!

Lauri E

Love that it's three-stage PATH system reduces odors and it's portable so you can move it from room to room.

Lauri E

I'm following @oreck on Twitter.

amanda b

I learned that major corporations don't like Alaska and Hawaii. Hey, Oreck we need love too!


Ooohh! This looks good. I may have to get one whether or not I win it.
For the record, I learned the air sensor needs to be cleaned every 2 months. Thank you for the opportunity.


I like the optional white noise setting! I could use that to block out my snoring husband!


And I liked Oreck on facebook.

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